Should I feel this bad? and was it my fault he cheated?

[Desi the fuzzy fluffhead]

Okay, I've been this "other woman".
He had been dating her for 2 years, and told me straight up that he had a girlfriend and then told her after we had been dating for a few weeks.
I did and do feel guilty sometimes, but you know he was the first guy I had ever really liked and it was selfish to date him, but I am one of the happiest person I know because of it.
And I know some Golden Retrievers.

It's his fault. He's the one with the girlfriend. He's the one with the reason to say no. Of course you're not 100% innocent, but don't beat yourself up over it. If he's cheating his not getting something from the relationship that he needs ( he should grow up and break it off then, I know) and he would have cheated eventually. At least you had a good time.

[StreetchIck123]

youme4ever

SPAstronaut

It is 50% your fault, 50% his fault and 0% the alcohol's fault. Alcohol doesn't FORCE you to do anything. Imagine if this guy was your boyfriend. Now imagine him going to a party and hooking up with another girl. How would you feel?

Honestly, I think what you did is pretty ******** up. You both did extremely selfish things. You should have backed off as soon as he said he has a girlfriend. But you didn't. You didn't even care. That girl is going to be ******** heartbroken. Stop smiling about it, he's probably not even thinking about you anymore. He's probably with his girlfriend pretending it never happened.

I'm sorry for being a d**k but this s**t pisses me off. All these guys in the world and you go for the one with the girlfriend. You said you're picky, but if 'having a girlfriend' is not something you're picky about, you need to reevaluate your list of things you're picky about.

1.If you actually read it, I said Now I feel guilty? bad? angry? something like that about making out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

2. Again if you actually read it, not just skim through it. I said I did stop talking to him and hanged out with other people, but he fallowed me. you skimmed I said I feel guilty, bad, and angry with myself that I made out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

but i'm pretty sure you are some girl that got cheated by her boyfriend and thinks everyone who cheats is the same.

You keep ******** blaming him when you ******** up just as bad as he did. He followed you, but you still willingly flirt with him. You passed the boundaries despite knowing he had a girlfriend. It doesn't matter how long ago he told you afterwards (of course, the longer the more of an a*****e he shows of himself) and once he has told you, you should've backed the ******** off.

I'm just going to be a repeat of what others have said. BUT YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. You did do something wrong and I have no remorse for people who willingly disrespect someone's relationship like that.

[Stale Taste]

StreetchIck123

youme4ever

SPAstronaut

It is 50% your fault, 50% his fault and 0% the alcohol's fault. Alcohol doesn't FORCE you to do anything. Imagine if this guy was your boyfriend. Now imagine him going to a party and hooking up with another girl. How would you feel?

Honestly, I think what you did is pretty ******** up. You both did extremely selfish things. You should have backed off as soon as he said he has a girlfriend. But you didn't. You didn't even care. That girl is going to be ******** heartbroken. Stop smiling about it, he's probably not even thinking about you anymore. He's probably with his girlfriend pretending it never happened.

I'm sorry for being a d**k but this s**t pisses me off. All these guys in the world and you go for the one with the girlfriend. You said you're picky, but if 'having a girlfriend' is not something you're picky about, you need to reevaluate your list of things you're picky about.

1.If you actually read it, I said Now I feel guilty? bad? angry? something like that about making out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

2. Again if you actually read it, not just skim through it. I said I did stop talking to him and hanged out with other people, but he fallowed me. you skimmed I said I feel guilty, bad, and angry with myself that I made out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

but i'm pretty sure you are some girl that got cheated by her boyfriend and thinks everyone who cheats is the same.

You keep ******** blaming him when you ******** up just as bad as he did. He followed you, but you still willingly flirt with him. You passed the boundaries despite knowing he had a girlfriend. It doesn't matter how long ago he told you afterwards (of course, the longer the more of an a*****e he shows of himself) and once he has told you, you should've backed the ******** off.

I'm just going to be a repeat of what others have said. BUT YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. You did do something wrong and I have no remorse for people who willingly disrespect someone's relationship like that.

But she isn't responsible for his actions. She isn't the one in a monogamous relationship. He is the only one to blame for his cheating. It is ridiculous that people go after innocent person, rather than the cheater.

[StreetchIck123]

Chicken Zombie

StreetchIck123

youme4ever

SPAstronaut

It is 50% your fault, 50% his fault and 0% the alcohol's fault. Alcohol doesn't FORCE you to do anything. Imagine if this guy was your boyfriend. Now imagine him going to a party and hooking up with another girl. How would you feel?

Honestly, I think what you did is pretty ******** up. You both did extremely selfish things. You should have backed off as soon as he said he has a girlfriend. But you didn't. You didn't even care. That girl is going to be ******** heartbroken. Stop smiling about it, he's probably not even thinking about you anymore. He's probably with his girlfriend pretending it never happened.

I'm sorry for being a d**k but this s**t pisses me off. All these guys in the world and you go for the one with the girlfriend. You said you're picky, but if 'having a girlfriend' is not something you're picky about, you need to reevaluate your list of things you're picky about.

1.If you actually read it, I said Now I feel guilty? bad? angry? something like that about making out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

2. Again if you actually read it, not just skim through it. I said I did stop talking to him and hanged out with other people, but he fallowed me. you skimmed I said I feel guilty, bad, and angry with myself that I made out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

but i'm pretty sure you are some girl that got cheated by her boyfriend and thinks everyone who cheats is the same.

You keep ******** blaming him when you ******** up just as bad as he did. He followed you, but you still willingly flirt with him. You passed the boundaries despite knowing he had a girlfriend. It doesn't matter how long ago he told you afterwards (of course, the longer the more of an a*****e he shows of himself) and once he has told you, you should've backed the ******** off.

I'm just going to be a repeat of what others have said. BUT YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. You did do something wrong and I have no remorse for people who willingly disrespect someone's relationship like that.

But she isn't responsible for his actions. She isn't the one in a monogamous relationship. He is the only one to blame for his cheating. It is ridiculous that people go after innocent person, rather than the cheater.

Dude of all people whose pointed out their posts you had to go to mine jesus christ

She tried to blame the alcohol for her actions, when it's no excuse either. She's still just as responsible for her actions. He told her he has a girlfriend, then grabs her hand or whatever to the tent. She could've yanked her hand away and said no but she still continued to advance even after knowing he has a gf. I would've been more sympathetic for her if she knew he had a gf and tried to back off, but the guy kept advancing toward her anyway. In this situation it didn't seem like it. So my point agrees as the above poster and it still stands.

I have no remorse for liars or cheaters. If a person finds out that the other guy/ girl has a significant other, he or she doesn't back off, but the person still continues, they're both equally responsible for their actions. I don't see any self control in either of those too. The latter that although she is single, she still disrespected the boundaries of his relationship by accepting his advances knowingly that he's taking. She could've just said no and left. The guy has no excuse either because he ******** over even more, but she just added fuel to the fire in this situation.

[Lady Littlepaws]

Desi the fuzzy fluffhead

Okay, I've been this "other woman".
He had been dating her for 2 years, and told me straight up that he had a girlfriend and then told her after we had been dating for a few weeks.
I did and do feel guilty sometimes, but you know he was the first guy I had ever really liked and it was selfish to date him, but I am one of the happiest person I know because of it.
And I know some Golden Retrievers.

It's his fault. He's the one with the girlfriend. He's the one with the reason to say no. Of course you're not 100% innocent, but don't beat yourself up over it. If he's cheating his not getting something from the relationship that he needs ( he should grow up and break it off then, I know) and he would have cheated eventually. At least you had a good time.

Sounds like you're thinking up excuses to put the blame off yourself. Do your friends and family know you're dating someone who's taken? If not, I hope they find out, because I would be very embaressed if people knew my daughter was dating a cheater.

[Inscriven]

Here's the thing, it's not a single situation where people can assign blame. It's two.

His relationship is his responsibility and his charge to protect, his actions are on his alone, so the blame on his transgressions to his partner are 100% his. But just because you're not responsibile for his relationship does not mean you are not responsible for your own actions that had consequences that would hurt her too.

You continued to engage him even after you found out he had a girlfriend, this "upset" behavior you claim to have been feeling doesn't seem to have ever showed in that story of yours. You acted coy and playful the whole time, there was no reason to assume that you were actually really that upset. And if you were, you wouldn't have been receptive to him hounding you. You could have told him to ******** off, but you didn't. You willfully allowed him in your tent and you willfully made out with him.

So you acted recklessly and selfishly putting your own pleasure before the pain of someone else because you liked the attention regardless of what it would cost others. You listened to your c**t more than your own moral compass and you can't blame that on him. You can't blame it on the alcohol either because it is your responsibility as an adult to monitor your intake. If you want to get smashed then go to the party with some trusted friends who will have your back to keep you from making stupid decisions or endangering yourself, otherwise you need to not drink a lot or not at all so you can keep your wits if alcohol apparently brings out the inner slut.

It's actually a little offensive that you're not taking repsonsibility for your own actions and blaming him. So what if he followed you? You had mutliple opportunities to push him away permanently and tell him you weren't interested but you didn't. You're setting back feminism decades and reinforcing the dangerous and toxic attitude in society that sex is not something that women choose to do, but rather sex is something done to them.

So no its not your fault he cheated, but you should ask yourself if you want to sell yourself and your integrity off so cheaply just for a chance at a piece of a**?

[SPAstronaut]

youme4ever

SPAstronaut

It is 50% your fault, 50% his fault and 0% the alcohol's fault. Alcohol doesn't FORCE you to do anything. Imagine if this guy was your boyfriend. Now imagine him going to a party and hooking up with another girl. How would you feel?

Honestly, I think what you did is pretty ******** up. You both did extremely selfish things. You should have backed off as soon as he said he has a girlfriend. But you didn't. You didn't even care. That girl is going to be ******** heartbroken. Stop smiling about it, he's probably not even thinking about you anymore. He's probably with his girlfriend pretending it never happened.

I'm sorry for being a d**k but this s**t pisses me off. All these guys in the world and you go for the one with the girlfriend. You said you're picky, but if 'having a girlfriend' is not something you're picky about, you need to reevaluate your list of things you're picky about.

1.If you actually read it, I said Now I feel guilty? bad? angry? something like that about making out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

2. Again if you actually read it, not just skim through it. I said I did stop talking to him and hanged out with other people, but he fallowed me. you skimmed I said I feel guilty, bad, and angry with myself that I made out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me)

but i'm pretty sure you are some girl that got cheated by her boyfriend and thinks everyone who cheats is the same.

I didn't skim it. I read it. The whole thing. Don't make assumptions.

Also, been with my fiancé 5 and a half years, he hasn't ever cheated on me. Again, don't make assumptions.

[Lord of the Vine]

youme4ever

Now I feel guilty? bad? angry? something like that about making out with a guy who is taken (cuz I know I would be mad if that happened to me), that I liked it (everytime I think about it I smile like an idiot. I shouldn’t cuz I did something bad), I lost my first kiss with a guy I just met, and now I want to be with him (but it’s stupid cuz I know theres a chance that it was just one time thing). Should I feel this bad about? was it my fault? (cuz my bro and his gf says it’s 50/50 both are fault, but I think it’s more like 30% mine 10% on the alcohol and 60% on him) I also feel like it's bad karma written all of it. what do you guys think?

I think you both ******** up here.

Yes, he's the one in the relationship, but YOU KNEW this and continued to instigate after getting that bit of information. Now, if it were an issue where he didn't mention being in a relationship, you might have a case, but as it stands, you take equal guilt in this situation.

[Desi the fuzzy fluffhead]

Miss Bitey

Sounds like you're thinking up excuses to put the blame off yourself. Do your friends and family know you're dating someone who's taken? If not, I hope they find out, because I would be very embaressed if people knew my daughter was dating a cheater.

He's mine now. They broke up two weeks in.
I talked to my mom a lot about this at the beginning, because it was a big deal. I'm sorry for any daughter you have.

It was a selfish thing to do, I did it consciously. And if the worst thing someone ever does is help someone cheat, then they're doing pretty good for themselves. If it turns out to be a mistake and come back and kick one in the bum it's not the most hardest kick to take.

I'm not making excuses, just stating facts.

[Ceery]

50% Was his fault, 50% was your fault. He may be in a relationship, and he may be responsible for his own actions and did those things with you. But you clearly knew he has a girlfriend, even after you entered into the tent with him you still let him contentiously touch you inappropriately. It could've been prevented, but either way both parties were at fault. And you asked if you should feel bad, well you should.

You did something unethical with him, and you disrespected his relationship with his girlfriend. And honestly after what he did, I doubt any girl would ever want to be with him after what he did. If he did that to his girlfriend he could be doing that to any girl he's been with behind their backs. Personally, I wouldn't trust a guy like that.

[highelf40000]

You knew he was in a relationship. You still pulled him along. You cannot shift the blame entirely. Yes he cheated, but you persuaded him too as well.

Its like the guy who persuades someone to murder someone is equally guilty to the murderer. Dont try to shift the guilt here. Dont get me wrong, he would probably have cheated regardless. You still KNEW and you still went through with it. Stop trying to shift the blame or giving it a number to alleviate guilt. You did something that you obviously consider to be wrong as you would hate it if it happened to you. Now your looking for a way to play the victim card. Honestly, the blame is 100% on BOTH parties. You are 100% guilty of your actions. You flirted with a guy in a relationship. You kissed him. You let him feel you up. You could have stopped it at any point but you didnt. You are 100% responsible for your actions.

Just as he is responsible 100% for going along with it and pushing it. Feel bad if you want or accept that thats the kind of person you are. Either your ok with doing these things or your not.

Nut up and admit that you arent happy with what you did and make sure it doesnt happen again. Or embrace it and be ready for any backlash you might get in the future

[defloweredmind]

I think trying to play a blame game is really childish. He cuddled and kissed you after you knew he was in a relationship. You have to figure out how you feel about it. You've already got so many justifications going on trying to make this ok. Why are you searching for outside validation? This is YOUR thing.

[twinks and bears]

You should feel guilty. It may not be your relationship that you helped put in the grave, but don't deny your part in it. We all read your post. Stop with the denial and the assumptions. This whole "well, it's at least 60% HIS fault" is you trying to justify yourself and lie to yourself.

You had just as much free will as he did. There was no gun to your head or coercion from your story. Stop blaming the alcohol for the both of your decisions. Don't put it all on him. He's just as guilty as you of your little fling.

How would you feel if this blew back on YOU and heard he was going around saying the same s**t you are now? "Well, it's at least 60% her fault because I told her I was in a relationship but she didn't put the brakes on." I have sympathy that your conscience is getting in the way now when it should have been when you were ******** with this girl's man.

All I can say to you, is that you need to do some soul searching and figure yourself out. You wanna help wreck somebody's home? Go ahead, but don't act like you're the victim in this. That girl has a storm of ******** heart ache coming or she's going to be living her life thinking he's the one when he was obviously a piece of s**t.

You need to take steps to make sure this doesn't happen again if you don't want to feel guilty anymore. It already happened and you can't take that back. You are the one responsible for your own actions. Not the alcohol. If it is such a problem for you, cut back, don't drink it, whatever. Or have some moderation. Reevalute your priorities when it comes to men. And, if possible, take steps to making this right.

[all the vvay turnt up]

Yes it's your fault. You made him cheat on his girlfriend and now their relationship is probably ruined.

[unicorncakes]

It's both your faults. Do you not have any respect for relationships? Honestly I am 100% against cheating. It would have only been his fault if he never mentioned his girlfriend and made a move on you.

You knew he had a girlfriend why did you even continue to flirt with him? On top of all that you kissed him.

If i was in your position even if i had feelings for him still and he responded back I could never be in a relationship with him. I would always be paranoid and think he would cheat on me.