She chose the rent money over her son, and now he is broken.

[Sir Sej]

First of all, excuse my English, I am not a native speaker.

Where do I start? I'll try to make it short.

Me and my boyfriend are having a really hard time living, but we make it somehow. We live together in a very small flat (one bedroom), I'm a soldier and I'm not getting paid (78$ a month isn't really a pay), and my boyfriend works in a full time job, with a minimum payment.
We don't really ask our parents for help, but my mother sometimes gives us food on the weekends, to make our lives easier. My dad and I aren't really talking (we were never close), so whem my mother asks him for money for us, he just gives her what he can (not much, they can't really help).
My boyfriend's parents are divorced. His dad denays him as a son, he is very homophobic and can't accept his son as gay. My boyfriend is 22 years old, and has been living on his own ever since he was 18. I'm not his first boyfriend, but I'm the first guy he ever actually moved in with, and we're engaged. For his dad, this is the end of the world.
My boyfriend's mother visited us a few times, and even helped us with the water bill once (about 80$). And here is the problem:
His dad pays her rent as a part of their divorce agreement. They didn't sign any document that obligates him to pay her the rent, so she's pretty much living at his mercy.
Today my boyfriends mother called him, and told him that his dad told her not to come to our house or even talk to her son, or he he won't pay her rent anymore.
So she told my boyfriend she is sorry, and she hopes someday things get better.

She literally chose the rent money over him.

My boyfriend is a strong man and he didn't even cry. He just wanted to hug all day, told me how now he realizes that I'm his only family left. I know it might sound funny to some, but when I offered sex today he didn't want. He never refused sex before. He's really depressed.

He's a very stable person and he's been through alot of things in his life, but how do you get over your own mother not wanting you? Choosing money over you?:

I'm looking for advices as for what should I tell him. What could I say to make him feel better?
I know my boyfriend and I know what makes him happy. but this has never happened before.

[angel_259236102]

Yeah it sucks, but it is nothing to complain about. And it isnt like how you are saying it. It is very CLEAR that she WANTS to be there, and WNATS to help, but as you said...she is at his mercy. She needs a place to stay, and there is no agreement that SAYS he has to. If she doesnt comply she is ********.

Most people would grungingly go with it so they have a place to stay. Confort him about it but get over the whole blaming game. You are far off the mark.

[Sir Sej]

angel_259236102

Yeah it sucks, but it is nothing to complain about. And it isnt like how you are saying it. It is very CLEAR that she WANTS to be there, and WNATS to help, but as you said...she is at his mercy. She needs a place to stay, and there is no agreement that SAYS he has to. If she doesnt comply she is ********.

Most people would grungingly go with it so they have a place to stay. Confort him about it but get over the whole blaming game. You are far off the mark.

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What are you talking about?
the woman just chose money over her own child.
How can I not blame her? She could, maybe, get
a job, and pay her own rent. Or stand for herself.
But no, she chose the money. And my boyfriend
knows this.


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[angel_259236102]

Sir Sej

angel_259236102

Yeah it sucks, but it is nothing to complain about. And it isnt like how you are saying it. It is very CLEAR that she WANTS to be there, and WNATS to help, but as you said...she is at his mercy. She needs a place to stay, and there is no agreement that SAYS he has to. If she doesnt comply she is ********.

Most people would grungingly go with it so they have a place to stay. Confort him about it but get over the whole blaming game. You are far off the mark.

▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖▨✖
♂♥♂


╔═════════════════════════════╗


What are you talking about?
the woman just chose money over her own child.
How can I not blame her? She could, maybe, get
a job, and pay her own rent. Or stand for herself.
But no, she chose the money. And my boyfriend
knows this.


╚═════════════════════════════╝


♂♥♂
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No, what are YOU talking about? Yes she should get a job, but that isnt magic. It doesnt sound like she is IN a position to make a stand like that. That is something that is done AFTER you have a job and can actually pay for it on her own. I dont know her life exactly, but you are being stupid by blaming her. Blame the a*****e dad, not the mom who is forced into a shitty situation. For her it is a damned it you do, damned if you dont. So get your head out of your a**.

[FlyingNakedMan]

Poor lady she's in a pretty bad spot, but like someone else posted, she just won't MAGICALLY get a job, if anything she might be using this time to find a job, so that she can get away from the guy's mercy, but until then, I can't see her being a bad mother :/

[Grandiloquence]

This isn't the 50's/60's anymore, you can't walk down the street and find a job willy nilly. It takes time, applications, interviews, as well as the initial few weeks that a pay check is not coming.
She'd be out on the streets before that could all happen. Is that what you want her to do? Do you want to put her up at your place, rent free, giving her food that is apparently scarce, for a few months until she can earn some money and find a new apartment?
Yes, she should have had a job already. Yes, his dad is a d**k. But this is how things are, and you need to take it in stride. Just be there for your boyfriend in whatever way he needs. He's taken a blow and just needs time to recover.

[Mameoyashi]

She didn't chose money over him. For goodness sakes. She's being forced to cut off contact with her own child or she would be out on the streets. She can get a job, but she doesn't have one now. She can't pay her rent and she can't survive on her own. Give her time.

This is likely just a temporary blackout until she can find a better solution. She said she is sorry and she

You said yourself: She lives at his mercy. He's the one abusing his position of power over her to control her and force her to not contact her own son. You realize this is a form of abuse towards her, right? You realize that things aren't as simple as "money" vs "child".

When you don't have a place to live jobs are literally nearly impossible to get. To even fill out an application most employers need your home address. Without a home address people are pretty much ******** from a job (unless they go to specific programs which may or may not exist which help the homeless gain employment but even those take *time*).

Could the two of you take her in when she gets kicked out? If not, then don't criticize her for temporarily choosing to be able to live with a room over her head and food coming in than on the street with no support.

Demonizing his mother is not going to help matters. In fact, if ever she gets herself into a position that she can provide for herself again and she tries to contact her son if she's been demonized and poisoned against her then it will ruin their reunion. Cut her some slack.

[Violet-Shay]

Mameoyashi

She didn't chose money over him. For goodness sakes. She's being forced to cut off contact with her own child or she would be out on the streets. She can get a job, but she doesn't have one now. She can't pay her rent and she can't survive on her own. Give her time.

This is likely just a temporary blackout until she can find a better solution. She said she is sorry and she

You said yourself: She lives at his mercy. He's the one abusing his position of power over her to control her and force her to not contact her own son. You realize this is a form of abuse towards her, right? You realize that things aren't as simple as "money" vs "child".

When you don't have a place to live jobs are literally nearly impossible to get. To even fill out an application most employers need your home address. Without a home address people are pretty much ******** from a job (unless they go to specific programs which may or may not exist which help the homeless gain employment but even those take *time*).

Could the two of you take her in when she gets kicked out? If not, then don't criticize her for temporarily choosing to be able to live with a room over her head and food coming in than on the street with no support.

Demonizing his mother is not going to help matters. In fact, if ever she gets herself into a position that she can provide for herself again and she tries to contact her son if she's been demonized and poisoned against her then it will ruin their reunion. Cut her some slack.

This sums it up nicely.

[Masturbating_Rot_Crow]

angel_259236102

Yeah it sucks, but it is nothing to complain about. And it isnt like how you are saying it. It is very CLEAR that she WANTS to be there, and WNATS to help, but as you said...she is at his mercy. She needs a place to stay, and there is no agreement that SAYS he has to. If she doesnt comply she is ********.

Most people would grungingly go with it so they have a place to stay. Confort him about it but get over the whole blaming game. You are far off the mark.

This.
I'm sure if she could help she would, but I'm not sure how you think her being homeless will help anything. Then she'll be a burden.
And more might be at play here. It's possible his dad is abusive in some way, and even apart she feels she can't leave him. If she had balls, he would have her by them.
I wouldn't even bring her up. Just be supportive of your boyfriend and help him along without her.