Sexually Out of Touch

[Ill Kitten]

Hey everyone, I have a few questions I was hoping people could help me out with.
I've been in a relationship for 8 months now and we have been sexually active.
I do enjoy being sexual, but I am not comfortable with talking dirty, initiating, being
the center of the attention. If we are engaged, I do not like him looking me in the eyes.
This is sad to me, because I know that it would make it more of a connection,
but I just get embarrassed with myself. I just don't want to be looked at.

Is this due to insecurities or am I not comfortable sexually?
How can I be more comfortable with myself and sexuality?

Update:
I'd like to thank everyone thus far for their input.
I'm going to try to get to know myself/body better and appreciate what I have.
He's with me for a reason and wouldn't compliment me if he didn't believe it.
I'll try not to think so much about it because there aren't really guidelines to sex.
yum_puddi

SIDENOTE: My boyfriend is amazing to me and only tries to build my self-esteem.
He has me convinced he loves my body, but yet I still push him away.

[Raven Winter]

Those are both questions that only you can answer.

[Ill Kitten]

Raven Winter

Those are both questions that only you can answer.

There are no methods to being more comfortable with yourself sexually?
I am also here in hopes some people might be able to relate.

[Raven Winter]

Ill Kitten

Raven Winter

Those are both questions that only you can answer.

There are no methods to being more comfortable with yourself sexually?
I am also here in hopes some people might be able to relate.

I don't mean that, it's just that that's the kind of thing where the best option really depends on what works for you individually.

[Artery Cat]

My bf and I don't look each other in the eyes or dirty talk either
we both initiate though

Idk after a while we just explored and discovered what worked for us and what didn't

I'm not sure what to say other than maybe talk to ur partner about ur insecurities? Let him know what bothers you and then maybe u two can work on it and see what u guys can come up with

Another possibility is that maybe ur just making a big deal out of nothing? Like I don't mean that in a bad way but it could be possible that this is just what the two of you are comfortable with but maybe some form of outside source is, subconsciously or otherwise, telling you that you need to do all these things in order for it to be more enjoyable when that's just not how it works for the two of you

I'm rly bad at giving advice I'm sorry!! I hope u can figure all this out so u can feel more comfortable, everyone deserves an enjoyable sex life (if that's what they're into that is!) heart

[Eizoryu]

I hate dirty talk, personally. xD I think it's completely unnecessary and sounds stupid and cheesy. All those euphemisms and nicknames for human genitalia... I mean, really. So silly.
Don't want to look him in the eye? Close your eyes and focus on the action and the feelings, or on your fella.

Really though, darlin', you sound like you're thinking too much about it. I'm guilty of that too, and really, the best advice is to stop thinking about how embarrassed you are and just enjoy the ride. No pun intended.
But why are you embarrassed? What is it about the act that's got you in a tizzy, and not in a good way? Is he your first?

Talk to your guy, too. Help him help you through this. Communicate with him, and open up on your insecurities with him. Ask for his patience and understanding if he doesn't already give you those. Give yourself time, too. Chances are, you're just really overthinking things.

[Redish Black]

Honestly I would say maturbate. Explore your body.

[ClassicallyYours]

♥

Honestly it's really just a matter of time and how comfortable you are. I also used to get really embarrassed around my boyfriend for, say, the first six months or so? And it's weird because I'm a fairly lewd and rude person anyway. But same as you, I felt awkward being the center of attention.

I've found that with becoming more comfortable being around him in a casual setting, I've also become more comfortable during sex. We're both at the point where we can wander around the other's house in our underwear, eat disgusting amounts of food in front or each other, and in general make fools of ourselves. It's easier to be intimate with someone you've seen the funny, not-so public side of. But that's just what helped me.

If it is a deeper issue about your body image and how you express your sexuality in general, you might need more help, like seeking out a support group, talking to friends, or even seeing a counselor.

And always, be open and honest with your partner about your feelings. Let him know that it's nothing personal and not anything he might be able to change, it's just something you need to work through. :] He should understand.

♥

[legnanellaf5]

You dont have to do things you dont want to do. Talking dirty and looking at him isnt mandatory. If you dont think you are having a connection, it isnt something you fix by forcing yourself to do things you dont like either. Be more sensual isntead.

[Izzy Shae]

For me, I don't feel authentic when trying to engage in dirty talk. My partner doesn't like eye contact because it makes him feel on the spot, like he should do something, or that he is somehow being weird. I do think some aspects of "sexual courage" or feeling comfortable/confident in your sexuality develop with time. Others may be due to insecurities. Try allowing yourself to see yourself in a mirror and not shy away from yourself. Check yourself out. See what you like about you. Maybe you have an awesome waist, or a nice collar bone, or maybe ya like the whole package. When it comes down to it we all connect differently. That is okay! It is about learning how to connect with your partner in ways which make you both comfortable. If it makes you feel weird to be stared at, try agreeing to not stare (or like, gaze for looooong periods). For some people humor helps. My partner will sometimes say "ok now you are being a creeper" and it breaks the tension and reminds me he doesn't like the staring.

[Darth Khaleesi]

I think it just takes time. I was the same when I first started.