le iggy
Compromise is an important part of every relationship. Compromise = Respect. Unfortunately, there are some things that are deal breakers and while breaking up because you don't agree on getting a pet or not sounds silly, it's a completely valid reason. Animals can be a very important part of our lives and asking her not to get a pet for the rest of the time you are together (which could be a very long time!) is unfair and could create resentment. With that being said, it's also unfair of her to ask you to house an animal when you are clearly uncomfortable doing so. In my opinion, this is a deal breaker. Now, you have a couple of options. You could compromise and start out with a hamster, or something of the sort so she could prove to you how well she takes care of a pet. You also have the option to volunteer at a humane society together. This could show her you're open to the idea of pets one day. You would be trying instead of outright shutting her down. You never know, you might find a dog that changes your mind! Lastly, you could chalk this up to incompatibility and break up.
With all that being said, if your friends are asking you to terminate the relationship, their might be larger problems at hand. Maybe you should re-evaluate.
Also, as an animal lover, if someone I loved told me they would be okay with letting an animal right out the door to fend for itself and most likely die a painful death by starvation, disease, getting run over or what have you, I would be offended and probably call them a name as well. I feel, if you knew how she felt about animals, saying something like that to her was callous and cold-hearted, no matter how honest you were trying to be. You knew exactly what kind of reaction you were going to get. That was not a smart thing to say, in my opinion.
Agreed about the compromising bit. I'm willing to go the hamster route, or even potentially being ok with a cat, but not sure if she is willing to do so. I'll ask her tomorrow, as I'm really not in the mood to touch the subject with her again tonight. As per the volunteering bit, if I had the time, I'd consider it, but sadly, my job has me working from the early mornings to the evenings, and considering how much running around I do, I'm generally a zombie by the end of the day. I'd rather avoid the last option altogether if possible.
I didn't want to get into the larger problems, but a major problem recently was her jealousy of my having female friends. I don't quite know if we came to a resolution on it, but it hasn't been an issue lately, and well, yea, would rather not light that fire
razz
Perhaps it wasn't a smart thing to say, but my being nice about it wasn't sinking in.
Parasynthetic
Have you considered seeing some kind of therapist for your issues with pets, esp. dogs? If you can get past your personal issues and compromise that way, that could work. However, it seems easier for your girlfriend to just get over her desire for a dog (since she has no deep-seated issues like you do) and get something else you will be able to tolerate. Yes, you're both being stubborn, but does she really have a better reason to be stubborn and not compromise in your favor?
Edit: Even though it seems easier for her to compromise for you, it will probably be wisest for both of you to compromise equally. For example: Both of you move in together, you work out your issues, and she waits to get a dog until you're ready for one. And in the meantime she could even own a different kind of pet.
I likely need to see a therapist for a number of things, but I have my own reasons I'd rather not explain as to why I haven't. Her and I both likely need therapy, for different reasons, but it's currently not an option for either of us. Again, not something I want to get into.
Yea, I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea forever. Currently, yes, very opposed to it, but my thoughts could always change. It's always possible that a few years without a dog will help me be more open to getting one in the future. That's a good point and something I never mentioned to her, so I definitely should when her and I next talk. Thanks.
quayla666
Personally, it sounds like she is picking a fight with you over it, hoping to guilt you into letting her have one. The thing is, if it did happen, and you did decide to let the dog out, because of spite. You are allowing an animal, that has no choice in being put in that situation, to possibly get hurt/killed. The dog has no choice being there, so don't punish it.
With that being said, it sounds like a pretty toxic relationship, since there is absolutely no compromise. I know that you stated you hate dogs, because of the way your parents looked after them as you grew up with them. But that is blaming an entire species on the lack of training two people had. It might be a good idea to seek therapy over that, because it sounds like something that is going to make you really miss out on something that could be a good experience for you.
But, as far as I have read from the posts/OP, I don't think the relationship will last. It sounds like both of you are rocks, not willing to budge when shoved on an issue. I doubt that this will be the only issue you two will ever face.
Doing something and thinking about it are very different. Much harder to actually do something like that b/c despite what it may look like, I do have a conscious...conscience?...I don't remember the spelling for how I wish to use the word.
It's not the first issue, and I'm sure not the last, but every relationship has issues.
:Edit:
Heading to bed now. Thanks for replies at all.
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