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angel_259236102's avatar

Fashionable Bloodsucker

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Dude the update doesnt make it any better, it jsut says how MUCH you need to get out.

THose white lies are okay, you dont need to tell him of EVERY guy who flirts, as long as yu set them straight. He is basically making it so you cant have your OWN friends. Since a guy HAS to be attracted to you, because if they say they dont they are lying so they are. He has already isolated you from the world enough that your friends are his friends.

His reasons for fb is stupid. Tell ihm to just MAKE one. It isnt that hard, and you can even do it yourself for him so he can jsut go on it. Now the rest of hte passowrds have nothing to do with fb, so it is just a way for him to contorl EVERY aspect of your life.You cant buy anyting without him knowing. You cant talk to anyone besides here in gaia without him knowing. He also insults you.

Really his observations are s**t. He has no reason to KNOW who you are talking to or texting, so him not seeing a message isnt his business. The rest is, as I have said, he is LOOKING for you to mess up in a way so he can say you cheated. Like who analyzes a car seat position? I dont know about the shirt, maybe it is his and he didnt know it? He thinks that if you are home alone and you lock the door someone MUST be there.

It is very clear from just the update that he is controlling your life and is going to see cheating in every little ting you do.

And trets you wonderfully? Lol...no. Flowers and presents do not make up for isolating you from friends and hounding on your every move.

Breking up IS an option and really is your ONLY one. I dont see how you are loosing evertthing...you are gaining everything. Freedom, privacy, a chance to find a REAL partner who will respect you. THings like that. THe abilit yto have your own friends as well. You make more money than him so you should be able to be on your own.
Shirabelle's avatar

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He's not going to change. I was with a guy for 5 years who was exactly the same when it came to paranoia and distrust, so much so that it eventually pushed me to cheat because I didn't want to lose the person he was when he wasn't barrading me with questions and calling me a liar, but I could not stand the amount of loneliness and misery I felt when I was out with friends, they would all tell me they were worried because I would just be constantly miserable, and I would dread going back to him because I knew I would be faced with tons of questions and him picking for things that 'didn't add up' in his own mind. After that it got 100x worse, to the point where there were no more 'happy moments' and he became extremely mentally and emotionally abusive, and would make me do things for him to 'prove' my love and loyalty to him, when the passwords and other proof wasn't enough. I still suffer because of that a*****e. It turns out the reason he was so paranoid was because he himself was lying to me constantly, about such stupid things, and he himself cheated before I did, and he was either doing all of this out of guilt or because he didn't trust anyone due to himself being so dishonest.

I don't think it'll get better for you with someone like that. After 4 years he's probably used to not trusting you and used to needing those things you allowed him to have in order to 'soothe' his anxieties, taking them away at this point or expecting anything different is likely not going to do any good. He'll always have the nagging desire to check and look and search, and likely if he tells you he wont do it, he'll still try behind your back, until he lets his delusions get the better of him and ends up really thinking you are cheating or hiding stuff from him, and then it will either get nasty or he'll leave. Trust is absolutely necessary for relationships to work, and he's refusing to give you any.
Desideraht's avatar

Dapper Phantom

I understand his worry. But I feel having snooping rights through your profiles is unacceptable. If he wants to see something, he should ASK you, and you can SHOW him, if you want to. But him getting to poke around whenever? That's wrong, in my opinion.

I do not like the idea of my partner flirting with anyone else. If I was dating a girl, I'd be pretty ******** paranoid about her "just talking" to guys, unless she was like a major tomboy, in which case that would make more sense. But if she was girly, I'd feel like she's "scoping out" other men. It would be something I would discuss with her (i.e. telling her my concern and asking how she feels about it) rather than stalking her.

He's stupid if he thinks he needs to spy on YOU but says he doesn't trust other guys. He's blowing it out his a**. If he has to peek through YOUR Facebook and snoop through your phone, he's making sure YOU'RE not flirting with other guys. Basically he doesn't trust that you are committed to him and thinks you'll play around with other guys. His self-esteem needs some serious work. If he trusted you, he would trust you to reject a guy's offer. He doesn't have to trust other men. He ONLY has to trust YOU to know how to react to those "bad" men.

If my BF got a text like the one you got, I'd be pretty freaked out. And if he gave the explanation you gave, I would still be skeptical. It would take time and a lot of observation and talking for me to start trusting him again.

I would say yes, if he then turned around and hid everything... I would almost be certain he was cheating. It would likely end the relationship for him to suddenly close everything off during a crucial time when we need to be communicating. Like I said before, I think it's wrong your BF had all of your passwords to begin with but then to turn around and cut EVERYTHING off does make you look really suspicious (from his perspective). If I were in his shoes, I'd be like 90% sure you were cheating. Even though you're not. Your actions speak loudly of guilt.

I do think your passwords should be private. In my relationship, however, if someone wants to know who the other person is texting and what about, we do reveal that information. I don't "snoop" through my partner's phone but if he got a text from someone I don't know I do ask about it. My ex never broke it off with someone she had sex with before dating me (which was BASICALLY cheating but I don't think they had sex while we were dating), so I understand this sort of "paranoia" about cheating. Because my partner and I LOVE each other, and are working VERY hard on trust, we are TRANSPARENT, so if someone asks to see messages, we share them, because we have nothing to hide. That, however, is totally different than snooping and spying on ALL of your activity. My BF has access to my FB, I've never worried about it, and it's only that way 'cos his computer remembered my password. I trust him enough that I don't feel like he's spying on me. He accidentally posts with my account sometimes though which is hilarious. It does not go both ways-- I do not have access to his FB, but I know if I wanted to see it, he'd show me. Therefore I have no issue with him having partial access to mine (he doesn't actually know the password).

Here's another thing.

My BF tells a lot of white lies. It has nearly killed our trust in most respects. Like I trust him in some ways but not in others, due to those lies. Your boyfriend is seeing a pattern. You're acting a lot like a cheater.

When you and your partner have agreed to tell each other if someone flirts with you, and then you keep that a secret, it does look like you're accepting advances. That's the issue. Now if you didn't have this agreement, it would be a different story.

I do not like the idea of my partner hanging out ALONE with someone who is "into" him. Why does he need to be alone with that person? If they're in a group that's not so bad. But if they slip off away alone somewhere I will have immediate problems. Fortunately the last person in our circle of friends who "liked" him like, swore she liked him first, blah blah blah but she got over it when she got a boyfriend.

It's not good that he has isolated you from friends. But... why can't you hang out with girls? Even though my partner and I are in a gay relationship, we are both bi, and I am generally more threatened by women. I love it when he hangs out with straight guys. I know he's safe, they're buddies, and his friends will look out for him. I trust most of his male friends, even though a lot of them think he should be entitled to porn because "he needs female stimulation in his life". I worry they'd try to "get him laid" but I just don't think they're that sort of disrespectful of his choices.

He needs to make his own Facebook so he can stop using that excuse to get into your profile. He should NOT have access to your financial stuff. EVER. EVEN when you're married. Do NOT get joint credit. Do NOT get a joint account unless it is a place you will pool savings TOGETHER. Do NOT put all of your money in the same account with him. These are rules for ANY relationship. It's just important to keep your s**t separate. Money is a huge issue in most relationships. Protect yourself from that drama of him monitoring your spending.

I do NOT believe he is "accidentally" looking through your emails. He is totally obsessed with monitoring every last thing you do. That is toxic.

It is REALLY ******** up that he said that you aren't "smart enough" to delete s**t before he will see it. Why do you love this man, again?

I too, would be suspicious if my partner was deleting messages so I could not see them. I mean I don't do that. I think it's only fair that if I want to know what he's chatting about, I should get to see it. And vice versa. I do think it's ******** stupid that he will hassle you so much about texts, but I think it's equally dumb that you can't just tell him. What DO you have to hide?

His paranoia about making you lock the door is ridiculous too. He's making you live in a prison. He's more worried about someone ******** you than hurting you.

If he was looking through browsing history to find something he did, he wouldn't notice what pages you were on most. So yeah, he's also snooping through what you look at. On the other hand, I too, would be upset if my BF got a text like that and then was on that person's profile a lot, after hiding everything from me. I would almost be certain he was "exploring" that person. But I would also talk to him about it, rather than just making accusations.

The truth is that no, honey, this man dos NOT treat you well. You need to get that out of your head right now. Buying you presents just means he's ******** superficial and thinks be can buy your love with treats, and then control you and make you obey. He treats you like a dog, like you're his b***h.

Honestly you do not sound very compatible from this description.

Do not stay with this guy just because you feel like you can't get better or get another boyfriend. That is the stupidest reason to stay with someone.
We have been having serious talks about this EVERY day now. It is always the same. He apologizes for being the way he is and promises to get better and put this behind us… then something will happen that brings it ALL up again. For example… This morning when I woke up I got online to check if there was anything new on my Facebook and he came in and asked what I was looking at. I said that I was just on my Facebook wall. I showed him like he asked me to (because I have nothing to hide) . He noticed that my guy friend (who he is suspicious of) commented on two of my posts. Then he got into a bad mood and asked me ‘well what did he mean by that?’ and ‘so he has to reply to every single one of your posts’. This led to another discussion and another apology… He ‘doesn’t understand’ how someone I have only met once in person can become my friend online and ‘suddenly’ is allowed to message/text me ‘whenever he wants’. He left the room grumpy and ‘joked’ that “I bet if we ran into him in public he would think that he could just hug you. I swear if he tried to hug you I would knock his teeth out”. I immediately started crying which made him even more upset because ‘he was just joking’.

As far as me giving him his own privacy… I am pansexual so we usually check out other girls together. I let him flirt with anyone he wants to because I trust that he is mine and will always come home to me. I have all of his passwords, only because he usually can’t remember them (although he remembers mine perfectly) and I had to set up most of his accounts for him. I don't log into any of his accounts unless he specifically asks me to. My only rule is that he is not friends with women that he slept with before we got together. Which I don’t think is asking too much.

I told him that he should make his own Facebook profile… he asked why he couldn’t just use mine like he always has… that I keep preaching to him about trust and I don’t trust him enough to give him my password back. That if I am not hiding anything then it shouldn’t be a big deal?

Dandrogyny ~ I always have been kind of a tomboy. Guys have always been my primary friends. I grew up with only having guy cousins my age. I always played games like amtgard (larp), D&D (and other rpg games)… I prefer going to concerts and goofing off playing video games to things like shopping and going dancing like most other girls do. The point is that I have always been more drawn to guy friends… and I have tried REALLY HARD to hang out with girls to make my boyfriend more comfortable… but all the girls I know are lame. Also, when I delete my texts it is usually just to keep my inbox cleaned out. I usually only keep messages that have sentimental value, I have always deleted all of the others.

As far as us being compatible with each other… we like almost all of the same things. (with a few acceptations… but that is a good thing) We agree with each other on every single ‘controversial issue’ (Religion, Politics, blah blah) We are very sexually compatible. Neither of us do drugs or smoke… or any other really bad habit. He makes me laugh and smile like no one else ever has. We know all of each others darkest secrets and weirdest quirks and they just bring us closer together. He complements me all of the time and makes sure everyone around us knows how passionately in love with me he is and how lucky he is to be with me. Yesterday, a girl I know told me how great she thinks he is and said that she wants him to pick out her next boyfriend for her. We have the kind of relationship that most of our friends are trying to get… they just don’t know what I deal with behind closed doors.

Here is a note he left me a few days ago on top of my computer...

"I only breathe because your love allows breath into my body. I only see because your warmth and kindness gives me sight. I only walk because your compassion, generosity, and selflessness gives me strength. I love you."

My boyfriend is a walking Hallmark card lol
Mightelove's avatar

Brainy Sex Symbol

He has all but isolated you and made it to where you are dependent on him for all social interactions.

This is an unhealthy relationship. Fix it fast or get the hell out. This behavior doesn't fix itself and it doesn't get better.
Dude, he.will.not.change.

period.

He's is smothering you and IS WAY TOO ******** INSECURE.

I'd feel like i'm being suffocated if I ever had someone like that in my life.
I would try to talk to him. He has not trusted you for 4 years and that is not fair. Does he let you read his stuff? The truth is, he has let his insecurities from other relationships carry over to yours. He is treating you like you are the same girl from the last relationship that cheated, and that is not fair. A new relationship should have a new set of trust. I think now and then it's ok to peek at each others text, but he's taking it way overboard. I would tell him if he wants to trust you, the perfect opportunity for him to learn to trust is to realize that you need privacy too. Trust is the first foundation for love. If he cannot accept this, then you need to let him know you two just may not be compatible.
Guys and girls like that need to take a break from relationships and sort out their own trust issues before moving into another relationship.
I have been cheating on numerous times, but I never carried that hurt, and insecurity into a new relationship. It would not be fair if I did.
Shirabelle
He's not going to change. I was with a guy for 5 years who was exactly the same when it came to paranoia and distrust, so much so that it eventually pushed me to cheat because I didn't want to lose the person he was when he wasn't barrading me with questions and calling me a liar, but I could not stand the amount of loneliness and misery I felt when I was out with friends, they would all tell me they were worried because I would just be constantly miserable, and I would dread going back to him because I knew I would be faced with tons of questions and him picking for things that 'didn't add up' in his own mind. After that it got 100x worse, to the point where there were no more 'happy moments' and he became extremely mentally and emotionally abusive, and would make me do things for him to 'prove' my love and loyalty to him, when the passwords and other proof wasn't enough. I still suffer because of that a*****e. It turns out the reason he was so paranoid was because he himself was lying to me constantly, about such stupid things, and he himself cheated before I did, and he was either doing all of this out of guilt or because he didn't trust anyone due to himself being so dishonest.

I don't think it'll get better for you with someone like that. After 4 years he's probably used to not trusting you and used to needing those things you allowed him to have in order to 'soothe' his anxieties, taking them away at this point or expecting anything different is likely not going to do any good. He'll always have the nagging desire to check and look and search, and likely if he tells you he wont do it, he'll still try behind your back, until he lets his delusions get the better of him and ends up really thinking you are cheating or hiding stuff from him, and then it will either get nasty or he'll leave. Trust is absolutely necessary for relationships to work, and he's refusing to give you any.
God, I had a boyfriend who was exactly the same way. He accused me constantly of lying, or cheating only because he was. But, the guilty dog barks the loudest, you know? Sounds like her boyfriend may actually be the guilty one as well
You have no room to complain. You have talked to him about it and he hasn't changed. If you are not willing to either leave him or stand up for yourself and tell him to either ******** trust you or ******** off then all the advice I can give you is to just accept the life you have chosen.

Leaving someone is ALWAYS an option. Doesn't matter if you have been together 4 years or 40 years. It is ALWAYS an option.

~<3
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

Devoted Pirate

~J~N~F~
I need some advice regarding my boyfriend. We have been together over 4 years and I need some outside opinions. (I am sorry that this is so long... please read it and tell me what you think I should do)

Because he has been cheated on in past relationships he has been very over protective of me (my opinion). To put him at ease I never had a problem with letting him read my texts and emails and he always had the passwords to my social networking sites. Also, when he would ask, I would let him know if anyone flirted with me or talked to me (in class… or any time I was out of the apartment without him). Although, he has recently said that he really isn’t that paranoid and he was just joking about how upset other guys talking to me made him. In my defense, I have lost several guy friends of mine because he didn’t like them or he didn’t trust them. He uses the line “I trust you but I don’t trust other guys”. I try to explain that if he trusts me so much, then he should trust in my ability to judge someone’s intentions. I should also note that this is our only real problem. We love each other more than anything and have only been in one big fight before this…

When he says he trusts you but not the guys... he is really saying he doesn't trust you to make the right choice if a guy friend decides to hit on you. So, he doesn't trust you with your male friends. Red flag number1. Reading emails and texts again says "I don't trust you." Him being cheated on in the past gives him no right to be in your stuff - it is unethical to compare your actions to someone else's - It is fine that you are okay with it, but he shouldn't be asking it or doing it in the first place. Red Flag number 2.

~J~N~F~
My situation… is that a few weeks ago a new guy friend of mine accidentally drunk texted me instead of his wife “I’m a little drunk, I really want you right now”. The message came unexpected while I was sleeping and my boyfriend read it. He assumed that I have been exchanging sexual messages with my friend and has been very suspicious of me sense that night. I have tried over and over to reassure him that I have not been unfaithful. However, he keeps finding things that he considers suspicious. Because of this I have stopped letting him go through my phone and I changed all of my passwords. He thinks this means that I have something to hide… but I just don’t think I can trust him not to look for things that aren’t there.

It was an accident and a drunk text. A normal person would laugh it off and tell him to get the text to the right person next time. Your boyfriend is suspicions and unjustly doesn't trust you because of the actions of another. Red Flag number 3 You told him to stop going through your stuff - and when he didn't set passwords. He thinks you are hiding something. Red Flag number 4.

~J~N~F~
Here is my question… I think that my texts/messages/passwords should be private for now on so that he does not get weird every time someone sends me something that can be taken the wrong way (out of context). He thinks that the only way I can prove I am trustworthy and not hiding anything is to give him all of my passwords again. What should I do…?

You have a right to your privacy. Period. Your boyfriend needs to get the ******** over himself and his childish jealousy. You have NO NEED TO PROVE YOURSELF WORTHY - as you already are, he is being the dipshit here, not you. I would give him the "Look, I am not (insert cheaters name here) and I am not cheating on you, nor have I ever cheated on you. You need to realize that and your current actions are not okay and pushing me away. You need to trust me and respect my privacy. You either need to realize I am not (cheater's name) or we are going to not be in this relationship for much longer because of your actions.

~J~N~F~
Continued...
I will admit that I have told him some white lies in the past to keep from upsetting him. He would never yell at me or hurt me but if something puts him in a bad mood it will ruin the whole day before he gets over it. The lies were usually… just not telling him that someone flirted with me. I feel okay with this because I always make sure people know that I am in a relationship so that kind of talk is inappropriate and telling him would just upset him.

You were covering your a** because he is emotionally manipulating you. (ruining the day). A normal parter should not be pissy because someone flirted with you. It is your actions if you flirted back or not that should matter. Red Flag number 5.

~J~N~F~
He has a problem with me hanging out with any guy who is attracted to me… but he thinks that any guy who says that they aren’t attracted to me are lying. It has gotten to where the only people I hang out with are his friends and coworkers. I don’t have any coworkers because I am a self employed maid and I haven’t been able to find any reliable employees. I have been propositioned by male clients at work… Usually offering me lots of money to let them watch me clean naked, for nude pics or to clean in a skanky french maid uniform.(I have ALWAYS turned them down). I have only gone out without him a handful of times in the past 4 years… and only to girl’s nights, baby showers ect.

Your boyfriend is paranoid and is being irrational about men who say they aren't attracted to you are lying. This behavior is not normal or okay. Red Flag number 6. He is seporating you from YOUR friends. This behavior is not okay or normal. Red Flag number 7. You turned them down. Good job for being a trustworthy person. Too bad your boyfriend doesn't consider you one. You havne't been out because of his irrational behavior. Red Flag number 8.

~J~N~F~
He does not have his own facebook… so his reasoning for needing my password isn’t that he wants to read my messages, but that he likes to go on and check up on his old friends with my account because he doesn’t want to make his own account. BTW, he also has the passwords to my online banking, paypal, ebay, and every other site I am subscribed to. I am asking for advice here because it is one of the few places he doesn’t look. However, fairly often I notice that he ‘accidentally’ opens my inbox/messages. He also says that if I have something to hide I am probably smart enough to just delete it before he sees it anyways.

He should make his own damn facebook account. It takes 10min and an email account. He does not need access to yours. He has your financial passwords - that paired with his irrational/borderline abusive behavior worries me. Red Flag number 9. I highly suggest your change your passwords to your finances and not tell him.

~J~N~F~
As far as me seeming suspicious… Here are some of his observations. On occasion when I receive a text message I will delete it before he gets to see it. (Any time I get a message/text he wants to know who it is, he WLL keep asking until I tell him). I picked him up from work yesterday, (I drive him to and from work because he doesn’t have a car or license right now because he has a phobia of driving) he claimed that the car seat was in a different position than he ALWAYS leaves it and asked me who else was sitting in my car. He is the only person who has been in my car other than me for at least two weeks. He found a shirt that wasn’t his in our apartment. I have no idea on this one… He went out for a run one day and when he got back our door was locked. He thought this had to mean that someone else was in our apartment with me… really… he is the one who taught me to lock the door when I am home alone so that someone doesn’t break in and ‘take advantage of me’. Sometimes it takes me 10-15 minutes more than it should to drive from our apartment to his job to pick him up from work. This is because I am usually working on something (like homework) when he calls me and I want to finish what I am working on before I leave. I could go on and on… He also checked my browsing history ‘to try to find a page he was looking at the night before’ and confronted me about looking at a guy’s (the same guy who drunk texted me) profile more than anyone else’s. This is because he is one of the few people who likes and comments on my page so I do the same for him.

This to me screams irrational. It is a known fact those who accuse people of cheating are generally cheating themselves. Red Flag number 10.

~J~N~F~
No matter what I do or say he can't get rid of 'this weird feeling' that something is going on. He is also upset that 'I'm trying to turn this around on him to make him look like the bad guy"...

Again you don't need to prove yourself to him. He is the one in the wrong. He needs to change that behavior drastically or you need to leave his a**.

~J~N~F~
I don't want to make him sound like an bad guy... he treats me wonderful... always surprising me with flowers, presents and sweet letters. I make more money than he does but that is not a problem for me. I am his world and he is mine. I think it would be very difficult for either of us to find someone as or more comparable. I will admit that this causing me to not have any real friends has made me feel really lonely.

He is the bad guy here. He is pretty much if not abusing you. His behavior is not okay, and he as racked up 10 red flags from me. Oh, he bribes you with flowers and pretty things. How ********' typical....

Does your partner:

Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

National Domestic Violence Hotline - also the source of above
Mikki Meringue's avatar

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I'm going to tell you right now hun that this is NOT in ANY WAY a healthy relationship.
I was exactly in your shoes not too long ago.

He would tell me daily that I 'better have none else but him inside me.' He also said he trusted me, but not other guys. He would ask me daily if I was the only one I loved. I would always have to report to him daily where I was, what time I would be there till what time I would leave and who I was with, their names, and what we would be doing. Even after I told him EVERYTHING he would still come and check to see if I was doing exactly what I said. If I was doing anything SLIGHTLY different he would lose it. If I had a really busy day and couldn't see him for one day he would lose it and automatically accuse me of cheating. He would yell at me for hours, sending me hurtful texts nonstop, calling my house every ten minutes, and sending me tons of messages on facebook, posting on my statuses demanding me to talk to him, doing every single ******** thing to manipulate me and try to control every move I made. It was to the point where my life revolved around his life and I had to aid to every one of his needs, and I would feel worthless without him. When I had the strength to ignore him, he would come to my house and put flowers on my doorstep and a long, apologetic note promising he would change. You know what? He didn't. I finally opened my eyes and left.

Point is, after 4 years of being together, any guy who would love you would have to trust you by now. But this..this is sickening. Any person who loves you would trust you enough to not be unfaithful. Any person who loves you would understand that you need your own privacy and your own life as well. Do not be fooled. From what I am reading THIS IS NOT LOVE. This is pure control. Pure. ********. Control. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to be having to fear what your significant other will do at any given moment. Love is supposed to be warm, nice, something you look forward to.

You are not a slave. You are an individual, independent person.
If you really want to save your relationship, I suggest that you two go to counseling because he needs some serious help. This is an issue that needs to be fixed. And fixed quickly.

I know that you don't want this either...but...
if he is not willing to change, you need to leave.
A lot of people on here will agree that this is the best option for you.
Nobody in their right mind would treat someone that they truly love like this. NOBODY.
Blackrose_Knight's avatar

Devoted Pirate

~J~N~F~
We have been having serious talks about this EVERY day now. It is always the same. He apologizes for being the way he is and promises to get better and put this behind us… then something will happen that brings it ALL up again. For example… This morning when I woke up I got online to check if there was anything new on my Facebook and he came in and asked what I was looking at. I said that I was just on my Facebook wall. I showed him like he asked me to (because I have nothing to hide) . He noticed that my guy friend (who he is suspicious of) commented on two of my posts. Then he got into a bad mood and asked me ‘well what did he mean by that?’ and ‘so he has to reply to every single one of your posts’. This led to another discussion and another apology… He ‘doesn’t understand’ how someone I have only met once in person can become my friend online and ‘suddenly’ is allowed to message/text me ‘whenever he wants’. He left the room grumpy and ‘joked’ that “I bet if we ran into him in public he would think that he could just hug you. I swear if he tried to hug you I would knock his teeth out”. I immediately started crying which made him even more upset because ‘he was just joking’.

If you have been talking about it and he isn't trying to change his behavior it might be time to leave. It is not okay for him to treat you like that. Period. Threatening to physically hurt someone because they posted on your facebook wall, how much more irrational can you get??!

~J~N~F~
As far as me giving him his own privacy… I am pansexual so we usually check out other girls together. I let him flirt with anyone he wants to because I trust that he is mine and will always come home to me. I have all of his passwords, only because he usually can’t remember them (although he remembers mine perfectly) and I had to set up most of his accounts for him. I don't log into any of his accounts unless he specifically asks me to. My only rule is that he is not friends with women that he slept with before we got together. Which I don’t think is asking too much.
Good, that is EXACTLY how a normal person in a normal relationship should be.


~J~N~F~
I told him that he should make his own Facebook profile… he asked why he couldn’t just use mine like he always has… that I keep preaching to him about trust and I don’t trust him enough to give him my password back. That if I am not hiding anything then it shouldn’t be a big deal?

He isn't changing and is still manipulating you and playing the "I don't trust you card" when he shouldn't be comparing you to the cheater in the first place. Leave him. His behavior is not okay normal. He is being oppressive, and irrational beyond belief.


~J~N~F~
As far as us being compatible with each other… we like almost all of the same things. (with a few acceptations… but that is a good thing) We agree with each other on every single ‘controversial issue’ (Religion, Politics, blah blah) We are very sexually compatible. Neither of us do drugs or smoke… or any other really bad habit. He makes me laugh and smile like no one else ever has. We know all of each others darkest secrets and weirdest quirks and they just bring us closer together. He complements me all of the time and makes sure everyone around us knows how passionately in love with me he is and how lucky he is to be with me. Yesterday, a girl I know told me how great she thinks he is and said that she wants him to pick out her next boyfriend for her. We have the kind of relationship that most of our friends are trying to get… they just don’t know what I deal with behind closed doors.

Compatibility has little to do with abusive behavior your boyfriend is exhibiting. I know you really love him but he isn't changing, he is using abusive tactics and rationalizing it. Leave him.


~J~N~F~
Here is a note he left me a few days ago on top of my computer...

"I only breathe because your love allows breath into my body. I only see because your warmth and kindness gives me sight. I only walk because your compassion, generosity, and selflessness gives me strength. I love you."

My boyfriend is a walking Hallmark card lol

That with all his possesive and irrational behavior creeps me the ******** out. He isn't changing and you need to leave.
He's possessive, controlling, and invades your privacy. Personally, I'd dump him and let him work out his insecurity issues on his own time — not at your expense.

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