Questioning my existence...

[A Conclusion To This Tale]

I asked a family friend the other day about what they think is be good at out in the real world.

Her reply? "finding a nice husband and writing books."

While everyone talks about how my sister has the ambition and drive to do whatever she wants, while I'm like: Okay, I exist. That's nice.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life....

I honestly don't think I'm wife-material; and, while I have the capability to write a book, I don't know if I can make a living off of it.

I'm honestly just so lost. It feels like I only go through life because I have nothing else to do, and I don't really "enjoy" some of the things I like sometimes.

Like, I went to an anime convention a few months ago. I had been really excited for this event; but, as the day went on...I couldn't help but keep looking at the clock.

There's only one person in my life who I truly trust. I can't trust males whatsoever. I always hyper-analyze a persons every move, even my mom.

I've grown used to thinking that everything I love will be taken away if I do something wrong.

My stepfather is doing a number on my already low self-confidence with verbal abuse. He'll pretend to be my friend, but as soon as he gets into a bad mood, he'll make me feel like the dog s**t on the bottom of his shoes...

I'm depressed, I know it. I'm stressed from school and my home situation, and it overloads my capacity to enjoy anything because I can only think of work.

I don't have anybody nearby that would be my shoulder to cry on (my BFF - the one person that I trust, lives three cities away) and I'm constantly alone.

I've been told that my posture is awful, and that I'm always guarding myself. I'll hide behind my bff and stay quiet because I don't want to associate with anyone else.

I'm depressed as ******** I just don't know what to do.

I don't feel like I'm good for anything right now...

[Aroused Nintendo]

Maybe you should explore other hobbies, go out and meet new people who might feel the same. In other words, support groups? Take a walk one day, early in the morning and take a moment to enjoy the scenery ( go to a park maybe ?) Go to an animal shelter, animals have been known to increase some happiness hormones in the body. Not sure what you want to do in life? Meet up with a college counselor, they could come up with something you might be suited for or even like. Have a talk to with your step dad, communication is key to most issues. Best of luck, don't give up, when one door closes, many open up heart

[Happy Masks]

Listen hun, you need to get yourself away from people like that. If your family members are all putting you down and not supporting you, then you need to pull away from that and focus on yourself from a fresh perspective. It's better to be alone then to be around people who try to tear you down. That sounds hurtful to be told to just be a wife and write stories like your life shouldn't progress or something, know this: You are alive on earth, a place of endless possibilities for our lives, you don't have to exist compared to standards, because there is nothing but this. There's an entire world out there for you to explore, and no one can stop you. Believe in yourself, because why not? You can do anything. You still got a lot of life ahead of you to figure out everything, a lot of people have no idea what they want to do with their lives when they're young. If it'd ever be possible, I'd suggest moving out to were your bff lives to be around the one person you feel is good for you.
I hope the best for you emotion_hug

[Silver-Mask]

A few questions, please. Though your plight is clear, the situation is a bit vague.
1) How old are you?
2) How long have you felt like this?
3) Have you seen a counselor?
4) Do you take part in any group activities or clubs?
5) If your life could become ideal for you, what would it be like?

[Into the never]

Everybody wakes up thinking what am I here for? I do it all the time and trust me on this one I always have people around me seemingly accomplishing their goals at light speeds, getting married, having kids, and I'm like man where did the time go? I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing or making the right choices because I'm not in those positions like they are and I sometimes feel like I'm living my life the wrong way, but I don't have a choice in the matter. Life is going to take me for a ride even if I don't like the place it's going to. I'm pretty much on one of those tea cup rides, spinning in circles with this blank expression on my face, just wanting it to stop. I guess that's the best way to put my life sometimes. I watch the people around me living their lives without a care in the world and seemingly getting everything they could want and I'm just whirling around in my tea cup. I can't tell you what you should do with your life or how to fix it. I'm stuck on this bloody ride called life and sometimes I don't even know what to do. What I can tell you is do whatever you want with your life, even if you fail. At least you went all out with it and lived it the way you wanted too.