Psychologist wants me to go on disability support

[AngelBiscuits]

I think I need to vent, but I want to hear from other people in similar situations if there are any here.

I've seen a psychologist recently and will be seeing him again on Tuesday. We did some tests and while my reading/spelling results were great, my math skills were below average. Like...waaaaaaaay below. I couldn't even get a quarter of the way through the test and most of the answers I did have were wrong. He says I probably do have a learning disability (which we figured) and we are going to do some more testing there, and we're also going to be doing some testing for FASD since my mom admitted to having drank when she was pregnant with me. We are also going to be treating my depression and anxiety.

While I am mostly fine in other aspects of my life (I am perfectly capable looking after myself and my family) I have not ever been able to keep a job because I'm mentally too slow and sometimes never learn how to do something, I can spend 5 weeks doing the same thing and not understand or retain any of it. It's incredibly frustrating and embrrassing to consistently be fired and let go because I am "too stupid" to learn some of the simplest things and it doesn't get me a good reference to use later, either.

He thinks it will be best for me to go on disability support -even just temporarily- simply so that I can have financial security along with looking after my medical needs, and he said that it will help me in going back to college as well if I want and get me the help I need to succeed there (which is what I would like to do). He is trying to assure me that it's nothing to be ashamed about.

However I'm terrified of what people will think since I "look" normal. They can't see that there's something off in my brain that prevents me from functioning properly in certain settings. My whole life people have been telling me I'm "just lazy", but I WANT to work, I WANT to be able to keep a job and I try REALLY hard, but it just doesn't work out and my financial security really suffers because of it. My husband's mother is totally against it because she thinks I'm just being lazy. We were briefly on welfare between him getting out of university and finding a job and she threw a big stink over that -because how DARE we live off someone's tax dollars when we are both "perfectly capable of working!"- so I'm terrified of what she will say or how she will behave if she ever finds out I'm on disability support. My psychologist said its okay for me to just tell people it's because of my arthritis if they ask about it (they don't have to know about my mental issues, although none of it is anyone's business but mine and his), but most people don't believe that I have it because I'm young.

I think more than anything I'm just venting because I wish I could function properly and not have to worry about it, but I was wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and what they did?

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

I can't help you with experience on disability and what to do, but maybe understand the social constraints a bit better. Even if you get a job without these setbacks, you will still have people to judge you. No matter how high up you are in life, there's someone looking down on you. Sure it's fine when there are people who are better than you, but what really grinds anyone's gears is that you're trying to mind your own business and it feels like these people who are supposedly above you will get into your face to not only state what's not true about you, but what you already know. It really can cut anyone down from the repetition of something you are working very hard on overcoming despite the odds.

Knowing that, maybe that helps curb off the thoughts of you would have lived better if you had less disabling flaws about you. If those weren't there, there would be other flaws or you would be held at higher regards either way. These people simply may never understand your plight no matter how much they want to. My fiance has depression yet he can't understand my depression and I to him. We're all different and similar, we can only imagine and try to find solutions rather than give or receive corrosive critiques. Since we can't purge, defend, or prevent other people from harming us 100%, we can only understand more about others and ourselves in order to orient ourselves around them to avoid fatal blows.

People are visual learners and they just have not seen you suffer the way you have, so they will always chalk you up to compare the common behaviors of others. I could clean the house all week and move furniture, and my parent in laws can say, "Why didn't you clean ____." They only see what we didn't do because it's easier to judge rather than compare with memory. If they catch me actually cleaning in the act when they come home, they will say, "About TIME you cleaned!" They are not horrible but they are workaholics and just have that mindset. I simply just don't clean until they get home now. I don't have to clean as much and they feel more at peace. They say they want the house spotless but what they need is to see someone cleaning so they don't feel alone in trying to upkeep the house.

I'm writing with little sleep right now, so I'm sorry if I don't make sense.

[Suicidal Dustbunny]

Our society is absolutely awful for judging and shaming the disabled, honestly it's disgusting how people are treated for stuff they can't help.
People are always going to judge you, whether it's your disability, your income, your looks. But I guess what you have to try and think is, these people are pathetic and just want to put you down. It's not your fault you need some support, nor do they have the right to judge you.

You have a legitimate disability, you have seen a medical professional who has confirmed it. Therefore, you deserve support and help. The fact that this comes in the forum of monetary support doesn't matter. You need financial stability and you're struggling to keep a job, and you should things to help you.


If you feel you would be better off on disability support while you get yourself sorted, then that's your choice and you have every right to that kind of support. It's not lazy, it's survival, and you shouldn't be embarrassed. Anyone who calls you lazy for needing some help clearly doesn't understand disability.
If your step-mom gives you s**t for it, then consider just cutting contact with her as much as possible. Obviously you probably can't just totally cut her out, but you don't have to sit and listen to someone like her. She clearly doesn't respect you, nor understand your issues, and for that she doesn't deserve to be in your life.

[legnanellaf5]

The thing is...it doesnt matter? Lots of people know you can be on disability for non physical reasons. And those who will be judgmental are nto those you should care about in the first place. I do get you on arthritis though, people really do see it as an old ppl only thing, enough that they are changing the terminology to try to fix it.

You can want to have a job all you want, but if you can keep one down you need to accept that it is the case. Dont make yourself suffer more than you need to because of people like your inlaws. Not their business what you do. You dont even need to tell her? Like, if she is that stupid, just say you are going to be a housewife or nothing. She doesnt have to know that you are going to a psychologist and that you are on disability or anything like that. It is not her place.

[ExTERmINATION]

Coming from an Enforcement side I see so many people in all ages with F.A.S.D and I can tell you right now from reading the post you made that either you got someone to help you in a way or you know magic but it's hard for someone with F.A.S.D. to even write that 'neat' and proper.

I believe you are bored or don't care on the topic, you also can learn differently then the way they think which bothers me about these 'Specialists' who are quick to pull the trigger on a mental disability. For myself I need to be 'Hands On' to learn, I need to do the task to understand it but there is times you can't so I carry a notebook and write down stuff, I've done this for over 8 years now and it works and I work in the Law Enforcement game.

[AngelBiscuits]

ExTERmINATION

My stepfather had FASD (I say had because he is no longer part of the family) and was perfectly capable in his writing, he suffered badly elsewhere though. Its a spectrum disorder and everyone with it is affected differently, regardless of what you've seen. However I have my doubts, my mom likes to say things like that for attention so we don't know if she actually did drink or not when she was pregnant with me but he wants to do the testing anyway just to be sure (she was an alcoholic before and after she had me for quite a few years so he thinks its likely that she did) since I do show other signs that are common with it that have more to do with the nervous system and social and behavioral issues, along with my delayed development as a child.

It probably helps that I've spent a lot of years writing for myself like he did. It was always an easy way to express myself, though I feel like I try too hard and over-compensate and end up coming off as too proper since I actually talk like some sort of hick.

I am aware that everyone learns differently but there is something in my brain that just doesn't function as it should. Learning something visually vs hands on vs auditory doesn't make a difference, everything just seems overly complicated and I can't grasp the basic concepts and I get overwhelmed with stuff that should be really easy for me. Its incredibly frustrating. I can care deeply on a topic I find extremely interesting and I still just can't seem to take in the information I need. For example they spent 4 months trying to teach me how to tell time on an analog clock and I really wanted to because everyone else my age could, but at 25 years old I still can't because I just don't understand it. People saying I'm bored or not interested is the reason I never got any actual help until now. I might as well just be certified stupid for all it ******** matters.

No, they probably wouldn't have "been so quick to slap a label on it" 20 years ago, and it's the reason I didn't get any ******** help 20 years ago because they didn't understand it as well. I am not just bored or uninterested, and making something more challenging because you think I am simply just bored is not going to solve the problem, I can assure you that. I can read something, or watch something, or listen to something and to my senses it's clear, but it's like there's a cloud around my brain and I can't make sense of a lot of things because the information doesn't get through.

Its responses like this that make me terrified of what people are going to think and say if I take the help that's being offered to me.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

Im on disability for many psychical and mental issues. I do have one physical condition that would allow me to have it as well, but looking at me, you cannot tell. Looking at me, i look like a "normal teenager". But im not. I have so many health issues, listing them all would take up their own paragraph and a half. Ignore her and anyone else who puts you down about it. It just proves they know very little to nothing about you. If you think you would benefit from it, definitely ask how to get on it. Also note, it might take a while to actually get it on. It took me about 2 years even though i qualified from the beginning. It just takes a while to see specific doctors they want you to go to + meet with a lawyer if you want one + get a court date, then it takes even longer before they can start sending you money -i think like 3 more months after youve been accepted

[AngelBiscuits]

xChibi Cannibalx

Because he's sending them off himself he said the likelihood of it being denied is slim, and even if they are appealing it still shouldn't take any longer than 3 months, so I'm hoping it goes well. My medical stuff is all up to date and relevant though so they have all the information they need and he says that will be a huge help. I'm preparing to wait at least a year but some of my family who is on it got theirs within five months of submitting it and never had to do any fooling around with lawyers or the tribunal, so while I'm prepared for the worst I'm hoping for the best. Even if it takes a long time we'll get it eventually.

I look normal but a lot of my issues are so obvious they should have been staring them right in the face all along :I

[Angeltear1716]

It's simple really, you don't have to tell anybody but your husband that you're getting the money. If you don't have a means to a job you can hold down then there comes a point where you need to get the financial help from somewhere. If people don't understand or refuse to, then you don't have to give them the time of day. Clearly your psychologist has got your best interest at heart and is trying to help set you up so that you can do other things like college, and that's nothing to sneeze at if you compare it to the prideful alternative that your mother in law is suggesting. So she needs to zip it and let you get on with it so that you can find that stability. Yes, it can suck feeling as though you're living by leeching, but the difference is that you're trying. I'd take the support offered and if it gets to a point you do get a job you can keep then you can always come off it if you feel like you dont want to be on it later.

[Kazim Hajit]

Don't worry about what she will say, if he loves you then it won't matter to him either. I am only 18, and turning 19 this coming June, but my psychiatrist has also recommended it for me.

It's not that I have a learning disability though. I actually score above average on reading, writing, and grammar sections. I am below average in math like you.
I am even attending college again starting this August, but she still recommends I apply for disability.

My father is a disabled veteran and has wanted to work desperately since becoming disabled, and I want to work as well.
However, I have intermediate explosive disorder, major depressive disorder, and extreme anxiety.
Due to this I have a hard time working in the jobs I'm currently qualified for...

Such as right now I am working at Taco Bell and I practically have a panic attack every day before I head in.
A lot of people would scold me for it, and tell me I'm over reacting, but until you've actually experienced it... you wouldn't understand.

So, all in all, yes I think you should try for it even if it's just temporary.

[AngelBiscuits]

Eptical

I have the same issue with anxiety, it is a big part of the reason he wants me to go on it. I would be on the verge of a panic attack over work before I even went to bed the night before and almost in tears by the time I was dropped off at the front doors. My Bipolar Disorder gets super bad when I do have a job as well. It's very stressful and I always feel like I'm going to go in only to be fired. My bosses would sometimes scold me for it and people outside my family just tell me to grow up and get over it but...I can't.

I'm not worried about what my husband will say since he's all for it if it's going to help me, but somehow his mother finds out everything regarding our finances even if we don't tell her anything, she seems to just know. We used to give her the papers for our taxes (in a sealed envelope) so that the guy that did theirs could do ours as well, but we think she was probably looking through them before she passed them off or after she got them back. Used to though, we don't plan on doing it this year because we think she does this.

[AngelBiscuits]

legnanellaf5

I know it doesn't matter, but it still bothers me. She makes everything her business and we don't even know how she finds out some of the things she does, we tell her very little these days since it isn't any of her business. It's frustrating because outside of this behaviour she has become very good to me and I do love her, but she is a 56 year old lady who doesn't get that things are different now than when she was my age and finds it so easy to judge based on the help that is available to me now.

I've accepted that I just can't work, I need a more reliable way to support myself and my family and this is the help that's offered to me, just knowing it's probably my only option for financial stability stings a little.

[DizzySnowFire]

I see you're from Canada- so am I!
I'm not on disability yet but I've applied and whatnot. I have no physical disabilities at all. I'm applying solely because I have many mental health issues that well has been putting too much pressure on me when I do manage to get a job then end up losing it. In a lot of ways, I'm like you.
I wasn't very ashamed of going on disability when I first applied because I know I can go on it and not have to worry too much about finding a job constantly and going to school all the time. I was more ashamed of going on welfare in someways but I'm not anymore because in the end I really did need it to support myself since my family couldn't.
Disability is there to help people who are disable in any matter doesn't matter if it's physical or mental. I have a friend who is on it because she's physical and I told I applied too and why she doesn't judge me. Now clearly I wouldn't tell everyone about me going on ODSP but I don't tell everyone that I have a mental illness either so I'm not going to tell them that I'm not disability.


Of course the flip side is my parents more or less support me and are happy kinda I'm going it but it's because they know they can't support me if something happens to me. So yeah but what my parents say and don't say don't always matter to me so that to consideration.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

AngelBiscuits

xChibi Cannibalx

Because he's sending them off himself he said the likelihood of it being denied is slim, and even if they are appealing it still shouldn't take any longer than 3 months, so I'm hoping it goes well. My medical stuff is all up to date and relevant though so they have all the information they need and he says that will be a huge help. I'm preparing to wait at least a year but some of my family who is on it got theirs within five months of submitting it and never had to do any fooling around with lawyers or the tribunal, so while I'm prepared for the worst I'm hoping for the best. Even if it takes a long time we'll get it eventually.

I look normal but a lot of my issues are so obvious they should have been staring them right in the face all along :I

If your state is anything like mine (IL), it matters more what their doctors say over what your doctor says. With that, it only matters to an extent how much information you have - but keep it all and bring all of the papers just in case. Your docs can give you a diagnosis, but if their doctors dont believe you, youll need a lot of examples to support why their doctors were wrong. I had to do that about my ADHD -going on a tangent accidentlly while giving an example helped a lot-. It really depends on if the state thinks you are bad enough. If they think you are bad enough from the start, theyll give it to you. But more often than not, they make you fight it. Also, you dont need a lawyer, but it might help. We mostly got one for my anxiety - if i get overly nervous i puke and/or pass out, so having someone there who wasnt bombarding with me questions was a little bit of a relaxer ^^;

Sadly, thats how it is for a lot of people. I hope you get on it, the sooner the better! It can help a lot in the long run

EDIT: Canada! Ive heard its so much easier to get on disability there than here in the states. I wish america cared about its people as much as Canada does theirs </3 Ugh, i cant wait to move up there XD

[Kazim Hajit]

AngelBiscuits

Eptical

I have the same issue with anxiety, it is a big part of the reason he wants me to go on it. I would be on the verge of a panic attack over work before I even went to bed the night before and almost in tears by the time I was dropped off at the front doors. My Bipolar Disorder gets super bad when I do have a job as well. It's very stressful and I always feel like I'm going to go in only to be fired. My bosses would sometimes scold me for it and people outside my family just tell me to grow up and get over it but...I can't.

I'm not worried about what my husband will say since he's all for it if it's going to help me, but somehow his mother finds out everything regarding our finances even if we don't tell her anything, she seems to just know. We used to give her the papers for our taxes (in a sealed envelope) so that the guy that did theirs could do ours as well, but we think she was probably looking through them before she passed them off or after she got them back. Used to though, we don't plan on doing it this year because we think she does this.

Yeah, it's the same with me. I did end up crying over it today. It makes me feel embarrassed, but at the same time I know I'm not the only one..
I've had to go home on days because I'd be freaking out over nothing.