Practically Proposed

[Chibi Duckling]

Ok... so I dated this guy in college this past school year. We dated for four months and then he decides that he wants an open relationship to date another girl. The night he says this, I break down, realizing that I had fallen in love with him. Like, seriously head over heels. It takes him two weeks of going back and forth between girls to decide that he's going to completely dump me in favor of this other girl. I am completely out of sorts at this point, due to that and having to deal with a recently broken foot. So, not so long afterwards, he come crawling back begging to be friends. After spending a great deal of time trying to figure out if this is even a good idea, I eventually agree. We have been trying the friend thing for the past four months while we've been out of school. He's on the other side of the country from me, so we've been keeping in contact via cellphones, emails and facebook.

Anyway, recently he's taken it upon himself to tell me that he's fallen in love with me, and now more than ever, he feels like a complete moron for doing what he did to me. He said that he came to realize just how much he screwed up and how much he lost when he dumped me. Now he's been sending me texts that practically sound like he'd love to drive over here, propose to me and whisk me off to be his forever. That he wants me to be part of his family. He's been trying to call me the pet names he called me when we were dating, even though we aren't in any sort of romantic relationship. At all.

But he has some serious issues to overcome. I mean, no one's perfect, but these are the kind of things that would make any marriage very difficult, and to top it all off, I'm only turning 21 next month. I only have two years of college under my belt. My friends still hate him and no one can figure out why I'm still talking to him at all. He and I don't even know why I'm still talking to him.

Someone have any advice??

[Chibi Duckling]

OMG.. This is really confusing. @.@

[Sven Svenson]

Tell him that while you appreciate him apologizing for what he did, you have no interest in getting back involved with him, and as such he needs to stop pushing his boundaries with you as a friend because it's making you uncomfortable.

If he persists after that, stop talking to him.

[Chibi Duckling]

The weird thing is, I'm not sure whether or not I still love him, because I know I did at one point. But you are right about pushing the friend boundaries.

[Clockwork Lime]

He's a d**k. Don't fall for it. Even though he wants to sweep you off your feet NOW, remember what he did to you before. Who's to say it won't happen again?

[Chibi Duckling]

That's my biggest fear is that trusting him will yield the same results as before. I've already warned him that being his friend is extending him a second chance and that if he screws up again that I will never talk to him again.

[Clockwork Lime]

The best way to look at it, I think, is this--there are tons of other guys out there who have his good qualities, whatever they may be--AND who won't treat you like crap. Capisce? smile

You deserve better, for sure, but ultimately it's up to you.

[Magical Kitty-tan]

Honestly, to me it sounds like you were his "back up plan" and that things fell through with this other girl (Yes, lets not forget that he threw you away to be with someone else) so he has come crawling back to you. I think you deserve better than that. Don't you? If you don't love him anymore, tell him to back off and that you have moved on.

[ChibiRodan]

In life there are many views....

Dread_Pirate_Love

Tell him you'll think about it. Sound negative to. Keep control of the relationship until you can determine weather he is a d**k or weather he didn't realize what he had in you until he lost it. I guys are stupid and tend to make blatant mistakes.

Dr.McFishy

NO! This is most defiantly a male trap. He f^@ked up with this girl and now he is trying to fall back on something cause he is cold at night.

[PYOG]

He's a manipulator, trust me, growing up as a child with a Drug reliant, Alcoholic, and Abusive step dad I have seen this behavior before. They push their boundaries until they get what they want. This sort of behavior disgusts me and if I were you I would stop talking to him.

People like this make me sick.

Be strong enough to turn your back to him, if not for yourself then for every other person who's ever been manipulated by another person just so someone could get what they want.

If it were true love he wouldn't have deviated from you.

[Yushi-senpai]

to use a british term: this guy sounds like a w*nker

no offence, i just have experience with guys acting like this, it sucks

[Poor_huni]

If you go out with him again, he will hurt you. And if he doesn't your entire relationship will be spoiled by you worrying that he's going to hurt you.

Tell him no way jose, he ******** up, and really hurt you. If he loved you that much he wouldn't have ditched you for someone else.

Plus, you said you're 21-ish right? Isn't that a bit early to be thinking about settling down with someone you were going out with for 4 months? Tell him where to shove it, but nicely if you really want to be his friend. If you're having doubt about dating him, you don't really love or trust him and it won't last.

[Clockwork Lime]

Poor_huni

If you go out with him again, he will hurt you. And if he doesn't your entire relationship will be spoiled by you worrying that he's going to hurt you.

Tell him no way jose, he ******** up, and really hurt you. If he loved you that much he wouldn't have ditched you for someone else.

Plus, you said you're 21-ish right? Isn't that a bit early to be thinking about settling down with someone you were going out with for 4 months? Tell him where to shove it, but nicely if you really want to be his friend. If you're having doubt about dating him, you don't really love or trust him and it won't last.

I agree with this, except for the last part--I'm turning 21 this year, and got engaged after 5 months. We've been engaged now for about a year and a half, and are doing fine. Then again, he didn't leave me for some other chick. =/

OP, you deserve better. Tell him to go ******** himself.

[Chibi Duckling]

Thanks you guys. You all have stated valid points, and you all make a lot of sense. I'm going to confront him about the stuff he's been saying, and tell him to chill out about it. If he does, then we can go back to being friends. If he puts up a fuss, I'm out.

The fact is, I love him, but I'm not IN love with him as it stands right now. I know that much, and I know the difference between the two. I want to wait till I see him in person again before I make any judgments.

[freelance lover]

Sven Svenson

Tell him that while you appreciate him apologizing for what he did, you have no interest in getting back involved with him, and as such he needs to stop pushing his boundaries with you as a friend because it's making you uncomfortable.

If he persists after that, stop talking to him.