Postpartum Depression.

[sullen ladyinpink]

I wasnt sure which forum this should go in, but this seemed most fitting. If its not, I apologize. I dont have any questions I need answered in this topic, I just need to get this off of my chest to someone, anyone, that will take the time to listen (or rather read).

I'm 19 years old and currently 30 weeks pregnant. My whole life I've disliked babies and little kids. I'm scared of them. I have no idea what to do with a baby or a little kid, and I panic if I'm left alone with one for more than five minutes.

When I found out I was pregnant, I figured I would feel excited and get this overwhelming love for this little life growing inside of me. Thats how any other girl I know acted and came across, so why wouldnt I? But I don't feel anything. Terrified that I have to give birth to this living, breathing human being. I cant wait to see what she looks like. But thats the extent of it. I dont feel any kind of bond with my little girl.

My bestfriend asked me the other day, if I could go back and change things, would I? Well, I didnt answer honestly. I told her no, I'd do things all over again just like this because this was my baby and she couldnt be a mistake. But as I'm saying these things out loud, my heart wasnt behind the words. I'd go back in a heart beat and wait another 6 years before even considering having a baby.

My daughter's father is excited. He cant wait. He's a few years older than me, so maybe he just feels more ready, but I just feel detached from the entire situation. I already feel like all the things I wanted to do in life, even if they were things that took years to accomplish, wont happen now, and its all this baby's fault, even though its not. I feel like I'm putting on a front and having to act happy and s**t, when I'm really not.

When people tell me how excited they are for me and gush over me, I just get really aggravated and want to get away. I dont even want to have a baby shower, because I hate being the center of attention and I dont want to deal with all these people that I have to deal with all of a sudden.

I'm so afraid that when she gets here, I'll have postpartum depression. With the way I've already been feeling, it just seems like a very real and likely situation. I dont know how to handle how I'm feeling right now, and I dont know how I'll handle these feelings AND have to take care of a baby.

I'm really lost right now.

[Stale Humor]

Take parenting classes. I never liked babies growing up, which caused me to lack the experience on how to take care of one. It really helped me and my confidence.

[Choke Chick]

I'm a young adult and a first time mom to a 14 month old, and I had PPD. Start talking to a dr now about getting on an anti depressant once the baby comes. Babycenter.com is an awesome website that you can go for informative articles and there's a community there you can join and talk to women that are going through the same things as you are.
I'm not gonna lie, I had no idea what the hell I was doing when I had my baby. I had never changed a diaper..he would cry for seemingly no reason. Many tears were shed. But you learn and adapt..and once you hold that baby for the first time you will see your life finally has true meaning, it's the best feeling ever.
Just keep your head up and know that you'll get through it just fine; we all do.

[JewelWoods]

The most important thing to remember is that IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. Talk to as many mothers as you can right now, and let your family know how you feel. Depression in new mothers can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS to everyone in your home. There's no way to predict the ways in which the depression could manifest. It is VERY important that you have people to talk to. Trust your friends and family.

[Delightful_FOOL]

I got PPD pretty bad after having my son. In retrospect, I really wish I had talked to someone sooner. Even talked to my doctor beforehand as I had a feeling I would get it. People with a history of depression, or who go through depression during their pregnancy are more likely to get PPD. So, for you, open a dialog with your doctor or midwife now. And talk to people in your life too. Having a strong support network of friends and family is crucial. Don't let the stigma surround PPD hold you back. I wish I had talked to more people earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did. If you want to PM me, your more than welcome to.

[Angeltear1716]

Not all mums-to-be are balls of cotton candy and excitement, and at the same time, not all of them become emotional wrecks with the amounts of hormones coursing through them. Every mother is different and that is totally okay as long as your healthy and so is your baby. Chances are you'll know exactly what to do when the time comes. Not everyone wants to be smothered by attention and touched even when they're not pregnant, so why would it be any different when you are?
The well wishes are nice but it must be exhausting to be the center of attention when you just want to hang out with a friend or family member and experience a bit of normality before the little one comes along demanding your attention for the foreseeable future - no one can deny you that so if you need to get away for a bit or have a lie down, I doubt they will deny you that.

It probably wasn't the way you expected things to pan out, and maybe you are going over a 'mourning period' of what could have been, but from the sound of it you do have a lot of support and people around you willing to help you.

[fubenkunai]

JewelWoods

The most important thing to remember is that IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. Talk to as many mothers as you can right now, and let your family know how you feel. Depression in new mothers can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS to everyone in your home. There's no way to predict the ways in which the depression could manifest. It is VERY important that you have people to talk to. Trust your friends and family.

This. This this this a million times this. And you know what? It is completely okay not to be a fan of babies or small children. You don't need to wait for some big a-ha moment when your personality completely changes, and you're not evil if you don't have one. Children are, for some people, more interesting once they're a little older and once they start having opinions and clearly-expressed personalities. That's completely fine to prefer. Maybe it will work out that your partner does more of the heavy lifting when your daughter is young, and you will pick up more of it once she's of an age where you can groove with her. That's okay. There are worse things than growing up with your really enthusiastic, loving dad, and getting to bond with mom after you've started school.

Just be willing to speak up. My friends who have kids say that it was much harder than they thought it would be, because our culture tells parents-- especially mothers-- that there is something horribly wrong with them if they are ever less than thrilled about parenting. There's a really strong taboo there that keeps a lot of people from expressing themselves and getting the help they need. Don't play that, homie. If you need help, if you come to a point where you know you simply cannot do this, if you are going through a rough patch, speak up. Even if it's just on Gaia to start with, there are people who get you and who can help you out.

[Robot Giny]

fubenkunai

JewelWoods

The most important thing to remember is that IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. Talk to as many mothers as you can right now, and let your family know how you feel. Depression in new mothers can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS to everyone in your home. There's no way to predict the ways in which the depression could manifest. It is VERY important that you have people to talk to. Trust your friends and family.

This. This this this a million times this. And you know what? It is completely okay not to be a fan of babies or small children. You don't need to wait for some big a-ha moment when your personality completely changes, and you're not evil if you don't have one. Children are, for some people, more interesting once they're a little older and once they start having opinions and clearly-expressed personalities. That's completely fine to prefer. Maybe it will work out that your partner does more of the heavy lifting when your daughter is young, and you will pick up more of it once she's of an age where you can groove with her. That's okay. There are worse things than growing up with your really enthusiastic, loving dad, and getting to bond with mom after you've started school.

Just be willing to speak up. My friends who have kids say that it was much harder than they thought it would be, because our culture tells parents-- especially mothers-- that there is something horribly wrong with them if they are ever less than thrilled about parenting. There's a really strong taboo there that keeps a lot of people from expressing themselves and getting the help they need. Don't play that, homie. If you need help, if you come to a point where you know you simply cannot do this, if you are going through a rough patch, speak up. Even if it's just on Gaia to start with, there are people who get you and who can help you out.

[Happywifey2011]

Hello myself lol
I went through the exact same thing while I was pregnant
I felt empty towards it, when people asked me if I was excited I faked enthusiasm
I was a week overdue and while most people get anxious I was empty
My husband was so excited when we found out I was pregnant, I cried.
Even when I was in labor I just tried to sleep it off before we went to the hospital.
After I had my son I didnt cry I just looked at him in shock
My husband again was ecstatic, I let him hold him first
The nurses were worried about me

But the second my baby fell asleep on me for the first time, and calmed at the sound of my voice I was hit by an overwhelming feeling of love for him.
He's almost a year old now and is the light of my life.
That mother instinct is in you somwhere and you will find it don't worry

[Demyan The Devil]

If you still don't love her after she's born I think you'll know the answer - adoption. Because caring for a baby you don't love will only breed hate and resentment.

Tell your family and boyfriend about your feelings so they'll be prepared for this possibility.

[Hope Legacy]

Spoiler warning: Might be considered extremely gross.

I have actually heard that there are people who will cook/prepare your placenta (after birth) for consumption to help with postpartum depression due to all the hormones locked away in it. Many animals eat their placenta. It might be worth looking into if you're willing to try it or not completely horrified by the idea.

[defloweredmind]

It just sounds like you have depression and social anxiety. It probly effects your daily life before you became pregnant. The baby isn't going to zap you into a glowing image of perfection nor does perfection even exist.

[fubenkunai]

Hope Legacy

Spoiler warning: Might be considered extremely gross.

I have actually heard that there are people who will cook/prepare your placenta (after birth) for consumption to help with postpartum depression due to all the hormones locked away in it. Many animals eat their placenta. It might be worth looking into if you're willing to try it or not completely horrified by the idea.

Scientifically, this is bunk. Animals eat placenta to avoid attracting predators from the smell of blood, and to recoup some nutrients. A well-nourished human woman not in danger of lions bringing down her and her new baby has no reason to do this. People may gain some psychological benefit from this, and hey, if the placebo effect makes you happier, fine by me, but it's not medical science. Like I said, some people may get some mental boosts from it and that's all well and good, but no need for someone squeamish to go through all that expecting a tangible benefit. This is one of those things that is all only what you make of it.