Welcome to Gaia! ::

Background story: I have been with my boyfriend for a year,
we have never fought or anything of the sort, we have always
been really close and "in love". I've been wanting out of this
relationship for a while now, and I have been faking a smile
for quite sometime because I do not have the heart to do otherwise.
He's not a bad guy really, and doesn't deserve the broken heart,
but I can't really help that I have fallen out of love with him.

Here is where it gets messy...

So about a week ago. I broke up with him. I have never made
anyone cry in my life, so making a dude cry that hard was a huge deal.
Being the idiot that I am, I took it back immediately. I said I'd try my best
to work things out. It's been a week and I'm so miserable that all I can
think about is running away. I fantasize about running away, or losing
my memory and all these terrible things just to escape this stupid
situation that I feel trapped in. I have finally come to turns that yes, I
am no longer in love with him - and indeed I am in love with someone
else. Whether or not said person even LIKES me back; I have no idea,
but honestly it is not that I want to be with this other person, I just
want OUT of what I'm IN and to be free again and to feel happy again.

That being said, I'm an extremely happy person all the time, so to
suddenly feel this depressed/isolated/trapped all the time is really
messed up. I am honestly trying my damned hardest to make this
relationship work but I just don't think my heart is in the right place
anymore. It's too serious, I am only 20, and he is talking about
moving in/getting married/having kids. He is 2 years older than me
and I am in no way ready to settle down. GUYS I honestly do not
have the strength or courage in me to actually break it off; I tried
once already and it did not go so well. What should I do now?
Whenever I think of trying to break it off I either have a panic attack
or throw up. He is just SO in love and attached to me, and I feel like
such a b***h for not feeling the same way anymore (I used to) I
honestly am so stuck, I know nobody can do or say anything to
help me, but I just want as much advice as I can get :c
If you don't GET the guts to do it, then you're going to be stuck with him forever. YOU need to break up again and STICK TO IT, don't let him guilt trip you back into it. Explain clearly that he guilted you back into it and that's unacceptable, so he doesn't try to do it AGAIN. sad
User ImageUser ImageUser Image



Simple fact of life, breaking up will never be easy. Those that try and seek a kind or gentle way to do so will find themselves in a never ending loop because there is no simple way to end a relationship. It hurts, but you have to remind yourself that the hurt fades. Eventually they will get over it and they will move on.

To be honest, its more hurtful to be stuck in a one sided relationship then to have someone break up with you. Its hard to give someone your heart and know they aren't doing the same, that they don't return feelings with as much exuberance as you do. You may think you're doing him a favor by taking it back, but your not. He knows you wanted to end things which means he knows that you're unhappy and that's going to fester in the back of his mind.

Do both yourselves a favor, hike up them ovaries, and end it. Its what is best for both of you as you both deserve to go in the world and find people you love and that love you in return.




User ImageUser ImageUser Image
Audio_Brownies's avatar

5,050 Points
  • Citizen 200
  • Hygienic 200
  • Treasure Hunter 100
I thought you were 16 when i started reading this. You're kinda dealing with this in a childish way. Running away? You need to suck it up and tell him. You feel like this, imagine how you/him will feel if yoou stick around just cuz you chickened out cuz you made him cry. I don't mean to sound harsh or mean. But it's kind of selfish that you're sticking around just cuz you dont want him to cry.

Everything you wrote here, you should tell him. Tell him that you aren't into the relationship anymore, and if he cared and respected you, he'll let you go. Break ups are never gunna be easy but (not to sound harsh) it seems both of you need it. It'll teach you that sticking around in a relationship for the reason you're staying is selfish, and he'll learn that forcing someone into a relationship is also selfish.

I wish both of you the best of luck!
Infinite Damnation's avatar

Invisible Seeker

8,300 Points
  • Invisibility 100
  • Object of Affection 150
  • Tipsy 100
As said everyone said before...you can just continue to stay with him out of pity. I've been in a similar situation, only when I did break up with my ex, I didn't take him back. It hurt like hell to have to hurt him like that, but the relationship was failing, I didn't feel anything at all for him anymore, etc. In the end you might end up hurting him more if you continue this charade. There's no "easy" way to break up with someone. Now matter how much it hurts, you just have to be honest. It's not fair that you make yourself miserable just so he will be "happy". He might claim he won't be able to go on without you, but that's what's he's gonna feel like, and you have to resist that.
fubenkunai's avatar

Dangerous Conversationalist

Breaking up with him isn't cruel, but lying to him sure is-- and it hurts you badly in the bargain. Continuing to pretend like this is dishonest, and it'll keep him from being able to find someone who really does share his life goals. It is also keeping you from that, and it's hurting you and making you a worse person. You're not doing anyone any favors. It's very wrong of him to pressure you this way when he knows you are not happy; yes, it's understandable and it's probably not consciously malicious, but it's still wrong. If you are having trouble sticking to it, why don't you ask a friend to be your moral support? Break it off, make it clear you are not backing down, and institute a no-contact period so you and he can calm down. When you feel regrets, or when you feel tempted to answer the phone or read an e-mail from him, go to your friend. Get a reminder, get a chance to vent, and get some help with your backbone. It's the right thing to do, and people will support you.
It's not that I'm pretending to be in love with him still,
I am trying my hardest to reconnect and feel something
I really am. I just don't know what else I can do, I guess
I will have to end it when it seems like a good time to :c
Lunar Real Estate Agent's avatar

Wheezing Codger

7,200 Points
  • Alchemy Level 1 100
  • 1 Win 50
  • PvP 200
Deal.

The same advice applies to him.
Eclair_Ramos's avatar

Beloved Hunter

This is tough... tell it to him straight, cause if u don't, you'll cause yourself more pain as this drags on.
weeneez's avatar

Dapper Millionaire

You're only going to make it worse for both him AND you the longer you wait to actually break it off. Don't wait for a "good time", just do it.
everything burns to ash's avatar

Survivor

Look at it this way.

When a prince goes to find his princess and he runs into a scary dragon, but he wants to save the princess, but oh no scary dragon is there!

A dragon is a dragon, it wont change and he'll have to deal with it if he wants the princess.

What I'm saying is you'll have to break his heart and staying with him with a fake smile on is worse than breaking up with me.

"Sometimes a man must spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and start slitting throats."

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games