I am a Disney Princess
It's recently come to my attention that my boyfriend made his own thread here on gaia where someone linked him to this one.
I feel badly because some of things I said in this thread were...phrased a little more harshly than I would have liked him to see? He's never used gaia before now so I didn't think there was any chance of him seeing this...
He seems to have a very different understanding of why I broke up with him and where we are now, and I feel badly about that, but I'm not sure what I can do at this point. I've tried to explain it to him in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings. I don't want to be mean, I do care about him, this just isn't the relationship I want in the long term.
Sugarcoating helps absolutely nobody. You were lying to him about your true feelings about the situation which is unfair to him in being able to understand your emotions and to yourself. While it may sting to hear your more accurate feelings about your relationship, it needed to be said.
You are right, at this point the die is cast and regardless of how he perceives the situation happened, you clearly were neglected and unhappy in your relationship, and that is sufficient reason to want out. I don't think you should feel the least bit guilty because you put much more effort into this and were more than generous in giving him chances to help fix things.
But the truth is your expectations as a woman are no longer being met by him. He's too immature to take care of himself if he can't get his act together and act like an adult, much less be able to take care of you which he's not doing if he thinks his hobbies are more important than saving the relationship. And while sex is indeed an important factor in adult relationships you are coming from a place where these kind of things are extremely sensitive and difficult for you, and anyone who is going to be with a person who has survived abuse needs to be a person that is patient. His pressuring you would only make your anxiety and intimacy issues even worse. His lack of emotional intimacy with you because you aren't putting out is bullshit. It's a long relationship, it should be past the point where running on hormones kept the connection alive.
I think it's a good thing that he may see your more candid view on why you ended things. Maybe he needs that jolt to look at himself in the mirror and say "Wow, I've ******** up." And hopefully for his own sake that he'll stop his bad habits, and get his own life back in gear. And you should use your freedom to find your own happiness and peace, and maybe someone who has the patience, and attentiveness you need to thrive.
