My Shy Boyfriend (Advice please?)

[Turts]

I adore my shy boyfriend. When I say shy I mean; shy about being affectionate. He tends to be a little bit more open to showing affection when we are alone, as are many people when put in a more comfortable environment. Yet normally he is a reserved person when it comes to our relationship in the public eye. I would not change how he is for the world, yet I fear the affection I give him is a bit overwhelming. Would any of you happen to know some subtle ways I could let him know I adore him? Or maybe somebody reading this, who is shy in the same sense, could tell me how they would like to be shown affection in a more public place?

EDIT: I'm sorry, everybody. I suppose my writing/explaining skills are lacking. I'm trying to ask if anyone knew of other types of affection or just simple things I could do that were more emotional instead of being physical, if that makes sense. I'm sorry if this is still a confusing question. sweatdrop

[angel_259236102]

TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HE IS OKAY WITH AND NOT IN PUBLIC.

[Turts]

angel_259236102

TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HE IS OKAY WITH AND NOT IN PUBLIC.

This would be greatly helpful but I've tried and he tends to say things like "It doesn't matter." I came to soon realize he says this only because he wants me to be happy with it, while the real concern is him being comfortable.

[angel_259236102]

Turts

angel_259236102

TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HE IS OKAY WITH AND NOT IN PUBLIC.

This would be greatly helpful but I've tried and he tends to say things like "It doesn't matter." I came to soon realize he says this only because he wants me to be happy with it, while the real concern is him being comfortable.

Then I would be safe and not do anything. LIke be at most holding hands. It is clear he isnt into pda at all and is toleranting it for you, so if you arent into that, dont make it so.

[Turts]

angel_259236102

Turts

angel_259236102

TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT HE IS OKAY WITH AND NOT IN PUBLIC.

This would be greatly helpful but I've tried and he tends to say things like "It doesn't matter." I came to soon realize he says this only because he wants me to be happy with it, while the real concern is him being comfortable.

Then I would be safe and not do anything. LIke be at most holding hands. It is clear he isnt into pda at all and is toleranting it for you, so if you arent into that, dont make it so.

Alright. Thank you for the insight.

[Kalos-chan]

Well you should both be able to be happy.
No pda if you like pda is unfair on you.
Too much pda is unfair on him.

Simple holding hands and a kiss on the cheek can be nice.
I'm shy in public and when my fiance and I meet up for lunch and he has to go we give each other a quick kiss on the lips, sometimes two and we laugh and wave bye.

So just keep it down-low.

If you're sitting on a bench just rest on his shoulder. Something basic/simple you can enjoy that makes you happy while it isn't something to make him un-happy.

Even though I'm shy in public if my partner didn't want to be affectionate at all I'd be upset.

So even shy people are all different. (:

[Rhouis]

Well, why do you need to physically show him affection in public? Affection is something for behind close doors, something for just you two to experience. He knows you care for him, otherwise he wouldn't be with you, so you don't need to constantly be doing things to show him. He knows. Pressure for couples to be publically in love causes problems like this when it's really not necessary.

[Smashed Cupcake]

He doesn't sound like he's into PDA. You don't absolutely have to show him affection in public, do you?

I remember I had a boyfriend who really likes PDA. It was very uncomfortable for me to have on lookers stare. He didn't necessarily care, but I did. You really should speak with him about his comfort zone. Sometimes excessive PDA is embarrassing for the person who doesn't like it so much.

[weed-chan]

I can tell you, on the other end of the spectrum from the last 2 posts, that it's hard to stifle
being affectionate in public if you really enjoy it, and it's not fair for one of you to be overwhelmed
nor is it fair for one of you to be completely cut off from cutesy things while there are people
around.

I am super affectionate and I hate feeling like I can't spontaneously kiss my girlfriend just
because we're in public. That would make me feel really bad, actually. So don't let anyone tell
you you're being selfish or "affection is meant for behind closed doors"-- sorry, that's not how
everyone works.

Luckily my girlfriend is very affectionate with me, too, regardless of where we are.

But we had to hide out relationship for a bit (queer issues) so for a year we had to be sly about
showing affection. We held hands under the table, I kissed her on the cheek when no one
was looking, and when we were sitting side by side I'd sometimes lean over onto her shoulder
for a second and quietly say, "I love you." There are definitely ways to be subtle about your
romance, while still meeting in the middle.
You'll probably have to just try to do so, and work out the kinks as you go. Just keep open lines
of communication in case you ever go just a bit too far for his comfort zone. Try to recognize what
he seems comfortable with doing, and stick to that.

[JewelWoods]

Rhouis

Well, why do you need to physically show him affection in public? Affection is something for behind close doors, something for just you two to experience. He knows you care for him, otherwise he wouldn't be with you, so you don't need to constantly be doing things to show him. He knows. Pressure for couples to be publicly in love causes problems like this when it's really not necessary.

This.


Also, you need to sort out your priorities. This is a non-issue, that you are turning into an issue.

[GrandpaJones]

Turts

I adore my shy boyfriend. When I say shy I mean; shy about being affectionate. He tends to be a little bit more open to showing affection when we are alone, as are many people when put in a more comfortable environment. Yet normally he is a reserved person when it comes to our relationship in the public eye. I would not change how he is for the world, yet I fear the affection I give him is a bit overwhelming. Would any of you happen to know some subtle ways I could let him know I adore him? Or maybe somebody reading this, who is shy in the same sense, could tell me how they would like to be shown affection in a more public place?

I was shy and I still am in real life....it scared me to love at first then I grew to love love like you do Tee.....I am what you say "in love with love"....but still shy. He will come around and you can not love him to much....just talk to him as you are loving him I know there are some special moments

gramps

[PhD Joey]

I'm shy, I don't like showing affection in public because I see it as a since of weakness.
I also don't like people touching me. I really need to trust you if I let you.
But ya know, I'm just weird like that.
Just go slow with him. You will be fine. If you go to far he will tell you i'm sure. I know I tell people when they cross the line.

[Turts]

weed-chan

I can tell you, on the other end of the spectrum from the last 2 posts, that it's hard to stifle
being affectionate in public if you really enjoy it, and it's not fair for one of you to be overwhelmed
nor is it fair for one of you to be completely cut off from cutesy things while there are people
around.

I am super affectionate and I hate feeling like I can't spontaneously kiss my girlfriend just
because we're in public. That would make me feel really bad, actually. So don't let anyone tell
you you're being selfish or "affection is meant for behind closed doors"-- sorry, that's not how
everyone works.

Luckily my girlfriend is very affectionate with me, too, regardless of where we are.

But we had to hide out relationship for a bit (queer issues) so for a year we had to be sly about
showing affection. We held hands under the table, I kissed her on the cheek when no one
was looking, and when we were sitting side by side I'd sometimes lean over onto her shoulder
for a second and quietly say, "I love you." There are definitely ways to be subtle about your
romance, while still meeting in the middle.
You'll probably have to just try to do so, and work out the kinks as you go. Just keep open lines
of communication in case you ever go just a bit too far for his comfort zone. Try to recognize what
he seems comfortable with doing, and stick to that.

This is actually some very comforting and helpful advice. Thank you so much!

[Turts]

PhD Joey

I'm shy, I don't like showing affection in public because I see it as a since of weakness.
I also don't like people touching me. I really need to trust you if I let you.
But ya know, I'm just weird like that.
Just go slow with him. You will be fine. If you go to far he will tell you i'm sure. I know I tell people when they cross the line.

That makes sense. Thanks so much for the advice, I'll definitely do my best to follow it.

[Turts]

GrandpaJones

Turts

I adore my shy boyfriend. When I say shy I mean; shy about being affectionate. He tends to be a little bit more open to showing affection when we are alone, as are many people when put in a more comfortable environment. Yet normally he is a reserved person when it comes to our relationship in the public eye. I would not change how he is for the world, yet I fear the affection I give him is a bit overwhelming. Would any of you happen to know some subtle ways I could let him know I adore him? Or maybe somebody reading this, who is shy in the same sense, could tell me how they would like to be shown affection in a more public place?

I was shy and I still am in real life....it scared me to love at first then I grew to love love like you do Tee.....I am what you say "in love with love"....but still shy. He will come around and you can not love him to much....just talk to him as you are loving him I know there are some special moments

gramps

Oh my gosh. I am so happy about you response! Many people don't realize that somebody can be shy about affection but still like the idea of love. Your words have really reassured me and helped my understand the situation to a better degree. Thank you so much!