My mom wants to have an assisted suicide

[Raven Winter]

MegaTurkey

Raven Winter

s**t, man, just talk to me.

I'm not telling them how to perceive it. I'm explaining how I perceive it, and what they choose to do with that is up to them. That's why I made sure to point out that it was my opinion and they weren't beholden to it.
I said it was an honor because I would consider it one; they aren't obligated to share that perspective. I said it would be shameful to refuse because in that situation, I, personally, would feel shame, but again, that is limited to myself.
As for the law, I deliberately avoided addressing it because I don't know where they live or what the laws are in that place, and also because if it were me, I'm not sure it would influence my decision. Whether something is legal is a matter of fact; whether a person plans to act accordingly is something I don't need to know.

This discussion isn't about you, your beliefs, how well you think you can put yourself in OP's shoes and what you'd do in their place.

Who said it was?
This is an inherently emotional topic. If respondents refused to discuss their own perspectives, I doubt it'd've made it past the first page. Humans relate to one another through sharing perspectives. If a person is undecided on something, examination of the perspectives of other people might aid their consideration of the topic and allow them to come to a decision. I'm sharing my thoughts not because I think things are about me, but because that's what I've got and it's my hope that in looking at them and deciding whether they think they're bullshit or not, OP will come slightly closer to a decision.

[fubenkunai]

The legal aspect of this has to be between your mother and her physician(s). My advice to you is to consider talking to someone yourself: a therapist, a counselor at the hospital, or a spiritual authority (if you're a religious/spiritual person). Death with dignity is still death, and many people have conflicted feelings about it even when they find it ethical. You deserve support and guidance, as someone who is facing the loss of a loved one. About all I feel qualified to advise you about is seeking self-care, because ultimately your decision-making power is limited, and because you are bearing some very heavy burdens right now.

[vdszbz]

Ignore the first poster. No one has to "man up" (a sexist term in itself) and just "handle it". It's completely normal to feel scared and upset with this information.

That being said, I also agree with the poster who said you really shouldn't help, because you could get in serious legal trouble. It's good that you support her, but I would look into how it could be done legally.

I'm really sorry you have to go through with that. That's awful, and she's so young too. I would look for support groups for people who have loved ones who are suffering from or have died from terrible diseases so you can talk to people in the same situation as you.

[Tigress Dawn]

CumsterDumpster

Tigress Dawn

Ok.

Time for adult talk.

First: emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

Your mother is not thinking clearly right now. Not for wanting to commit suicide, but for asking her child to step up and provide this level of support. You don't ask your child who isn't even fully grown yet to watch their mother die. She is only thinking about her pain and how afraid she is, not about the long term picture and implications here.

It seems like a beautiful thing in theory. But the reality is, it is not guaranteed that it will go smoothly.

The body shutting down is not always a graceful thing. My grandmother died in her sleep naturally and came back for one last horrifying gasp. Your mother's body could convulse, her lungs could reflexively gasp for air. There's a lot of physical mechanisms the body does when it's on deaths door as pure survival instincts, and you need to be prepared for that.

If you can't handle it, you need to say no. At the end of the day, your mother will be dead and have no more to worry about. But you will, so you need to think about what's best for you.

I think a fair compromise would be you're with her on the day, then walk out when she takes starts the process of dying. If she's alright with a permanent solution like this, then she needs to be alright with seeing it through without causing psychological trauma to her children.

I don't want to leave her alone during the scary part though you know?

If she's afraid of death, then she isn't ready to die.

What she's doing is wrong, and it is not normal. You are the child, and doing this is emotionally making you the parent or adult to fulfill her needs. Look up Emotional Parentification. What she's doing is emotionally abusive and manipulative. The fact that she hasn't finalized any plans before talking to you is enough to tell me she's playing games with you. She needs to find a doctor, who will counsel her on her decision. Frankly, a doctor is not going to give someone assisted suicide until they're almost at death's door.

I know from your vantage point it doesn't feel like she's doing something wrong, but it is not an honor to carry your mother's burden at 16 years old. You are too young to take on the level of emotional maturity that is needed.

You are not an equal adult to her, which makes it harder. You are still the child, and because of that you don't have the same boundaries that would be afforded to an equal adult.

She really needs to talk to a therapist, not lean on you for support for this.

You need to think about your own needs right now without feeling guilty about it. You can still love her while setting firm boundaries. Your mother needs to talk to a therapist, find a doctor, and finalize plans before dumping this all on her child.

[sp00ki spaghetti]

Tigress Dawn

CumsterDumpster

Tigress Dawn

Ok.

Time for adult talk.

First: emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

Your mother is not thinking clearly right now. Not for wanting to commit suicide, but for asking her child to step up and provide this level of support. You don't ask your child who isn't even fully grown yet to watch their mother die. She is only thinking about her pain and how afraid she is, not about the long term picture and implications here.

It seems like a beautiful thing in theory. But the reality is, it is not guaranteed that it will go smoothly.

The body shutting down is not always a graceful thing. My grandmother died in her sleep naturally and came back for one last horrifying gasp. Your mother's body could convulse, her lungs could reflexively gasp for air. There's a lot of physical mechanisms the body does when it's on deaths door as pure survival instincts, and you need to be prepared for that.

If you can't handle it, you need to say no. At the end of the day, your mother will be dead and have no more to worry about. But you will, so you need to think about what's best for you.

I think a fair compromise would be you're with her on the day, then walk out when she takes starts the process of dying. If she's alright with a permanent solution like this, then she needs to be alright with seeing it through without causing psychological trauma to her children.

I don't want to leave her alone during the scary part though you know?

If she's afraid of death, then she isn't ready to die.

What she's doing is wrong, and it is not normal. You are the child, and doing this is emotionally making you the parent or adult to fulfill her needs. Look up Emotional Parentification. What she's doing is emotionally abusive and manipulative. The fact that she hasn't finalized any plans before talking to you is enough to tell me she's playing games with you. She needs to find a doctor, who will counsel her on her decision. Frankly, a doctor is not going to give someone assisted suicide until they're almost at death's door.

I know from your vantage point it doesn't feel like she's doing something wrong, but it is not an honor to carry your mother's burden at 16 years old. You are too young to take on the level of emotional maturity that is needed.

You are not an equal adult to her, which makes it harder. You are still the child, and because of that you don't have the same boundaries that would be afforded to an equal adult.

She really needs to talk to a therapist, not lean on you for support for this.

You need to think about your own needs right now without feeling guilty about it. You can still love her while setting firm boundaries. Your mother needs to talk to a therapist, find a doctor, and finalize plans before dumping this all on her child.

Its kind of annoying you assume she hasnt talked to therapists and doctors and they will allow her to do so because she wont be able to even feed herself with the rate shes deteriorating. Saying shes toying with me because she asked me if im ok with how she chooses to die while shes not a skeleton of a human being tells me she is. Im pretty sure if anyone was dying induced or not knowing you're slipping away is terrifying. I dont care if you say youre not scared at all you will be when the time comes. Frankly I find it rude that you assume its abuse because she thinks of me enough as an equal to ask me what i thought of her choice. Im scared for her not for me. I dont want her to be alone in life or death.

[sp00ki spaghetti]

THANKS to everyone who understands thr circumstances i appreciate youre support she has made a plan and is ready to go. Im fully capable to help her through it and im not afraid my emotions arent clouded as they were when i first posted. Thanks everyone!!!

[Tigress Dawn]

CumsterDumpster

Tigress Dawn

CumsterDumpster

Tigress Dawn

Ok.

Time for adult talk.

First: emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug

Your mother is not thinking clearly right now. Not for wanting to commit suicide, but for asking her child to step up and provide this level of support. You don't ask your child who isn't even fully grown yet to watch their mother die. She is only thinking about her pain and how afraid she is, not about the long term picture and implications here.

It seems like a beautiful thing in theory. But the reality is, it is not guaranteed that it will go smoothly.

The body shutting down is not always a graceful thing. My grandmother died in her sleep naturally and came back for one last horrifying gasp. Your mother's body could convulse, her lungs could reflexively gasp for air. There's a lot of physical mechanisms the body does when it's on deaths door as pure survival instincts, and you need to be prepared for that.

If you can't handle it, you need to say no. At the end of the day, your mother will be dead and have no more to worry about. But you will, so you need to think about what's best for you.

I think a fair compromise would be you're with her on the day, then walk out when she takes starts the process of dying. If she's alright with a permanent solution like this, then she needs to be alright with seeing it through without causing psychological trauma to her children.

I don't want to leave her alone during the scary part though you know?

If she's afraid of death, then she isn't ready to die.

What she's doing is wrong, and it is not normal. You are the child, and doing this is emotionally making you the parent or adult to fulfill her needs. Look up Emotional Parentification. What she's doing is emotionally abusive and manipulative. The fact that she hasn't finalized any plans before talking to you is enough to tell me she's playing games with you. She needs to find a doctor, who will counsel her on her decision. Frankly, a doctor is not going to give someone assisted suicide until they're almost at death's door.

I know from your vantage point it doesn't feel like she's doing something wrong, but it is not an honor to carry your mother's burden at 16 years old. You are too young to take on the level of emotional maturity that is needed.

You are not an equal adult to her, which makes it harder. You are still the child, and because of that you don't have the same boundaries that would be afforded to an equal adult.

She really needs to talk to a therapist, not lean on you for support for this.

You need to think about your own needs right now without feeling guilty about it. You can still love her while setting firm boundaries. Your mother needs to talk to a therapist, find a doctor, and finalize plans before dumping this all on her child.

Its kind of annoying you assume she hasnt talked to therapists and doctors and they will allow her to do so because she wont be able to even feed herself with the rate shes deteriorating. Saying shes toying with me because she asked me if im ok with how she chooses to die while shes not a skeleton of a human being tells me she is. Im pretty sure if anyone was dying induced or not knowing you're slipping away is terrifying. I dont care if you say youre not scared at all you will be when the time comes. Frankly I find it rude that you assume its abuse because she thinks of me enough as an equal to ask me what i thought of her choice. Im scared for her not for me. I dont want her to be alone in life or death.

I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear. I really do wish the best for you and your mother.

Just don't be afraid to tell her no if you aren't feeling 110% ok with it.

[Tsubahi]

I am VERY sorry you have to go through this. sad

But just tell your mother that you can't bear to be with her when she goes and that you still love her very, very much all the same.

And, be sure that you didn't inherit the same disease from her, too. confused