my friend is creeping me out.

[And The Sun Shines]

really sorry for this wall of text, you can skip to "onto the point" bit if you want aha, it`s mostly rambling/background info.

it isn't like i haven't tried to let him down gently. i have a boyfriend that i am (was? ******** let's not go there) happily with, and i was sure to inform him of that and he understood. it's just a nice precursor of, "hey, i'm not sleeping with you."

i know he likes me, i've known he's liked me for like half a year now, and i've tried to keep up friendship relations when he is too touchy-feely and buys me things and comes to my dorm to drop off girl scout cookies or whatever. he even tries to impress me on League of Legends. like.. i'm sorry, you aren't better than me and getting frustrated about it is not attractive (kinda irrelevant but annoying nonetheless).

he became more aggressive about his advances during the recent fight i had with my boyfriend. he did the standard "pester me" routine and i informed him i'd had a shitty day and didn't want to do anything with him. i suppose i tend to just blow him off a lot (since the amount of time he wants to spend with me is unreal) so he's started ignoring it ? which is creeper sign number one, by the way. when i finally admitted to boyfriend trouble it got a lot worse. he`d come over unannounced and i`d have to answer the door - i have a roomate so the time`s i haven`t she does. he doesn`t let me leave his presence without some "hug quota" which, despite mentioning that i have a distaste for touchy things like that with people, is completely ignored. he`ll pick me up, spin me around, squeeze me, and i tell him he shouldn`t do these things and he thinks it`s cute or something. i`m a grown woman. it isn`t cute. it`s creepy.

ANYWAYS ONTO THE POINT

anyways. friday night i was playing some games with friends of mine with my headphones on, when one of them mentioned they heard a knocking sound. my roommate leaves friday - sunday to see her boyfriend, i think ? i never really asked where she went but anyways. i turn off my music and lo and behold.. someone`s knocking on my door. it`s 3 am. i start to panic, because i`m an 18 year old girl all alone in a college dorm and i forgot to lock the door after i got home from class. i think some guy`s gonna come in and i don`t really know, bad things, and my friends are trying to calm me down and eventually advise me to lock the door before they try to open it.

so yeah, i go do that, because the knocking is now pounding and it sounds like someone really wants inside. by now i`ve realized it`s probably some drunk person who lost the key to their dorm and thinks that my dorm is theirs, so wants inside. when i check the peephole, though... its this kid. 3 am. he doesn`t live in my building, even, and i live on the second floor so its not like its an idle walk to my place or anything. it takes a conscious effort. i`m a little miffed but i don`t want to answer, so i go away, because any normal person would be asleep at 3 am so he should just go away.

when i go to sit back down, i hear the door knob being turned. oh my god he was going to come inside, guys. i`m still freaking out. i haven`t actually gone outside since because that is terrifying. i hear more knocking for a bit and it finally fades away, and i proceed to panic while my friends crack jokes about the guy and how creepy he is. it cheered me up, for what it`s worth, but sleeping was hard that night. ugh. it`s still hard. it`s 4:30 am here aha.

he messaged me yesterday night [ in a group chat ] saying something like, "if i was just a little more drunk i`d totally come over like i wanted to last night".

i`m sure he thought i`d slept through his INCESSANT BANGING, KNOCKING, AND ATTEMPT TO OPEN MY DOOR, but made an idle comment about it because he was drunk. i thought about it for a long time before commenting that he did visit - because someone had been banging on my door and "woke me up" the night before. he immediately switched to private chat and said he was really sorry, which was his only response when i tried to explain to him why you shouldn`t do that to people.

not to mention i already have a problem with drunk people, and he knows this. i get that drunk people do whatever the hell they want, but that`s just really scary to me. like, he wanted to come inside my dorm at 3 am, regardless as to whether i let him in or not.

what do i do ? seriously. i`m taking a break from college next semester due to many factors, but he is definitely one of them ... the only advice i`ve gotten is to steer clear; there are only 2 weeks left of classes before i can never see him again, i just have to tough it out... but i want the problem resolved. i`m done being his friend after this, i think, because wow the creep factor is unreal... but i`d like to have him get why you can`t just creep on pretty girls ? idk.

[StreetchIck123]

What the ********? Stop being a pushover and seriously tell him to ******** off. He is DEFINETLY NOT A FRIEND. A downright creeper and the way he interpreted that message seems like he wanted to take advantage of you. It could have been worse.

You need to cut off all contact with him, no excuses. He DOESN'T RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES. He seems not right in the head, you don't know what kind of person you are dealing with.

Next time he contacts you, tell him you'll call the police for harassing and file a restraining order. It seems like you are letting him walk all over you and stop being a pushover and no means no. I'm serious, I would be holding a knife if it were me and he was banging the door in my doors. I would've call the police if he didn't leave.

Contact the RA and tell them the situation. They will make sure you get to your dorms safe, it is there job. Tell security campus police how he is making you uncomfortable. BLOCK EVERYTHING FROM HIM.
I am not kidding.

Also, do not let him control your life. Don't be in fear of going to school because of him. Don't let it effect your schoolwork because of one guy.

[GamerAce91]

I really wouldn't define this dude as a "friend", just a creeper. Probably need to tell him straight up that his actions are unacceptable as a friend, if he doesn't listen drop him completely. But he does sound like the guy that thinks "no" doesn't mean anything.

[And The Sun Shines]

StreetchIck123

i'm a pretty big pushover, i suppose, yeah. i hate when my requests fall on deaf ears. he'd been pretty fine before the whole boyfriend trouble thing so i hadn't really thought it to be too much of a problem.

there are a lot of factors for me leaving this school in particular, i would have done it without this seeing as next semester i get a new room and all that. he'd never find me. you are right though; i've been far too nice about it so he's probably got some sick idea that i like him, too, or something.

this campus is really safe but i do have a knife on me, i just don't really know how threatening i am with a knife considering how small i am aha. thanks, though, i don't know why i didn't think of telling my RA about this. she'd help me out. i should have gone to her much sooner, like.. that saturday morning. i'll talk to her in the afternoon today.

GamerAce91

i mean, his actions before were more akin to a socially awkward kid who didn't really get that girls can be your friend and not like you. it was kind of a warning sign but we liked the same things and he seemed pretty cool, so i brushed off the awkward thing because, hey, i'm pretty awkward too i'd say.

i have told him not to contact me and he's done that so far for an astonishing record of like.. 24 hours. i don't know if it will persist but if it doesn't i'm going to do as suggested and get police involved.

[GamerAce91]

And The Sun Shines

There is a massive difference between being socially awkward and being a creeper/stalker. Him not contacting you is a good sign, you might not have to escalate things. I'd break the friendship thing off though, he still is a security concern though.

[uralxium]

tell him to leave you the ******** alone.
why even bother being nice to him,
he's being a disrespectful b*****d to you?
just say it as it is.
he's just wrapped up in his own wants,
like a little child,
disregarding your needs.
no one who truly likes you would be like that.

tell him to ******** off and leave you alone,
his persistence isn't appreciate and he's creepy.
imagine if you let him in that night?
or imagine if he had gotten in?
i don't even want to think of what he might have done.
threaten to go to the police if he doesn't leave you alone.
just do/say whatever you can.
and do it in a public place so there are others around,
you don't know how he might react.

[legnanellaf5]

Look he isnt your friend at all and this ignoring him and brushing it off isnt enough. Because he thinks it is okay to harrass you, to touch you without your permission and to come into your place when HE wants to. That isnt stuff you brush off. So stop being nice. Stop leetting it be seen as okay for him to continue to do this to you. Stop just explaining that it isnt okay and start being harsher. Becuase all your are doing by avoiding this and just hoping he 'gets' it is that you are just waiting until he does this to another girl. You may be done the semester in 2 weeks, but he is still going to be in school I bet.

Be mean, tell him off. Call your RA if he tries to come in unannounced, etc. Get the path to kicking him out of school started.

[Whisper the Lightbringer]

The one BIG issue here is that to him, the "door is still open" as it were. He now believes that you and your boyfriend are not happy, and that all he has to do is "win you." State, CLEARLY, that you are with your boyfriend, and the two of you are working things out. Even if you DON'T in the end, it's none of this guy's business, but it will be a wake up call that there IS no chance for what he wants to happen. If he won't take no for an answer, it really is restraining order time. If this has gone on so long that you have to take a break from college over it, that tells me that he's not going to stop. Either way, don't be nice anymore. Be very VERY direct with him that you do not want a relationship with him now or ever.

[Sky Blue Faerie]

I wouldn't wait for him to contact you again, I'd let the authorities know right now that he tried to enter your dorm without your consent. That right there is serious. And if you don't report him he may do the same thing to another girl someday. She may not get her door locked in time.

[xXFurygeistXx]

I'd tell him you are cutting contact and you don't want him to bother you ever again. Make it clear that even if he changes his behavior, you still don't want him to be a part of your life. He scares you and nothing he does is going to change that. His constant overstepping of your boundaries, how he doesn't care that he's making you uncomfortable, that even after you've told him that single or no you and him will never happen...all of that and his current stalkerish behavior has made it clear to you that he is not in this for your friendship, that he thinks you owe him a relationship or sex, and that he does not understand how to obey other people's boundaries. Tell the RA that this dude tried to get in your room without your permission and that he comes over whenever he feels like it and you don't feel safe. If you have to talk to law enforcement about a restraining order, go for it. Block him on your phone, email, and social media. If he still manages to contact you, save the messages as evidence to help you get a restraining order. Tell your friends and family to never tell him (or anyone you've never explicitly said okay to) any information about you, where you are going, where you are, if you are alone, how to contact you. Please don't be alarmed, but I would suggest you carry mace or something to defend yourself with. This dude was ready to force his way into your room. You don't know what he's capable of and it's better to be prepared. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. Take it as a lesson learned. The minute you get these vibes from anyone, you tell them to ******** right out of your life. They can be dangerous, and are overall toxic to your mental and emotional health. Please, push yourself to learn not to let people to walk all over you like this. Try to spot the signs early and boot people like this out of your life. Keep safe, okay?

[esainactiveacc]

Oh my, he doesn't seem like a friend at all, he seems the exact opposite.

I would advise you to not contact him in anyway.

[And The Sun Shines]

thank you for the encouragement everyone. you`re all right, of course. the stress he was causing me by not understanding how to back off has been pretty huge in my life. a mutual friend of ours spoke to me today about him - it seems he`s been pretty weird to everyone he knows in different ways and nobody is happy with him. it seems he made some advances at a girl he knew at a comic-con he went to, as well. she likes him, or so i`ve heard, but i don`t know her so all i can do is pass on the message through my mutual friend and beg him to warn her. beg him to tell her that he came to my door.

i told everyone i know, including my father, about this incident, but with two weeks left of school i think just letting the RA know about him and asking her to ask him to leave if he comes around should be good enough. it`s difficult to remove him from my contacts right now, but i`ve settled with informing him i don`t want to speak with him. i plan to remove him completely when i head back home, because i`ll never see him again. i should have been more firm - i`ve always been bad at that and most of the friends that have helped "build my spine" are not at school with me. i moved 4 hours away from home; from my best friends, my father, my brother, my boyfriend.. and it was far too much for me on top of school stress. it`s sort of turned me into the type of girl he probably thought he could take advantage of, and i realize that but it scares me all the same.

this was a lesson learned, though, for sure. something bad really could have happened to me and i`m really glad i got my door locked in time. i`m too trusting, it seems, but beyond that just ignorant of my own uneasiness towards him. i should have known, and... i did, in a sense. i was just unwilling to tell him to leave because he was a pretty cool guy usually. now i just have to de-stress and study for finals @__@