My father is cheating

[Automatic Alix]

To summarize the situation; My dad's having an affair with a woman who can easily be considered my mom's best friend, and who was like an aunt to me.

He told me when I got home on Wednesday, having already told my mother that morning during a 'fight'. I walked out, cried, and didn't talk to him for the rest of the night.

The morning after, I broke down in tears, and my mom and I took the day off from work and school respectively, and we went to see a counselor.


I know my parents weren't happy together, but I never thought my dad would stoop to this.
Not only that, but the other woman, someone I trusted and looked up to, was married at the time, and had the nerve to visit us after he spent Christmas eve with her.

I'm confused, and I have no idea how I'll ever be able to look at my dad again, let alone respect him.
Two adults I trusted have, at the risk of sounding selfish, betrayed me.

What the hell do I do?
I cry constantly, and yes, I'm aware that it's only been two days since he dropped the bomb on us, and that things will eventually get better, but I could still use some advice.

How can I look at him again?
It's not like my parents can really separate; money won't allow it just yet.

I'm lost, and I have no idea how to react, or how to think.

[Volrezzo]

That does sound like very rough situation, and I'm sorry you had to go through it. I don't know if this will help, but try to realize, everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has lapses in judgement. That doesn't justify it, but it may help you realize his thinking process. It may take a while but it won't be impossible to forgive him, and work on re-strengthening the relationship. I'm sure he still loves you.

[Automatic Alix]

Thank you.
It does help a bit.

[Volrezzo]

I'm glad I was able to help some. Hopefully going to a counselor with your mother will help more, and take time to cry, and think about it, it might take a while, but it is possible to get through this smile

[Violet-Shay]

You took a step in the right direction by seeing a counselor, and I think it would be a good idea for you father to see someone as well.
This is in no way your fault, and I'm terribly sorry this happened.
I do think you should tell your dad how you feel in the most respectful way possible.
Tell him something like "You hurt me you hurt mom, you sicken me right now, I need time to work through this etc" It will be hard because of his lapse in judgement and you have every right to tell him that, but don't do something you will regret.
Hopefully you will be able to trust and respect him again in time.

[Kanto_Yellow]

Automatic Alix

Counselor was a wise move, and a good step, for you and your mother.
I think you should tell your father how you feel, as politely and calmly as you can.
You have every right to tell him he hurt you and your mother, and he betrayed you both.
You have every right to tell him how angry you are, and you feel you can not be around him right now, you deserve space between you both and he should respect that, he is an adult, not a child, he knew what he was doing, he knew the consequences, do not feel sorry for him, he was a selfish child when he cheated on your mother, not to be rude to him, but you owe him nothing, he owes you and your mother.
Hopefully you can build your relationship again, if you choose to, I personally don't speak to my father, and happier that way, he gave me too many hurts, my fiance does not speak to his mother, she hurt him too many times. If he keeps hurting you both numerous times, then you might wish to never see him again, but if this was a one off, it can be saved, but he'd need to know he's on ice, and he can lose you if he doesn't take this seriously.

Also the' aunt', if you see her, you have every right to tell her how you feel, and honestly, she has no right to ever speak to you or your mother again, if I was your mother, I'd kicked her out of my life, once a betrayer, always a betrayer in my experience, but entirely up to you both.
This is a very hard time, and you need space, understanding and time out of this, same for your mother, I also think your father should maybe stay with a friend for a night or two, not the women he cheated with though, so you can have a night or two of rest and him return in a day or two, so you are not running away from this issue, just more away from it, or stay at a friends?

[Automatic Alix]

iiKanto

Thank you.

My mom has kicked her out of her life; she refuses to talk to her, and I think I'll follow her lead.
The woman tarnished her image all by herself, and I'm not interested in hearing any of her excuses.

My dad's been staying out of the house, recently. He's not away from it, but I think he knows to give me some time and space to deal with things.

Violet-Shay

Thank you.
I think, once I calm down enough, I'll talk to him.
I hope I'll be able to trust, or at the very least, respect him, again.

[StreetchIck123]

Ive been in a situation like this before, but my parents are still together because of the children -.-

Dont blame yourself at all for what your father did, what hes done is one of the most selfish acts a human can do to another. Personally I would be confused and angry, but its okay.

I really suggest you not to speak to him or her for awhile, maybe eventually tell him both how you feel about it. Because it seems like theyre putting you in he middle of it.

[Automatic Alix]

StreetchIck123

Thank you.

I'm trying to avoid him as best I can right now, if only so I can compose my thoughts.
But yeah, they kind of did put me in the middle of everything. I know my mom would've preferred for me to find out in another way, once they'd resolved the problems, or thought of some kind of solution. That obviously didn't happen, however. ^^;;

[Doctor g r a c i e]

Hes still a person.. People that arent happy do whatever they feel will help to feel better. Even though it was probably a quick fix and didn't make him feel any better, probably worse.. he's still your dad, he didn't cheat on you with another daughter.

This is between your mom and your dad, it's their relationship, its something they did to make him do this and its something they need to do to fix it.

There's nothing you can do, he's still human and human's make mistakes.

[Automatic Alix]

Doctor g r a c i e

While that is true, do you expect me to accept what he's done, and still look at him like a role model?

And I'm not looking to fix their relationship; I'm mature enough to know a lost cause when I see one.
I'm asking for advice on how I can talk to him again, not on how my mom and dad can get back together.
I'm well aware that people make mistakes, and I know that people want to be happy. I acknowledge my dad wasn't happy, and that he's happy with this other woman.
That doesn't change the fact that he betrayed our trust, and that he's no longer the man I thought he was.
That's what I'm upset about.

[Doctor g r a c i e]

Automatic Alix

Doctor g r a c i e

While that is true, do you expect me to accept what he's done, and still look at him like a role model?

And I'm not looking to fix their relationship; I'm mature enough to know a lost cause when I see one.
I'm asking for advice on how I can talk to him again, not on how my mom and dad can get back together.
I'm well aware that people make mistakes, and I know that people want to be happy. I acknowledge my dad wasn't happy, and that he's happy with this other woman.
That doesn't change the fact that he betrayed our trust, and that he's no longer the man I thought he was.
That's what I'm upset about.

Would it have been better if they broke up officially first over paper and then he went with this other woman?

Or does the official word 'divorce' need to be be introduced before a couple is officially no longer in love, or in a relationship.

I dont see how this can change what kind of father he is to you. If they were no longer in an emotional, loving, committed relationship but were still married I dont see why that matters.

[Kaname_Is_Here]

Automatic Alix

To summarize the situation; My dad's having an affair with a woman who can easily be considered my mom's best friend, and who was like an aunt to me.

He told me when I got home on Wednesday, having already told my mother that morning during a 'fight'. I walked out, cried, and didn't talk to him for the rest of the night.

The morning after, I broke down in tears, and my mom and I took the day off from work and school respectively, and we went to see a counselor.


I know my parents weren't happy together, but I never thought my dad would stoop to this.
Not only that, but the other woman, someone I trusted and looked up to, was married at the time, and had the nerve to visit us after he spent Christmas eve with her.

I'm confused, and I have no idea how I'll ever be able to look at my dad again, let alone respect him.
Two adults I trusted have, at the risk of sounding selfish, betrayed me.

What the hell do I do?
I cry constantly, and yes, I'm aware that it's only been two days since he dropped the bomb on us, and that things will eventually get better, but I could still use some advice.

How can I look at him again?
It's not like my parents can really separate; money won't allow it just yet.

I'm lost, and I have no idea how to react, or how to think.

Mhmm, difficult situation. It's not your fault, so firstly, don't blame yourself.

Cheating, is a grey area.... it's not black and white.


You've done the right thing about counselling, but your mum and dad need to make a decision about whetther they are gunna stay together or not. It's not fair on anyone holding on just because 'money won't allow it'