My family doesn't get the problem of PTSD from rape

[Slick Spiderbro]

Next month it will be 5 years from being violently date raped. I was sober the whole time and so was my then....s**t I can't even call him an ex....he's a scumbag through and through.

I come from a family that has a history of military and repressing any concept of mental illness. It's something that one just "pushes away" and be done with it, and it's a mindset that has carried for three generations and still very strong.


I've tried to explain to them that this isn't me "slacking off" or "acting up" or just being inconveniently immature instead of acting my age. Bit hard when your own mom tells you that you deserved to be raped for sleeping around (aka having premarital sex).

There are some things I cannot stand to smell, see or taste. One of them is mango. I was refusing to eat a salad my aunt had made until I knew exactly what was in it and was getting a lot of s**t for it. I'm not sure how to casually say that her salad had a food item in there that was triggering mental flashbacks about being sexually assaulted over dinner.

I ended up drinking a lot of wine and beer to numb my emotions because it was bothering me so much, and I ended up running to the bathroom to puke afterwards.

I really don't know how to deal with my family like this. I'm job searching to become more financially independent so I can move out but...I'd just really like some kind of tips to handling myself or family members who are so obtuse e____e

[StreetchIck123]

Have you seemed therapy for it?

[Vanilla Layer]

You poor thing... I don't have PTSD, and it certainly wasn't violent for me, (my ex chose to get me drunk since I hadn't shown interest in sex in a while. Cried the whole time...) but I can empathize with you. My family isn't the most understanding, either, but they at least try. Have you tried support groups...? Or therapy, if your family can afford it? I don't have any tips on how to deal with them, but they might.

[Slick Spiderbro]

Vanilla Layer

. Have you tried support groups...? Or therapy, if your family can afford it? I don't have any tips on how to deal with them, but they might.

StreetchIck123

Have you seemed therapy for it?

I am actually going through therapy right now, but it's due to end soon because it's free from the state and there's only a certain amount of time I'm allotted. If I had medical insurance, I'd be going elsewhere, but I don't have that either, so I'm looking for a full time job so I can get both the money I need and access to medical services on a more consistent basis.

My problem is more talking to my family and trying to get them to understand why I am struggling (and honestly I'm so much better than I was even a year ago when the mental breakdown hit me really hard).

[Vanilla Layer]

Slick Spiderbro

Vanilla Layer

. Have you tried support groups...? Or therapy, if your family can afford it? I don't have any tips on how to deal with them, but they might.

StreetchIck123

Have you seemed therapy for it?

I am actually going through therapy right now, but it's due to end soon because it's free from the state and there's only a certain amount of time I'm allotted. If I had medical insurance, I'd be going elsewhere, but I don't have that either, so I'm looking for a full time job so I can get both the money I need and access to medical services on a more consistent basis.

My problem is more talking to my family and trying to get them to understand why I am struggling (and honestly I'm so much better than I was even a year ago when the mental breakdown hit me really hard).

The only thing I can suggest is look for an online support group or sit them down and tell them straight.

[Slick Spiderbro]

Vanilla Layer

The only thing I can suggest is look for an online support group or sit them down and tell them straight.

...guess I'll have to look for more support online because telling them straight didn't do a damn thing

[Vanilla Layer]

Slick Spiderbro

Vanilla Layer

The only thing I can suggest is look for an online support group or sit them down and tell them straight.

...guess I'll have to look for more support online because telling them straight didn't do a damn thing

I'm sorry, dear. No one ever deserves to be raped. I wish there was something I could do...

[Petrograd]

Slick Spiderbro

Next month it will be 5 years from being violently date raped. I was sober the whole time and so was my then....s**t I can't even call him an ex....he's a scumbag through and through.

I come from a family that has a history of military and repressing any concept of mental illness. It's something that one just "pushes away" and be done with it, and it's a mindset that has carried for three generations and still very strong.


I've tried to explain to them that this isn't me "slacking off" or "acting up" or just being inconveniently immature instead of acting my age. Bit hard when your own mom tells you that you deserved to be raped for sleeping around (aka having premarital sex).

There are some things I cannot stand to smell, see or taste. One of them is mango. I was refusing to eat a salad my aunt had made until I knew exactly what was in it and was getting a lot of s**t for it. I'm not sure how to casually say that her salad had a food item in there that was triggering mental flashbacks about being sexually assaulted over dinner.

I ended up drinking a lot of wine and beer to numb my emotions because it was bothering me so much, and I ended up running to the bathroom to puke afterwards.

I really don't know how to deal with my family like this. I'm job searching to become more financially independent so I can move out but...I'd just really like some kind of tips to handling myself or family members who are so obtuse e____e

Wow. Sorry to hear about your PTSD man. I got it since a work accident in 2003. We have a support thread on Gaia, you're welcome to join us! Link!

My dad's reaction was similar to your family's. He told me to 'just get over it', which as you know is as helpful as telling someone in a wheel chair to 'just walk'.

Your mother's reaction is also directly detrimental. I don't think I've met anyone with PTSD who DOESN'T feel guilt over how it happened, regardless of if they caused it in any way, shape or form. Obviously having pre-marital sex is not usually punished by forced-rape, so no, you DID NOT IN ANY WAY deserve what happened to you.

Have your therapist tried informing your family how debilitating PTSD is?

Don't they know anything from their military colleagues, PTSD is pretty common there? Maybe you can ask someone there to clue them in?

Like you say triggers suck. If they wont listen to your complaints you can try saying you're allergic to mango or something neutral Kinda sucks though.

[Slick Spiderbro]

Petrograd

Have your therapist tried informing your family how debilitating PTSD is?

Don't they know anything from their military colleagues, PTSD is pretty common there? Maybe you can ask someone there to clue them in?

Like you say triggers suck. If they wont listen to your complaints you can try saying you're allergic to mango or something neutral Kinda sucks though.

Thanks for the link! emotion_c8

No, and even if she did, I don't think they would listen. I've tried to sit down and explain it like I would with a case (I was in nursing school until I had to drop out because my breakdown was so bad it severely affected my grades). Most I got was that my mom asked me if I became gay because I got raped.

:/

And she was dead serious, too.

Unfortunately I don't know their military buddies well enough to contact them, and my folks don't really keep in touch.

I'm hoping I can get away with the mango allergy, but...ugh....

[Petrograd]

Slick Spiderbro

Thanks for the link! emotion_c8

No, and even if she did, I don't think they would listen. I've tried to sit down and explain it like I would with a case (I was in nursing school until I had to drop out because my breakdown was so bad it severely affected my grades). Most I got was that my mom asked me if I became gay because I got raped.

:/

And she was dead serious, too.

Unfortunately I don't know their military buddies well enough to contact them, and my folks don't really keep in touch.

I'm hoping I can get away with the mango allergy, but...ugh....

Ah, nods.

Well you can always try and say you really hate them and refuse to eat them. Of course just seeing them may be enough, and that's tricky to prevent if they don't listen.

I take it you've already asked your family to humor you even if they don't understand your illness.

You sound like you have a good understanding of your own illness, that helps.

[Slick Spiderbro]

Petrograd

Well you can always try and say you really hate them and refuse to eat them. Of course just seeing them may be enough, and that's tricky to prevent if they don't listen.

I take it you've already asked your family to humor you even if they don't understand your illness.

You sound like you have a good understanding of your own illness, that helps.

...I smelled curry and ran outside the house and drove off while sobbing uncontrollably, so I know they know that certain foods have a strong effect on me.

still doesn't stop them from giving me crap about it or to tell me to suck it up and eat it @_@


Thanks, I've done my own research and bounced around a lot of therapists and nursing school gave me an uncomfortably close up view of the medical side of illness.

Even knowing what I know it still peeves me about triggers like this and not knowing how to talk to my own family about it.

[Petrograd]

Slick Spiderbro

Petrograd

Well you can always try and say you really hate them and refuse to eat them. Of course just seeing them may be enough, and that's tricky to prevent if they don't listen.

I take it you've already asked your family to humor you even if they don't understand your illness.

You sound like you have a good understanding of your own illness, that helps.

...I smelled curry and ran outside the house and drove off while sobbing uncontrollably, so I know they know that certain foods have a strong effect on me.

still doesn't stop them from giving me crap about it or to tell me to suck it up and eat it @_@


Thanks, I've done my own research and bounced around a lot of therapists and nursing school gave me an uncomfortably close up view of the medical side of illness.

Even knowing what I know it still peeves me about triggers like this and not knowing how to talk to my own family about it.

Oh, nods.

Yeah I talked to an older guy in the 60's who had a hand injury 40 years ago. He didn't know much about illnesses (and think he was unaware of PTSD, dunno if he had it), but he told me he still "breaks" whenever he hears about someone injuring their hand.

There are ways to limit panic attacks due to triggers. Of course the main thing is (like you do), to walk away from them when managable. It'll help you feel more in control of them, which will make it easier to challenge them when you choose to.

When I get triggered I keep reminding myself the source doesn't intend to kill me, doesn't know I'm there, and has nothing to do with me.

That helps me 'not break apart', but I still get shaky and I still feel much better if I walk away from it.

[Slick Spiderbro]

Petrograd

Slick Spiderbro

Petrograd

Well you can always try and say you really hate them and refuse to eat them. Of course just seeing them may be enough, and that's tricky to prevent if they don't listen.

I take it you've already asked your family to humor you even if they don't understand your illness.

You sound like you have a good understanding of your own illness, that helps.

...I smelled curry and ran outside the house and drove off while sobbing uncontrollably, so I know they know that certain foods have a strong effect on me.

still doesn't stop them from giving me crap about it or to tell me to suck it up and eat it @_@


Thanks, I've done my own research and bounced around a lot of therapists and nursing school gave me an uncomfortably close up view of the medical side of illness.

Even knowing what I know it still peeves me about triggers like this and not knowing how to talk to my own family about it.

Oh, nods.

Yeah I talked to an older guy in the 60's who had a hand injury 40 years ago. He didn't know much about illnesses (and think he was unaware of PTSD, dunno if he had it), but he told me he still "breaks" whenever he hears about someone injuring their hand.

There are ways to limit panic attacks due to triggers. Of course the main thing is (like you do), to walk away from them when managable. It'll help you feel more in control of them, which will make it easier to challenge them when you choose to.

When I get triggered I keep reminding myself the source doesn't intend to kill me, doesn't know I'm there, and has nothing to do with me.

That helps me 'not break apart', but I still get shaky and I still feel much better if I walk away from it.

I've gotten better at handling triggers, I do my mantra, breathing exercises and grounding. It's when they come out of nowhere and unexpected. Like, I knew I couldn't handle the smell of jasmine or the flower or anything to do with it, or when I get nervous at seeing a white Honda civic while driving & other familiar triggers but I didn't expect food to have such a violent reaction from me.


And then my family gets offended because I refuse to touch/eat certain kinds of food, acting like I deliberately went out of my way to snub them.

e_____e definitely hoping to get a full time job soon since my free therapy from the state ends in a month

[Alyanora Tinidril]

I love you Slicky. I know how you feel.