my bf yells a lot...i want him to stop

[this rainbow lover]

Sounds like he needs some therapy. I would not put up with excessive yelling in a relationship, regardless of what set him off. It's borderline abusive, and if we cannot have an adult conversation without yelling, we don't belong in a relationship.

[beezeethebeesknees]

Blood Valkyrie

My boyfriend not only yells, but breaks things.
Scares the hell out of me.

I'd try talking to him about it when he's in a good mood.

My husband is the exact same way, I've learned that when he gets angry to just drop it or say I'm sorry even if he's in the wrong, that way we can readdress the issue later in a calm fashion.

Some of y'all have a very unrealistic take on relationships. People yell, some people are just really loud, people are just different & that's okay. He's not being a "spoiled brat", like we don't even know what the conversation is about, so how do you know she's not nagging his ear off? Yes, it's annoying, no one likes to be yelled at as much as people don't like yelling at people. You can say something calmly & be just as annoying as someone yelling. Maybe you're using his trigger words in an argument, if y'all are really serious, this can be worked out.

[Blood Valkyrie]

My boyfriend not only yells, but breaks things.
Scares the hell out of me.

I'd try talking to him about it when he's in a good mood.

[abby_lovely]

Sounds like he kind of has some issues with his temper, and as his significant other, he should talk to you more kindly than anyone in this world. So, it's something you should really talk to him about, because your thoughts and feelings are important. If he overreacts when you confront him, and you've done it reasonably, it might be a sign that things are not meant to be.

[Jaenie]

Could you give us a little more context about how these conversations start, continue, and end? Could you give us a few examples?

[Zultim]

Maybe it is part of his personality. You cannot change people; they will always be the way they are. If you ASK him to stop, he would not. You do not have to deal with it, but if you love him, you would have to understand that he would always yell whenever he is upset. He already proved that he does not want to listen to you; he talks over you voice. Yes, it's not abuse. It's annoying and loud.

Just know that if you want him to stop, he won't. He could take anger management classes, but do those even help?

That's the way he is....=(

[Nurse Kipsie]

What gets him angry and what are the topics of the loud conversations?

[L0LIS]

If he gets upset and begins yelling, do not yell back. Tell him it's okay, to relax or to please stop but say it in a gentle tone so he doesn't feel like you're trying to argue back because if you did so, of course it would make the situation worse. If you find that he is ignoring your requests to stop, you should move to a seperate room and wait until he cools off. Talk to your boyfriend about this and let him know that his constant yelling is unsettling just let him know exactly how you feel about this. You could suggest breathing exercises to him so he can use them when he is upset. Breathe in and out slowly and count to ten. If he doesn't try to make change and continues to let out his frustration through yelling, I would leave. This is not something you should put up with.

[Kuym Kkyt]

In the cold of night lay on top of him and say Shhh gentle warrior, You're fight is over now. and proceed to murder him.
....

Or talk to him about how you feel when he yells, try make him understand that it's not cool, If he doesn't listen just ignore him when he yells, Trust me it's the best way to make them look like a tool.

[Sky ina hentai]

I wouldn't stand for it, reputation or not he's acting like a spoiled little brat. That is not how you solve anything, how old is he because yelling like that is so immature. He knows it doesn't solve anything but it seems he's become used to it because that's how he usually gets his way. Kind of like a dog barking for food, if you keep giving him food while he barks hell just keep doing it and it will escalate. 3nodding You can try talking it out with him and get him to understand how bad it is, and how it makes him look. You are also sinking to his level because im sure he gets you to yell also, which can change you over time. He could possibly even get more abusive, i hope it works out of if not i would suggest leaving him.

[Ashachuu]

I can not STAND yelling.
Even if people are yelling at each other and I just happen to be in ear shot I get really uncomfortable and don't feel safe.
I dunno why i'm like that, prob from my parents yelling at each other when I was little.

You've gotta tell him that it's upsetting you and that he needs to calm down before talking to you so you're not both shouting at each other.
If he can't understand your feelings then he might not be worth your time.
You should never just put up with a guy yelling at your like that. It is very disrespectful.

[beanpean]

ectogasm

What about having him talk to someone?
Or have a talk with him yourself, and not the whole "you need to calm down" thing but a serious talk

If someone is yelling at me or just at me when they're mad at something I will take it as a threat and cry, even if they raise your voice at me. I hate yelling.

so will i, my boyfriend's very careful the way he says things because of it.

anywho op, like she said, have a talk with him yourself, say it bothers you or something.

[ectogasm]

What about having him talk to someone?
Or have a talk with him yourself, and not the whole "you need to calm down" thing but a serious talk

If someone is yelling at me or just at me when they're mad at something I will take it as a threat and cry, even if they raise your voice at me. I hate yelling.

[PeachyPosterior]

I don't have a tolerance for yelling during a fight and I don't think anyone should. When people get angry to the point of yelling they do and say stuff they normally wouldn't and it can even take them by surprise.

Does he at least acknowledge that when he yells it gets you upset? If not, that's red flag. If you haven't brought it up to him yet, you need to.
Don't tolerate yelling. Suggest both of you going and calming down before trying to talk things over. If he feels the need to yell then he's not calm enough to talk it over with you.
He can let out his stress and anger in other ways before you guys talk about whatever the problem is and he doesn't need to take it out on you with his tone/pitch of voice.

I will never tolerate yelling, it's one of those things that makes me feel anxious and unsafe and if someone can't respect me enough to talk to me in a normal voice, I don't want anything to do with them.

[ShaDawna]

when he gets upset
he doesn't realize how loud he gets
it's his rep anyways

but i hate it when people yell at me when i am totally calm
im not perfect
i really try not to provoke him
and yet it happens
i ask him to stop
but it doesn't

do i just have to deal with it
like accept it as who he is
or is there a way we can work on it
or he can

cuz our battles just turn into loud sht where nobody actually hears anybody because it's so charged
i feel disrespected
he talks right over me

but yet
it's not what i would consider abuse or anything
he doesn't tear me down too much, he's just brutally honest
i'm just tired