SchizoSpazz
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- Posted: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 07:37:36 +0000
I deal with that too. My mom is always getting after me, and has been for quite some time. She's thrown massive hissy fits, and the other day, called me and insisted that I didn't bathe or take care of myself and that's why I was fat and zitty and gross (I've tried arguing with her, but it goes nowhere, so I don't.), and the part that insulted me the most (and when I've told those around me, makes them laugh and wonder where the hell she gets off saying this) is that if I'm not going to 'take care' of myself, to put my daughter up for adoption (who is a baby and doesn't care what I look like as long as she is loved). This is a call that was a half hour long and 15 of those minutes were easily spent berating my appearance, lack of motivation and that if I don't care about myself, I should do my child a favor and give her up, because 'millions of people would want her, and by keeping her, I'm being selfish and if I truly loved her, I'd either take care of myself or give her up to somebody more competent'.)
The problem is her definition of 'taking care of myself' involves hours of doing my hair, make-up, going to the gym, counting my carbs, and all these other things that would divert a lot of attention from my baby. When we have to go see her, there's a freak out. I end up shaving, tweezing, scrubbing my skin raw, fretting over clothes (and the last time, I wore a shirt that every time I picked up my daughter or put a seatbelt on, the buttons were coming undone. My husband had brought a back up shirt, and I knew I'd later hear about wearing a big t-shirt to a birthday party, but I figured it was better than flashing people), and now my kid goes through the ringer. She gets bathed before we have to see her, she has changes of clothes, and we may not let her eat animal crackers because they're messy (she doesn't have teeth, so she just mashes them up with her gums and gets the soggy residue on her clothes, because I don't want to hear about how I'm not taking care of her either).
She's implied that my husband will cheat on me eventually if I don't weigh 115 pounds and not an ounce more (while I think that if I do weigh that, I'll look sick and anorexic, plus, it probably still won't be enough). To top it off, she doesn't even like my husband. She met him, and a couple of days later called me drunk to say he wasn't good enough for me. She acted like some brat who was somewhere she didn't want to be at my wedding, She once accused him of cheating on me (which those around us think is laughable because they don't see him capable of that), and I think the only reason she's being nice to him is because of our child, and that can now serve as blackmail ('if you're going to treat me like garbage, you can't see her wink
I do feel like all me and my siblings and my daughter are to her are these little pawns who job it is to make her look good. I'm failing because I'm doing my own thing.
I feel for my mom some though because her own mother (so my grandmother) is like that also. I initially didn't want a daughter because I didn't want to give her this legacy (although I've been told that since I know what it is that's happening, I won't do it.)
Sorry this is long. It helps to vent, and I guess you understand.
The problem is her definition of 'taking care of myself' involves hours of doing my hair, make-up, going to the gym, counting my carbs, and all these other things that would divert a lot of attention from my baby. When we have to go see her, there's a freak out. I end up shaving, tweezing, scrubbing my skin raw, fretting over clothes (and the last time, I wore a shirt that every time I picked up my daughter or put a seatbelt on, the buttons were coming undone. My husband had brought a back up shirt, and I knew I'd later hear about wearing a big t-shirt to a birthday party, but I figured it was better than flashing people), and now my kid goes through the ringer. She gets bathed before we have to see her, she has changes of clothes, and we may not let her eat animal crackers because they're messy (she doesn't have teeth, so she just mashes them up with her gums and gets the soggy residue on her clothes, because I don't want to hear about how I'm not taking care of her either).
She's implied that my husband will cheat on me eventually if I don't weigh 115 pounds and not an ounce more (while I think that if I do weigh that, I'll look sick and anorexic, plus, it probably still won't be enough). To top it off, she doesn't even like my husband. She met him, and a couple of days later called me drunk to say he wasn't good enough for me. She acted like some brat who was somewhere she didn't want to be at my wedding, She once accused him of cheating on me (which those around us think is laughable because they don't see him capable of that), and I think the only reason she's being nice to him is because of our child, and that can now serve as blackmail ('if you're going to treat me like garbage, you can't see her wink
I do feel like all me and my siblings and my daughter are to her are these little pawns who job it is to make her look good. I'm failing because I'm doing my own thing.
I feel for my mom some though because her own mother (so my grandmother) is like that also. I initially didn't want a daughter because I didn't want to give her this legacy (although I've been told that since I know what it is that's happening, I won't do it.)
Sorry this is long. It helps to vent, and I guess you understand.
