Mostly just venting, people who creep you out

[Mentats]

So I'm back at college and so far what this seems to mean for me is the return of creepy assholes.

And I'm not talking about the dudes that yell something at you and then call you a b***h when you don't answer. I'm talking about the guys who won't take no for an answer and keep pushing their idea.

I'll give you the example in a spoiler cause it's kinda big, that happened today, that honestly I can't see what the dude was trying to accomplish. (obviously get a date, but idk why he thought it would work)

~ So I'm sitting waiting for my next class to begin, this dude sits down next to me, for the next couple minutes I notice he keeps looking over at me until he finally goes, "Hey, you wanna know something?" I look over at him, notice he's talking to me and go, "suuuure?"
"You and me, we're in a relationship" I very quickly tell him, "No we are not" and this guy asks why. Like really, I have to tell you why?
So I tell him "I do not know you, you can't sit down and just say that you are in a relationship with someone and expect it to be"
"ah but I'm not saying, I'm declaring"
Let me tell you right now, that for the next five minutes this dude tried to argue with me and tell me that what I was saying was wrong, he thought he had a counter argument to everything I said, now I couldn't leave as my class was right there and the teacher is one of those if your homework isn't on my table when class starts I'm not taking it types. But eventually I go "Dude, I don't know you, we are not in a relationship, quite frankly you are being creepy, please leave me alone"
"But you see, I am sitting at least 2 feet away from you so I am not in your personal bubble and therefore are not creepy"
UGH, just ugh, really, the space isn't the creepy part, it's your declaration and your belief that you can just argue with me about it.
So I go, "I'm sure you don't mean to be creepy, but I am telling you right now you are being that wa-" He cuts me off "I'm a nice guy"
"I'm sure you are, but you do not understand that you can't just say stuff like that to strangers, you need a new pickup line cause it's not going to work"
"It wasn't a pickup line, I mean it"
At this point, I'm ******** sick of talking to this guy, I think I was being fairly nice (blunt but nice), and it's crazy that I had to argue with this guy, so I say very firmly, "I have nothing more to say to you, please leave me alone"
"But don't you see, were having a conversation and as it goes on, that moment of creepiness gets farther and farther away"
I say nothing, check my watch for the time.
"If you get to now me, you'll see that I'm a very nice guy, I'll be the best thing that ever happens to you."
Dude whose in my class, sitting across from us who has been giving me "is he serious looks" the entire time finally goes "dude, for the love of god, leave her the ******** alone." He tells him to mind his business, they are now arguing amongst themselves, teacher shows up, gives me a confused look, lets me in the class, the guys still argue outside for a good couple minutes finally my classmate comes inside and tells me that "He shouldn't be bothering you anymore, I made sure of it."

idk, I could go into what he exactly said the whole time but I got the important parts I believe and up until that point I was having a pretty nice day, so I guess my questions are.
- Should I have stood up for myself more? I feel like I should of but it was seriously creeping me out and the longer he tried to argue with me the more I started to feel unsafe and scared. Like dude got way to ******** passionate about it.
- You guys have any creepy men/or women stories? I feel as though this is way too common of a thing.
- what was he thinking, did he really think he could somehow think of a reason and I'd be all "OMG you're right, good point, i change my mind"
idk I guess just what's your overall opinion on the matter, it was ******** weird, not the first time a dude has been creepy to me but this is surely up there with the weirdest.

tldr; men are creeps,
inb4: NOT ALL MEN

[kinnykins]

repeat after me: "i'm not engaging with you anymore, do not speak to me." then silence. ignore ignore ignore. then if he bothers you again, report him for harassment.

[kinnykins]

what IS IT with these pua douchehats, they think they can debate their way into someone's pants.

[Mentats]

Kinny Fear

repeat after me: "i'm not engaging with you anymore, do not speak to me." then silence. ignore ignore ignore. then if he bothers you again, report him for harassment.

Basically be more blunt and straight to the point?
And yes on the report him for harassment thing, if he tries it again I'm going straight to campus police.

[Mentats]

Kinny Fear

what IS IT with these pua douchehats, they think they can debate their way into someone's pants.

IDK MAN, the whole thing was so confusing, like dude, you are NOT going to change my mind.
trying to argue that you are not a creep just proves it more, what are you trying to prove.

[kinnykins]

Mentats

Basically be more blunt and straight to the point?
And yes on the report him for harassment thing, if he tries it again I'm going straight to campus police.

that's the only way. guys have made up this thing called "she's playing hard to get."
it's a very dangerous idea, and it takes away our agency to say no. you need to be blunt. he'll probably call you a b***h, but just ignore it. this is a male-centric world, and until that changes it'll invariably be "bitchy" to want to be treated as an equal human being.

[Yeongri]

Ick, what a self-entitled gross toenail fungus.....
I never understand why people dudes... feel entitled to do that. I've luckily never come across anyone so disgustingly persistent while ignoring my distress like that, but I've had a few experiences where people just send the wrong vibes.

And I'm sure there's going to be some douchecanoe who'll respond with "omg women have to stop assuming all guys are creeps!!!"

We try not to...but it's the safest thing to do. When you start going into our personal space, persisting even when we're obviously uncomfortable or blatantly not interested, all that tells us is you can't understand "no", even in a conversational context. How are we to expect you to understand "no" in another (read: sexual) context?

(Some trigger warnings about sexual assault and rape under the cut)

And we can't be hypervigilante enough...if a woman so much as smiled at a guy and he raped her, she was asking for it. If she was polite to him first--oh my god what is wrong with her, it's her fault for not being upfront.

But we also can't be hypervigilante or we'll come off as bitches or whatever. AGH.

Anyway, rant over.

As for some stories...uhhh I was like, 13 and walking out of a doctor's officet. There were some (old) guys doing construction nearby...they catcalled me. I was thirteen.

Once when 15, and I crossed the parking lot into a very large and busy mall. I'm fairly large chested, and the empire-waist dress I was wearing at the time apparently didn't help matters. I walked by this car and this guy who looked older than my dad winked at me and made jerking off motions. Keep in mind that, to me, I was a very unattractive teenager.


I've had a guy persistently ask for my number even though I flat out said that I wasn't interested, neither in a romantic or new platonic relationship or hanging out or dates or WHATEVER. I had to miss a bus because I was trying to get away from him (I told him I was meeting my roommate at the walmart we were in, and he insisted on staying with me, or that I waited with him for his friend...)

Not too long ago, I was hanging out downtown Toronto with a friend. I heard this guy say "young lady!" from behind me, but I didn't know who he was calling so I just kept walking. He ended up walking in front of me, stopped me, and said, "young lady...I have you say, you are phenomenal!" which was probably a hyperbole by I guess sort of flattering. But then he went on to say, "you know, many men have one regret in life and that's not "trying" something....so I have to ask, are you available?" all the while vaguely motioning at his crotch.

Being Chinese, I'm pretty familiar with the concept of racial fetishization, and that whole "trying" thing had a whole other meaning to me.....

One of my friends in university had a pretty creepy dude following her around. He would literally just sit in one of the study rooms across from the room she's sitting (it's a glass room, basically, with some desks and stuff; there's two in the building and they're across from each other) and just stare at her. She's told him to stop, and that it makes her uncomfortable, but he does it anyway. He'll come into our class even though he's not a part of it, just to try to get to her. Creepily enough (apparently creepily is a word), he's done it to a friend of my roommate's, too.

I find it hard to stand up for myself, even when I'm uncomfortable, even though I'm usually a bit of a spitfire. I think it's just the shock of the situation--some people have been so outrageous that it's hard to respond any other way.

[Yeongri]

Kinny Fear

repeat after me: "i'm not engaging with you anymore, do not speak to me." then silence. ignore ignore ignore. then if he bothers you again, report him for harassment.

It sounds like a good idea, but it's actually kinda scary to do...especially after that douchebag shot a bunch of people because he kept getting rejected...[/size

[kinnykins]

Yeongri

It sounds like a good idea, but it's actually kinda scary to do...especially after that douchebag shot a bunch of people because he kept getting rejected...[/size

men are afraid women will laugh at them. women are afraid men will kill them.

[Mentats]

Kinny Fear

Mentats

Basically be more blunt and straight to the point?
And yes on the report him for harassment thing, if he tries it again I'm going straight to campus police.

that's the only way. guys have made up this thing called "she's playing hard to get."
it's a very dangerous idea, and it takes away our agency to say no. you need to be blunt. he'll probably call you a b***h, but just ignore it. this is a male-centric world, and until that changes it'll invariably be "bitchy" to want to be treated as an equal human being.

Very very true, but because of the way things are I'm honestly scared to be blunt about things.
Which I know is bullshit cause I should not have to fear for my safety for turning a man down, but I mean you hear all the time about women who get attacked cause they are being 'cold' or 'bitchy', and is this dude going to attack me? Probably not, but that chance is totally out there and that's a very scary and real thought man.

Dude didn't leave me alone till some other guy got in his face, and even then he argued with him.
Wtf am I supposed to do.

[kinnykins]

Mentats

Very very true, but because of the way things are I'm honestly scared to be blunt about things.
Which I know is bullshit cause I should not have to fear for my safety for turning a man down, but I mean you hear all the time about women who get attacked cause they are being 'cold' or 'bitchy', and is this dude going to attack me? Probably not, but that chance is totally out there and that's a very scary and real thought man.

Dude didn't leave me alone till some other guy got in his face, and even then he argued with him.
Wtf am I supposed to do.

i know but if you don't say no, there's no chance. men like that associate with dogs, it's why they call themselves the alpha. so be authoritative.
if you really fear your safety, protect yourself. learn a martial art, get a personal defense weapon, if it's lawful in your area.

[quayla666]

Go straight to campus police. Don't wait for it to happen again. The guy is a ******** creep.

I had this happen to me before, the only thing you can do is protect yourself. If he is this brash, then who knows what else he is capable of.

[Mentats]

Yeongri

Ick, what a self-entitled gross toenail fungus.....
I never understand why people dudes... feel entitled to do that. I've luckily never come across anyone so disgustingly persistent while ignoring my distress like that, but I've had a few experiences where people just send the wrong vibes.

And I'm sure there's going to be some douchecanoe who'll respond with "omg women have to stop assuming all guys are creeps!!!"

We try not to...but it's the safest thing to do. When you start going into our personal space, persisting even when we're obviously uncomfortable or blatantly not interested, all that tells us is you can't understand "no", even in a conversational context. How are we to expect you to understand "no" in another (read: sexual) context?

(Some trigger warnings about sexual assault and rape under the cut)

And we can't be hypervigilante enough...if a woman so much as smiled at a guy and he raped her, she was asking for it. If she was polite to him first--oh my god what is wrong with her, it's her fault for not being upfront.

But we also can't be hypervigilante or we'll come off as bitches or whatever. AGH.

Anyway, rant over.

As for some stories...uhhh I was like, 13 and walking out of a doctor's officet. There were some (old) guys doing construction nearby...they catcalled me. I was thirteen.

Once when 15, and I crossed the parking lot into a very large and busy mall. I'm fairly large chested, and the empire-waist dress I was wearing at the time apparently didn't help matters. I walked by this car and this guy who looked older than my dad winked at me and made jerking off motions. Keep in mind that, to me, I was a very unattractive teenager.


I've had a guy persistently ask for my number even though I flat out said that I wasn't interested, neither in a romantic or new platonic relationship or hanging out or dates or WHATEVER. I had to miss a bus because I was trying to get away from him (I told him I was meeting my roommate at the walmart we were in, and he insisted on staying with me, or that I waited with him for his friend...)

Not too long ago, I was hanging out downtown Toronto with a friend. I heard this guy say "young lady!" from behind me, but I didn't know who he was calling so I just kept walking. He ended up walking in front of me, stopped me, and said, "young lady...I have you say, you are phenomenal!" which was probably a hyperbole by I guess sort of flattering. But then he went on to say, "you know, many men have one regret in life and that's not "trying" something....so I have to ask, are you available?" all the while vaguely motioning at his crotch.

Being Chinese, I'm pretty familiar with the concept of racial fetishization, and that whole "trying" thing had a whole other meaning to me.....

One of my friends in university had a pretty creepy dude following her around. He would literally just sit in one of the study rooms across from the room she's sitting (it's a glass room, basically, with some desks and stuff; there's two in the building and they're across from each other) and just stare at her. She's told him to stop, and that it makes her uncomfortable, but he does it anyway. He'll come into our class even though he's not a part of it, just to try to get to her. Creepily enough (apparently creepily is a word), he's done it to a friend of my roommate's, too.

I find it hard to stand up for myself, even when I'm uncomfortable, even though I'm usually a bit of a spitfire. I think it's just the shock of the situation--some people have been so outrageous that it's hard to respond any other way.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Yea last year on campus their was this creepy dude that would follow around a s**t ton of women, and ask them constantly if they were single. I was very unlucky that I was one of those women, he would find out class schedules and follow people and just ******** creepy, and when he asked if you were single and you said no, he would yell, and i mean YELL, : "NO YOU ARENT YOU LYING b***h I NEVER SEE YOU WITH ANYONE" and you could do nothing but stare at him in ******** terror, cause the ******** do you do?
He finally stopped, wanna know why? Someones boyfriend beat him near death, which brought attention to administration (even though we all complained about him) and they banned him from campus.

And ugh, god, the men when your a minor is the worse, like come on people that's ******** disgusting. The same with racial fetishes, I knew some dudes who were dead set on only finding and dating Japanese women cause the way they saw it "they are docile and obeyed their husbands" like da fuq is that supposed to mean? how general can you get? not all men but yes all japanese women?

I don't know, it's horrible that we can recall all these experiences man, like when my guy friends hear about stuff that happened they are always like "ok so one dude did that to you?" and it's like no man, this isn't a one time thing, it's been happening for years to so many women it's not that ******** rare.

[kinnykins]

not all men are like that, but all men need to work towards changing the bad apples.

[Mentats]

Kinny Fear

Mentats

Very very true, but because of the way things are I'm honestly scared to be blunt about things.
Which I know is bullshit cause I should not have to fear for my safety for turning a man down, but I mean you hear all the time about women who get attacked cause they are being 'cold' or 'bitchy', and is this dude going to attack me? Probably not, but that chance is totally out there and that's a very scary and real thought man.

Dude didn't leave me alone till some other guy got in his face, and even then he argued with him.
Wtf am I supposed to do.

i know but if you don't say no, there's no chance. men like that associate with dogs, it's why they call themselves the alpha. so be authoritative.
if you really fear your safety, protect yourself. learn a martial art, get a personal defense weapon, if it's lawful in your area.

I have pepperspray, a taser, and one of those 'cat ear' brass knuckle keychains, I took boxing for a bit but I get what you're saying.
Thank you so much for your advice, it really means a lot, and I like the way you word/say things if that makes sense?