Misunderstanding with best friend

[Lantai]

So… I’m currently in a pickle with my best friend and roommate.

My situation: I’m poor as balls. I’m currently worried I’ll have to move out of my apartment because I might not be able to pay rent next month. In the midst of looking for a job.

Her situation: She’s never had money before, but now she has tons of it. She wants to go out and spend lots of money.

Our situation: I can’t go out with her anymore. I can’t afford to go to restaurants, to the movies, out dancing, anywhere. I can barely even handle studying on campus with her anymore because I study hungry (can’t afford to pack a lunch) and she likes to buy big meals and eat them in front of me – so I pack up and go home because I can’t really handle it. Also – because I’m currently so stressed and in lots of danger of getting kicked out, I’ve been struggling with the stress. The other day I finally snapped and came home crying my eyes out. I finally told her how worried I was, how worried I was that my friends didn’t like me anymore because I couldn’t spend time with them anymore, etc etc. She watched me, and once I was done, she went back to her textbook without saying anything. Usually, when she talks to me, it’s to tell me about how much money she spent at Costco with our other good friend, how they joined yoga together, how they did all this together, etc. Her mom comes by to say hi to us today, and she says, “Oh, and me and Claudia [the third friend] are going to Las Vegas in winter!” Her mom gave me a look as if to say ‘aren’t YOU her best friend?’

So after her mom left I say, “Aren’t you and I going to Cuba in spring?” She says, “Not anymore. Claudia says it’s sketchy so I’m going to Las Vegas with her in winter.”

In all – I feel like I’ve been traded in by my best friend. That’s really touch because we live together and I’m really aware of how obviously I’ve been replaced. I can’t even make more of an effort to hang out with them because I’m ridiculously poor. I joined a really prestigious group a while ago, so a lot of my spare time is taken up by them, but she gets really mad when I talk about it. I understand it to be because I have time to ‘hang out’ with that group, but no ‘time’ (really money) to hang out with her.

When I try to give her space and time, it gets worse. But I honestly can’t hang out with her when she’s off spending money. For example. I have to go to dinner with her and a bunch of friends tonight. I’m literally going to be ordering a glass of water. She, as she tells me, will be getting the lobster dinner. I’m going to be in agony.

What would you guys recommend in this situation? I’ve already told her how I feel about everything.

[Lashuri Chan]

Okay for starters if she isn't even gonna offer to pay for a meal or help you out why are you even going? Want water? Turn on your sink! Duh!

Anywyas sounds like you are in college, honestly i think you need to cut out that group you joined, it's not paying anything. Jobs are hard to find but you need to get to looking and snag-a-job is really helpful not to mention retail places are hiring for seasonal positions.

Now as for the "friend", seriously find another word to call her, I have one in mind.......anyways you already talked to her and she just looked and ignored you and already called off the Cuba trip. I wouldn't be friends with her and I have money!..........well........when I get paid sweatdrop

I think what you need to do is stop being friends with her and just see her a roommate and start worrying about and working on getting a job, not so you can spend time with her but so you can pay rent. Money or not you really need to drop her anyways.

[Inscriven]

Right now you need to stop playing this game with her. This isn't healthy for you, it's becoming emotionally destructive to your well being trying to keep up with her aspirations of being an OC bankrolled witch. It's making you feel like crap, it's destroying your self worth, and the most tragic part of it, it's causing physical pain because you pretty much have to starve just because you're trying to save face.

They're not worth it. She's not worth it. I'm not convinced that she actually wants your company to want your company. Because if she did, she wouldn't allow you to feel uncomfortable. She wouldn't let you go hungry, she'd actually care about you.

I think for some ******** up reason, she enjoys seeing you suffer like this.

Ditch the c**t. Stock up on ramen and canned veggies, and focus on your own life. Don't get too attached to your new group because if you happen to find a job with wonky hours you should absolutely take it, even if it means giving that up.

You need to walk your own path, don't feel like you need to be around her. You don't even need to be friends to live together. You're just roommates, treat it like that from now on.

[weeneez]

As Inscriven has said, ******** this b***h. She's greedy and she only cares about people who can blow money along with her. I want to know how she maintains all this money as a college/university student and can afford a ******** lobster dinner.

Don't worry about her and worry about yourself. You don't need friends like her anyway.

[Mightelove]

That, my dear child, is not a friend. That's someone that likes to make you feel like dirt so she can feel better about herself. She likes to see you suffer, she doesn't care about your feelings, she doesn't really want to do anything with you except watch you struggle along and suffer and be anxious and uncomfortable.

Perhaps you were friends at one point. Something seems to have gone sour over the years. Were you, perhaps, somewhat insensitive when she didn't have money and you did? How long have you two actually known each other?

Anyway, just stop. No more trying to hang out with her or being friends with her. Focus on yourself and your problems and get yourself through this difficult time as well as you can.

[Nawty_Nazi]

Lantai

...Why is this person your friend? *correction* Why is this person still your friend?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd take this as a learning lesson. You know that phrase "See who your real friends truly are." ...Yeah, this situation has that written all over it.

Another very important thing to ask yourself to test friendship is this: "If the tables were turned, would they do the same for you."

Technically, you have to turn that around. Basically... if the tables were turned and you were the one who cam into money and you knew your friend was struggling... Would you sit there eating lobster while your friend sat there drinking water? ...would you brag about going to Vegas, go out to movies and dinner and yoga, and Cosco etc etc... knowing your friend was unable to do any of that stuff?

I know everyone is in different financial places, and those with more stable finances do more money oriented s**t... go shopping more, go out to "wine and dine" more etc--- but seriously, there's more to friendship than material s**t.

With my friends, if I had the money, I'd always pay for everyones s**t (Hell, I always offer, we fight over who pays the bill when we go out ANYWHERE)... If i was living with my friends and knew they couldn't pay rent, I'd offer to help, and if I was in the position to do so, I'd just tell them not to worry about it and pay me back when they could.

Again... friendship should be based on the social aspect of things. It's a person you trust, someone you share interests with, good times and bad. Obviously this "friend" of yours is what's referred to as a "Good weather friend"... meaning she's your friend during good times, but when things aren't going so well... she conveniently doesn't have time for you... and that's no true friend at all.

Now... this is only going off of the information you have given... maybe she used to be a better friend at one time and has changed recently, but even so, this is really up to you and what you want in a friend. I'm not saying she should be paying for everything all the time... but she should at least acknowledge and be considerate of your financial position. She could stay home and order a pizza you's could share and watch a movie once a week, and take you out with her once a week... not insist you sit there idle while she splurges ALL the time.

Perhaps this is a chance for you to meet other people... people who care about other people... not how much money they can splurge going out ALL the time. There is just so much more to a person than what's in their bank account, and in my opinion, that's what truly matters. Who the person is as a person. Their worth lies in who they are, not how much they money they make/spend.