Might need to get away from mom, but I don't know how to...

[Evaesis0]

Never, ever let your parents be the decider in what you want to do in life. If you want to be a teacher then you be a teacher and forget what she wants, She is not living your life, she is not going to have to pay your bills, and she is not going to be the one to deal with the consequences of what will happen if you do not have a full resume. Let me tell you a little about my mom, who is not to much different from yours. My mom is very self absorbent, mind you I also love my mother very much, but in lament terms....she is mean.

She is a bartender and has been for many years so it tends to alter how she acts around me sometimes. I'm 28 and live with my grandmother (her mother) to help her out and in ways to help me out because at the moment I just can't afford to live on my own. I have many medical problems and many hospital bills that are taking most of my paycheck to pay. Due to the fact I live with my grandmother and even though my mom does not live here, she still sees it fit to control my life....even at 28. If I call off work because I'm sick or feeling depressed to the point I can't get out of bed for the fear of just having a break down, she will yell at me and mock me as well.

Very seldom my boyfriend (whom she does not like at all and has said so numerous times) will join my sister and friends at the bar she works at. Normally because she and I will drink free and our friends will get discounts. Now normally I play the DD but sometimes I am allowed to drink, these are the times I dread. For example, on my birthday I got rather drunk which is normal because it was my birthday and I had drinks and shots coming from everyone I knew. My best friend, who happens to be a guy, came down to celebrate with me. My mom does not like him and neither does my boyfriend due to the fact he is a male and we are very close. After he left my mom would catch me alone and would say mean things in my ear (IE: You are lucky Kyle loves you because no one will ever want you.) Things like that and the sad part is it is not the first time she has done so.

She also for the first 10 years of my life made me do beauty pageants, now the ones I did are not at all like the ones now. Though due to being forced to wear tons of makeup and tons of frilly dresses and outfits I found myself, even now, hesitant to wear make up or dress up. I feel more comfortable in a nice shirt and jeans, something I am mocked for and I am 28.

What I am getting at is that you are not alone in this and a lot of people have parents who drag them down. You need to stand up to her and let her know exactly how you feel. If she still says to get out then call her bluff. Growing up I did the same thing and before I could even get out the door she was stopping me. If this is what you truly want to do then she shouldn't stand in your way, it's wrong for her to try and make you live your life that way she wants.

If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me or I can give you my personal number and you can text or call me.

[XVNekioVX]

I'm not going to quote you. I'm going to forget the questions and just tell you a few things.
I'm disabled. Sad story. I was in a car accident when I was 16. My brother and high school sweetheart died. I had a stroke. I shattered my face and had reconstructive surgery on it. I have a brain injury from the stroke...
Let me tell you about my brother. Nothing he could do was wrong and everything I did was wrong. I have almost no self esteem and ridiculous issues with myself from the emotional abuse from my family while growing up.
My mother didn't raise my brother and me. She didn't have time for us. My grandmother took care of us and my grandfather worked constantly. After his death, I think guilt took over her. She would go into this rages and hit me. She refused me to see my friends. Anyone I dated needed her approval. I went to college only on the time schedule my grandmother could bring me. (Karma was my mom suddenly having unexplained grand mal seizures.)
I dated guys who watched my mom's episodes and never said a word about it. My current fiancé helped me get out. We went to a nearby city's police department for help. I got the run around, but finally got help at a place for people with disabilities or elderly.
Don't let your mom run your life. She has her own life to ruin. Look into moving in with a friend or maybe apply for section 8 housing or welfare. Get food stamps if you need, but get away from her. You need to take on jobs for your resume and she needs to understand that. That MA isn't going too do much good without a decent resume. Try explaining that to her?

[Alexander J Luthor]

1. Your mom is a c**t. There is no arguing, debating, or dancing around this. That is a shitty way to treat people, especially you; her daughter, and here's to her stubbing her toe on every corner in the house when she's looking for someone to yell at after you've flown the nest.

2. Definitely move out as soon as possible. If you can get this job, take it and run. Will you be getting your pay is weekly, twice monthly, or monthly payments? Knowing this is crucial because you'll need to factor in rent, bills, food, transportation, luxury items, basic necessities, savings, etc. I've found I do best on a weekly/bi-monthly basis.

I'm assuming that your rent is going to be a lot bigger than mine (I've never lived in a town of more than 125,000) so hopefully the wage inflation will be roughly the same for you, in which case every dime is life. I've bounced around from place to place since the day I moved out, and it's really not that easy if you're planning on working so few hours, even on salary. Actually especially on salary. I know plenty of people who made bank on hourly, then got promoted to management and, with salary, they were working the same ridiculous hours while losing at least 1/3 of their pay check. For a while I lived with friends while going to college and, so long as you trust each other, communal houses are fun as hell. Even though that didn't work out (drop out and a fractured leg) I'm on my own for the first time in a while and it's pretty nice to have a whole space to yourself. If you're not into people, though, I'd suggest looking into efficiency apartments. Some have stoves, some don't. Some have bathrooms, some have a closet with a toilet and a shower you can rub elbows in. I've heard communal apartments aren't that bad, but I'm paranoid about people taking my stuff from the fridge and laundry.

Your diet may change a lot. I was on ramen, a pound of beef, water, and whatever fresh fruits and veggies I could afford for a whole month on a few occasions. Oh and eggs, thank god for eggs. Cooking fresh is soooo much cheaper in the long run, as is buying in bulk. I'd say when looking for apartments, look at the fridge and storage. To save on food I buy giant bags of veggies, prep them how I want, seal them in baggies, and freeze what I won't use right away. Meat, too. I'm always in the habit of buying several pounds of ground beef and chicken breasts, sealing them in double or single serving bags, and freezing everything. I'd prep whole meals, but I don't have those nice freezer bags that suck the air out...

Start saving IMMEDIATELY. You never know when an accident will happen, so a safety net (even if it's just enough for a month of rent) is crucial. And think hard about weather you want a month-to-month or a yearly lease living situation. They both have their own benefits and faults. Month to month you can move out any time. Where I live right now, if you break your lease you don't get your deposit back, and mine was about $1000. If I keep this place nice I'll get it back, if I break the walls and junk they'll take what they need to repair everything. It's not unheard of for people to owe more than their deposit.

Keep yourself as healthy as possible. A lot of jobs today don't take any s**t and I got a verbal warning (two and I get a write up, and three write ups in a certain time frame get me fired) last year for being vomit-sick twice in one month. So much for job security, yeah? Buuuut we've gotta take what we can get. And as soon as I find something less precarious I'm telling these assholes to ******** off.

Do you have a phone? Or are your parents covering that? If you don't (or won't when you move out) track phones are nice and cheap, but sometimes they do screw you over by cutting your "month" short. If you go with a real plan, be very careful who you choose. Some companies are royal assholes and will do anything to trap you in a contract. Also an internet connection is a good thing to have, or at the bare minimum a (free signal, so no bill) radio, so you can keep up on weather and news announcements. Can't tell you how annoying the inner struggle is when it comes to cable, but it's just not necessary. I'm assuming that for you, as a teacher, internet will be incredibly important. It's a reason to get involved with the Net Neutrality argument. With the trickle down effect you could end up paying more money for your current service plan, or be demoted to a slower plan for the same cost.

If you're ever concerned about not being able to cover something, assess your situation and see what public aid you can get. And don't forget the food shelf and thrift stores. The qualifications for everything are a little bit different, and I can say that the food shelf is pretty easy to get into if you really need it. Here I fill out a form for the year, then each visit I fill out a smaller form for that visit, then someone guides me through while giving me a strict amount of food. The fresh stuff I always use first because it's almost always close to turning. As I'm grabbing things I try to plan out meals I could make or things I could eat by themselves. I've never really needed more than a couple months of food stamps, and I think once I needed help paying my power bill.

3. You don't have to give them the full details, but if it looks like you might lose this job I'd explain discreetly that you're working on your living situation, but you will be much closer to work, which will make it easier. If you could pick up a secondary class without your mom knowing would if affect your salary in a positive or negative way, or don't you know? I don't know much about schooling jobs, but would there be a way for you to gain back some of your flexibility promise by subbing every now and then?

[kiironobara]

I recommend the book Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. Though your mom may not have BPD, it gives coping strategies for handling people without boundaries who are manipulative and sometimes abusive.

[Blackberry Heartilly]

Don't be ashamed of living with your parents. I'm actually being forced to move back in with mine because I can no longer afford to be on my own.

It sounds as though your mom wants to control your life, and when things are starting to look good for you she purposely knocks you down to make you feel worthless or that you can't accomplish anything. I would plan on moving out even if you can still keep the job.

Honestly in that email I would have said that for the time being you can only take on one class because you plan on moving out, but it's only a temporary inconvenience and that you'd be willing to take on two classes in a couple of weeks if they'd still allow you to.

Look for places now and look into financial aid programs. Food stamps, possible housing help, section 8, stuff like that. It might take a while to get some financial aid but it wont cost you anything to apply and the worst thing that will happen is they deny you.

Staying with your mom sounds like a horrible idea for your mental health. Some distance will probably bring you guys closer and she'll no longer pull out the petty bullshit she does. And since you'll no longer be living under her roof you can now tell her politely to shove it when she starts getting overly opinionated on your life choices.

[kiironobara]

I lived with my parents for a while due to similar issues. Finally managed to get a good job and move out.

Honestly, it sounds to me like your mom might be sabotaging you. It might not be on purpose, but it sounds like she at least subconsciously wants to keep you reliant on her.

My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder, so she used to do similar things--though never to that extent.

I wonder if she's bluffing, tbh, but it does sound like you need to get out of there for your own mental health. Distance does a world of good.

[luhft]

If you want to teach multiple classes, don't be afraid to contact your supervisor again and say the situation has changed. One email isn't necessarily irreversible.

As for areas of your life where your mother belittles your choices, refuse to let her in. Don't give her that information and she won't be able to comment on it. She doesn't like your job? Well then, she doesn't get to know about it. She can't stand your friends? She won't ever get to meet them. It's her loss, but if she is incapable or unwilling of being supportive, then gaining some distance is better for the both of you.

Do whatever it takes to leave an abusive person. Time spent feeling miserable, controlled, and berated is not something you can get back, and while leaving has its own set of challenges, it is definitely worth it. Fill the space with a new family of people who love and respect you, and life will be so much more enjoyable.

[SpunkyStrikesAgain]

Ok, I realize I'm like 5 yrs. younger than you and may sound like an obnoixious kid, but I did move out at 16, so I feel like I've got a little experience. First of all, stop letting your mom control you. You're a grown-a** adult. She is not the boss of you anymore. Granted this is easier said than done. I too have a mother who's controlling, overbearing, and whom nothing I do will ever be good enough for. So, I feel your pain. Basically what you can do now is start saving money. Look up low-income housing in your area or surrounding areas. Your local DHS should be able to help you with this. Also, if an apartment is just too much start looking for rooms to rent. A lot of people have extra rooms in their houses and are greatful for the extra income. Of course this means you'll have roommates and might have to live by someone else's rules, but compared to your mom, how bad can that be? Also, DHS has a program that will pay for first months rent and security deposit so long as you have a job and they deem the place "affordable" (basically all that means is you can continue to pay rent based on your income). There are also other local programs that can help with rent and utilities depending on where you live. I know here there's NMSCA and United Way and s**t like that, so don't be afraid too look into what programs are in your area. Hope this helped!

[The Peppermint Bunny]

Adversative

Generally, I feel like the major thing to keep in mind when moving out is "how do I move out in a way that guarantees I'll never have to move back in again?" Which usually means having a large enough savings buffer and good enough money management skills that if you get sick or lose your job, you can cover those expenses without having to fall behind on rent. When I graduated from college, the minimum savings that people suggested to me was $5k. You can adjust that number up or down depending on living costs in your area, but ideally you should be able to live for 3 months on your savings if necessary.

You should keep an eye out for jobs that include room/board as part of the compensation-- things like being an RD for a college, being an assistant in a sober living facility, or living with a developmentally disabled person who needs part-time assistance with things like cooking and organization. The downside is that you're living at your job and you can't really get away from it, but it's also a really good way to transition into the adult world -- you don't have to suddenly be paying all of your own bills and furnishing your own place.

The other thing to consider is roommates. Especially if you can initially move in with friends or relatives who are willing to cut you some slack on rent so you can start saving up money.

I didn't find moving out to be a huge transition, but it sounds like your parents are maybe very controlling and haven't given you a chance to take on much adult responsibility / make your own choices before this point ... so you may find it kind of overwhelming.

Whether or not you lose this job, you should start looking at what it will take to move out, cause your mom's going to keep being difficult as long as you're around her. Moving out will vastly improve the relationship on boths sides. Good luck!

Thank you. This was very thorough advice. smile

[Adversative]

Generally, I feel like the major thing to keep in mind when moving out is "how do I move out in a way that guarantees I'll never have to move back in again?" Which usually means having a large enough savings buffer and good enough money management skills that if you get sick or lose your job, you can cover those expenses without having to fall behind on rent. When I graduated from college, the minimum savings that people suggested to me was $5k. You can adjust that number up or down depending on living costs in your area, but ideally you should be able to live for 3 months on your savings if necessary.

You should keep an eye out for jobs that include room/board as part of the compensation-- things like being an RD for a college, being an assistant in a sober living facility, or living with a developmentally disabled person who needs part-time assistance with things like cooking and organization. The downside is that you're living at your job and you can't really get away from it, but it's also a really good way to transition into the adult world -- you don't have to suddenly be paying all of your own bills and furnishing your own place.

The other thing to consider is roommates. Especially if you can initially move in with friends or relatives who are willing to cut you some slack on rent so you can start saving up money.

I didn't find moving out to be a huge transition, but it sounds like your parents are maybe very controlling and haven't given you a chance to take on much adult responsibility / make your own choices before this point ... so you may find it kind of overwhelming.

Whether or not you lose this job, you should start looking at what it will take to move out, cause your mom's going to keep being difficult as long as you're around her. Moving out will vastly improve the relationship on boths sides. Good luck!

[The Peppermint Bunny]

violette lumineux

Robotic lalanono

violette lumineux

Don't be down on yourself about still living with your parents. Our generation is so unlucky. We work our asses off and go to school and it's still impossible to find a job. I'm lucky I'm going to be in a profession that is always hiring [But that's not why I'm doing it and I say do what you love].

That sucks about the two jobs. Costco is actually a FANTASTIC place to work. They treat their employees amazingly, and I bet there would've been a high chance of full-time employment. Hell, one of my roommates works for them. His discount must be amazing because he always has s**t from there. I digress, though. Sorry. mad

Your mom is delusional because her generation were handed jobs easier.

NOW a degree alone doesn't cut it. They all want years of experience or internships first.

Ahhh, yay on the job! [I'm writing as I read because my thoughts to gather coherently otherwise, so I apologize]

You need to stop letting your mom push you around. If you want to teach two, teach two. She has NO say in this. She honestly sounds like she has major control issues.

And honestly, I think you should think about moving out, either way. The best way to do this is roommates. If you don't know people then Craigslist is your friend.

I didn't OFFICIALLY move out until a year ago, but technically I did. See, when I started dating my boyfriend two years ago I never went home except for twice in a whole year. He took care of me because I was bedridden. Then I got an awesome job and everything was AWESOME. Then his job shut down. Then I was fired for being too sickly for my high energy job. We struggled but we got by because he got unemployment and donating plasma [And there was a church that gave out free bread, cakes, cookies, desserts, and some vegetables]. It was tough, but we got by. And tbh I suggest you research churches that give free food in your area. The one we went to didn't require us to go to service, and most don't, but if you're not religious and it does, it might be a small price to pay to be able to eat. If not, Dollar Tree is shitty, but it is your friend in this situation [The only other things we ate].

It does get easier. I'm a Night Auditor about to go back to school for nursing and he works at IHOP [And probably a Night Auditor soon, too].

It's scary but also fulfilling. I was actually giddy when I paid rent for the first time. And I just put my name on the internet and omg it was so satisfying.

It's scary and hard, but also satisfying.

Unfortunately, I've already sent the email to my supervisor. He sent me one last night that I read on the way home from the theme park. He stated that he is probably going to sign me up for one that will meet two days a week in the late afternoon, but he might need some of the hires to teach some of the remedial level classes. I replied and said I was fine with teaching two different levels. This morning is when my mom up and decided that I should only teach one and pretty much was breathing down my back as I sent it. Her reasoning is that he didn't know if I was going to get a second class, and when I tried to explain to her that it was not what he was saying and that he was simply explaining he hadn't reserved a class for me because he wanted to know how I felt about teaching a lower level class, she started with the mocking before moving on to rant about my friend (who had nothing to do with the situation at all).

What I'm afraid of is that my flexibility might be one of the main reasons they hired me, and now all of a sudden, I'm not being as flexible as I made myself out to be.

Thanks for the other advice, though. I will certainly keep it in mind.

Damn. Well, I really hope you can get out of that negative situation soon.

I'm sorry my post was all over the place. I'm really super tired.

I doubt flexibility is the only reason. Hopefully I'm wrong, but I think that'd be a silly reason.

Anyways, I do hope everything works out. ^_^

Thank you for your advice and best wishes.

[violette lumineux]

Robotic lalanono

violette lumineux

Don't be down on yourself about still living with your parents. Our generation is so unlucky. We work our asses off and go to school and it's still impossible to find a job. I'm lucky I'm going to be in a profession that is always hiring [But that's not why I'm doing it and I say do what you love].

That sucks about the two jobs. Costco is actually a FANTASTIC place to work. They treat their employees amazingly, and I bet there would've been a high chance of full-time employment. Hell, one of my roommates works for them. His discount must be amazing because he always has s**t from there. I digress, though. Sorry. mad

Your mom is delusional because her generation were handed jobs easier.

NOW a degree alone doesn't cut it. They all want years of experience or internships first.

Ahhh, yay on the job! [I'm writing as I read because my thoughts to gather coherently otherwise, so I apologize]

You need to stop letting your mom push you around. If you want to teach two, teach two. She has NO say in this. She honestly sounds like she has major control issues.

And honestly, I think you should think about moving out, either way. The best way to do this is roommates. If you don't know people then Craigslist is your friend.

I didn't OFFICIALLY move out until a year ago, but technically I did. See, when I started dating my boyfriend two years ago I never went home except for twice in a whole year. He took care of me because I was bedridden. Then I got an awesome job and everything was AWESOME. Then his job shut down. Then I was fired for being too sickly for my high energy job. We struggled but we got by because he got unemployment and donating plasma [And there was a church that gave out free bread, cakes, cookies, desserts, and some vegetables]. It was tough, but we got by. And tbh I suggest you research churches that give free food in your area. The one we went to didn't require us to go to service, and most don't, but if you're not religious and it does, it might be a small price to pay to be able to eat. If not, Dollar Tree is shitty, but it is your friend in this situation [The only other things we ate].

It does get easier. I'm a Night Auditor about to go back to school for nursing and he works at IHOP [And probably a Night Auditor soon, too].

It's scary but also fulfilling. I was actually giddy when I paid rent for the first time. And I just put my name on the internet and omg it was so satisfying.

It's scary and hard, but also satisfying.

Unfortunately, I've already sent the email to my supervisor. He sent me one last night that I read on the way home from the theme park. He stated that he is probably going to sign me up for one that will meet two days a week in the late afternoon, but he might need some of the hires to teach some of the remedial level classes. I replied and said I was fine with teaching two different levels. This morning is when my mom up and decided that I should only teach one and pretty much was breathing down my back as I sent it. Her reasoning is that he didn't know if I was going to get a second class, and when I tried to explain to her that it was not what he was saying and that he was simply explaining he hadn't reserved a class for me because he wanted to know how I felt about teaching a lower level class, she started with the mocking before moving on to rant about my friend (who had nothing to do with the situation at all).

What I'm afraid of is that my flexibility might be one of the main reasons they hired me, and now all of a sudden, I'm not being as flexible as I made myself out to be.

Thanks for the other advice, though. I will certainly keep it in mind.

Damn. Well, I really hope you can get out of that negative situation soon.

I'm sorry my post was all over the place. I'm really super tired.

I doubt flexibility is the only reason. Hopefully I'm wrong, but I think that'd be a silly reason.

Anyways, I do hope everything works out. ^_^

[The Peppermint Bunny]

violette lumineux

Don't be down on yourself about still living with your parents. Our generation is so unlucky. We work our asses off and go to school and it's still impossible to find a job. I'm lucky I'm going to be in a profession that is always hiring [But that's not why I'm doing it and I say do what you love].

That sucks about the two jobs. Costco is actually a FANTASTIC place to work. They treat their employees amazingly, and I bet there would've been a high chance of full-time employment. Hell, one of my roommates works for them. His discount must be amazing because he always has s**t from there. I digress, though. Sorry. mad

Your mom is delusional because her generation were handed jobs easier.

NOW a degree alone doesn't cut it. They all want years of experience or internships first.

Ahhh, yay on the job! [I'm writing as I read because my thoughts to gather coherently otherwise, so I apologize]

You need to stop letting your mom push you around. If you want to teach two, teach two. She has NO say in this. She honestly sounds like she has major control issues.

And honestly, I think you should think about moving out, either way. The best way to do this is roommates. If you don't know people then Craigslist is your friend.

I didn't OFFICIALLY move out until a year ago, but technically I did. See, when I started dating my boyfriend two years ago I never went home except for twice in a whole year. He took care of me because I was bedridden. Then I got an awesome job and everything was AWESOME. Then his job shut down. Then I was fired for being too sickly for my high energy job. We struggled but we got by because he got unemployment and donating plasma [And there was a church that gave out free bread, cakes, cookies, desserts, and some vegetables]. It was tough, but we got by. And tbh I suggest you research churches that give free food in your area. The one we went to didn't require us to go to service, and most don't, but if you're not religious and it does, it might be a small price to pay to be able to eat. If not, Dollar Tree is shitty, but it is your friend in this situation [The only other things we ate].

It does get easier. I'm a Night Auditor about to go back to school for nursing and he works at IHOP [And probably a Night Auditor soon, too].

It's scary but also fulfilling. I was actually giddy when I paid rent for the first time. And I just put my name on the internet and omg it was so satisfying.

It's scary and hard, but also satisfying.

Unfortunately, I've already sent the email to my supervisor. He sent me one last night that I read on the way home from the theme park. He stated that he is probably going to sign me up for one that will meet two days a week in the late afternoon, but he might need some of the hires to teach some of the remedial level classes. I replied and said I was fine with teaching two different levels. This morning is when my mom up and decided that I should only teach one and pretty much was breathing down my back as I sent it. Her reasoning is that he didn't know if I was going to get a second class, and when I tried to explain to her that it was not what he was saying and that he was simply explaining he hadn't reserved a class for me because he wanted to know how I felt about teaching a lower level class, she started with the mocking before moving on to rant about my friend (who had nothing to do with the situation at all).

What I'm afraid of is that my flexibility might be one of the main reasons they hired me, and now all of a sudden, I'm not being as flexible as I made myself out to be.

Thanks for the other advice, though. I will certainly keep it in mind.

[violette lumineux]

Don't be down on yourself about still living with your parents. Our generation is so unlucky. We work our asses off and go to school and it's still impossible to find a job. I'm lucky I'm going to be in a profession that is always hiring [But that's not why I'm doing it and I say do what you love].

That sucks about the two jobs. Costco is actually a FANTASTIC place to work. They treat their employees amazingly, and I bet there would've been a high chance of full-time employment. Hell, one of my roommates works for them. His discount must be amazing because he always has s**t from there. I digress, though. Sorry. mad

Your mom is delusional because her generation were handed jobs easier.

NOW a degree alone doesn't cut it. They all want years of experience or internships first.

Ahhh, yay on the job! [I'm writing as I read because my thoughts to gather coherently otherwise, so I apologize]

You need to stop letting your mom push you around. If you want to teach two, teach two. She has NO say in this. She honestly sounds like she has major control issues.

And honestly, I think you should think about moving out, either way. The best way to do this is roommates. If you don't know people then Craigslist is your friend.

I didn't OFFICIALLY move out until a year ago, but technically I did. See, when I started dating my boyfriend two years ago I never went home except for twice in a whole year. He took care of me because I was bedridden. Then I got an awesome job and everything was AWESOME. Then his job shut down. Then I was fired for being too sickly for my high energy job. We struggled but we got by because he got unemployment and donating plasma [And there was a church that gave out free bread, cakes, cookies, desserts, and some vegetables]. It was tough, but we got by. And tbh I suggest you research churches that give free food in your area. The one we went to didn't require us to go to service, and most don't, but if you're not religious and it does, it might be a small price to pay to be able to eat. If not, Dollar Tree is shitty, but it is your friend in this situation [The only other things we ate].

It does get easier. I'm a Night Auditor about to go back to school for nursing and he works at IHOP [And probably a Night Auditor soon, too].

It's scary but also fulfilling. I was actually giddy when I paid rent for the first time. And I just put my name on the internet and omg it was so satisfying.

It's scary and hard, but also satisfying.

[The Peppermint Bunny]

...start.

Let me begin by saying that I love my mom and I appreciate everything she's done for me over the years. I don't hate her, but I don't think being around her for the past few years has been good for me.

I'm twenty-five years old, and yes, I still live with my parents. If you're here to criticize me for that, I'll save you some time. I've already been called the less than desirable names like "adult-child" by insensitive gaians that will be left unnamed. I don't have the means to move out on my own just yet, so for the most part, my parents have been helping me by allowing me to continue to live with them. I appreciate that...I really do...

...but there are other aspects of my well being that my mom has been hurting, such as my self-worth and capability of having confidence on my own.

Last year, the family moved to Southern California, and since then, I've struggled to find a job even with a BA and MA and all the work experience I've accumulated over the years. It doesn't matter how impressive everyone thinks having an MA is. No one is that impressed by an English MA. I've been applying everywhere, but not even retail stores wanted me. In November of last year, though, a nearby school had an opening for an Instructional Assistant for children and young adults with autism. I was excited, because it was a full time job with good benefits and it's something I really enjoy doing. Of course, my mom had a problem with it. She yelled at me I didn't go to school for six years to be an aide, and she told me that if I took the job, I'd have to find somewhere else to live, and since I didn't have the means to move out and didn't know the first thing about it (she wasn't going to help me), I turned down the invitation to the interview I received from them.

...fast forward a few weeks...

I get a call from Costco inviting me for a interview for seasonal work. Again, my mom thinks it's a bad idea, because it was only temporary. I told her that work is work and I needed to start making some money and to fill in the space on my resume. She again told me that if I didn't want to listen to her, I can live elsewhere, so I cancelled the interview.

For months, I applied for the jobs she wanted me to apply for. Government jobs, office jobs, administrative, etc. I was invited for a few examinations and interviewed for a couple, but when it came right down to it, I'm just not cut out for those jobs. Finally, my mom gave in and let me go to an interview for an instructional aide job for students with mild to moderate disabilities. I got the job, and for a while, I was happy. It was only part time, but it was something that I liked and could fill the gap on my resume. She told me that I was to look for 'better' jobs during the second half of the day, and I agreed. I actually started looking into going back to school to earn a Special Education credential to teach English on the junior/high school level, but when I went to an information orientation at a nearby school, I realized I don't have the funds to go back just yet. Since summer vacation started in June, my mom has been hassling me day in and day out to find a 'real' job (I think her definition is a job pushing papers in an office). I've been applying for different companies working in different office settings, but it seems my suspicions are correct. They don't want me, because I'm not cut out for it. My work experience (which mostly involves being in a classroom setting) does not match up with what they want. Finally, I got an email for a nearby community college for an English Instructor position. I was beyond excited, because I was put on the waiting list almost a year ago, and I didn't expect to ever hear from them. It's only part time, but I figure if I keep the job I already have as an aide, I can start making a little better money with the salary from this job. I told them during the interview that I was flexible and available to teach two classes. I got hired, and I'm happy about it. I'm going to be getting a lot of experience in the classroom, and I'm hoping to eventually have enough to go back to school.

...of course, things are not looking as bright now that my mom has gotten involved.

My family has been trying to relocate to a different part of Southern California, which is fine. It's actually a lot closer to the college I will be teaching at, but now my mom think it's a good idea if I only taught one class, but she said the fact that we are moving is none of my employers business, and when I tell him I only want to teach one class, I should tell him because I want to feel comfortable first. My fear is that one of the reasons I was hired was because of my flexibility. I had these people thinking I'd teach two classes, and I'm all of a sudden saying I only want one. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job before I even start now, and you know what? If I do, I've decided that I can't take this anymore. I'm done. I need to get away from my mom, because she is not helping.

I was crying as I sent the email, because I've been without a job for so long and have felt worthless while being unemployed, and the fact that I feel like I will lose this opportunity would be devastating to me. My mom saw me crying and started screaming and mocking me (actually mocking me. Making fun of me and calling me a ten year old while pretending she was me crying). That wasn't enough for her, though. She also got on my case about a socially awkward friend of mine who lives in my old city which as an hour and thirty minute drive away to go to a theme park with me. She's a very nice person, but as I said, she's awkward. My mom was clearly embarrassed by her, but didn't say anything to her about it (which was surprising and I'm glad she didn't) but decided to rant at me how embarrassed she was. I responded by telling her that she didn't have to go and I don't make my friends for her. This was after years and years of her always critical about my friends and who I dated, and it wasn't ever a normal motherly type of critical. She had a problem with any friend I made. This friend of mine could have been the heir to riches with expensive clothing and great confidence, and my mom would still find something wrong with her. She's never liked any of my friends, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not being able to do anything, because she doesn't like my friends. It's not up to her. She doesn't get to pick my friends, I do, and as long as my friends aren't criminals or any other such trouble maker, she has no reason to be so judgmental of them all.

So...I've decided that I'm putting my foot down. If I lose this job, I'm leaving. I'm going to have to find an apartment and start living on my own. I'll also have to find another part time job so I can make some more money to pay rent. I know it will take me longer this way to afford to go back to school, and I'm afraid of taking loans, because if I don't find a job right away after getting my credential, I will owe more money than I make.

I guess what I'm asking is for people to:

1) Don't judge me for still living at home.
2) Tell me what to expect when leaving your family for the first time.
3) Give me your thoughts on the situation. Do you think this will cost me my job?