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Valgaror's avatar

Ruthless Survivor

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I'm not entirely sure if posting this is a great idea, or what I'm expecting to get from it, but what the ********.

I have been not entirely willingly seeing a therapist for some months. Originally for anger related s**t, but since then expanded to include some other things. Mainly, paranoid and antisocial personality. Secondary, resentful, isolated, depressed, anxious, aggressive, whole ******** list of s**t, most of it I neither mind nor have a problem controlling. Whatever else, I have some incredible levels of self-control. There is also s**t that I haven't mentioned or revealed that would definitely complicate things for me.

Anyway, this s**t has been "suggested" to me for a while. Nothing involuntary, but a "we think that this would be a really good idea and something you should do" now from multiple people. They're making it pretty clear that they WANT me. And I guess I've got to admit s**t's getting worse. I've blacked out and woke up on the floor no idea how I got there, for one. And some unrelated problems - one involving instability with the very few friends I have removing what "normalcy" I have currently got, another involving money, shitty job, likely having to move and difficulty finding somewhere, which is itself starting to make me wonder what other options I have. I am close to giving up, and if giving up involves either going along with this s**t or doing something stupid, I'd prefer the former.

What I would want to take care of is this ******** paranoia. It actually is a problem for me that gets in the way of s**t to an irritating extent and I'd be happy to get rid of that one. But the rest? I don't really want to lose portions of my personality because they're socially unacceptable. Not that the "serious" s**t is exactly "curable" anyway, heh. So I doubt it's relevant and I don't think I will be bringing it up to them if I can help it. Only will bring it up in this thread, as well, if it could be relevant.

So, they've been trying to sell me on this s**t. Ease me into the idea or something. Saying it's temporary, saying it's not a hospital, wouldn't be locked in, only some curfew or something, I believe? Hell, they're making it sound more like rehab except not solely for addiction. Telling me there'd be my own room, ability to lock the door, ability to take my laptop, which is about all I've got that's of any importance. So I gave in, agreed to go and look at it, at least.

But besides that I have no ******** idea what to expect. I tried looking up the place (name of which I'm not going to say here) but couldn't find anything. (Hell - sorry, paranoid - not going to reveal even general location, at all. So, if you're going to advise anything, make it as geographically nonspecific as possible, heh.)) I don't know what would be the situation for internet, and if there is, whether that would be monitored (seems ******** likely) and that I wouldn't ******** want. I don't know how long I would have to stay there if this would be considered voluntary. I know there's group s**t, which I am pretty certain I wouldn't enjoy, but what the ******** that involves either I don't know. And I know I don't want to get medicated into a ******** stupor or how much right I'd have to refuse that or anything else. Finally, they've told me I'm not going to be locked in or not allowed to leave, but... one of the things I really ******** enjoy is shooting, I suppose I could just say I were hanging out with friends without specifying exactly what we were doing, but I am guessing they wouldn't want me around guns, so ********, no idea how or if that would become difficult or impossible. Besides that.. s**t, just basics, what I could expect to do on a daily basis.

I guess I will see myself what the place itself is like. But if anyone's had something similar it would be nice to know what I could expect.
They'll definitely not want you around any guns; That's a safety regulation and will not be allowed for the safety of yourself and others.
You'll definitely be monitored constantly. .but that's only for your well-being and to see if you're making any progress in getting better (mentally.)
Since it's voluntary they won't hold you there like you're some animal.. I'm not sure how the rules are over there; but when I went I could go whenever I wanted to.
For group discussions, some of them are mandatory and some are not.. It's sort of like a class someone has to take.
Being in a place such as that is like being in a therapy session 24/7; well, counting out the time you need to sleep.
I would recommend it if you're wanting to go and better yourself.
All I have to say is; the food might be horrible.. I mean.. worse than school cafeteria food.
Valgaror's avatar

Ruthless Survivor

12,900 Points
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Heheh damn, could have expected that. It would be unfortunate, I've got to say I think shooting is better therapy than therapy. Putting some holes in targets and empty cans is both harmless and no better stress relief, always leaves me relaxed and happy for the rest of the day and a while after. Wouldn't make too much sense to take that away if it's enjoyable, beneficial, hasn't caused problems in the past. That and internet being monitored I think would pretty easily dissuade me from all this. What I want to improve is paranoia, but I don't know how much they could help that - particularly if I don't trust them enough to say everything.
Valgaror's avatar

Ruthless Survivor

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On Death ******** s**t ******** s**t s**t s**t s**t's shitty s**t ******** s**t s**t s**t ******** ******** ******** s**t ******** ******** ******** ******** s**t
ohd8uj02:0="On Death ******** s**t ******** s**t s**t s**t s**t's shitty s**t ******** s**t s**t s**t ******** ******** ******** s**t ******** ******** ******** ******** s**t[/b]

are you angry at your small vocabulary??
Man, you're right, limited range of profanity, I should have thrown a few goddamn c**t ******** in there.
i am not sure if it's the same, but i lived in a place for a few months which was called an institution, but it really was a mental hospital.

i had private meetings with doctors and shrinks and also participated in some group stuff and volunteered in a project that some university students were doing about people who lived in this institution for more than a month.

your option sounds way better though, because the first of all, it is a voluntary thing, you will be free to leave whenever you want and you will have your own room. i was locked in there for the first few weeks, but eventually i had the permission to go out on my own, it was a reward for good behavior. i also had to share the room with 3 other people.

at first it felt like a prison, but eventually it got better. time seemed like it had stopped there. the worst thing about it was that i got so used to their system. when i was released from there and moved back to my own apartment, i was pretty helpless. i think it's called being institutionalised (?).
Valgaror's avatar

Ruthless Survivor

12,900 Points
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Koshatnitsa
i am not sure if it's the same, but i lived in a place for a few months which was called an institution, but it really was a mental hospital.

i had private meetings with doctors and shrinks and also participated in some group stuff and volunteered in a project that some university students were doing about people who lived in this institution for more than a month.

your option sounds way better though, because the first of all, it is a voluntary thing, you will be free to leave whenever you want and you will have your own room. i was locked in there for the first few weeks, but eventually i had the permission to go out on my own, it was a reward for good behavior. i also had to share the room with 3 other people.

at first it felt like a prison, but eventually it got better. time seemed like it had stopped there. the worst thing about it was that i got so used to their system. when i was released from there and moved back to my own apartment, i was pretty helpless. i think it's called being institutionalised (?).
Yeah, it sounds like pretty similar other than voluntary or not, at least. Getting that used to it sounds pretty ******** counterproductive though.. hope it wouldn't be too similar there.
weeneez's avatar

Dapper Millionaire

My mother was held up for a few days, and she told me a few things about it, but really didn't go into detail. She said the place she went to the people were nice, but they'll take away anything from you that you might harm yourself with (even shoelaces). And she said the food was awful, and so is the bedding. But what can you expect? confused
Run, you crazy Nazi b*****d. Run like the goddamn wind. Institutions are jails. Seriously, get as far away from the people who think you're crazy as is humanly possible and then go to ground and hide for as long as it takes them to forget about you.
Koshatnitsa
i am not sure if it's the same, but i lived in a place for a few months which was called an institution, but it really was a mental hospital.

i had private meetings with doctors and shrinks and also participated in some group stuff and volunteered in a project that some university students were doing about people who lived in this institution for more than a month.

your option sounds way better though, because the first of all, it is a voluntary thing, you will be free to leave whenever you want and you will have your own room. i was locked in there for the first few weeks, but eventually i had the permission to go out on my own, it was a reward for good behavior. i also had to share the room with 3 other people.

at first it felt like a prison, but eventually it got better. time seemed like it had stopped there. the worst thing about it was that i got so used to their system. when i was released from there and moved back to my own apartment, i was pretty helpless. i think it's called being institutionalised (?).

Poor human... Who did this to you?
Khaotic_Resolve's avatar

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redroosters
Run, you crazy Nazi b*****d. Run like the goddamn wind. Institutions are jails. Seriously, get as far away from the people who think you're crazy as is humanly possible and then go to ground and hide for as long as it takes them to forget about you.
Valgaror's avatar

Ruthless Survivor

12,900 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Survivor 150
  • Invisibility 100
redroosters
Run, you crazy Nazi b*****d. Run like the goddamn wind. Institutions are jails. Seriously, get as far away from the people who think you're crazy as is humanly possible and then go to ground and hide for as long as it takes them to forget about you.
Heh, that would be my initial assumption. The problems are the people who think I'm crazy could be right, and alternatives aren't looking great. And they know that. s**t like "If it were a choice between this and ending up homeless, which would you prefer?" "There's not free space often, so decide soon!" etc.
redroosters
Koshatnitsa
i am not sure if it's the same, but i lived in a place for a few months which was called an institution, but it really was a mental hospital.

i had private meetings with doctors and shrinks and also participated in some group stuff and volunteered in a project that some university students were doing about people who lived in this institution for more than a month.

your option sounds way better though, because the first of all, it is a voluntary thing, you will be free to leave whenever you want and you will have your own room. i was locked in there for the first few weeks, but eventually i had the permission to go out on my own, it was a reward for good behavior. i also had to share the room with 3 other people.

at first it felt like a prison, but eventually it got better. time seemed like it had stopped there. the worst thing about it was that i got so used to their system. when i was released from there and moved back to my own apartment, i was pretty helpless. i think it's called being institutionalised (?).

Poor human... Who did this to you?


actually, me.

i bought myself a ticket to that place by cutting my face and taking a bottle of sleeping pills and nearly 2 liters vodka.
they pumped all the toxic outta my body and made my drink some kind of black coal liquid for 12h.

i peed literally black stuff for the next couple days.
when i woke up in a hospital, and looked myself in the bathroom mirror, i looked like straight from a horror movie, with bloody face and my black mouth and black teeth. cat_smile

i thanked them for taking care of me and was going to leave, but they said it's not an option.
they forced me there, because my parents had given permission to them, even though i was 23 years old back then living on my own, but afterwards they said i was in no condition taking care of myself or making decisions for myself.

pretty typical, classic attempt in taking the easy way out of the s**t life~
Valgaror
Koshatnitsa
i am not sure if it's the same, but i lived in a place for a few months which was called an institution, but it really was a mental hospital.

i had private meetings with doctors and shrinks and also participated in some group stuff and volunteered in a project that some university students were doing about people who lived in this institution for more than a month.

your option sounds way better though, because the first of all, it is a voluntary thing, you will be free to leave whenever you want and you will have your own room. i was locked in there for the first few weeks, but eventually i had the permission to go out on my own, it was a reward for good behavior. i also had to share the room with 3 other people.

at first it felt like a prison, but eventually it got better. time seemed like it had stopped there. the worst thing about it was that i got so used to their system. when i was released from there and moved back to my own apartment, i was pretty helpless. i think it's called being institutionalised (?).
Yeah, it sounds like pretty similar other than voluntary or not, at least. Getting that used to it sounds pretty ******** counterproductive though.. hope it wouldn't be too similar there.


the first days passed fast because i slept through them.

but being forced to stay inside was hell. fortunately you get to avoid that part. at first i avoided the other patients, but in the end i noticed the time goes by much faster when i interact with them. which was pretty much only talking.

and if our conversation was going in the wrong direction, nurses would stop us from continuing.

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