Losing that "omph" in love?

[TheLastNightxx]

So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, I want to say right off the bat that I love him still as much as I ever have.

I realized the other day that we haven't had sex in a month, now I understand that relationships eventually taper down from the crazy honeymoon phase eventually, but I've never simply not wanted to have sex. Usually I'm all over him to do it, he's not typically the one to start things in the bedroom, as it has always been. (Not unwilling, just content with simply being with me on a non-sexual level)

Now I started school at the beginning of January and I feel the change in my life is likely responsible for this. I'm a full time student, Monday to Friday, 1pm-9pm. I get home exhausted, and go to bed.
The last week or so he's been trying to lay the moves on me, but i just feel drained and have 0 desire.
We talked about making sure we have "us" time because that's been a bit on the back burner as well.
Today I had a great nights sleep, we talked and cuddled and whatnot before he went to work, he came home from work and kissed me like he hasn't in a while and... nothing. No spark, no... omph!

Could I be depressed or something? Should I just act like I want to and see if things pick up on their own? I'm just frustrated with myself because I dont want to push him away now that he's aware of the problem.

[Love.From.Hate]

I think it's okay to have a relationship not centered around sex. Just because you lose the desire doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or the relationship. After all, as human beings, we don't just need sex and the basic necessities to live. We all desire some sort of connection and sex isn't the only way to get that.

With school and work and other things, there is a lot of busy times, but I think it really is important to have time with him, just to spend time, or else it really will draw you apart.

[Mameoyashi]

Love.From.Hate

I think it's okay to have a relationship not centered around sex. Just because you lose the desire doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or the relationship. After all, as human beings, we don't just need sex and the basic necessities to live. We all desire some sort of connection and sex isn't the only way to get that.

With school and work and other things, there is a lot of busy times, but I think it really is important to have time with him, just to spend time, or else it really will draw you apart.

Plus you're in the middle of some life-changes, sex tends to be on the back burner in times of stress (though for some people it's an amazing stress release). Besides, at some points in life everyone has times where they don't want sex, and don't really feel the draw. Just because you're not getting that raring spark now, doesn't mean it won't come back later.

If you push yourself and things are uncomfortable and unpleasant that will only prime you for the next time, to expect forced discomfort and unpleasantness. I would advise against forcing yourself, because it has the large potential to just build up resentment. Just calm down and give yourself space and time.

After all you've just started school a little over a month ago, that's a fairly big change and a huge things to get used to. It can also drain a lot of your time, energy and focus- especially if you're new to it or if it's a new semester. Give yourself time, give yourself space.

[TheLastNightxx]

Love.From.Hate

I think it's okay to have a relationship not centered around sex. Just because you lose the desire doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or the relationship. After all, as human beings, we don't just need sex and the basic necessities to live. We all desire some sort of connection and sex isn't the only way to get that.

With school and work and other things, there is a lot of busy times, but I think it really is important to have time with him, just to spend time, or else it really will draw you apart.

I get what your saying on that level, which is why we've decided to be careful not to drift apart and spend more time on us.
I'm a bit at war with myself here because I want to have sex with him, but then I have no desire to..? Its like the spark disappeared overnight or something.

[Love.From.Hate]

TheLastNightxx

Love.From.Hate

I think it's okay to have a relationship not centered around sex. Just because you lose the desire doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or the relationship. After all, as human beings, we don't just need sex and the basic necessities to live. We all desire some sort of connection and sex isn't the only way to get that.

With school and work and other things, there is a lot of busy times, but I think it really is important to have time with him, just to spend time, or else it really will draw you apart.

I get what your saying on that level, which is why we've decided to be careful not to drift apart and spend more time on us.
I'm a bit at war with myself here because I want to have sex with him, but then I have no desire to..? Its like the spark disappeared overnight or something.

Well, you seem kinda conflicted right now. I think taking that healthy time to spend with each other will really resolve it, because if you're around each other amidst all the stress, I think you'll find the reason you were attracted to him in the first place. smile

[TheLastNightxx]

Mameoyashi

Love.From.Hate

I think it's okay to have a relationship not centered around sex. Just because you lose the desire doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or the relationship. After all, as human beings, we don't just need sex and the basic necessities to live. We all desire some sort of connection and sex isn't the only way to get that.

With school and work and other things, there is a lot of busy times, but I think it really is important to have time with him, just to spend time, or else it really will draw you apart.

Plus you're in the middle of some life-changes, sex tends to be on the back burner in times of stress (though for some people it's an amazing stress release). Besides, at some points in life everyone has times where they don't want sex, and don't really feel the draw. Just because you're not getting that raring spark now, doesn't mean it won't come back later.

If you push yourself and things are uncomfortable and unpleasant that will only prime you for the next time, to expect forced discomfort and unpleasantness. I would advise against forcing yourself, because it has the large potential to just build up resentment. Just calm down and give yourself space and time.

After all you've just started school a little over a month ago, that's a fairly big change and a huge things to get used to. It can also drain a lot of your time, energy and focus- especially if you're new to it or if it's a new semester. Give yourself time, give yourself space.

You're probably right, I don't FEEL stressed per say, but that would explain it. I may just not be aware of my stress yet.

I haven't been in school in 2 years, so its definitely a huge life change for both of us. I think I'm just scared that the desire wont come back.

[Doctor g r a c i e]

Most relationships are all about sex. Dont force it, it'll happen when you want it to.

[Mameoyashi]

TheLastNightxx

You're probably right, I don't FEEL stressed per say, but that would explain it. I may just not be aware of my stress yet.

I haven't been in school in 2 years, so its definitely a huge life change for both of us. I think I'm just scared that the desire wont come back.

Stress isn't always a conscious thing and it's not always the franic work crazed thing everything sees it as. Stress can be as subtle as your body spending resources to fight off a cold or not having enough sleep. Stress on the body can still affect you just like mental and emotional stress can, but it's not always as apparent.

And yeah, it seems like the change is the route of your problem. Don't worry too much, because that also adds stress. Just explain that you still love him and still care about him dearly, but you need time and space from sexual activity until the changes calm down a bit. Things will come back to you, sometimes when you least expect it. Hah.

[gngrsnaps]

TheLastNightxx

So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, I want to say right off the bat that I love him still as much as I ever have.

I realized the other day that we haven't had sex in a month, now I understand that relationships eventually taper down from the crazy honeymoon phase eventually, but I've never simply not wanted to have sex. Usually I'm all over him to do it, he's not typically the one to start things in the bedroom, as it has always been. (Not unwilling, just content with simply being with me on a non-sexual level)

Now I started school at the beginning of January and I feel the change in my life is likely responsible for this. I'm a full time student, Monday to Friday, 1pm-9pm. I get home exhausted, and go to bed.
The last week or so he's been trying to lay the moves on me, but i just feel drained and have 0 desire.
We talked about making sure we have "us" time because that's been a bit on the back burner as well.
Today I had a great nights sleep, we talked and cuddled and whatnot before he went to work, he came home from work and kissed me like he hasn't in a while and... nothing. No spark, no... omph!

Could I be depressed or something? Should I just act like I want to and see if things pick up on their own? I'm just frustrated with myself because I dont want to push him away now that he's aware of the problem.

There isn't a problem. You're relationship is growing beyond the physical and that is a good thing. If you think he's going to break up with you simply b/c you don't put out then he isn't a good guy to begin with.