Long story short....

[BuddhaPanties]

Long Story short:

I've liked a guy online for over three years now and he knows. He's even said he wishes I lived closer to him. He's a nice and there's a strong connection between us. We talk all the time; joke around, sometimes we talk serious business in our life and all that jazz. But since he was taken we didn't move any further with any of this. We just continued to talk.


I felt like I had to move on. So I tried, and after a couple of months of trying to find someone a friend of mine asked me out. It's been two months with my friend, and I'm happy but I feel like I not only forced the issue with my friend, but I forced it on myself as a way to get over the guy online.

The boyfriend is a good person, and he's compassionate to my ******** up-ness (a lot of bad history on my part), and though we have a connection; it's nothing like with the guy online.


Well, those feelings have never gone away and the online guy knows this, but the boyfriend doesn't. I feel really terrible about this, and I'm scared of hurting the boyfriend and especially don't want to lose the friendship I have with the boyfriend.


I don't want to be alone, and I'm afraid I will be again; especially if I break it off with the boyfriend and find out the guy online is either still in a relationship or is about to start a new one.


So, I don't know what to do.
Stick with the boyfriend that I have little connection with and who doesn't like to talk about intimate things very much, Or go further with the online guy and MAYBE start a long distant relationship -- if I can.

******** I feel like a terrible person. T^T

[Faux Aria]

If there truely isn't much connection between you and your real life boyfriend, it's unfair on you both and you should seperate.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Does your boyfriend need to know about this crush? Will it harm him? If he is just gonna have a melt down about the whole thing - don't tell him. If he can handle it in stride, and have the maturity to realize that you still hold a flame for this guy, maybe, just maybe tell him if its appropriate.

Being alone is a GOOD thing. Its when we figure out who we are. If you cannot be happy with yourself alone, you have no hope of being happy with your self coupled.

Don't feel terrible about feelings of love. They happen. Emotions are. They aren't good, they aren't bad. They are. How we choose to deal with those emotions can be labeled good or effective, or bad/not effective.

If you legit don't love your boyfriend, stop stringing him along. Its not fair or kind to him. Enter into a relationship ONLY when you know you can reciprocate feelings.

[legnanellaf5]

Being with someone for the sake of it is a hollow relationship. You dont really move on by jumping on a boy. You should end it for the fake that you arent really into him, but not for the chance to be with the guy online that you cant get.

Be with neither.

[BuddhaPanties]

Blackrose_Knight

Does your boyfriend need to know about this crush? Will it harm him? If he is just gonna have a melt down about the whole thing - don't tell him. If he can handle it in stride, and have the maturity to realize that you still hold a flame for this guy, maybe, just maybe tell him if its appropriate.

Being alone is a GOOD thing. Its when we figure out who we are. If you cannot be happy with yourself alone, you have no hope of being happy with your self coupled.

Don't feel terrible about feelings of love. They happen. Emotions are. They aren't good, they aren't bad. They are. How we choose to deal with those emotions can be labeled good or effective, or bad/not effective.

If you legit don't love your boyfriend, stop stringing him along. Its not fair or kind to him. Enter into a relationship ONLY when you know you can reciprocate feelings.

For someone his age, he isn't mature enough -- I'm not going to tell him about the other guy.

And you're right... I thought I could be happy with myself when I was alone, but I wasn't and it's not fair to string him along.

I just now have to find a way to tell the boyfriend it's not working out like we planned it to

[mangachan]

Don't ever stay with someone for fear of being alone, you end up putting up with unnecessary bs.

My thing is, you're basically leaving the boyfriend for a guy you're not sure is taken you may just strike out. How do you talk about all of these things with that particular guy and not know if he is available? How often have you been talking to him while currently dating? Would you say that you are putting more energy into maintaining contact with online guy than IRL boyfriend? You don't have to answer these questions here but my concern overall is that you're inventing a relationship with a guy you (I assume) haven't actually met in person. Even if you could date him, the real relationship may not work out like that. Even if you date someone other than the two guys mentioned in the OP, will they ever measure up to what you think you'd have with Online guy. As long as you have that mental image, you'll forever be thinking of what you're missing out on.

If you really want to move on from the online guy and concentrate on finding an accessible boyfriend (avoiding a LDR) it may be a good idea to not talk to him at all.

[Blackrose_Knight]

BuddhaPanties

Blackrose_Knight

Does your boyfriend need to know about this crush? Will it harm him? If he is just gonna have a melt down about the whole thing - don't tell him. If he can handle it in stride, and have the maturity to realize that you still hold a flame for this guy, maybe, just maybe tell him if its appropriate.

Being alone is a GOOD thing. Its when we figure out who we are. If you cannot be happy with yourself alone, you have no hope of being happy with your self coupled.

Don't feel terrible about feelings of love. They happen. Emotions are. They aren't good, they aren't bad. They are. How we choose to deal with those emotions can be labeled good or effective, or bad/not effective.

If you legit don't love your boyfriend, stop stringing him along. Its not fair or kind to him. Enter into a relationship ONLY when you know you can reciprocate feelings.

For someone his age, he isn't mature enough -- I'm not going to tell him about the other guy.

And you're right... I thought I could be happy with myself when I was alone, but I wasn't and it's not fair to string him along.

I just now have to find a way to tell the boyfriend it's not working out like we planned it to

My best advice is to be honest, kind, and to kill any idea of hope. "Ya know, i came into this relationship thinking it would work but its really not. I tried to love you, but you just can't force stuff like that. I am sorry for stringing you along, that was not right of me. I need to be single and figure myself out. Again I am sorry I blew this."