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I didn't say yell, I said tell. =/

Most guys like it when you are straightforward.
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KawaiiKitty29
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What you should do is what you have the power to do.


I do not understand what you mean by this.


Do you have to power, ability, luxury, etc. to move out?

Do you have your finances in order... to move out?

Do you have any goals in life... after you move out?

If you have a stable way of leaving then go for it. The power to leave is in the ability to sustain one's self. That is what an adult has to do.

When you move out... you are no longer a kid and can't approach the situation like one. You have to be in control and in as much control as your boyfriend is.

If you don't have finances and career goals to leave on your own or with his help, you really don't have any business leaving yet unless you know how to live on your own already.

If you know how to fend for yourself out there in that cold, concrete jungle of a world, then there is nothing holding you back.


HOWEVER:

If things don't work out between you and your boyfriend, they will take you back in. They love you. It's not a trick. They really love you.

If they didn't, you'd be homeless. #realtalk
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I would go for the parents. If they are trickign you then you can go back to that plan if that happens, but right now it sounds like they realized how ******** up they are and are wanting a good realtionship with you. Why throw that away for a boyfriend?

But you will have to move evnetually, so try to bring them in with your plans to move when you do do that again. A proper plan that isnt a run away plan with your boyfriend.


If you caught up with me 3 weeks ago before this whole mess and asked me that same question I would automatically answer "YES! I would go with my boyfriend because my parents are s**t." But now I do not have an honest answer.

They won't listen to what I have to say about moving in with my boyfriend. They want me to stay with them, end of story.


Can you explain the plan? Because you havent really talked about it much and it really does sound like you are just moving in with this guy who seems a tad on the controlling side, not that you are actually ready to move out. Moving out is a big step on its own, and I dont at all suggest mixing that with moving IN with a partner.
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I didn't say yell, I said tell. =/

Most guys like it when you are straightforward.


Hehehehe, even that I don't have the heart. . . that is a very sad fact.
Then you might as well break up now before it happens later.

Communication is the key to relationships. If you can't tell him how you feel, and he cannot accept your choices, then why bother?

Seriously. If he's too immature to handle it, then he's not worthy dating material.
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I would go for the parents. If they are trickign you then you can go back to that plan if that happens, but right now it sounds like they realized how ******** up they are and are wanting a good realtionship with you. Why throw that away for a boyfriend?

But you will have to move evnetually, so try to bring them in with your plans to move when you do do that again. A proper plan that isnt a run away plan with your boyfriend.


If you caught up with me 3 weeks ago before this whole mess and asked me that same question I would automatically answer "YES! I would go with my boyfriend because my parents are s**t." But now I do not have an honest answer.

They won't listen to what I have to say about moving in with my boyfriend. They want me to stay with them, end of story.


Can you explain the plan? Because you havent really talked about it much and it really does sound like you are just moving in with this guy who seems a tad on the controlling side, not that you are actually ready to move out. Moving out is a big step on its own, and I dont at all suggest mixing that with moving IN with a partner.


The plan was that after I get my high school diploma, I would gather my stuff and move in with him with his gandparents. They are really chill with me and as long as I help around the house I can stay with them. I help around the house and get a part time job to save up for college.
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KawaiiKitty29
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I would go for the parents. If they are trickign you then you can go back to that plan if that happens, but right now it sounds like they realized how ******** up they are and are wanting a good realtionship with you. Why throw that away for a boyfriend?

But you will have to move evnetually, so try to bring them in with your plans to move when you do do that again. A proper plan that isnt a run away plan with your boyfriend.


If you caught up with me 3 weeks ago before this whole mess and asked me that same question I would automatically answer "YES! I would go with my boyfriend because my parents are s**t." But now I do not have an honest answer.

They won't listen to what I have to say about moving in with my boyfriend. They want me to stay with them, end of story.


Can you explain the plan? Because you havent really talked about it much and it really does sound like you are just moving in with this guy who seems a tad on the controlling side, not that you are actually ready to move out. Moving out is a big step on its own, and I dont at all suggest mixing that with moving IN with a partner.


The plan was that after I get my high school diploma, I would gather my stuff and move in with him with his gandparents. They are really chill with me and as long as I help around the house I can stay with them. I help around the house and get a part time job to save up for college.


Yeah that is a shitty plan. You basically were running away with that, I would jsut scrap that plan, tell your boyfriend that you cant move him with him and work on REALLY being independent.

I thought he was living in his own, but nope, you are just going to his grandparents.
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angel_259236102
KawaiiKitty29
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angel_259236102
I would go for the parents. If they are trickign you then you can go back to that plan if that happens, but right now it sounds like they realized how ******** up they are and are wanting a good realtionship with you. Why throw that away for a boyfriend?

But you will have to move evnetually, so try to bring them in with your plans to move when you do do that again. A proper plan that isnt a run away plan with your boyfriend.


If you caught up with me 3 weeks ago before this whole mess and asked me that same question I would automatically answer "YES! I would go with my boyfriend because my parents are s**t." But now I do not have an honest answer.

They won't listen to what I have to say about moving in with my boyfriend. They want me to stay with them, end of story.


Can you explain the plan? Because you havent really talked about it much and it really does sound like you are just moving in with this guy who seems a tad on the controlling side, not that you are actually ready to move out. Moving out is a big step on its own, and I dont at all suggest mixing that with moving IN with a partner.


The plan was that after I get my high school diploma, I would gather my stuff and move in with him with his gandparents. They are really chill with me and as long as I help around the house I can stay with them. I help around the house and get a part time job to save up for college.


Yeah that is a shitty plan. You basically were running away with that, I would jsut scrap that plan, tell your boyfriend that you cant move him with him and work on REALLY being independent.

I thought he was living in his own, but nope, you are just going to his grandparents.


#realtalk

That's not a plan at all. (good question by the way)

A solid plan would have included the following:

Both parties working/have a job
Both parties can finance an apartment
One or both parties have transportation/a car/etc.

The solid foundation to independence.

Bonus perks: Going to college or have graduated with a degree.

Without that, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That's why your parents are in tears, my friend.
Neko Namida Ame's avatar

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I think we need more information. Just what was your parents doing to you? If you stayed with them, could you work on getting a job so that you can move out or will they stress you out too much?
Amethyst Starburst's avatar

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Well, in my opinion, I feel like if you can't say No to your boyfriend, or to your parents, you have some growing up to do, my dear.

If your boyfriends is going to be butthurt about this, then you need to grow some balls and tell him to stfu and that if he really loved you he would accept that you want to get your s**t together. If you don't have the heart for this, then like I said earlier, you need some growing up to do before you move out at all.

If your parents are crying like babies because they don't want you to leave, then, like someone said earlier, why not get them involved with helping you learn life skills and moving out? If they refuse to help and continue to cry, then I think THEY need to grow up as well.

Seriously, this is where YOU need to make the first change. If you sit here and tell yourself "You can't", then you will never straighten anything out and be miserable forever. You need to grow up, really. You need to take charge and stand up and say what YOU want to do. If people are going to be mad, let them be mad.

Don't hide behind "I can't", because you actually can, and it's not that hard.
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Let's take both the parents and the boyfriend out of the equation for a minute. This choice is not about either of them. Its about you, what you want to do, where you think you'd be happier. Do you feel that if your parents hadn't begged you'd have no problem moving out? If so, don't let them guilt trip you into changing your mind and making you miserable in the process. This is about you, not them.

Now, let's break this down and bring in the opposing forces...

How old are you? Seems irrelvant, but kids move out and you parents need to face the fact that if you are old enough, moving out is just something that's going to happen. Its not to slight them or because you hate them, its simply part of growing up. They can't honestly expect you to stay living under their roof when you're 45 and married with a family, can they? Assure them that this choice you are facing is not because you hate them, and that they won't be cut out of your life, but that you just feel its time to move out and, well, grow up.

Which it seems you need a healthy does of if you're allowing your mind to be swayed by the wants of your parents. At some point, all kids move out. They're not bad or evil for doing so, its just the first step on the path to becoming an adult. I moved out and when with my ex fiance when I was 20 and my parents didn't want me to leave, asked me not to in fact, but when I said my mind was made up, they respected the choice. They knew I had to in order to grow in life. Your parents throwing themselves to the ground in a fit of tears is kind of....overboard....to a normal mile stone in any person's life. And you need to address that issue with them. You need to let them know that this grave over reaction is tearing you apart and making you miserable. That you love them, cause they are your parents, but that you can love them even when living in an apartment across town. It doesn't mean you won't see them anymore and if makes them feel better go all "Gilmore Girls" and set up one night a week that you (and your boyfriend) go to their house and have dinner and agree that all special holidays you will be there for. But they can't prevent you from growing up, that's not fair to you.

With your boyfriend, I can understand his hesitation. They aren't his parents so its not to easy for him to forgive and forget when they go kneebound. He has seen the bad side of them for your whole relationship and with out the emotional family connection, its no wonder he has the bad idea that its a trick. You need to be a little understanding that he's not apt to be as "Oh mommy, daddy, I forgive you!" as you are and he's bound to be skeptical by a complete 180 in attitude.

Let him know how much this whole thing confuses you and not to pass judgement. Ask him to give you a bit of time to work things out in your head, and if he loves you he will respect that.

My advice on the whole thing though...I do kind of get the sense that your parents are playing a bit of a game here. Maybe not in the way your boyfriend thinks, but in some way. They traded one type of restraint for another. If you are old enough to be moving out, then I would consider it. You can get a job, start helping pay bills, start becoming an adult and your parents have to understand that's just part of a person's life. You deserve to be happy, not imprisoned by guilt.

Again though, this all depends on how old you are and what you have under you. Running off as a child with nothing to support you, like a diploma or whatnot, would be a damn foolish idea and your boyfriend would be a damn fool to try and force you into this.




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Wow, you sound like a version of kinda-near-future me, as in in a month and 17 days. gonk
And suicide is NOT an option, either run away or stay and explain to your boyfirend. I'd recommend leaving, this is my personal plan.

Apologize to your friends, hoping you can fix the harm you made.
You can still visit your parents, assuming they won't break contact or turn venomous like I fear mine will.

Good luck, and since I'm not on Gaia a lot since I got Skyrim, you can contact me on Steam. PM if you want to and have a Steam account. *hugs*
I do not understand why your parents are crying.

How old are you? Is that possibly making them worried? Do they understand that you don't have to cut them out of your life? You can come visit often.

The fact is I think this is not as bad as you're making it out to be--you have two different places where you're wanted. That's great! Give the boyfriend a try.

If your parents are being bad about then go ahead and run away--with your boyfriend.

Even if it's a mistake it'll be a story worth telling.

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