Welcome to Gaia! ::

fubenkunai
theWhovianPanther
angel_259236102
SImply put, you are crazy and paranoid. Stop trying ot ruin your relationship becuse you ******** the wrong guy a while ago and he was a prevert.

She isnt 'acting out' for attnetion, She is a child who doesnt really understand our rnadom modesty social customs yet. Calm the ******** down and stop jumping to stupid conclusions. THIS IS NORMAL. You just explain to them to not do that until they get it and move on, not chastise the other parent and sugest he or his mother abused her

WHen I did sunday school for the kids, there was a girl who had a habit of pulling up her dress to her midriff area, I noticed that after a while she ended up in pants so I guess that stopped that. A lot of children are curious about their genitals in that age bracket so they do things that are 'off' to us who have been hammered in how to act. She hasnt yet. She is a child.

Actually it is not normal for a 7 year old to be doing this. By that age she should know when it would be appropriate or not. It's either a bad parenting thing, or a something is wrong thing, but either way, it is PERFECTLY normal to be concerned, especially in a public place where kids that aren't flashing their junk get nabbed by sickos.

Okay, first off, it is appalling to slut-shame children. Related to that, second, statistically speaking, people who molest children are close to said children, in a place of trust or authority. There are scads of studies about this; to imply that ***** are wandering the world waiting for a kid to "ask for it" by doing normal kid stuff is just...I threw up in my mouth a little. Third, yes, the kid needs to learn about boundaries, but I don't know that she's a freak. I remember back in the dim mists of time, a kid or two in my first- or second-grade class pulling a stunt like this because they knew it would flip the adults out. The game was to do it and not get caught. It was juvenile and attention-seeking, sure, but we are talking about small children here. Juvenile and attention-seeking is normal, and there is a decent chance this kid is just enjoying the reaction from adults because hee hee, I'm not supposed to for whatever reason, that's funny.

I'm all for being alert to signs of abuse and talking to the pediatrician/a child psychologist whenever a child appears to be having problems. I fully support vigilance. But here, when we're talking about a kid who otherwise has normal boundaries (and who is never responsible for a sick adult's actions, Jesus H. Christ), to cry "freak!" or "bad parenting!" seems both excessive and premature.

My point wasn't that children ask for it. It was that kids get nabbed at grocery stores and such every day without any provoking, and that a child pulling down their pants in a place like that is unacceptable for a reason. Don't put words in where there aren't any.
I never said she was a freak, but it is bad parenting if at 7 you child will still pull down their pants in public. If they are just doing it for attention, there is still something wrong that needs to be addressed. There is a point where a child needs to learn modesty and needs to learn what's appropriate and at this point, any child should know its not okay to pull down their pants in a public place.
Children should be able to be children and do these antics but the reality is that so much of the population has a smart phone with camera start up times getting faster and faster that one innocent rebellion turns into a parents nightmare. It does happen. Sick people look for opening where ever they can find them. They target kids that seem to be confident and pull antics and make it seem like a game. There becomes a point were enforcing modesty is protecting your children.
xXFurygeistXx's avatar

Magical Hunter

Get yer boyfriend to take her to the doc. She may have a rash or something, since it seems she has some nudity boundaries of her own already. Her panties may well have fallen down, you never know, and while yanking yer trousers down in public ain't appropriate, kids do that s**t sometimes. For attention, because their clothes are uncomfortable, because naked is freedom to the young mind, something is up medically, whatever. I'd be more of the mind that her clothes are uncomfortable, and this could be due to the make, what they get washed in, or something is up medically before jumping to molestation. Get her checked out at the doctor, or hell, just talk to the kid. She may give you a hint, like "my pants were itchy" or "my pants were too tight" or "I had a wedgie."
And talk to your boyfriend. Let him know you weren't accusing him of anything or even thinking that. You were just worried, that that seemed odd, and that these are some of your concerns. You just really need to talk about why he blew up at you about it and figure out how to go about communicating such concerns better so he doesn't assume things and take them the wrong way.
fubenkunai's avatar

Dangerous Conversationalist

theWhovianPanther
angel_259236102
SImply put, you are crazy and paranoid. Stop trying ot ruin your relationship becuse you ******** the wrong guy a while ago and he was a prevert.

She isnt 'acting out' for attnetion, She is a child who doesnt really understand our rnadom modesty social customs yet. Calm the ******** down and stop jumping to stupid conclusions. THIS IS NORMAL. You just explain to them to not do that until they get it and move on, not chastise the other parent and sugest he or his mother abused her

WHen I did sunday school for the kids, there was a girl who had a habit of pulling up her dress to her midriff area, I noticed that after a while she ended up in pants so I guess that stopped that. A lot of children are curious about their genitals in that age bracket so they do things that are 'off' to us who have been hammered in how to act. She hasnt yet. She is a child.

Actually it is not normal for a 7 year old to be doing this. By that age she should know when it would be appropriate or not. It's either a bad parenting thing, or a something is wrong thing, but either way, it is PERFECTLY normal to be concerned, especially in a public place where kids that aren't flashing their junk get nabbed by sickos.

Okay, first off, it is appalling to slut-shame children. Related to that, second, statistically speaking, people who molest children are close to said children, in a place of trust or authority. There are scads of studies about this; to imply that ***** are wandering the world waiting for a kid to "ask for it" by doing normal kid stuff is just...I threw up in my mouth a little. Third, yes, the kid needs to learn about boundaries, but I don't know that she's a freak. I remember back in the dim mists of time, a kid or two in my first- or second-grade class pulling a stunt like this because they knew it would flip the adults out. The game was to do it and not get caught. It was juvenile and attention-seeking, sure, but we are talking about small children here. Juvenile and attention-seeking is normal, and there is a decent chance this kid is just enjoying the reaction from adults because hee hee, I'm not supposed to for whatever reason, that's funny.

I'm all for being alert to signs of abuse and talking to the pediatrician/a child psychologist whenever a child appears to be having problems. I fully support vigilance. But here, when we're talking about a kid who otherwise has normal boundaries (and who is never responsible for a sick adult's actions, Jesus H. Christ), to cry "freak!" or "bad parenting!" seems both excessive and premature.
Does your boyfriend watch porn? She could have found some website or download on his computer and thought "These ladies are naked in public! I guess I can pull my pants down like that too."
angel_259236102
SImply put, you are crazy and paranoid. Stop trying ot ruin your relationship becuse you ******** the wrong guy a while ago and he was a prevert.

She isnt 'acting out' for attnetion, She is a child who doesnt really understand our rnadom modesty social customs yet. Calm the ******** down and stop jumping to stupid conclusions. THIS IS NORMAL. You just explain to them to not do that until they get it and move on, not chastise the other parent and sugest he or his mother abused her

WHen I did sunday school for the kids, there was a girl who had a habit of pulling up her dress to her midriff area, I noticed that after a while she ended up in pants so I guess that stopped that. A lot of children are curious about their genitals in that age bracket so they do things that are 'off' to us who have been hammered in how to act. She hasnt yet. She is a child.

Actually it is not normal for a 7 year old to be doing this. By that age she should know when it would be appropriate or not. It's either a bad parenting thing, or a something is wrong thing, but either way, it is PERFECTLY normal to be concerned, especially in a public place where kids that aren't flashing their junk get nabbed by sickos.
angel_259236102's avatar

Fashionable Bloodsucker

3,400 Points
  • Signature Look 250
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Clambake 200
SImply put, you are crazy and paranoid. Stop trying ot ruin your relationship becuse you ******** the wrong guy a while ago and he was a prevert.

She isnt 'acting out' for attnetion, She is a child who doesnt really understand our rnadom modesty social customs yet. Calm the ******** down and stop jumping to stupid conclusions. THIS IS NORMAL. You just explain to them to not do that until they get it and move on, not chastise the other parent and sugest he or his mother abused her

WHen I did sunday school for the kids, there was a girl who had a habit of pulling up her dress to her midriff area, I noticed that after a while she ended up in pants so I guess that stopped that. A lot of children are curious about their genitals in that age bracket so they do things that are 'off' to us who have been hammered in how to act. She hasnt yet. She is a child.
Phorr's avatar

Original Cutie-Pie

Pshhh, children strip off all the time. My cousin is constantly flashing his parts at people.
It probably means nothing and you're just paranoid and trying to keep yourself and your daughter from being hurt and ashamed again.
Just remember that children are curious about their sexuality and bits and pieces, even from a young age. If you've ever read any of Freud's theories (albeit flawed) or Brave New World, you'll see examples of this throughout.
Don't worry about it too much, unless there's really something causing concern.
Angeltear1716's avatar

Magical Shoujo

fubenkunai
Kids take clothes off. Especially if they run around home naked. There's nothing wrong with that, mind, but young kids do not have the boundaries we do. Yes, even if someone has explained it all to them; these things take some repetition to sink in. Either it's an attention thing or it's a momentary confusion of when naked time is okay. Or it might be that she had some discomfort from her clothes or from a medical issue (Something minor like a skin irritation or what have you) and pulled her pants off because they were uncomfortable. Take her to the doctor, sure, but not just to figure out if someone's been inappropriate with her. She might be mildly allergic to your laundry detergent or have a UTI or something. It happens. It's okay.

I'm a little skeptical about the extreme, violent reaction your boyfriend had to this, but I don't know how it all came out. If you were flipping s**t and accused him of being a molester, yeah, I could see the rage. Or if he's simply mortally offended by the idea of touching kids and felt compared to your morally-repellent ex, yeah, I could see him overreacting. There's not enough definitive weirdness there to set off alarms. I think it couldn't hurt for you and any combination of the kids and your boyfriend to talk to a counselor, simply because this is a big weird issue and you might benefit form help in unpacking it. In the meantime, maybe you have some conversations about when naked time is okay, and wait and see if anything new comes to light.


I'm with this one. Don't rule out anything medical. When I was younger I was one of the unlucky ones who got thrush at some point - these things happen and youngsters don't always that something may be wrong with them. Heck I had glandular fever and didn't actually 'click' that I was sick until my mum was keeping me home for a week!

Just remind her that she can talk to you about anything and that sometimes 'even big girls need to talk to an adult' Make the experience of her being open a positive one, praise her and allow her to realise its healthy to share any problems, no matter how embarrassing they may be
When I was five I would apparently try to run down the road naked. When I was seven, I didn't do that, but I did get dressed in front of the TV every morning. Underpants, pants, shirt, right in the loungeroom so I could watch cartoons

Also, it sounds like you were accusing him of something. Maybe not directly, but even so it's easy to pick up. And yeah, if I were being accused of having done something to a child by my girlfriend, I'd be about ready to pack up too
A seven year old does not take their clothes off in public. Sit down with the girl and talk to her, but make sure you don't broach onto the subject when there's nothing there. That conversation would be inappropriate.
Honey of the South's avatar

Lupine Rogue

9,100 Points
  • Battle: Rogue 100
  • Popular Thread 100
  • The Wolf Within 100
It may just be a result of a lack of a mother in her life for [insert number here] years. But that doesn't mean there aren't other reasons for her being the way she is. It may be that she has a rash, which would explain what she did in the supermarket, and she was just too emarrassed to bring it up. Or she could have something like Asperger's. Take her to a doctor so you can figure out just what it was.

You may also need to go to family counceling.
fubenkunai's avatar

Dangerous Conversationalist

Kids take clothes off. Especially if they run around home naked. There's nothing wrong with that, mind, but young kids do not have the boundaries we do. Yes, even if someone has explained it all to them; these things take some repetition to sink in. Either it's an attention thing or it's a momentary confusion of when naked time is okay. Or it might be that she had some discomfort from her clothes or from a medical issue (Something minor like a skin irritation or what have you) and pulled her pants off because they were uncomfortable. Take her to the doctor, sure, but not just to figure out if someone's been inappropriate with her. She might be mildly allergic to your laundry detergent or have a UTI or something. It happens. It's okay.

I'm a little skeptical about the extreme, violent reaction your boyfriend had to this, but I don't know how it all came out. If you were flipping s**t and accused him of being a molester, yeah, I could see the rage. Or if he's simply mortally offended by the idea of touching kids and felt compared to your morally-repellent ex, yeah, I could see him overreacting. There's not enough definitive weirdness there to set off alarms. I think it couldn't hurt for you and any combination of the kids and your boyfriend to talk to a counselor, simply because this is a big weird issue and you might benefit form help in unpacking it. In the meantime, maybe you have some conversations about when naked time is okay, and wait and see if anything new comes to light.
theWhovianPanther
See if you can take her in for a check up and ask them to discreetly see if everything is okay down there.


I think I'll have to push with that option. That's what I asked him to do, originally, but he didn't feel like the de-pantsing was enough of an issue to justify a check-up.

I'm not sure if I can take her in myself, since I'm not legally connected to her and I doubt he'd give me a note saying she can be checked on when he thinks it's not a huge issue. =/
See if you can take her in for a check up and ask them to discreetly see if everything is okay down there.
My boyfriend, myself, his daughter, and my daughter were at the grocery store about a week ago. We were trying to decide what to get when I glance over at his kid - something caught my eye - and there she is with her pants down, underwear with! They were just below her privates, but everything was on display. I snapped at her - more shocked and reacting than anything else - and she instantly pulled her pants back up, but this event caused me to have a very long discussion with him about modesty and, worse, things that could have happened to her.

Recently, there were issues at her grandmother's, where she was babysat after school, but my boyfriend has spoken to his daughter and she swears, up and down, that nothing happened to her. Keep in mind she misses her grandmother and really wants to go back there, so I'm not sure how much we can take her word if she's afraid of getting someone in trouble.

She's seven. She used to walk around his apartment without a shirt, which I attributed to seeing her daddy walk around in pants and no shirt. I told him that made me uncomfortable and now he's usually telling her to make sure to put a shirt on when she comes out of her bedroom. She's typically very modest. She screams when her dad has to poke his head into the bathroom to tell her to get out (if he doesn't, she stays in there), she yelps when anyone walks by her room (she leaves the door open) while she's changing.

Other than that, however, when I breached the subject, he became mad. When I said something could have happened to her, he thought I was accusing him of doing something. He told me that he was close to packing up my things and ending our relationship. Now, I have a little history with this topic, and my current boyfriend knows this. My previous boyfriend and father of my child is in prison for possessing child pornography. I never thought he'd ever do something like that, but he did; maybe now I'm just on the look out for things like this or maybe I'm so paranoid about it happening, that I presume it will.

To me, a child pulling their pants down - I am in the boat that there's no way her underwear would've fallen with her pants, though she says they slipped - in a store is a huge red flag of something wrong.

I'm of two minds: she's been hurt and violated or she's acting out for attention. Recently, I lean toward the latter, but considering how angry her dad gets at this subject, I'm reserved and afraid he may be keeping something from me.

I can't imagine him ever doing something like that...but I never imagined my ex to be a felon in the making, either.

Help?

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get Items
Get Gaia Cash
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games