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Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been discussing our futures. As every other couple, we want to spend the rest of our lives together and blah blah blah. But when it comes to our careers, I have a few things that I don't want to be a wife to. Like anything that puts your life on the line like a soldier, cop, firefighter, and all that because I am not emotionally stable with the thought that your life could end any second on duty. Its already scary for me that you can die at any given moment out of anything, but knowing that because of your job is hella scary for me.

So I discussed it with my mother and she says I'm wrong for it because I'm dictating his path. I told him before that if we can't accept what each other wants to do in life then we aren't meant for each other. I'm not forcing him to do anything but I'm telling him things I don't want to be apart of. Is that really wrong of me for preferring I don't want to be the wife of a cop or w/e occupation that keeps me paranoid and unhappy :c ?
Dolce Rogue's avatar

Diamond Senshi

Not really. Being the wife of someone who has a job like that can be stressing, and I think he should listen to your opinion before making any decision. After all that's what couples do.
iP o c k y - hime's avatar

Dangerous Sex Symbol

I don't necessarily see where its wrong.

I mean, he should be happy that your telling him this now and not waiting until he chooses a career that will make you unhappy. I mean even you do plan on staying together for like marriage and things, you do have to realize that people's dreams do matter and that sometimes sacrifices have to be made.
Eisefin's avatar

Greedy Receiver

Your mother is from a different generation. Where this may be normal for her to think of as wrong, it’s definitely not wrong these days to discuss such things with your partner. My husband and I had that long discussion about our future goals in life and we made our concerns apparent at that time so we knew where each other’s comfort levels were at. Communication and compromise are important things that make up a relationship, after all.
The Earth King's avatar

King Cutie-Pie

            x
            I know what you mean. I don't think I could ever be an army wife. I could live with my partner being a firefighter or a cop since my dad has been a firefighter since I was young, so I'm used to that.
            I wouldn't say that you're wrong. It's good to express these concerns to your boyfriend so you both know if you two have a future or not.
pallbearer's avatar

Deadly Cultist

Why does he have to have a job that puts his life on the line when realistically most careers aren't like that? I don't know, seems like a weird, hypothetical thing to get upset about. Did he even say he wanted to be any of those things?

Also you might break up so he should put his career first imho
ragnarocknroll
He discussed about being a detective, in which you have to be a cop for a lot of years first, and so that's how this all started.
He seems pretty adamant about it until I discussed about my problems with it.
Sakura Uchiha 16
Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been discussing our futures. As every other couple, we want to spend the rest of our lives together and blah blah blah. But when it comes to our careers, I have a few things that I don't want to be a wife to. Like anything that puts your life on the line like a soldier, cop, firefighter, and all that because I am not emotionally stable with the thought that your life could end any second on duty. Its already scary for me that you can die at any given moment out of anything, but knowing that because of your job is hella scary for me.

So I discussed it with my mother and she says I'm wrong for it because I'm dictating his path. I told him before that if we can't accept what each other wants to do in life then we aren't meant for each other. I'm not forcing him to do anything but I'm telling him things I don't want to be apart of. Is that really wrong of me for preferring I don't want to be the wife of a cop or w/e occupation that keeps me paranoid and unhappy :c ?


Yup, you're wrong.
XxTheCosplayMulexX


Explain, please?
iP o c k y - hime's avatar

Dangerous Sex Symbol

Sakura Uchiha 16
XxTheCosplayMulexX


Explain, please?


I think they are just being a troll.
Just ignore them.
You're not wrong for telling him, it's how you feel and apparently is a deal breaker for you.
It would only be wrong if you were forcing him to share your views.
Pom Graines's avatar

Familiar Citizen

The thing is.... even if you stuffed your feelings and went along with it... that doesn't mean things are all of a sudden okay because he can pursue the career he wants and still be with you. If you cannot handle the stress of having a partner who could at any point be thrust into mortal danger... then not expressing that beforehand isn't going to stop the breakdown from occurring down the line.

It's good you were upfront and honest about your feelings and your assessment of your coping capabilities. It honestly sounds much better to part ways and lose a lover that way than to have one hurt, killed, mentally scarred or having a breakdown (or likely multiple of these). Being a partner to someone who puts their lives at risk is a difficult and often full time job. Even when otherwise employed and busy the stress and pressure is a constant wear and it's stressful.

If you can't handle that, it's best that you're upfront and honest with it now, so that you two can figure out whether your future is together or a part (or perhaps in each other's lives but not as romantic partners), instead of cracking under the pressure without warning down the line.

Now there are plenty of things to decide moving forward. If you'd want to try to overcome these issues and try therapy and such to build better coping mechanisms, if you want to just let me and find yourself someone who is more compatible with your life interests, whether he'd give up that idea and find something else he could be very passionate, yet safer, about. Or I'm sure plenty more options and ways to swing things.

But it's important to talk about it. Discuss what you're willing to do and why, what you're capable of handling and what you're not. I would say give it the old college try, especially if this is the only sticking point between you it's worth sticking around to problem solve awhile at least. But if he really wants to pursue this career path and you genuinely can't handle being that sort of partner, then you need to be honest with yourselves and know when an incompatibility is staring you in the face.

Otherwise it's an easy step to resentment and lots of stress. So no, it's not wrong to be honest about your feelings and coping capabilities when discussing the future with your partner.
It's not wrong to have an opinion, regarding anything and I personally consider that it's more than necessary to voice out these thoughts and feelings to a person you intend to spend your life with. I MADE it very clear that I won't be with my boyfriend anymore if he commits suicide like that for a higher purpose, that's s**t. Others are free to do it, but not the guy that has to be here for me and my children. As a woman, unless the guy you fell in love with has already been doing that most of his life and isn't good or doesn't like anything else, I think it's your right to ask and demand for what makes you comfortable mentally/psychologically and for the better of your future children. Heroism nowadays is pointless, there are not many wars left, and you have a choice whether or not you enroll. Being a cop is a danger that depends on the area (cops here are lazy ******** that live long enough that they die of old age). And firefighters rarely die here and are awesome. Inform yourself, educate yourself and don't ruin your life by being silent when you have a choice early on.
zaptar13's avatar

Familiar Poster

I don't see a problem with making him choose.
Velvet Overkill's avatar

Wheezing Sophomore

I'm moving to Canada to be a film director and if a b***h don't like it she can deal.

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