If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.

[Tia Wanna]

So lately, I have a lot of stress going on. Work, money, friends, my own health, but now there's been a huge thing added.

My father has had health issues for a long time. Last November, he had a pacemaker put in. He led a life of drinking and smoking. Still smokes.

Anyway, my mom's told me that his health is failing. His pacemaker isn't working right. He may need it replaced. He's seemingly been living with the symptoms of colon cancer for the past 3 years, and has refused seeing a doctor or telling anyone. To top it off, his live is essentially destroyed from all the alcohol, and his lungs are full of emphysema. Possibly has lung cancer, they're running tests after he started coughing up a lot of blood and my aunt found out.

Anyway, I don't know how to deal. I'm almost 20. I live far away from my father. Last saw him in March. Before that, January of 'o4. He was abusive to me from the ages of around 3 to when I moved out at 18. So. not the best relationship. I'm civil to him now, and we have a decent relationship. I call a lot. But I don't know how to deal with him potentially dying. Along with this, I have 2 siblings who are younger, and have a lot better relationships with him. So they'll hurt more.

[bobfunck65]

Hmmm that presents much of a problem. It dosent seem like there is anything you can do medicaly, but there is one thing I need to ask you. You said your relation ship wasnt good, but do you love him? If you answered yes then what I would suggest would be to see him one last time and tell him how you feel. It would meen alot to him I know. If you are religous pray to your diety whom ever it may be, but above all else keep your hope alive.

[Malina_Mango]

Well theres nothing that i can help with you at this point, But i think ignoring it would not help. If he dies and you have not really patched things up with him...you may regret it. I don't really know what your relationship is like with him now, but it sounds like it could improve. Even though you may get more attached to him and it may hurt more at first but i think you will hurt long term if you leave things as they are...I'm not saying it will but...That's just what i think

[Tia Wanna]

bobfunck65

Hmmm that presents much of a problem. It dosent seem like there is anything you can do medicaly, but there is one thing I need to ask you. You said your relation ship wasnt good, but do you love him? If you answered yes then what I would suggest would be to see him one last time and tell him how you feel. It would meen alot to him I know. If you are religous pray to your diety whom ever it may be, but above all else keep your hope alive.

You know, that's really complicated. I mean, I can really say any affection I felt for him really died when I was young and he gave me my first severe beating, you know? I tend to hold grudges, and the way he would act sometimes was just.. terrible. On one hand, I try to treat him nicely, I try to have a good relationship with him, but honestly, as terrible as it is, I really don't think I do love. Maybe deep down inside somewhere I do, but I dunno.

[Tia Wanna]

Malina_Mango

Well theres nothing that i can help with you at this point, But i think ignoring it would not help. If he dies and you have not really patched things up with him...you may regret it. I don't really know what your relationship is like with him now, but it sounds like it could improve. Even though you may get more attached to him and it may hurt more at first but i think you will hurt long term if you leave things as they are...I'm not saying it will but...That's just what i think

Yeah, I know ignoring it won't help, but right now I have so much going on. So it's just like.. How do I deal with all this? My mother has never been seriously sick or anything, so this is hard to deal with.

We're at a stable part in our relationship. I call him about once a week. Talk, joke around, etc. He'll never apologize for what he did to me, and even then, I don't think I could really forgive him.

On one hand, I don't know how this will all hit me when he does die. I mean, he's the oldest member of his family (Only has one sister left out of originally 6) and his health is crap. He has another year or two max, and most likely less. I don't know if I'll be sad when he dies. I don't know if I won't even care. I just.. can't compute this stuff right now.

[bobfunck65]

If you didn't love him you wouldn't care weather he was dead or otherwise. I shouldn't think. So you obviously do care, but he must be somewhat repressed for you to be uncertain. forgive me if i have been to bold in this statement.

[mrs self destruction]

drugs and alcohol destroyed him ..... i blame society ...... evil

[Malina_Mango]

Well, I can't tell you what you should do. Only you can, because we don't know what exactly went on between you. Theres nothing i can really say...I can't really relate to this right now...

[Tia Wanna]

bobfunck65

If you didn't love him you wouldn't care weather he was dead or otherwise. I shouldn't think. So you obviously do care, but he must be somewhat repressed for you to be uncertain. forgive me if i have been to bold in this statement.

Well, love and caring is different. I mean, I love my sister. But how I feel for her is nothing like with my father. If I imagine never seeing my sister again, it's hard, despite the fact that me and her are really dissimular, and fight a lot. But when I think about not seeing my dad again, I don't know that it really would affect me much. Then again, I don't know anyone who's lost a parent, and I don't know how it feels.

[V e r i t y]

take the wine (alchohol) away from him and give him water and i think you should try to convince him to stop smoking....

[Tia Wanna]

Katsurai

take the wine (alchohol) away from him and give him water and i think you should try to convince him to stop smoking....

I don't live anywhere near him, he lives with my aunt. Apart from that, she doesn't let him drink, but lets him smoke. It's not in my control.

[naku_vamp]

aww im so sorry to hear that my father died two years ago day befor christmas eve (go figure) and he also lived a life of smokeing and acohol and as an added bounus he also did weed........i didnt have that good a relation ship with him like for the past 5 years befor that (semi abusive to me and my mom yelled alotwas always in a bad mood) though i personally delt with it pretty good (im 15 right now) but thats probally just becase the kinda person i am i cryed very little at his funeral i just don't care that much when someone dies i mean i was still sad becase as well as all the bad things that happened between us we also had alot of good as well and in a way if this helps you can think of it when he does die at least is not suffering any more and is no longer on the s**t whole we call earth and is in heaven,spiret plain or w/e religion you are and w/e place they go to and if you have no religion...then uh...well hes still not on this s**t hole right?

[naku_vamp]

in case your wondering he died of liver and lung cancer mostly lung though becase the accuall cause of death was his lungs filled with cancerious liquid and stopped breathing ...though im happy he was drugged up enough that it wasnt too painfull they docs said they could try and drain the lungs of the fluid but said they would mostly fill right back up and the process was very painful and being filled back up would be painful and he most likly would only make his suffering longer so we let him go

[Wu Bingshu]

I can see where this is a difficult issue for you. Society tells yo u that you're supposed to care but th history between you makes it difficult. You should at leat be there for your other family members becaue they are going through a tough time too

[Candieness]

There isn't much you can do if he refuses to see proffesional health help. Call him and tell him how much you care about him and how you want him to be with you. Maybe that will help him go to the doctor. domokun It's a tricky situation. Due to the symptoms your father has..it's something seriuos. gonk