The Lonely Dream
I don't have the mentality to keep up with fast paced world. It's too complex for me to grasp.
I don't feel loved anymore, no one tells me they love me. All I'm ever called is a problem.
My mother called me a problem, and blamed me for my family splitting up. My step mother says I'm the reason why we still have problems. No one ever has anything positive to say about me.
My goals and dreams were the only things keeping me going, but I'm too much of a failure to ever accomplish them, and I try so hard and lose so much sleep over it.
I try my best to be nice, I try my best to succeed, I try my best to understand my life and it just never makes sense. I feel so distant and lost, and I don't understand anything. I'm constantly barraged with torment and scorn everyday.
I feel pathetic for even thinking this, I've always told myself that I'm better, stronger, than that. I can still find happy times and the beauty in life, but I don't think those things are worth the such painful daily struggles.
I don't really understand myself or know how to identify myself anymore.
Dear Eric,
You're mother and stepmother arre obviously far from supportive, and I think that you shouldn't take what they say to heart. Your parents decided to have you, and it's not right to expect you to be the easiest kid ever or to treat you badly because s**t happens. It's the wrongest of wrongs to blame a
child on the
divorce. Your family split up because they weren't happy, noty because of you. I know that better than anybody. What kind of problems are they in? Are your parents still hostile to each other? Are they not done with the all too common divorce war?
Personally, my parents broke up 3 years ago, after 20 years of marriage and having 3 daughters. Me and my immediate sister(5 years younger) would try to prevent that for years, and I was convinced that it's my fault that it got there. Although I wasn't nearly as bothered as I feared I would for all those years, my sister also didn't take the divorce well, which made me feel guilty, and with other things drove me to cut. It was not as excessive and regular as most cutters, but it was still an indication that I had a problem, and after getting therapy and some meds I got better. So I really mean it - A divorce is nearly never related to the child, and even when it is(involving a special child born to parents who were not even ready to cope with a normal kid, let alone a "problematic" one), the child should not be held responsible. I'm pretty sure your parents didn't get along with each other and blamed it on you because they need an easy target.
PM me if you need someone to talk to.
emotion_hug