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The Lonely Dream's avatar

Prophet

I don't have the mentality to keep up with fast paced world. It's too complex for me to grasp.

I don't feel loved anymore, no one tells me they love me. All I'm ever called is a problem.
My mother called me a problem, and blamed me for my family splitting up. My step mother says I'm the reason why we still have problems. No one ever has anything positive to say about me.

My goals and dreams were the only things keeping me going, but I'm too much of a failure to ever accomplish them, and I try so hard and lose so much sleep over it.

I try my best to be nice, I try my best to succeed, I try my best to understand my life and it just never makes sense. I feel so distant and lost, and I don't understand anything. I'm constantly barraged with torment and scorn everyday.

I feel pathetic for even thinking this, I've always told myself that I'm better, stronger, than that. I can still find happy times and the beauty in life, but I don't think those things are worth the such painful daily struggles.

I don't really understand myself or know how to identify myself anymore.
Life has a way of getting to people like this. This is a common thing people feel, and your age and where you are in life is definitely part of this. You're an adult, but barely. So many things are hitting you in the face: school, work, family, finding yourself, balance, confidence. It's stressful and gets to be too much at times.

I've been there. It's a terrible place to be, and you don't deserve what those people are telling you. Strive to be the best you that you can be. You're not perfect, and you never will be. You have to remember that: you're only human. You can only do so much - and you won't be great at everything. Not everyone will treat you right. It sucks... but there are people that care. I care. I wouldn't want you to kill yourself. And it hurts to hear that you're feeling this way.

If you ever need anybody to talk to - I'm here.
I've thought about killing myself too. It's never the answer. PM me if you ever wanna talk.
drunken gypsy bard's avatar

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Keep going for your dreams. Many people will declare you an enemy (say you cause only problems), but that is inevitable. Your vision of the world will not always match up with the vision of others.

If you truly think that life is not worth it then you are free to opt out... But once you make that choice, you free yourself.

A quote from my friend:

"Life goes on, and there's no cut off line except for what you choose.
So many sad frogs in the world.
Not enough of them kill presidents before they go out."
klebold2's avatar

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You bipolar? I never usually hear pointless rants like this unless someone has a part of their brain that's malfunctioning. The brain is a fascinating place, so many sections for everything, sight, touch, taste, movement, addiction, reflexes, humor, remorse, and even... sadness. Anti-Depression meds work by cutting off the proper receptors that have a negative impact, but there are so many I can't be very specific, they all do different things.

In your case I don't think it's quite a chemical depression, but it can develop over time, depression isn't something people are born with, but it IS a chemical malfunction. This being said, anyone who's blabbing about how suicide is selfish and pointless and wrong and all that crap are talking to a wall... well actually they're talking to glands that are numb to logic, but the end result is the same.

Next, I'll explain the significance of family, and how we all think that there's supposed to be some imaginary connection between people just because they're blood-related. The thing about this significance is that... well it's bullshit. I have to say this because it's the source of what's driving you into believing everything your mother says. It was her decision to get knocked up, and have you, and raise you, she just sucks at being a mother. She's not a very good one and one day you will realize this and I hope this day comes soon because there are people on this world that deserve to die and you are not one of them.
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I am terribly sorry that you are feeling this way. It's not easy to deal with, and I for one understand that.

The faults these people see in you are really the faults they see in themselves and are casting the blame onto someone other than their self. It's their healing process but casting blame will never heal them and it's unfortunate that they may never realize that. So please try not to take the hurtful things they say to heart.
When they attack you try not to listen. Have a place you can go to whether it be physically or mentally that can be your own when you feel this way.

This world may be fast, and it may at times be hard, but there is so much beauty in this world as well if you open your heart to it. It's the only opportunity you will ever have to experience the beauty's of the world, don't take it for granted.

I have family who treats my worse than the dirt beneath their feet much of the time so I know where this pain is coming from. You are welcome to talk to me anytime... I have nothing but time to spare. smile
This has been said many times before, and it will be said many times more.

Don't off yourself.

If you want to die, that means that anything above that is extra. You're 18, so you can legally do just about anything in the world (except drink or own a pistol in the United States), go out and do some crazy s**t, go skydiving, go climb a mountain, go punch a shark in the face, do whatever you feel like doing, and if you die in the process, you got what you wanted, and maybe had a little fun in the process. If you do it and survive, or maybe stop somewhere in between, you may find something that you genuinely love doing that can give you a reason to live.

Telling yourself that "There's more to life than what I've got" or "There's something out there to live for" is worthless if you don't go out there and experience it.

******** whoever calls you a problem, and ******** the ever judging s**t of a world.

I love you, man, and I don't want you to die, go out and do something that you want to do, and live for that until the day you die.
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The Lonely Dream
I don't have the mentality to keep up with fast paced world. It's too complex for me to grasp.

I don't feel loved anymore, no one tells me they love me. All I'm ever called is a problem.
My mother called me a problem, and blamed me for my family splitting up. My step mother says I'm the reason why we still have problems. No one ever has anything positive to say about me.

My goals and dreams were the only things keeping me going, but I'm too much of a failure to ever accomplish them, and I try so hard and lose so much sleep over it.

I try my best to be nice, I try my best to succeed, I try my best to understand my life and it just never makes sense. I feel so distant and lost, and I don't understand anything. I'm constantly barraged with torment and scorn everyday.

I feel pathetic for even thinking this, I've always told myself that I'm better, stronger, than that. I can still find happy times and the beauty in life, but I don't think those things are worth the such painful daily struggles.

I don't really understand myself or know how to identify myself anymore.


Dear Eric,
You're mother and stepmother arre obviously far from supportive, and I think that you shouldn't take what they say to heart. Your parents decided to have you, and it's not right to expect you to be the easiest kid ever or to treat you badly because s**t happens. It's the wrongest of wrongs to blame a child on the divorce. Your family split up because they weren't happy, noty because of you. I know that better than anybody. What kind of problems are they in? Are your parents still hostile to each other? Are they not done with the all too common divorce war?

Personally, my parents broke up 3 years ago, after 20 years of marriage and having 3 daughters. Me and my immediate sister(5 years younger) would try to prevent that for years, and I was convinced that it's my fault that it got there. Although I wasn't nearly as bothered as I feared I would for all those years, my sister also didn't take the divorce well, which made me feel guilty, and with other things drove me to cut. It was not as excessive and regular as most cutters, but it was still an indication that I had a problem, and after getting therapy and some meds I got better. So I really mean it - A divorce is nearly never related to the child, and even when it is(involving a special child born to parents who were not even ready to cope with a normal kid, let alone a "problematic" one), the child should not be held responsible. I'm pretty sure your parents didn't get along with each other and blamed it on you because they need an easy target.

PM me if you need someone to talk to. emotion_hug
I feel suicidal too.Mostly its my period or when i start thinking of all the f-d up stuff that i've lived through.Try and find something to survive for because just telling yourself "I can survive this" without having a reason doesn't help much.if that doesn't help try an energy drink or martial arts,something with a rush.Adrenaline has been proven to alleviate depression.

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