Welcome to Gaia! ::


Apparently aromantic is a thing? I had no idea until recently! I wish I had heard of it sooner!

I love feeling close to people and making memories with them, but the thought of a romantic relationship just doesn't appeal to me. It never has. I always thought this was because I've had depression and anxiety and a pessimistic attitude towards life, but even when I'm happy and calm, I still have no interest in dating.

I'd always thought romantic relationships were just glorified sexual attraction; I couldn't understand why people put so much importance on them. I have no interest in marriage or having children.

In college I had a sexual partner. We weren't dating; it was a sexual relationship (we'd been friends for a while first.) I liked this better than dating, because it was no pressure, and I didn't have to meet his friends or his parents or anything like that. This ended in 2012 (I decided I didn't want to have sex anymore b/c of the various risks).

This past summer I dated someone briefly. He is a very sweet person, and I love him, but I didn't think I would ever be "in love" with him. He would demonstrate romantic gestures and it all just made me really uncomfortable and I couldn't figure out why. We have a lot in common and get along well; I just didn't want to have a relationship. We ended it by mutual agreement, and I miss him, but only because I miss the friendship aspects and our intellectual conversations.

Soooo yeah. Does this sound like I'm aromantic? Has anyone else had similar experiences?
I suggest looking up people who are aromantic yet are in a relationship, its an interesting view on things and how we perceieve what a close friendship is vs what a relatioship is.

You also may just not like these 2 people but other people, not being in love with 1 person does not mean you arent able to understand the concept of love itself, but that is not something I can tell you is true or not for your situation. If you think you arent into romantic relationship, then you arent. But you can have a close friendship still.
legnanellaf5
I suggest looking up people who are aromantic yet are in a relationship, its an interesting view on things and how we perceieve what a close friendship is vs what a relatioship is.

You also may just not like these 2 people but other people, not being in love with 1 person does not mean you arent able to understand the concept of love itself, but that is not something I can tell you is true or not for your situation. If you think you arent into romantic relationship, then you arent. But you can have a close friendship still.




It can be hard to tell the difference between romantic feelings and friendship feelings....I've had a few "crushes" here and there but looking back I think they were "squishes" instead because I never wanted to date the person, just get to know them better and be friends.

Thanks for your input!! smile 3nodding

Newbie Noob

Austere Lifestyle
...

I'd always thought romantic relationships were just glorified sexual attraction;

They are. If you think about it, the only difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship is sex, and the declaring of intents for more in the future.

Chatty Smoker

I understand the feeling. You do sound aromantic. Have you checked out AVEN and other asexuality resources?
Oblivionic
Austere Lifestyle
...

I'd always thought romantic relationships were just glorified sexual attraction;

They are. If you think about it, the only difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship is sex, and the declaring of intents for more in the future.


Not at all? Tons of people have fwb or other situatiosn where they are friendly and have sex...yet we recognize that it is not at all a relationship. The main thing I think is the level of closeness, there is somethign that you cant recreate in a friendship that you get in a lover. Ideally your lover is your bestest and closest friend. There is also that companionship that really is what people are looking for when they want a relationship. Sharing your life with someone is a big deal, and again that isnt something you can do with just any friend. You need to have someone who is on the same page as you and is will to sacrifice things to keep it that way.

There are also other components that have to do with marriage and kids.
You could be but I wouldn't label yourself as that yet, it could be psychological or personal, or maybe just a phase in your life. I'm the opposite, I'm asexual but I have romantic attraction.

Invisible Assailant

12,500 Points
  • Invisibility 100
  • Forum Junior 100
  • Mark Twain 100
To be honest, I wouldn't put too much thought into labeling this kind of thing, because more often then not it's a generalization that doesn't exactly fit anyway. I would put all that energy into just looking at each person that you meet as them come, and figuring out what you want from them. When you label this stuff, sometimes you start to believe a little too much in the label, and then force your current relationships (of any type) to fit--you start thinking about "should" instead of "I want", and that leads to suboptimal decisions. I personally get better results when I eliminate that s**t from my thinking.

For instance: if I were to pick a label, I'd call myself, broadly speaking, a lesbian. All of the erotica I consume is male-on-male. I don't see that as a contradiction, because I know that "lesbian" doesn't really cover all that I am--it just means (for me) that in my current body, in this current world, I would prefer female sexual partners to essentially the exclusion of male ones. I'm willing to accept that I might one day find an exception--however unlikely--though, and it doesn't mean that I can't find stuff that involves men sexy. If I paid too much heed to the label, my love of slash fiction might be really distressing. Obviously, this isn't a direct parallel to your situation, but maybe you can see what I'm sort of going for?
br0wneyed-babe
I understand the feeling. You do sound aromantic. Have you checked out AVEN and other asexuality resources?


Yes, I have, and it's very interesting stuff. 3nodding There's also some blogs on tumblr devoted to aromantic/asexuality and a lot of the "You may be aromantic if..." articles mention stuff I can really relate to.
Majikkani_Hand
To be honest, I wouldn't put too much thought into labeling this kind of thing, because more often then not it's a generalization that doesn't exactly fit anyway. I would put all that energy into just looking at each person that you meet as them come, and figuring out what you want from them. When you label this stuff, sometimes you start to believe a little too much in the label, and then force your current relationships (of any type) to fit--you start thinking about "should" instead of "I want", and that leads to suboptimal decisions. I personally get better results when I eliminate that s**t from my thinking.

For instance: if I were to pick a label, I'd call myself, broadly speaking, a lesbian. All of the erotica I consume is male-on-male. I don't see that as a contradiction, because I know that "lesbian" doesn't really cover all that I am--it just means (for me) that in my current body, in this current world, I would prefer female sexual partners to essentially the exclusion of male ones. I'm willing to accept that I might one day find an exception--however unlikely--though, and it doesn't mean that I can't find stuff that involves men sexy. If I paid too much heed to the label, my love of slash fiction might be really distressing. Obviously, this isn't a direct parallel to your situation, but maybe you can see what I'm sort of going for?




Yes, I can see what you're saying smile Nothing is 100% black or white, and forcing ourselves to fit perfectly into a box can be quite stressful. Labels provide a general description at best, a sort of "This is usually how things are with me" but may not cover all aspects of our own personal human experience.

Devoted Seeker

18,025 Points
  • Lightbulb 150
  • Spirit of the Smackdown! 100
  • Rat Conqueror 500
you just haven't found the person who would make you think yes they're the one i want to be with and enjoy my endless days with.
when you meet someone they are as important as you or even more, just enjoy life as it comes.
1kaz
you just haven't found the person who would make you think yes they're the one i want to be with and enjoy my endless days with.
when you meet someone they are as important as you or even more, just enjoy life as it comes.

That's like telling someone who's gay that they just haven't found someone of the opposite sex yet...

Anyway, @OP, it does sound like you're aromantic from what you've said. If you want to ID as aro then go for it. There's nothing wrong with exploring and if you find out later that you're not then that's fine too.

Devoted Seeker

18,025 Points
  • Lightbulb 150
  • Spirit of the Smackdown! 100
  • Rat Conqueror 500
tawsyuratan
1kaz
you just haven't found the person who would make you think yes they're the one i want to be with and enjoy my endless days with.
when you meet someone they are as important as you or even more, just enjoy life as it comes.

That's like telling someone who's gay that they just haven't found someone of the opposite sex yet...

Anyway, @OP, it does sound like you're aromantic from what you've said. If you want to ID as aro then go for it. There's nothing wrong with exploring and if you find out later that you're not then that's fine too.


At the end of the day everything will be fine.

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum