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Rainbow_Dash18's avatar

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I posted on here a few months ago, about how my best friend of 10 years and I had a falling out. Well I did as a few of you suggested and sent her a message, apologizing and expressing my desire to work things out between the two of us. I got ignored, of course. Since then she has been hinting in posts all over her facebook (even though she deleted me I can still see her posts when I go to her page, I think she did it on purpose..) about how happy she is without "fake dumbass friends" and how she never needed me in the first place.

I've done all I could, I've swallowed my pride and stretched myself beyond my means, and I've come to the conclusion that we'll most likely never speak again. It hurts so much. Don't get me wrong, in the past few months it's gotten a lot easier to deal with. But then I'll hear a song that we used to sing together, or I'll watch one of our favorite movies or TV shows, or I'll visit a place we used to go together a lot, and I'll just get so mind-numbingly depressed. To make things worse, I don't make friends very easily. I try to, I really do. I try to be there for people, to be the best friend I can be, but something about me just seems to push people away. I've just about given up. I want to vent, to talk to someone and have them just listen instead of judging me, telling me what to do, or telling me I have no reason to feel this way and that I should just forget her. Because I can't, not now. She may be able to easily forget our 10 years of friendship but I can't. I know I'll most likely never find a friend like her again.

I try so hard to hide the pain, to force the smile and try to make the (few) people still left in my life happy, but it hurts whenever I DO try to tell them how I feel, I just get pushed to the side. Any advice on how to make this better?
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Stop going to her page. She didnt make you go stalk her on purpose, this is you going out of your way to look at a fb page of a girl who isnton your friends list anymore.

If she doesnt want to be your friend anymore, you just have to accep it. Beyond that you are limiting yourself by romansticing the friendship. It was 10 years ut that doesnt mean a lot on its own. You CAN get close friends again, you just have to not count people out so easily.

It may be that your neediness is pushing people away. Because you are so there and trying to be the best it can be a bit jarring for a newly made friendship.
Yea.. Your being alittle Stalker-ish with the whole reading her post. Just gotta distance yourself from her. Friends come and go. You were fine before you meet her.. and you gonna be okay now that she left. Like my Mama always said" You weren't born with nobody, and you aint gonna die with them either." Everything is for a season. You'll meet a great friend, and with time forget all about her. Best if luck to you.
You're coming off as very needy. Just a heads up.

First, you stalk her Facebook profile to see if she has posts that are MAYBE about you. Sure, it's interesting how she's suddenly saying she's glad she doesn't have fake friends in her life anymore after you messaged her. That does not necessarily mean the posts are about you (unless she name-dropped you, then she's being rude). She has other friends and likely has other conflicts / drama going on in her life. People like that have a hard time maintaining stable relationships.

Second, you have problems with pushing people away from you. That's because you're clingy. No one wants to be around someone who tries that hard to be the best friend ever. It may seem like always being there should be the greatest trait you could have to offer a new friend, but it's really not. In fact, it's a little unsettling. When you're making new friends, people expect for there to be an element of distance. You're new to each other. You should not be BFFs right off the bat. As a friend, you should be there for people WHEN THEY NEED IT, not all of the time.

It doesn't help that you're going to your current friends with the same issue. They've given you the best advice that anyone can give; get over it. Ten years is a long time to be friends with someone, but we all eventually "grow out of" certain friends. She has moved on with her life, but you're still emotionally stunted. Your friends are trying to help you, or at least, they were trying to help you. Now, you're coming at them with the same problem and same excuses. No, it's not easy to forget about a decade-long friendship. However, you're hurting yourself and damaging your other relationships by dwelling on the past.

Things that will help you move on:
- Block her Facebook so you cannot view her page. In the off chance she replies to your message (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see that either.
- Quit watching old movies / TV series that you have emotionally connected to her. This is temporary. I'm not saying you can never watch X show again in your lifetime, but it's obvious that you're gravitating towards nostalgic hobbies / interests as a means of having some kind of connection to her. This is not healthy.
- Also, quit visiting places you have associated with her. Again, this is until you have moved on. If it's a favorite restaurant, then go to a new restaurant. Go someplace with your other friends.
- Join a group exercise or some other type of class in your community. A new hobby will take your mind off of the pain AND you will meet new people.
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You just need to get over her. You are acting very needy and I can understand why she may be lashing out that way. Block her on Facebook so you wont be tempted to see her account and stop going to the places where you used to go. The easiest way to get over someone is to block off all ways of contacting them or seeing them and then find something new to distract yourself.

Make new friends. It's never hard. You may not see it but there may be qualities about you that others will see in.

If making friends is hard, find a hobby. Distraction is the best cure to get over things.
Rainbow_Dash18's avatar

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You're coming off as very needy. Just a heads up.

First, you stalk her Facebook profile to see if she has posts that are MAYBE about you. Sure, it's interesting how she's suddenly saying she's glad she doesn't have fake friends in her life anymore after you messaged her. That does not necessarily mean the posts are about you (unless she name-dropped you, then she's being rude). She has other friends and likely has other conflicts / drama going on in her life. People like that have a hard time maintaining stable relationships.

Second, you have problems with pushing people away from you. That's because you're clingy. No one wants to be around someone who tries that hard to be the best friend ever. It may seem like always being there should be the greatest trait you could have to offer a new friend, but it's really not. In fact, it's a little unsettling. When you're making new friends, people expect for there to be an element of distance. You're new to each other. You should not be BFFs right off the bat. As a friend, you should be there for people WHEN THEY NEED IT, not all of the time.

It doesn't help that you're going to your current friends with the same issue. They've given you the best advice that anyone can give; get over it. Ten years is a long time to be friends with someone, but we all eventually "grow out of" certain friends. She has moved on with her life, but you're still emotionally stunted. Your friends are trying to help you, or at least, they were trying to help you. Now, you're coming at them with the same problem and same excuses. No, it's not easy to forget about a decade-long friendship. However, you're hurting yourself and damaging your other relationships by dwelling on the past.

Things that will help you move on:
- Block her Facebook so you cannot view her page. In the off chance she replies to your message (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see that either.
- Quit watching old movies / TV series that you have emotionally connected to her. This is temporary. I'm not saying you can never watch X show again in your lifetime, but it's obvious that you're gravitating towards nostalgic hobbies / interests as a means of having some kind of connection to her. This is not healthy.
- Also, quit visiting places you have associated with her. Again, this is until you have moved on. If it's a favorite restaurant, then go to a new restaurant. Go someplace with your other friends.
- Join a group exercise or some other type of class in your community. A new hobby will take your mind off of the pain AND you will meet new people.



I should have made this more clear in the first post lol. I don't stalk her page, people will message me and tell me she just posted a status about me, which is when I go to her page and look at said status. I know it's about me because she doesn't really have any other friends. She never really goes places, just stays at the house with her boyfriend. And I'm far from clingy. I'm coming off as needy because I came here to let my feelings out, instead of keeping them inside like I always do. Pretty much the only advice I've received from my friends is Forget about her. What I really need is just someone to talk to, so I can get it all out.I'm not clingy towards new friends at all. They just stop talking to me. And I don't know why. It's not like I message them constantly, its just that we can never seem to overcome the initial distance. Thanks for the advice though xD
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Well if she ignored you then you need to move on and stop "stalking" her facebook page because that won't help you and it just makes you look desperate and petty.

Vague messages like that can mean anything. It might not even be you that she is talking about but different people. You shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Even if it was about you, you need to stop chasing after someone who doesn't care about you nor like you anymore. Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't care about you or thinks less of you.

So my advice is for you to just put the past behind you and just move forward on this.
Make new friends and try to be happy with your own life.
You can remember fond memories but you must make it clear on that its something of the past and that things are different now.
Just try to avoid things related to her.
Rainbow_Dash18


I should have made this more clear in the first post lol. I don't stalk her page, people will message me and tell me she just posted a status about me, which is when I go to her page and look at said status.


Um, the people who are messaging you to tattle on her are ... just trying to cause drama. If they message you, I'd message back and say something like "I appreciate your interest, but I respect [Ex-friend] too much to intrude on her space, and I'd like you to stop relaying any information you see on her page to me." And then I would not go check it out. If they kept messaging me with info, I'd block them.

Quote:
What I really need is just someone to talk to, so I can get it all out.I'm not clingy towards new friends at all. They just stop talking to me. And I don't know why. It's not like I message them constantly, its just that we can never seem to overcome the initial distance. Thanks for the advice though xD


Sturgeon's Law is 90% of everything is crap. Crap might be too strong a word, but 90% of the people you meet are going to remain acquaintances, not friends. Just remember that 10% of 500 is a lot more than 10% of 10, right? Keep meeting people and be patient.

I've generally had more success making friends when there's some kind of common interest/activity, like a knitting group, anime club, community theatre program. You see them every week, so you get regular low-stress face time with each other, AND you have something fun and interesting to talk about.
shezu's avatar

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Rainbow_Dash18



I should have made this more clear in the first post lol. I don't stalk her page, people will message me and tell me she just posted a status about me, which is when I go to her page and look at said status. I know it's about me because she doesn't really have any other friends. She never really goes places, just stays at the house with her boyfriend. And I'm far from clingy. I'm coming off as needy because I came here to let my feelings out, instead of keeping them inside like I always do. Pretty much the only advice I've received from my friends is Forget about her. What I really need is just someone to talk to, so I can get it all out.I'm not clingy towards new friends at all. They just stop talking to me. And I don't know why. It's not like I message them constantly, its just that we can never seem to overcome the initial distance. Thanks for the advice though xD


Then you tell your friends that you appreciate their concern but you don't want anything to do with her anymore because she has already made it clear that you aren't friends anymore, so you just want to put this all behind you and move forward.

Don't check up on her anymore because she isn't worth it. She has made that clear to you. And stalking her page is a petty and ugly thing to do.

As I said on my first post just put this mess behind you and move forward.
Rainbow_Dash18
Twin Suns Three
You're coming off as very needy. Just a heads up.

First, you stalk her Facebook profile to see if she has posts that are MAYBE about you. Sure, it's interesting how she's suddenly saying she's glad she doesn't have fake friends in her life anymore after you messaged her. That does not necessarily mean the posts are about you (unless she name-dropped you, then she's being rude). She has other friends and likely has other conflicts / drama going on in her life. People like that have a hard time maintaining stable relationships.

Second, you have problems with pushing people away from you. That's because you're clingy. No one wants to be around someone who tries that hard to be the best friend ever. It may seem like always being there should be the greatest trait you could have to offer a new friend, but it's really not. In fact, it's a little unsettling. When you're making new friends, people expect for there to be an element of distance. You're new to each other. You should not be BFFs right off the bat. As a friend, you should be there for people WHEN THEY NEED IT, not all of the time.

It doesn't help that you're going to your current friends with the same issue. They've given you the best advice that anyone can give; get over it. Ten years is a long time to be friends with someone, but we all eventually "grow out of" certain friends. She has moved on with her life, but you're still emotionally stunted. Your friends are trying to help you, or at least, they were trying to help you. Now, you're coming at them with the same problem and same excuses. No, it's not easy to forget about a decade-long friendship. However, you're hurting yourself and damaging your other relationships by dwelling on the past.

Things that will help you move on:
- Block her Facebook so you cannot view her page. In the off chance she replies to your message (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see that either.
- Quit watching old movies / TV series that you have emotionally connected to her. This is temporary. I'm not saying you can never watch X show again in your lifetime, but it's obvious that you're gravitating towards nostalgic hobbies / interests as a means of having some kind of connection to her. This is not healthy.
- Also, quit visiting places you have associated with her. Again, this is until you have moved on. If it's a favorite restaurant, then go to a new restaurant. Go someplace with your other friends.
- Join a group exercise or some other type of class in your community. A new hobby will take your mind off of the pain AND you will meet new people.



I should have made this more clear in the first post lol. I don't stalk her page, people will message me and tell me she just posted a status about me, which is when I go to her page and look at said status. I know it's about me because she doesn't really have any other friends. She never really goes places, just stays at the house with her boyfriend. And I'm far from clingy. I'm coming off as needy because I came here to let my feelings out, instead of keeping them inside like I always do. Pretty much the only advice I've received from my friends is Forget about her. What I really need is just someone to talk to, so I can get it all out.I'm not clingy towards new friends at all. They just stop talking to me. And I don't know why. It's not like I message them constantly, its just that we can never seem to overcome the initial distance. Thanks for the advice though xD

You're using your friends' interest as an excuse. It's not healthy and it is accomplishing nothing short of trapping you in this depressive funk because you know you can't say anything to her. Quit. Going. To. Her. Page. Tell your friends that you appreciate their concern but you are trying to move on with your life, which means you are no longer spying on her page and you don't even want to hear that she's said something (maybe) about you.

I still think you're being awfully presumptive. I made a vague, passive-aggressive Facebook status about a former friend who was trash-talking me behind my back in high school. At the time, I was having a row with two different people for similar reasons. One of them sent me a message because she saw the status and assumed I was talking about her. In fact, I was talking about the other person.

You are flattering yourself if you think that you are the only person she could possibly be talking about. Even if she is talking about you, who cares? Let her make all the juvenile posts she wants about fake friends who aren't there to defend themselves, but quit killing yourself by visiting her page and having your feelings hurt over and over. Move forward with your life.

Your friends are still giving you valid advice. Forget about her because she is no longer a part of your life. Go out and meet new people.
Adversative
Sturgeon's Law is 90% of everything is crap. Crap might be too strong a word, but 90% of the people you meet are going to remain acquaintances, not friends. Just remember that 10% of 500 is a lot more than 10% of 10, right? Keep meeting people and be patient.

I've generally had more success making friends when there's some kind of common interest/activity, like a knitting group, anime club, community theatre program. You see them every week, so you get regular low-stress face time with each other, AND you have something fun and interesting to talk about.

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