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My dad and I got into an argument tonight about my college application process. Since he has insisted on writing almost all my college essays for me, I'm kind of stuck with simply editing what he has already written. Well, tonight he gave me a draft of what he wrote out, and I told him that it what he wrote sounded so impersonal and robotic, that it didn't sound like me. He got super pissed, saying stuff like "I help you out all the time, and this is what you get? I go through all this trouble and you sit here on your a** whining and complaining about it". Mind you, I actually got into a different argument prior to this one, because I wanted to write my own essays, and it ended with his ultimatum that he wouldn't help pay for the application if I didn't let him write most of my essays. So essentially, he COULD have decided to let me write my own essays, but he chose not to. The argument then started to branch off in different directions, because, well, there's a lot of underlying hatred that I carry for him for a variety of different reasons which I'll probably elaborate on as I type this. He went on to say things like, "You're going to get rejected from 90% of these schools that you're applying to, because you're not good enough" or "If only you had tried harder, you would have had a fighting chance at these colleges", even going on to call me a "piece of s**t" and a b***h.

Now this is nothing really new for me, and one could even argue that I'm better off now than during my childhood when he used to physically abuse me...but the gravity of my situation as a whole sort of hit me tonight. This sort of behavior has not gone unnoticed by other people. For example, he constantly emails my teachers about my grades (which are high B's to mid A's right now and always have been...). On one occasion, one of my teachers accidentally submitted a 10 instead of 100, and my dad emailed that teacher within only an hour, telling him to correct it. Another time, a year or two later, this same teacher agreed to write my a letter of recommendation, and because my dad wanted that teacher to "hurry up", he thought it reasonable to bombard that teacher with emails, despite my warnings not to. In fact, my teacher actually told me that I'm lucky that he knows me well enough to know that I'm not behind my dad's harassment tendencies. As a result of my dad's behavior, almost every teacher at my school who has taught me knows me as the girl whose dad is a micromanaging asshat. He's not even respectful to HIS OWN parents, who actually gave him their old house. Instead of being the least bit thankful, he decides to complain about the condition of the house. He doesn't get along with my mom, either. In an email he sent to her just yesterday (cced me) regarding my college essays, he told her, "Such a sad, excuse-making Ivy League grad. Pathetic actually to see how your attitudes have gotten so much worse over time. I should have let you fail at Princeton. You deserved it." Then, on occasions like tonight, he yells at me for my "inability to get along with anyone", citing himself as the only example. neutral So, I guess you guys kind of get the fact that he's a universal a**.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I'm worried that his harassing me will continue into my adult life, which I don't want, and I also need to learn to let go of my anger towards him. Seeing his interactions with my mom and his parents are a good sign that that could be me after I leave high school. I just don't want to see him again, ever. Not for Christmas, not for a wedding in the future, never. I don't need more emotional baggage in my life right now. There have been times when I've been upset with myself for forgetting a homework assignment or some s**t, and he'll use that as an opportunity to bring up the fact that he thinks I'm a failure at life, that I'll never be as successful as he is (he went to Harvard and he's a lawyer, but he does earn about $50,000 a year, which is pretty damn low for a lawyer :S). When this happens, it's sort of like he just confirmed my insecurities. When I think about it intellectually, I realize that what he's saying and doing is completely out of line, but, emotionally, I'm just so furious that my reputation has already been affected by his actions. I don't want him to define who I am, and I certainly don't want to be anything like him, an angry person who is dissatisfied with his life. And also, like I said earlier, I definitely don't want him to be a part of my life to directly affect my reputation in the future. The problem is, I already do have a bit of an anger issue, because I quickly get angry when people do things that remind me of what my dad does, e.g. certain phrases like "you know that right"? When I do get angry, it's pretty explosive, and I actually punched a hole in the wall at my grandparents' place a while back. I just really need help on removing what emotional baggage is already present, preventing future emotional baggage from accumulating, and getting him the hell out of my life for good.

Sorry for making this so long. I'm just really frustrated, and I really wish I could just get the hell out of here right now. (I don't have a car, and he threatens to tell my teachers what a bad person I am if I go anywhere or do something he doesn't agree with.) Thanks for reading this, whoever you guys are.
It gets better in the sense that you are goign to be able to move out and not be controlled by his every whim. It sucks that right now he is using money to controll you, but the other choicei s a much harder one. If it makes it better, he legally cant do the teacher thing in college since you would be an adult. He can still pressure you for thigns but he cant talk to them on your behalf and he cant really make you do courses he wants since it is under your name. He may get better once he fears you will leave forever, but if not, you can cut him out of your life. Not now, you do still need him, but as a functional adult if you decide he isnt worth your time, you can stop it.

For your own issues, if you fear you have anger management problems you can go to counseling, and you should really do that regardless because of the abuse.
Wow, your dad sounds like a pompous a** who thinks he's too good for everyone else. And if that is how he treats your mother, how did they get married in the first place, anyway? I'm sorry you have to deal with that. :/
Mule Account wh00p
it ended with his ultimatum that he wouldn't help pay for the application if I didn't let him write most of my essays.


Can you get your mom or grandparents to pay for the applications? I feel like the less you have to do with your dad, the better off you are.

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I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I'm worried that his harassing me will continue into my adult life, which I don't want, and I also need to learn to let go of my anger towards him.


He is probably always going to be an a**, and as long as you are financially dependent on him (through college and a bit beyond, probably, depending on how your family is planning on paying for college) he's going to keep harassing you.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS is that when you no longer rely on him for money or shelter, which WILL happen at some point, you can just ... not talk to him. Ever again. You can block his emails, refuse to visit him at Christmas, and live a good life without him. (If your mom and grandparents are still in contact with him you might have to deal with some guilt /pressure to maintain a relationship, but it's pretty easy to stick to your guns.)

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I really wish I could just get the hell out of here right now. (I don't have a car, and he threatens to tell my teachers what a bad person I am if I go anywhere or do something he doesn't agree with.)


If your dad threatens you physically or financially/logistically, then yeah, unfortunately, those are threats to take seriously. But if he threatens to tell your teachers you're a bad person ...? He's going to look TERRIBLE and no one's going to believe him. Your teachers already know he's a micromanaging a**.

Are your parents divorced? Can you talk to your mom or other family members about his terrible behavior?

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