I'm terrified of commitment...

[Rather Cruel]

A year and a half ago I was engaged to a horrible person.
But he wasn't always that way. But after all the lies and hurt and pain...
After all the secrets, I'm terrified to fully commit into a relationship.
I just feel completely lost when it comes to that....
I used to see myself married ... Baking for a husband that would wrap his arms around me an love me for me... And now after that I can't seem to see that vision anymore...

[quayla666]

You sound like you are still hurting from the past. Have you obtained any psychological help for your past relationship issues? It might help you get back that piece of you that you lost. Sometimes it takes a little extra help to get yourself back to whom you are. heart

[BigChungyWungy]

▌Try not to get too wrapped up in your fantasies, or else you'll be too busy trying to find that guy and you won't see what's in front of you already.▌

[vaporvvave]

I feel ya.

[Rather Cruel]

quayla666

You sound like you are still hurting from the past. Have you obtained any psychological help for your past relationship issues? It might help you get back that piece of you that you lost. Sometimes it takes a little extra help to get yourself back to whom you are. heart

I am. I have everything including my virginity and was engaged to him for A year it was terrible

[banio]

Then don't fully commit to a relationship. Focus on you-- interests, hobbies, working on changing a habit, supportive friends, work/school/volunteering, a pet you want, whatever. If it feels like you've been doing that for a long time, I'd recommend: a) change things up or, if you're in a sweet spot, do it a little longer (it's a good thing to do), or b) seek support in moving to the next phase of your life.

Sometimes experiences, good or bad, do change the way that we look into the future. That idea of commitment may come back to you after a while. At the same time, not looking for that particular image or idea may end up being a good thing.

It does sound like seeing a good therapist might help. You don't say much about what went on in the relationship, but it might be helpful to have goals that include identifying red flags in potential partners. Not every a*****e has an obvious tell, but most assholes have a few, and it's easy to be blindsided by when you haven't encountered them up close and personal.

Feeling like you've bumped up your a*****e-perception a few points won't solve the problem, but it may make you more confident while you put feelers out for a new relationship. Also, congratulations on getting out of your last relationship. It can be really hard to do.

[Ashachuu]

I'm in the exact same boat. It sucks. I understand completely.

I was engaged to someone two years ago, thought he was the one, could see myself loving and being loved for the rest of our lives. But s**t went down and his true colors came out.

I still am trying to get back on my feet, but talking/seeing a psychologist really does help. I've been seeing one for a few months cause I finally just broke and cried legit everyday. I go every other Wednesday to talk to this guy and it really has been helpful.

I'm also not sure if I want to commit to a relationship. I feel like i'm not sure if I can love or if i just love the idea of being in love? It's so weird.

My family keeps pushing me to find someone, look online for local dates, doing more stuff that I don't normally do cause 'i might met someone' and i'm just like yeahhh...

I feel if it's gonna happen it'll happen and you shouldn't push it. Not everyone is ment to be married, maybe you and I are in that category. That idea scares me a bit because I do want to be with someone, but at the same time that idea is horrifying.

I'm just so lost and confused so i totally know what you're going through...

[maikaymon]

I think you still need time to heal up to decide whether or not you can start a future relationship.
I don't know how long since you've been divorced ... but everyone heals in different time lengths. I mean, I'm still healing right now, and its been about a year and a half. Others take years, months, or weeks. You should cure yourself first. Love yourself and do things that make you happy. Maybe then you could slowly gain back trust in love relationships and learn who you actually are. I wish you good luck!

[MendoGurl]

Rather Cruel

A year and a half ago I was engaged to a horrible person.
But he wasn't always that way. But after all the lies and hurt and pain...
After all the secrets, I'm terrified to fully commit into a relationship.
I just feel completely lost when it comes to that....
I used to see myself married ... Baking for a husband that would wrap his arms around me an love me for me... And now after that I can't seem to see that vision anymore...

s**t happens, this is the time to focus on yourself and find what makes you truly happy without a man. be independent- find the inner you that has been lost!

[Stale Taste]

Then take the time to enjoy your life and heal. Healing doesn't always have to be a controlled thing when a lot of it is learning to be happy again.

[quayla666]

Rather Cruel

quayla666

You sound like you are still hurting from the past. Have you obtained any psychological help for your past relationship issues? It might help you get back that piece of you that you lost. Sometimes it takes a little extra help to get yourself back to whom you are. heart

I am. I have everything including my virginity and was engaged to him for A year it was terrible

Than it would be strongly urged for you to seek out a good psychologist. If the first one doesn't work out, keep trying with them, until you find someone that does work for you.

[Cloverstamp]

People who are afraid of commitment just know how serious it is.