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Theallmightypoe

it's gradual. You talk to someone. You help someone. They help you. You guys talk about things other than what you're doing. You guys end up doing something later. its kinda like dating, minus the sexy time.

Hmm. So the first step is clearly to figure out how to make small talk. I'll probably have a lot of questions about that after my writer's group meets tomorrow.

What do you mean by 'doing something?' All my coworkers do is drink heavily, so I'm not sure what else there is. Also, sometimes, a group of friends does things. How does that work?

You brought up another thing that's been confusing me: besides 'touching,' what's the difference between lovers and friends?
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Theallmightypoe

it's gradual. You talk to someone. You help someone. They help you. You guys talk about things other than what you're doing. You guys end up doing something later. its kinda like dating, minus the sexy time.

Hmm. So the first step is clearly to figure out how to make small talk. I'll probably have a lot of questions about that after my writer's group meets tomorrow.

What do you mean by 'doing something?' All my coworkers do is drink heavily, so I'm not sure what else there is. Also, sometimes, a group of friends does things. How does that work?

You brought up another thing that's been confusing me: besides 'touching,' what's the difference between lovers and friends?


small talk is learned through practice.

doing something....such as going to grab a bite to eat, going to a club, playing video games together, something done in a group.

Lovers- someone you can relate to and want to make happy everyday

Friends- someone you can relate to and can always be yourself with without fear of being judged.
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I'll be your friend.
Theallmightypoe


small talk is learned through practice.

doing something....such as going to grab a bite to eat, going to a club, playing video games together, something done in a group.

Huh. I'm assuming it probably won't work to wait for the other person to initiate the outing... What is the value of eating? It seems merely to be another opportunity for the small talk that we have been engaging in at the group. Is there anything beyond small talk? If not, I'm not entirely sure I see the point of being social.

Quote:
Lovers- someone you can relate to and want to make happy everyday

Friends- someone you can relate to and can always be yourself with without fear of being judged.

I am confused. Do you not want to make your friends happy? Can you not be yourself around your lover?

Doctor TC

Great. Now I just have to figure out what the hell that even means.
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Theallmightypoe


small talk is learned through practice.

doing something....such as going to grab a bite to eat, going to a club, playing video games together, something done in a group.

Huh. I'm assuming it probably won't work to wait for the other person to initiate the outing... What is the value of eating? It seems merely to be another opportunity for the small talk that we have been engaging in at the group. Is there anything beyond small talk? If not, I'm not entirely sure I see the point of being social.

Quote:
Lovers- someone you can relate to and want to make happy everyday

Friends- someone you can relate to and can always be yourself with without fear of being judged.

I am confused. Do you not want to make your friends happy? Can you not be yourself around your lover?

Doctor TC

Great. Now I just have to figure out what the hell that even means.



Lets change things up. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE DIFFERENCE OF LOVERS AND FRIENDS ARE sorry on phone, my caps lock doesnt mean anything.
Theallmightypoe

Lets change things up. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE DIFFERENCE OF LOVERS AND FRIENDS ARE sorry on phone, my caps lock doesnt mean anything.

Trivially, lovers love each other while friends merely like each other. I shall attempt to understand by analogy, as I love playing piano and like writing.

To love someone is to feel complete. To see the face of God, one might say ( razz ). Said person might cause in you a broad range of emotions, but at the end of the day you cannot imagine not having that person. If you were to lose him, you would lose a significant source of light and joy in your life.

To like someone, then, is to associate a mild sense of enjoyment with said person. Conflict is harder to recover from, but if you do your bonds will (I think?) be stronger.

And I guess to be loved by someone feels.... safe I guess?

As to how this difference manifests behaviorally, the most obvious difference is sex (though it is not at all obvious that this follows from the above). Further, the existence of 'friends with benefits' shows that this is far from a defining behavior.

It is trivial that lovers would spend more time with each other than friends. They are also far more likely to alter their lives for each other (e.g. leaving a good job to take care of the kids, moving across the country, etc.).

This leads me to believe that there is no significant difference in the day-to-day interaction of lovers vs. friends. There are merely different amounts.

But that feels wrong because some people supposedly have best friends that they hang around with constantly, and protestations such as "I can't date you; you're my friend" imply that there is some difference which is more significant.
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Doctor TC
I'll be your friend.

Great. Now I just have to figure out what the hell that even means.


It means, he wishes to be someone you can experiment with as a friend.

Go ahead.
what the hell is this?
I feel like you are trolling, how could you just suddenly question everything as if you don't have the slightest clue about how to feel, you are 20, and it seems like you are going through your mid-life crisis.
you say you study alot yet you question the most simple things, having someone explain it to you to the best of their abilitys. I doubt it isn't something that hasn't crossed your mind before and even if it is I think you should get your own idea about events, people, or things. it is nice to get other peoples input but it doesn't mean you have to believe the same thing.
instead of asking everyone else, I think you should get the answers for yourself.

what do you think a friend is? what do you think they do? what they mean? do you want any? do you want to be a friend to someone else? what do you think that would make you do?
The questions are endless but I'm sure you can form a opinion.
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oh my gosh you're such a stubborn butt. Look, I hate watching sports, I find it uninteresting and I don't want to root for one team just because I live here. I hate where I live, our sports teams here are the worst. I live in Michigan, it's so retarded we're called Michiganders.
The only sports I like to play are bowling and vollyball. Let me explain why before you start nerding out about it. I like vollyball because yes you're just hitting something over a net, but you're beating something so at least it gets out a little aggression. As for bowling you can get pretty strong with it. You have to be precise and hit the pins perfectly. I would reccomend such a sport for a braniac like you.
Funerals. Well yes everyone hates them, but, hey if you don't have respect for someone in life, have respect for the dead.
Weddings. Yes well seeing someone getting all smoochie tochie with someone else is kinda gross, but you have to have respect for their love. They love each other, you out of anyone should understand why it must be done delicately. And people must understand what others will go through for love. If they don't they may understand they love them, they may assume they love them but they may love someone else more or are not taling their love seriously.
Fashion/style. Yes, I hate labels too, but that doesn't mean fashion is a label. Your style shows how you are, what your personality is like. God, I get some of my clothes from walmart. I just like to show my true coolness. Being myself and being the best person I can be. But by this you have to accept everyone else who wants to be themself and is trying to be the best person they can be.
If you want a friend you have to be a friend. Stop compaining. You're not going through a mid-life crisis, you're going through pubirty. Start acting your age. You can be mature and still be young. There are kid geniuses aren't there. You don't have to be an adult to be smart. You're acting to old. Adults have the tendancy to forget how life can be fun and great. They've lived so long nothing feels as fun anymore. Don't be a grandpa, complaining about the young wippersnappers in love and the stupid wippersnapper that died. Accept you can be someone and do something and you'll live. Stay this way and you'll just be alive.
Well for one stop sounding like you would have to endure other humans.
Well, you two have certainly given me a lot to think about!
creature 626
what the hell is this?
I feel like you are trolling, how could you just suddenly question everything as if you don't have the slightest clue about how to feel, you are 20, and it seems like you are going through your mid-life crisis.

I mostly understand how I work and have no intention of changing that. However, I have recently discovered that my lack of understanding of other people is hurting me, so I am trying to fix this.
Quote:
you say you study alot yet you question the most simple things, having someone explain it to you to the best of their abilitys. I doubt it isn't something that hasn't crossed your mind before and even if it is I think you should get your own idea about events, people, or things. it is nice to get other peoples input but it doesn't mean you have to believe the same thing.
instead of asking everyone else, I think you should get the answers for yourself.

Finding out for myself was the first thing I tried. After this ended poorly for several consecutive attempts, I decided that the benefit of learning this way was not worth the cost. I ask so many questions about such simple things because I no longer trust my intuition on this matter.

Quote:
what do you think a friend is? what do you think they do? what they mean? do you want any? do you want to be a friend to someone else? what do you think that would make you do?
The questions are endless but I'm sure you can form a opinion.
I assume these questions are rhetorical. I do have a general idea of what a friend is. I ask the questions I ask to make sure my idea is correct and then to refine it into something I can use.
silver dew
oh my gosh you're such a stubborn butt. Look, I hate watching sports, I find it uninteresting and I don't want to root for one team just because I live here. I hate where I live, our sports teams here are the worst. I live in Michigan, it's so retarded we're called Michiganders.
The only sports I like to play are bowling and vollyball. Let me explain why before you start nerding out about it. I like vollyball because yes you're just hitting something over a net, but you're beating something so at least it gets out a little aggression. As for bowling you can get pretty strong with it. You have to be precise and hit the pins perfectly. I would reccomend such a sport for a braniac like you.

I can see how you'd think me stubborn. However, please note that I have come to understand the mentality of sports fans. Further, while I appreciate your attempt to explain your enjoyment of bowling and volleyball, I understand perfectly why playing sports is fun.
Quote:

Funerals. Well yes everyone hates them, but, hey if you don't have respect for someone in life, have respect for the dead.
It is not obvious to me that dead people are important. I get that I ought to show sympathy to those that had an emotional attachment to them, but that's as far ad it goes.
Quote:

Weddings. Yes well seeing someone getting all smoochie tochie with someone else is kinda gross, but you have to have respect for their love. They love each other, you out of anyone should understand why it must be done delicately. And people must understand what others will go through for love. If they don't they may understand they love them, they may assume they love them but they may love someone else more or are not taling their love seriously.

I used to play piano. Never was I more happy than when I playing it. It brought me purpose, and my pursuit of musical perfection made me a better person. In short, I loved it. Now I am not claiming that my love for my hobby is as significant as two peoples' love for each other. I can accept that finding someone to love who loves you back is more difficult and more special even than falling in love with a hobby. I just don't see why it's so much more special that I'm expected to fly to the other side of the country because someone whom I barely know is signing a contract with the man she loves.
Quote:

Fashion/style. Yes, I hate labels too, but that doesn't mean fashion is a label. Your style shows how you are, what your personality is like. God, I get some of my clothes from walmart. I just like to show my true coolness. Being myself and being the best person I can be. But by this you have to accept everyone else who wants to be themself and is trying to be the best person they can be.

How do clothes reflect personality? Shouldn't your personality be sufficient? What does this have to do with being the best person you can be?
Quote:

If you want a friend you have to be a friend. Stop compaining. You're not going through a mid-life crisis, you're going through pubirty. Start acting your age. You can be mature and still be young. There are kid geniuses aren't there. You don't have to be an adult to be smart. You're acting to old. Adults have the tendancy to forget how life can be fun and great. They've lived so long nothing feels as fun anymore. Don't be a grandpa, complaining about the young wippersnappers in love and the stupid wippersnapper that died. Accept you can be someone and do something and you'll live. Stay this way and you'll just be alive.
I do not claim to be going through a crisis. I am merely trying to understand an important part of life that I have ignored up until now. In all other respects, I consider myself to be happy and fulfilled.
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"And I guess to be loved by someone feels.... safe I guess?"



Wrong. To love someone is the ability to be willing to go to the edges of the earth just for that person. To do anything for them, just because it will make their day. Safe? not even close. It's dangerous, you're giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. It makes no sense, but it makes perfect sense at the time. Love is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Theallmightypoe
"And I guess to be loved by someone feels.... safe I guess?"



Wrong. To love someone is the ability to be willing to go to the edges of the earth just for that person. To do anything for them, just because it will make their day. Safe? not even close. It's dangerous, you're giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. It makes no sense, but it makes perfect sense at the time. Love is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious


I'm not entirely sure I can believe you. I can't even imagine feeling like that. How would that even happen?]
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Theallmightypoe
"And I guess to be loved by someone feels.... safe I guess?"



Wrong. To love someone is the ability to be willing to go to the edges of the earth just for that person. To do anything for them, just because it will make their day. Safe? not even close. It's dangerous, you're giving someone your heart and trusting them not to break it. It makes no sense, but it makes perfect sense at the time. Love is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious


I'm not entirely sure I can believe you. I can't even imagine feeling like that. How would that even happen?]


that's the beauty of it. You can't imagine it until it happens to you.

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