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Dapper Codger

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You have no friends because you think everything they do is stupid.

So don't think of those things as stupid.

Easy.
Theallmightypoe


For the funeral. It's not necessarily for the dead person. it's about them, but it's for the people who cared deeply for that individual. It's a ritual that allows the still living to come to terms with the death and start letting go.

How?
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Theallmightypoe


For the funeral. It's not necessarily for the dead person. it's about them, but it's for the people who cared deeply for that individual. It's a ritual that allows the still living to come to terms with the death and start letting go.

How?


by talking about the good times, the bad times, and by just remembering the kind of person he was (usually in a good light). It also allows the people who knew the deceased to get together and talk. Allows them to be surrounded by people who also miss the deceased. Where they can talk to one another and ease the pain.
Theallmightypoe

by talking about the good times, the bad times, and by just remembering the kind of person he was (usually in a good light). It also allows the people who knew the deceased to get together and talk. Allows them to be surrounded by people who also miss the deceased. Where they can talk to one another and ease the pain.

It just seems rather counter-intuitive. How is talking about something more effective than actually moving on?
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Theallmightypoe

by talking about the good times, the bad times, and by just remembering the kind of person he was (usually in a good light). It also allows the people who knew the deceased to get together and talk. Allows them to be surrounded by people who also miss the deceased. Where they can talk to one another and ease the pain.

It just seems rather counter-intuitive. How is talking about something more effective than actually moving on?


Its a way of moving on. And you get support from others to help move on
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I have a lot of friend, but none of them seems to be a person who i can rely on and yea. Sometimes i even feel left out even thou' i hang out with a bunch. I feel sorry for you.
Theallmightypoe


Its a way of moving on. And you get support from others to help move on

Hrm. I get the feeling I'm not asking the right questions here. Let's table this for the moment while I figure out what's really confusing me. In the mean time, let's talk about some practical applications.

So I'm buying something, right? In the past, I've considered it good form to never say any more than necessary to the cashier on the grounds that we don't know each other and both just want to get on with our day. This is obvious wrong.

So is there anything I can do to brighten my cashier's day when I'm forced into an interaction with him? Asking how he's doing invariably derails to "Good, how 'bout you?" "Good." Any suggestions?

I-Unnie-I
I have a lot of friend, but none of them seems to be a person who i can rely on and yea. Sometimes i even feel left out even thou' i hang out with a bunch. I feel sorry for you.

I appreciate the sentiment. Hopefully you can find a friend to rely on before too long.
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Dapper Codger

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...Now that I'm seeing your responses better...I think I'm understanding your mindset.

You're a Vulcan.

Now, if you're not entirely sure what that is, I'll explain; they're a race from Star Trek that utilize the fullest extent of logic (ie: Spock). More often than not, it means that their personalities are usually cool, and they look at social interactions between humans and try to get a logical reason for doing things.

You're the same way; you're trying to find the logic in doing these actions. Why watch a game where a group of people run a ball up and down a given area? Why talk to someone about their recently passed relative?

You understand what these are, from a logic perspective, but you lack the empathetic response.
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To thr cashier question, try to notice somethong about them and give an honest compliment about it.

I.e. i like your hair, i can never get mine to look so good
or
Wow youre pretty fast,most cashiers tend to take their time.
Dion Necurat
...Now that I'm seeing your responses better...I think I'm understanding your mindset.

You're a Vulcan.

Now, if you're not entirely sure what that is, I'll explain; they're a race from Star Trek that utilize the fullest extent of logic (ie: Spock). More often than not, it means that their personalities are usually cool, and they look at social interactions between humans and try to get a logical reason for doing things.

You're the same way; you're trying to find the logic in doing these actions. Why watch a game where a group of people run a ball up and down a given area? Why talk to someone about their recently passed relative?

You understand what these are, from a logic perspective, but you lack the empathetic response.

You flatter me, but alas, my blood is red.

Theallmightypoe
Hrm. I went to try that, but I found the cashier completely unremarkable. Is there some set of complements that are generally applicable regardless of the target?

Also, do people generally talk to cashiers? I should probably pay attention to that.
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Dapper Codger

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Dion Necurat
...Now that I'm seeing your responses better...I think I'm understanding your mindset.

You're a Vulcan.

Now, if you're not entirely sure what that is, I'll explain; they're a race from Star Trek that utilize the fullest extent of logic (ie: Spock). More often than not, it means that their personalities are usually cool, and they look at social interactions between humans and try to get a logical reason for doing things.

You're the same way; you're trying to find the logic in doing these actions. Why watch a game where a group of people run a ball up and down a given area? Why talk to someone about their recently passed relative?

You understand what these are, from a logic perspective, but you lack the empathetic response.

You flatter me, but alas, my blood is red.


Its less of a claim that you're an alien species from a fictional universe, and more you have the same social qualities of a Vulcan.
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Dion Necurat
...Now that I'm seeing your responses better...I think I'm understanding your mindset.

You're a Vulcan.

Now, if you're not entirely sure what that is, I'll explain; they're a race from Star Trek that utilize the fullest extent of logic (ie: Spock). More often than not, it means that their personalities are usually cool, and they look at social interactions between humans and try to get a logical reason for doing things.

You're the same way; you're trying to find the logic in doing these actions. Why watch a game where a group of people run a ball up and down a given area? Why talk to someone about their recently passed relative?

You understand what these are, from a logic perspective, but you lack the empathetic response.

You flatter me, but alas, my blood is red.

Theallmightypoe
Hrm. I went to try that, but I found the cashier completely unremarkable. Is there some set of complements that are generally applicable regardless of the target?

Also, do people generally talk to cashiers? I should probably pay attention to that.


Some do, some dont.

For general compliments....no idea, you're better off out right lying at that point.
Theallmightypoe

Some do, some dont.

For general compliments....no idea, you're better off out right lying at that point.

Yeah, that's not happening.
I'm not sure why I expected there to be an easy solution. How to attack this....

So we've established that people enjoy complements, which makes perfect sense. This is obviously no substitute for conversation, but if I can find a way to work it in somewhere, it is reasonable to assume that the other person will view me more favorably and thus be more willing to talk to me.

So when I attend my writing group I ought to put more focus than I have been on what people are doing well. But comments on writing are expected. Comments on, say, clothing are not. Therefore, I anticipate that such complements would be more effective than "you wrote this really well."

And now I really need to stop going over what I already know and find out something new. What do relative strangers seek to accomplish when talking to each other?
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Theallmightypoe

Some do, some dont.

For general compliments....no idea, you're better off out right lying at that point.

Yeah, that's not happening.
I'm not sure why I expected there to be an easy solution. How to attack this....

So we've established that people enjoy complements, which makes perfect sense. This is obviously no substitute for conversation, but if I can find a way to work it in somewhere, it is reasonable to assume that the other person will view me more favorably and thus be more willing to talk to me.

So when I attend my writing group I ought to put more focus than I have been on what people are doing well. But comments on writing are expected. Comments on, say, clothing are not. Therefore, I anticipate that such complements would be more effective than "you wrote this really well."

And now I really need to stop going over what I already know and find out something new. What do relative strangers seek to accomplish when talking to each other?


They seek nothing. Random strangers are always busy doing there own thing. Im not saying dont speak to them, but try to keep conversation based on the context of the situation.
Theallmightypoe


They seek nothing. Random strangers are always busy doing there own thing. Im not saying dont speak to them, but try to keep conversation based on the context of the situation.

I asked that poorly. I certainly don't intend to speak to random people for absolutely no reason. Let's say two people in a bar or at an event are talking to each other. What do they want?

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