I had sex with him...well...kinda

.

..	100.0%	[ 61 ]
Total Votes:			[ 61 ]

[`Typik]

Songo-Hanli Aanali

`Typik

I'm a jackass for giving you my opinion?
I have the full story now and I'm giving you my advice, you're the jackass for making such a big bitchfit out of me saying he should be with her, not you

Listen, why did you tell him to think it through if you say it would be "Great if he chose her"? If you think that, you don't need to tell him

and its obvious when you told him to think it through you're trying to put yourself as an option to him. which = pressure

He has a family
you're not part of it

If he claims he loves you he would've chose you, hes probably using the "Have to" thing as an excuse, you can tell me over and over again that its not, but you don't know if it is or not
and the fact hes willing to be beside her in a hospital for the baby is an obvious indicator that yes he wants to be with her
and yes he used that excuse so you wouldn't feel rejected

Move on
Seriously
He needs to be with his family
She said she wants him with her to take care of their family
thats what he wants to do

Don't tell him to give it thought, that'll just pressure him
He loves his family, and he may love you, he may not, but he loves his family more, and his family wants him now, and if you honestly love him
you'll understand his situation and let him be with her without asking him to decide between you two.

you know what he truly wants to do deep inside
thats why it hurts you, if you honestly thought you were hurting because of the fact he said he had to be with her and the fact that she was a b***h that'll dump him over and over again, then you wouldn't be hurting, you'd know it wouldn't work out

but I'm sorry
thats not the case
you're hurting because you know what has to happen
and thats most likely what will happen

I pretty much agree with most everything they've said.

Since when does someone honestly love a friend with benefits? Why didn't he make you his girlfriend? And why would you be so obsessive over someone who knew they were about to be a father and was seeking sexual solitude with a "friend"?

I am not trying to be rude. I'm sorry you are hurt, I'd like to make you feel better, but for yo to honestly Be better, you should cut this person out of your life totally. It is a bad situation to place yourself in, especially if he feels you are this expendable already. You DESERVE better. It is easier to get over a left loved one than you may realize, and you can start your own life and relationship with someone new, no strings attached. I know from personal experience its never a "have to"...its a get out of jail free card.

Advice is never given in spite, and you may not like to take it to heart but no one here s trying to hurt you.

and the fact I'm taking the time to post this much and make these huge posts about it just shows I'm trying to give helpful advice and she keeps making a big deal out of it

[iRideOn]

Life Issues Account

3dg_lover87

Life Issues Account

so this guy and me have been kinda friends with benefits, but we were still in love, but couldn't be together
he has a child, just born
he crushed me telling me about how he might have to get back with his ex, but he still loves me
the other day we were hanging out and he was acting like everything was okay, holding my hand, kissing me randomly, and well yeah, we got kinda into it, he was fingering me, then we just kinda had sex...kinda it's just cause I was like extremely vulnerable with him breaking my heart like that they day before, but after like 5 minutes I snapped out of it and asked him to stop, he was nice and listened...
but still...I feel bad...cause now even more if he gets back with his ex it will hurt me even more...

also I don't see why he has to date her again...who ever said you had to date to raise your child, you can just be good friends, can't you

apparently I have to make this clear so...I WANT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY, I WANT HIM TO BE IN THE BABY'S LIFE, I LOVE THE CHILD, I ASK HIM STUFF ABOUT THE BABY, AND I DON'T WANT THAT TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM

Edit #2 cause that Typik person is a jack a**, I AM NOT MAKING NO DECISIONS FOR HIM, ALL I TOLD HIM WAS TO THINK IT THROUGH!

i actually agree with 'typik, then again i dont. you want to be with this dude, correct? and he claims to love you, right? well, if he loves you so much, whys he wanna get back with her? hes mostlikley using you for "stuff", yes the "stuff" i colored red, that his ex wont do with him.
think about it before you respond...and quite being a b***h towards 'typik.

he feels he HAS to, I just don't want him to make the mistake that will cause him not to see his baby again if they break up, again, because he could see the baby just the same if he was only good friends with her, at least until he is sure, he didn't see the girl for like 4 months, and then he spends 3 days straight with her, and he shouldn't make a decision with spending so little time with her in such a long amount of time, he should wait until his head is clear

so, in your little tiny brain...you already thought of this: if he gets back with her...and they break up...so, your adding even more pressure to this situation between him and you. let him do what he wants...if he choses her, let it be. if they break up and he comes back to you, so be it, let him decide what to do. if is ex is as much of a b***h as your explaining her as...shell dump him and hell go back with you. so, quite being a b***h and think about him, let him decide whats right for his family and life.

[Life Issues Account]

okay, obviously I have to explain this again

but first of all this is not what this thread was about, this thread was about the mistake of me having sex with him, cause trust me, I know it was wrong of me, and him, probably more so me than him, even though I never said yes, I said I don't know, and he said something along the lines of "just listen to me and do what I say, okay?" ...okay that way it sounds kinda heartless and like he was using me, but that wasn't how it was
and where you got this I don't think he should be with her was basically just me questioning why does he have to date her, he doesn't say he does , basically society does and his mother thinks he should too, don't get me wrong I think he should too but why does society think that way, he could see his child just as much and have the same role in his life if they were only friends, why do they need to be dating to do such? They really don't if you think about it, the only difference between them dating and them not would be the title, it's not like either of them would be seeing another person or anything like that, she might I don't know, but I know that he wouldn't, I know the kind of person he is, and I know that that is why he wouldn't officially date me, I know you people are going to take that as, he didn't want to cause he doesn't feel that about me, or wanted her instead, or I don't know how you will take it, but there were times when me and him were in our "close" (friends with benefits is the completely wrong name for us so I am sorry for using that) phase he did hang out with her once or twice, and guess what? he still didn't want her...he wanted me...he went out with her one day, ditched me to do so, but not intentionally, she made him (yes she really did, it wasn't a lie) he called me and told me that and he was sorry, and he'd get out of it as soon as possible so he could be with me, and guess what? he did...the first day when he was at the hospital with her, he got to leave for a while and came to a party one of my friends was having that I was at, he acted no differently with me, at all, other than he was kinda acting closer to me and a little protective of as he could have saw as "me flirting" with one of my other guy-friends, and we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours that night about almost everything, he told me how he was miserable and so bored there (at the hospital), and he cared about me, but his life is complex and he doesn't want to put me in the situation where it would cause problems for me, and he doesn't want to hurt me or make life hard for me, no as most of you think, he wasn't saying that "to get in my pants" because he knew clearly that I had no intentions of ever doing that because I am a good girl, really, I am, but back to my point, he did care for me, whether or not you believe it, and he still does, cause he still says he loves me like crazy, and no it's not because of the sex, cause he never stopped saying it...

but anyways back to my original point...I never said I didn't want him to be with her, yes I will admit in my heart I don't, but in my head I know it's what is right, but I believe I only think that it's right because of societies view on teen pregnancy and just assume that they should be together and get married and be together forever, I don't know exact percentages, but I do know that a majority of those kind of relationships don't make it through the marriage and end up divorced...and I personally would rather have my parents be friends and have both of them constantly, than for them to get married, divorce when I could remember it, and have to go from house to house during the week and on weekends

but again this is not really about him and her, the statement I made was general, why do people think that they should be together, and it was a kind of rhetorical question truthfully...

this was about the huge mistake I made having sex with him when I know me and him shouldn't do things even close to that, hell not even things far from that, this was about me feeling like a whore because I was vulnerable and confused and I did something that I did not believe in...I am not one of those people who are like "no sex before marriage" I'm more like no sex if I have not been dating you for a while, and especially no sex when you have been confusing me like you have..

so that is my story, I know I lost thoughts along the way of writing it, so it's probably missing some stuff...but yeah

(and you all seem to have this idea that I have a hate for the baby, truth is ever since the beginning I couldn't wait until the baby was born, I couldn't wait until I'd be able to see the baby and hold it, I was probably more excited then him *actually yeah...because he had a lot of things to worry about* I love the child, as if it was my own, and as soon as he told me I asked what does he look like, what's his name, and just questions like that, so I love the baby, as much as if it were my own *even though all I have seen is a picture* so trust me, I want him to have a major role in his child's life)

[Awesomus-Prime]

How old are you..?

[Your_Mommy_Dearest]

Alright, a few people need to learn to read better . . . but

If he feels he has to go back to his ex for his child, then, it's probably best to let him go. They will probably break up again, andonce the mother matures, things will be easier. They CAN still be friends and raise a child, without having to marry. If it is done in a functional, friendly, cooperative way, separated parents can be just as good. Besides, having parents that married eachother and end up hating eachother out of resentment would be MUCH worse for the child growing up.

Now, if they do not break up and they do think that they should gert married, then, you are kinda screwed here.

I know you like this guy a lot, but, he seems VERY wishy-washy; telling you that he is leaving you one day, then having sex wit hyou the next. Even if he does not realze it, he is playing with your emotions, badly.

I think that you should step away from the friends with benefits and keep only minor contact with him until he can make a fir mdecision, and stick to it, about how he is going to live his life and raise his child. He's only going to hurt and confuse you more, unintentionally it seems, but, it is still painful all the same.

Do yourself a favor and recover form this relationship enough to find a HEALTHY relationship with someone STABLE.

If, in the future, your FWB gets his stuff together and becomes a healthy, stable person, and he is not dating, married, enganged, whatever, then you two can think about having a relationship then.

But, until that time, you need to do what is best for you, and it is probably best for him to, and step out of the FWB and keep your distance until he can decide what to do.

I'm glad to see that you have resentment towards the child, it is very big of you, many people would be jealous and petty about it, it just shows what a nice person you are that you actually do care about a child that is not yours.

But, I stand with what I said. /he's too emotional, too confused, too young, and too wishy-washy at the moment, and as a way of helping him and you, youshould take the first step, even though it is the hardest, and walk away from the FWB relationship so that he can have time to sort out what exactly it is that HE wants for himself and for his child.

[gifted_89]

omg i feel so sorry for u i hav no clue what to tell u on ur situation

[Life Issues Account]

Awesomus-Prime

How old are you..?

awesome user name! and I am 16, he is 18, don't judge the age difference because I will be 17 in like less than a month

Your_Mommy_Dearest

Alright, a few people need to learn to read better . . . but

If he feels he has to go back to his ex for his child, then, it's probably best to let him go. They will probably break up again, andonce the mother matures, things will be easier. They CAN still be friends and raise a child, without having to marry. If it is done in a functional, friendly, cooperative way, separated parents can be just as good. Besides, having parents that married eachother and end up hating eachother out of resentment would be MUCH worse for the child growing up.

Now, if they do not break up and they do think that they should gert married, then, you are kinda screwed here.

I know you like this guy a lot, but, he seems VERY wishy-washy; telling you that he is leaving you one day, then having sex wit hyou the next. Even if he does not realze it, he is playing with your emotions, badly.

I think that you should step away from the friends with benefits and keep only minor contact with him until he can make a fir mdecision, and stick to it, about how he is going to live his life and raise his child. He's only going to hurt and confuse you more, unintentionally it seems, but, it is still painful all the same.

Do yourself a favor and recover form this relationship enough to find a HEALTHY relationship with someone STABLE.

If, in the future, your FWB gets his stuff together and becomes a healthy, stable person, and he is not dating, married, enganged, whatever, then you two can think about having a relationship then.

But, until that time, you need to do what is best for you, and it is probably best for him to, and step out of the FWB and keep your distance until he can decide what to do.

I'm glad to see that you have resentment towards the child, it is very big of you, many people would be jealous and petty about it, it just shows what a nice person you are that you actually do care about a child that is not yours.

But, I stand with what I said. /he's too emotional, too confused, too young, and too wishy-washy at the moment, and as a way of helping him and you, youshould take the first step, even though it is the hardest, and walk away from the FWB relationship so that he can have time to sort out what exactly it is that HE wants for himself and for his child.

he realizes he is messing with my emotions, he has apologized and told me that he is sorry and he really doesn't mean to

and I know it probably sounds real stupid that I love him because I am young and all this stuff, and I am not like "oh I love him so much and we are gonna be together forever" I know that is unlikely, very unlikely, I am usually very realistic about things, and seriously you people have to understand how hard it is for me to love him, but it's even harder for me to stop, and even though there's that, I still know his decision is up to him, and I AM NOT influencing it in anyways, again I shall say...the sex was a mistake, major slip up on both our sides
he hasn't told me directly his decision...but I know in the two days he planned on making his decision and I told him he should take more time than that and think it through more (and I truthfully didn't even know what he was considering at the time, so I didn't say it for me) but yeah during those two days he did act differently towards me, even though he still said he loved me, he acted very very different, and I backed off and let him make his decision, leaving him to decide when to talk to me, when he felt comfortable, he calls me at the end of the two days...we talk like normal, completely normal, like nothing happened...so I don't know if he made a decision or not though...I don't want to ask cause if he hasn't I don't want to make him feel pressured

[Life Issues Account]

sweatdrop

[`Typik]

Life Issues Account

okay, obviously I have to explain this again

but first of all this is not what this thread was about, this thread was about the mistake of me having sex with him, cause trust me, I know it was wrong of me, and him, probably more so me than him, even though I never said yes, I said I don't know, and he said something along the lines of "just listen to me and do what I say, okay?" ...okay that way it sounds kinda heartless and like he was using me, but that wasn't how it was
and where you got this I don't think he should be with her was basically just me questioning why does he have to date her, he doesn't say he does , basically society does and his mother thinks he should too, don't get me wrong I think he should too but why does society think that way, he could see his child just as much and have the same role in his life if they were only friends, why do they need to be dating to do such? They really don't if you think about it, the only difference between them dating and them not would be the title, it's not like either of them would be seeing another person or anything like that, she might I don't know, but I know that he wouldn't, I know the kind of person he is, and I know that that is why he wouldn't officially date me, I know you people are going to take that as, he didn't want to cause he doesn't feel that about me, or wanted her instead, or I don't know how you will take it, but there were times when me and him were in our "close" (friends with benefits is the completely wrong name for us so I am sorry for using that) phase he did hang out with her once or twice, and guess what? he still didn't want her...he wanted me...he went out with her one day, ditched me to do so, but not intentionally, she made him (yes she really did, it wasn't a lie) he called me and told me that and he was sorry, and he'd get out of it as soon as possible so he could be with me, and guess what? he did...the first day when he was at the hospital with her, he got to leave for a while and came to a party one of my friends was having that I was at, he acted no differently with me, at all, other than he was kinda acting closer to me and a little protective of as he could have saw as "me flirting" with one of my other guy-friends, and we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours that night about almost everything, he told me how he was miserable and so bored there (at the hospital), and he cared about me, but his life is complex and he doesn't want to put me in the situation where it would cause problems for me, and he doesn't want to hurt me or make life hard for me, no as most of you think, he wasn't saying that "to get in my pants" because he knew clearly that I had no intentions of ever doing that because I am a good girl, really, I am, but back to my point, he did care for me, whether or not you believe it, and he still does, cause he still says he loves me like crazy, and no it's not because of the sex, cause he never stopped saying it...

but anyways back to my original point...I never said I didn't want him to be with her, yes I will admit in my heart I don't, but in my head I know it's what is right, but I believe I only think that it's right because of societies view on teen pregnancy and just assume that they should be together and get married and be together forever, I don't know exact percentages, but I do know that a majority of those kind of relationships don't make it through the marriage and end up divorced...and I personally would rather have my parents be friends and have both of them constantly, than for them to get married, divorce when I could remember it, and have to go from house to house during the week and on weekends

but again this is not really about him and her, the statement I made was general, why do people think that they should be together, and it was a kind of rhetorical question truthfully...

this was about the huge mistake I made having sex with him when I know me and him shouldn't do things even close to that, hell not even things far from that, this was about me feeling like a whore because I was vulnerable and confused and I did something that I did not believe in...I am not one of those people who are like "no sex before marriage" I'm more like no sex if I have not been dating you for a while, and especially no sex when you have been confusing me like you have..

so that is my story, I know I lost thoughts along the way of writing it, so it's probably missing some stuff...but yeah

(and you all seem to have this idea that I have a hate for the baby, truth is ever since the beginning I couldn't wait until the baby was born, I couldn't wait until I'd be able to see the baby and hold it, I was probably more excited then him *actually yeah...because he had a lot of things to worry about* I love the child, as if it was my own, and as soon as he told me I asked what does he look like, what's his name, and just questions like that, so I love the baby, as much as if it were my own *even though all I have seen is a picture* so trust me, I want him to have a major role in his child's life)

Too bad kids not yours
even if you love it as your own
he deserves to be with the mother
not you

end of discussion, doesn't matter what he says to you hes probably saying the opposite to his girlfriend

[Lady Miyo]

... Okay.

So, I think I've got this straight now.

Here's my advice: Stay away from him for a little while. Not long, just for a couple of weeks, or something. His story just doesn't sit right or well with me. Whether his intentions were purely bad, or he was just confused, you guys need to make sure that he's not only not becoming more confused, but that he's not hurting you, whether inadvertently or not.

Try to be there for him and stuff, but DO NOT get into a situation where you are holding hands, kissing, or anything else. DON'T be home alone with him at night, etc. If you guys keep putting yourselves in the situation where you are somewhere where you can have sex, it will happen, I have no doubt about it.

He's confused, so just back away from him for a while. Don't let him think that you are even an option, and let him decide about his ex, without thinking that if he's not with her, then he can be with you. Sadly, she's first in line for dibs on him, and you'll just have to wait until he's made his decision, whether you think he's making it too fast or not.

If he makes the decision to be with her (which it sounds like he already has), then let him, and if it was the wrong one, then they'll break up shortly. So I wouldn't worry.

[iRideOn]

Life Issues Account

okay, obviously I have to explain this again

but first of all this is not what this thread was about, this thread was about the mistake of me having sex with him, cause trust me, I know it was wrong of me, and him, probably more so me than him, even though I never said yes, I said I don't know, and he said something along the lines of "just listen to me and do what I say, okay?" ...okay that way it sounds kinda heartless and like he was using me, but that wasn't how it was
and where you got this I don't think he should be with her was basically just me questioning why does he have to date her, he doesn't say he does , basically society does and his mother thinks he should too, don't get me wrong I think he should too but why does society think that way, he could see his child just as much and have the same role in his life if they were only friends, why do they need to be dating to do such? They really don't if you think about it, the only difference between them dating and them not would be the title, it's not like either of them would be seeing another person or anything like that, she might I don't know, but I know that he wouldn't, I know the kind of person he is, and I know that that is why he wouldn't officially date me, I know you people are going to take that as, he didn't want to cause he doesn't feel that about me, or wanted her instead, or I don't know how you will take it, but there were times when me and him were in our "close" (friends with benefits is the completely wrong name for us so I am sorry for using that) phase he did hang out with her once or twice, and guess what? he still didn't want her...he wanted me...he went out with her one day, ditched me to do so, but not intentionally, she made him (yes she really did, it wasn't a lie) he called me and told me that and he was sorry, and he'd get out of it as soon as possible so he could be with me, and guess what? he did...the first day when he was at the hospital with her, he got to leave for a while and came to a party one of my friends was having that I was at, he acted no differently with me, at all, other than he was kinda acting closer to me and a little protective of as he could have saw as "me flirting" with one of my other guy-friends, and we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours that night about almost everything, he told me how he was miserable and so bored there (at the hospital), and he cared about me, but his life is complex and he doesn't want to put me in the situation where it would cause problems for me, and he doesn't want to hurt me or make life hard for me, no as most of you think, he wasn't saying that "to get in my pants" because he knew clearly that I had no intentions of ever doing that because I am a good girl, really, I am, but back to my point, he did care for me, whether or not you believe it, and he still does, cause he still says he loves me like crazy, and no it's not because of the sex, cause he never stopped saying it...

but anyways back to my original point...I never said I didn't want him to be with her, yes I will admit in my heart I don't, but in my head I know it's what is right, but I believe I only think that it's right because of societies view on teen pregnancy and just assume that they should be together and get married and be together forever, I don't know exact percentages, but I do know that a majority of those kind of relationships don't make it through the marriage and end up divorced...and I personally would rather have my parents be friends and have both of them constantly, than for them to get married, divorce when I could remember it, and have to go from house to house during the week and on weekends

but again this is not really about him and her, the statement I made was general, why do people think that they should be together, and it was a kind of rhetorical question truthfully...

this was about the huge mistake I made having sex with him when I know me and him shouldn't do things even close to that, hell not even things far from that, this was about me feeling like a whore because I was vulnerable and confused and I did something that I did not believe in...I am not one of those people who are like "no sex before marriage" I'm more like no sex if I have not been dating you for a while, and especially no sex when you have been confusing me like you have..

so that is my story, I know I lost thoughts along the way of writing it, so it's probably missing some stuff...but yeah

(and you all seem to have this idea that I have a hate for the baby, truth is ever since the beginning I couldn't wait until the baby was born, I couldn't wait until I'd be able to see the baby and hold it, I was probably more excited then him *actually yeah...because he had a lot of things to worry about* I love the child, as if it was my own, and as soon as he told me I asked what does he look like, what's his name, and just questions like that, so I love the baby, as much as if it were my own *even though all I have seen is a picture* so trust me, I want him to have a major role in his child's life)

well, what ive learned from you just now, your a steriotypical b***h.

why do you have this idea in your head? (yes poptart, the one colored red)

most of us, at least me anyway, think he should be with her, not you.

are you the momma of this baby???

NO

are you his girlfriend and/or wife?

most likley from what ive read, NO.

so let the dude decide for him self...STAY OUT OF IT.

and hes way too young for a kid to be calin him "dada"

also, you use too many big words!!!

i cant understand what you typed half the time.

and im confuzzled.