[ Poll ] I had sex with him...well...kinda

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100.0%

[ 61 ]

Total Votes: 61

[Life Issues Account]

miyo_esparanza

Okay, first of all, I think that the OP should calm down. You came here for advice, and we're trying to tell you what we think is/should go on. If people are getting things wrong, for whatever reason, please calmly explain to them what it is that they got wrong. Spazzing on everyone isn't going to make you look any better in this situation.


Now, on to your situation; I truly truly feel that you need to let him decide where his 'loyalties' lie. I understand that you are hurting, and I understand why, but I think that you need to realize that he's got a LOT going on right now, and is likely very confused.
I would suggest putting any romantically-involved relationship between the two of you on hold until he can figure out what's going on with him, his ex, his child and his life.
I'm not saying cut all contact, by any means. Certainly, talk to him, go out for coffee, and be a good friend, try to help him get through all this. But do it as his FRIEND. Not his girlfriend, friend with benfits, or anything else, if only to protect yourself, and to stop him from being so confused. He knows that you're there for him, and I'll bet that it'd be a HUGE load off his mind to know that he doesn't have to make a decision TODAY. That there's no pressure from you, that you just want to be there for him.

If all you want is for him to 'think it over' then give him the space and time to do so. It sounds like there's LOTS on his plate, between life, school and work, so I'd say, give him some time, and just try to be there for him as a FRIEND.

okay, you understand thankfully

but here's my response to what you said...
let him decide where his 'loyalties' lie- that's what I am doing

you need to realize that he's got a LOT going on right now, and is likely very confused.- I do know that, very much so, trust me

putting any romantically-involved relationship between the two of you on hold - obviously that's what I planned, that's what I have been intending on doing it

try to help him get through all this- that's what I have been doing

Not his girlfriend, friend with benfits, or anything else - I know, that's what I have been doing...having sex with him was just a HUGE slip-up

have to make a decision TODAY - I am the one who made him realize that..

[Lady Miyo]

Life Issues Account

okay, you understand thankfully

but here's my response to what you said...
let him decide where his 'loyalties' lie- that's what I am doing

you need to realize that he's got a LOT going on right now, and is likely very confused.- I do know that, very much so, trust me

putting any romantically-involved relationship between the two of you on hold - obviously that's what I planned, that's what I have been intending on doing it

try to help him get through all this- that's what I have been doing

Not his girlfriend, friend with benfits, or anything else - I know, that's what I have been doing...having sex with him was just a HUGE slip-up

have to make a decision TODAY - I am the one who made him realize that..

So then ... Perhaps I'm not clear ... what exactly did you want help with?

[iRideOn]

Life Issues Account

so this guy and me have been kinda friends with benefits, but we were still in love, but couldn't be together
he has a child, just born
he crushed me telling me about how he might have to get back with his ex, but he still loves me
the other day we were hanging out and he was acting like everything was okay, holding my hand, kissing me randomly, and well yeah, we got kinda into it, he was fingering me, then we just kinda had sex...kinda it's just cause I was like extremely vulnerable with him breaking my heart like that they day before, but after like 5 minutes I snapped out of it and asked him to stop, he was nice and listened...
but still...I feel bad...cause now even more if he gets back with his ex it will hurt me even more...

also I don't see why he has to date her again...who ever said you had to date to raise your child, you can just be good friends, can't you

apparently I have to make this clear so...I WANT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY, I WANT HIM TO BE IN THE BABY'S LIFE, I LOVE THE CHILD, I ASK HIM STUFF ABOUT THE BABY, AND I DON'T WANT THAT TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM

Edit #2 cause that Typik person is a jack a**, I AM NOT MAKING NO DECISIONS FOR HIM, ALL I TOLD HIM WAS TO THINK IT THROUGH!

i actually agree with 'typik, then again i dont. you want to be with this dude, correct? and he claims to love you, right? well, if he loves you so much, whys he wanna get back with her? hes mostlikley using you for "stuff", yes the "stuff" i colored red, that his ex wont do with him.
think about it before you respond...and quite being a b***h towards 'typik.

[`Typik]

I'm a jackass for giving you my opinion?
I have the full story now and I'm giving you my advice, you're the jackass for making such a big bitchfit out of me saying he should be with her, not you

Listen, why did you tell him to think it through if you say it would be "Great if he chose her"? If you think that, you don't need to tell him

and its obvious when you told him to think it through you're trying to put yourself as an option to him. which = pressure

He has a family
you're not part of it

If he claims he loves you he would've chose you, hes probably using the "Have to" thing as an excuse, you can tell me over and over again that its not, but you don't know if it is or not
and the fact hes willing to be beside her in a hospital for the baby is an obvious indicator that yes he wants to be with her
and yes he used that excuse so you wouldn't feel rejected

Move on
Seriously
He needs to be with his family
She said she wants him with her to take care of their family
thats what he wants to do

Don't tell him to give it thought, that'll just pressure him
He loves his family, and he may love you, he may not, but he loves his family more, and his family wants him now, and if you honestly love him
you'll understand his situation and let him be with her without asking him to decide between you two.

you know what he truly wants to do deep inside
thats why it hurts you, if you honestly thought you were hurting because of the fact he said he had to be with her and the fact that she was a b***h that'll dump him over and over again, then you wouldn't be hurting, you'd know it wouldn't work out

but I'm sorry
thats not the case
you're hurting because you know what has to happen
and thats most likely what will happen

[Life Issues Account]

@ miyo - I wanted help with the fact that I had sex with him when I had no intention of being much more than a friend to him at this time


and everyone else needs to comprehend this

I am not scared of him choosing her, I am not influencing his decision in any way at this moment I am just a friend to him...like I said to miyo, the sex and everything else was just a huge slip up
I know he loves me, don't try and tell me otherwise...I could go into the long story with me but I'll shorten it, he liked me, I was absolutely nothing more than a friend he only saw at school because I had a boyfriend at the time, but me and my boyfriend broke up, I took like a month to get over that, and he helped me, not knowing he did, but he did, just by distracting me from being sad, we went to the movies once, he held my hand, we went again almost a month later, he kissed me, it shocked me, a little after that, he got back together with her...but he still had feelings for me, and they broke up, then about a month or so later we started hanging out more again, went out to the park and such, out to eat, etc.., we became closer, kissed again a few times, and talked a lot on the phone, about a month after that he said he loved me...and I could tell he meant it, a few weeks after that, he started saying it whenever we got off the phone, when the baby was born, I was the first he called and told, and he still said he loved me when he got off the phone, we talked again later that day, and I told him that he should probably be with her but he should really think it through a lot so she doesn't do what she did before and I want him to take care of his child
then like a day later was when I saw him

I AM NOT telling him to choose one or the other, cause he can have both, with me as his friend like I have been trying to be, but I still think he should think it through

and from what he last told me, he was leaning towards the side of just being good friends with her, cause even he thinks she's a b***h and he doesn't want the same thing to happen again...

and no I didn't ask him that straight up, he told me, and when I asked him if I'd ever get to see his child he said yes I would, when he has the baby on weekends

[Suki_Chan_Kaggy]

`Typik

Life Issues Account

RayneTree

His baby's momma might be a b***h who won't let him see the childl if he isn't with her. :/
Court is expensive.
All you can do is tell him your concerns and feelings. But if it did ultimately come down to seeing his kid, I would hope he would choose his child over you.

I hope he would choose his child too

and she is a b***h, but she'll still let him see his child...but they've broken up twice already, first time for like 2 months, but this time they have been broken up for like 4...and the first time she was like I'm not going to let you ever see the baby and she even said that he couldn't put his name down as the father...I mean if he goes out with her again...and they break up again...very likely, they are only teenagers...what if she does that and doesn't let him see his baby...that's why I think wouldn't just being good friends be best?

You're selfish for not considering the child, and considering your own feelings

you're just a friend with benefits to him
whatever "Love" he has for you rests on your naked body
if he loved you he would've chose to be friends with her
but thats not the case
He has to take care of his kid
Like I said before

Family > friends

I say you shouldn't interfere with their buisness now
its time to back off

` Typik is so right! This guy HAS a child to worry about and that child won't like to have a dad who's with another women. Get out of his life, the only reason he likes you is because you don't have his child. And that "girl" isn't a b***h because she wants him to help out. If she was a b***h what are you?

...candy

[Life Issues Account]

3dg_lover87

Life Issues Account

so this guy and me have been kinda friends with benefits, but we were still in love, but couldn't be together
he has a child, just born
he crushed me telling me about how he might have to get back with his ex, but he still loves me
the other day we were hanging out and he was acting like everything was okay, holding my hand, kissing me randomly, and well yeah, we got kinda into it, he was fingering me, then we just kinda had sex...kinda it's just cause I was like extremely vulnerable with him breaking my heart like that they day before, but after like 5 minutes I snapped out of it and asked him to stop, he was nice and listened...
but still...I feel bad...cause now even more if he gets back with his ex it will hurt me even more...

also I don't see why he has to date her again...who ever said you had to date to raise your child, you can just be good friends, can't you

apparently I have to make this clear so...I WANT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY, I WANT HIM TO BE IN THE BABY'S LIFE, I LOVE THE CHILD, I ASK HIM STUFF ABOUT THE BABY, AND I DON'T WANT THAT TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM

Edit #2 cause that Typik person is a jack a**, I AM NOT MAKING NO DECISIONS FOR HIM, ALL I TOLD HIM WAS TO THINK IT THROUGH!

i actually agree with 'typik, then again i dont. you want to be with this dude, correct? and he claims to love you, right? well, if he loves you so much, whys he wanna get back with her? hes mostlikley using you for "stuff", yes the "stuff" i colored red, that his ex wont do with him.
think about it before you respond...and quite being a b***h towards 'typik.

he feels he HAS to, I just don't want him to make the mistake that will cause him not to see his baby again if they break up, again, because he could see the baby just the same if he was only good friends with her, at least until he is sure, he didn't see the girl for like 4 months, and then he spends 3 days straight with her, and he shouldn't make a decision with spending so little time with her in such a long amount of time, he should wait until his head is clear

[Lady Miyo]

... Okay.

So, I think I've got this straight now.

Here's my advice: Stay away from him for a little while. Not long, just for a couple of weeks, or something. His story just doesn't sit right or well with me. Whether his intentions were purely bad, or he was just confused, you guys need to make sure that he's not only not becoming more confused, but that he's not hurting you, whether inadvertently or not.

Try to be there for him and stuff, but DO NOT get into a situation where you are holding hands, kissing, or anything else. DON'T be home alone with him at night, etc. If you guys keep putting yourselves in the situation where you are somewhere where you can have sex, it will happen, I have no doubt about it.

He's confused, so just back away from him for a while. Don't let him think that you are even an option, and let him decide about his ex, without thinking that if he's not with her, then he can be with you. Sadly, she's first in line for dibs on him, and you'll just have to wait until he's made his decision, whether you think he's making it too fast or not.

If he makes the decision to be with her (which it sounds like he already has), then let him, and if it was the wrong one, then they'll break up shortly. So I wouldn't worry.

[`Typik]

Life Issues Account

@ miyo - I wanted help with the fact that I had sex with him when I had no intention of being much more than a friend to him at this time


and everyone else needs to comprehend this

I am not scared of him choosing her, I am not influencing his decision in any way at this moment I am just a friend to him...like I said to miyo, the sex and everything else was just a huge slip up
I know he loves me, don't try and tell me otherwise...I could go into the long story with me but I'll shorten it, he liked me, I was absolutely nothing more than a friend he only saw at school because I had a boyfriend at the time, but me and my boyfriend broke up, I took like a month to get over that, and he helped me, not knowing he did, but he did, just by distracting me from being sad, we went to the movies once, he held my hand, we went again almost a month later, he kissed me, it shocked me, a little after that, he got back together with her...but he still had feelings for me, and they broke up, then about a month or so later we started hanging out more again, went out to the park and such, out to eat, etc.., we became closer, kissed again a few times, and talked a lot on the phone, about a month after that he said he loved me...and I could tell he meant it, a few weeks after that, he started saying it whenever we got off the phone, when the baby was born, I was the first he called and told, and he still said he loved me when he got off the phone, we talked again later that day, and I told him that he should probably be with her but he should really think it through a lot so she doesn't do what she did before and I want him to take care of his child
then like a day later was when I saw him

I AM NOT telling him to choose one or the other, cause he can have both, with me as his friend like I have been trying to be, but I still think he should think it through

and from what he last told me, he was leaning towards the side of just being good friends with her, cause even he thinks she's a b***h and he doesn't want the same thing to happen again...

and no I didn't ask him that straight up, he told me, and when I asked him if I'd ever get to see his child he said yes I would, when he has the baby on weekends

You're not thinking of whats gone on between her and him

When she had the baby
he still loved her, and I know he told her that, she just had his child
And do you really think they didnt have romantic moments too like that?
honestly?
Do you?

What do you think he says about you to his ex behind the scenes?
If hes so willing to admit to her being a b***h to you
What does he say about you?
you know he tells her he loves her
and he tells you he loves you too

What do you think really goes on?
Do you honestly think you're the angel and shes the devil to him?
do you?

If you were mature you'd realize that this guy doesn't love you
and even if he did
he has a family on his hands now
and if he does date you, you know it wont be for long
because as the child grows older,
they'll grow closer

also if you were mature you wouldn't date him realizing the fact he has a family and apparentley as you said before he only sees you every two weeks at least, why would you want to deprive him of more time with his child so he can spend it with you?

Please realize you're the good friend in the situation, you're the "b***h" for trying to be a second option to him taking back his ex, you know thats what he wants
his "I love you" statements to you are nothing compared to the emotion he must have felt with his newborn baby
and his girlfriend, who is now also the mother
the mother he said "I love you to" obviously more than he said it to you
the mother he stood beside in the hospital
the mother he said he had to be with,
the mother who wants to be with the father so they can take care of the kid
the mother who has to deal with a brat trying to take the father away because she doesnt understand the difference between friends and family

shes his babys mother, hes the father, they are a family now

[`Typik]

Shes not replying to me anymore because she knows I'm right
=/

[Songo-Hanli Aanali]

`Typik

I'm a jackass for giving you my opinion?
I have the full story now and I'm giving you my advice, you're the jackass for making such a big bitchfit out of me saying he should be with her, not you

Listen, why did you tell him to think it through if you say it would be "Great if he chose her"? If you think that, you don't need to tell him

and its obvious when you told him to think it through you're trying to put yourself as an option to him. which = pressure

He has a family
you're not part of it

If he claims he loves you he would've chose you, hes probably using the "Have to" thing as an excuse, you can tell me over and over again that its not, but you don't know if it is or not
and the fact hes willing to be beside her in a hospital for the baby is an obvious indicator that yes he wants to be with her
and yes he used that excuse so you wouldn't feel rejected

Move on
Seriously
He needs to be with his family
She said she wants him with her to take care of their family
thats what he wants to do

Don't tell him to give it thought, that'll just pressure him
He loves his family, and he may love you, he may not, but he loves his family more, and his family wants him now, and if you honestly love him
you'll understand his situation and let him be with her without asking him to decide between you two.

you know what he truly wants to do deep inside
thats why it hurts you, if you honestly thought you were hurting because of the fact he said he had to be with her and the fact that she was a b***h that'll dump him over and over again, then you wouldn't be hurting, you'd know it wouldn't work out

but I'm sorry
thats not the case
you're hurting because you know what has to happen
and thats most likely what will happen

I pretty much agree with most everything they've said.

Since when does someone honestly love a friend with benefits? Why didn't he make you his girlfriend? And why would you be so obsessive over someone who knew they were about to be a father and was seeking sexual solitude with a "friend"?

I am not trying to be rude. I'm sorry you are hurt, I'd like to make you feel better, but for yo to honestly Be better, you should cut this person out of your life totally. It is a bad situation to place yourself in, especially if he feels you are this expendable already. You DESERVE better. It is easier to get over a left loved one than you may realize, and you can start your own life and relationship with someone new, no strings attached. I know from personal experience its never a "have to"...its a get out of jail free card.

Advice is never given in spite, and you may not like to take it to heart but no one here s trying to hurt you.

[Lady Miyo]

`Typik

Shes not replying to me anymore because she knows I'm right
=/

Now, talking like that is just going to start a fight ... *finger wags*

[ms_monnystar]

OMG JUST ******** HIS BRAINS OUT YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES SINGLE JUST BECUZ HE HAS A KID DOSENT MEEN YOU GUYS CANT ********!!!!!!! UGGHHH KIDS ARE SO WEIRD SOMETIMES.......IF U WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY THEN DO IT AND DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!!!!!!! btw............. use protection lol or his ex will beat the s**t out of u and him o.o more advice.............sorry i have to think alot about giving advice..i wouldent "date" him.......just ******** his brains out so the tenson goes away lol

[`Typik]

Life Issues Account

3dg_lover87

Life Issues Account

so this guy and me have been kinda friends with benefits, but we were still in love, but couldn't be together
he has a child, just born
he crushed me telling me about how he might have to get back with his ex, but he still loves me
the other day we were hanging out and he was acting like everything was okay, holding my hand, kissing me randomly, and well yeah, we got kinda into it, he was fingering me, then we just kinda had sex...kinda it's just cause I was like extremely vulnerable with him breaking my heart like that they day before, but after like 5 minutes I snapped out of it and asked him to stop, he was nice and listened...
but still...I feel bad...cause now even more if he gets back with his ex it will hurt me even more...

also I don't see why he has to date her again...who ever said you had to date to raise your child, you can just be good friends, can't you

apparently I have to make this clear so...I WANT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY, I WANT HIM TO BE IN THE BABY'S LIFE, I LOVE THE CHILD, I ASK HIM STUFF ABOUT THE BABY, AND I DON'T WANT THAT TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM

Edit #2 cause that Typik person is a jack a**, I AM NOT MAKING NO DECISIONS FOR HIM, ALL I TOLD HIM WAS TO THINK IT THROUGH!

i actually agree with 'typik, then again i dont. you want to be with this dude, correct? and he claims to love you, right? well, if he loves you so much, whys he wanna get back with her? hes mostlikley using you for "stuff", yes the "stuff" i colored red, that his ex wont do with him.
think about it before you respond...and quite being a b***h towards 'typik.

he feels he HAS to, I just don't want him to make the mistake that will cause him not to see his baby again if they break up, again, because he could see the baby just the same if he was only good friends with her, at least until he is sure, he didn't see the girl for like 4 months, and then he spends 3 days straight with her, and he shouldn't make a decision with spending so little time with her in such a long amount of time, he should wait until his head is clear

you're the one filling his head with crap that he needs to clear

if you would get out of the way and realize what you're doing is inhumanly selfish, and that he doesn't wanna be with you, he wants to be with the child

then he would be happy
he would've already decided
he would be with his girlfriend, and not having to decide because you had to butt in on family buisness because you can't handle the honest truth that he loves her more than you

And no
if he doesnt go with her
he'll have to spend time with you
and spend time with her and the baby
you realize this right?
and chances are he'll spend more time with her, than you. and thats what he needs to do. you realize this right?

If you love him
let him go
thats what he wants you to do
hes only telling you he may choose to be friends with her to make you feel better because by the way you're acting in this thread
I can tell you're making a big deal about this to him

If you know he loves you
let him be with the mother of his child
don't let him kiss you
don't let him flirt with you
let him have a FULL relationship with the mother
and if shes as much of a b***h as you claim she is
he'll leave her for you

If he doesn't
Sorry, looks like you don't have "Your friend that loves you" anymore.
find someone else

Grow up please? be responsible and realizing having a child is bigger than you seem to think
its going to take up most all of his time
and if you make him choose you
its going to all be on the mothers shoulders instead of all the families
and she doesn't deserve that, and you know she doesn't

You're as much of a b***h as you say she is for trying to tear a new family apart just because you're jealous

[Lady Miyo]

I think she's just plain old stopped replying because she's logged off. Too bad :S