There is no kind of support I have access to. No counseling, no friends and my family is being abusive. I am over 18. No money. Very high unemployment rate in the small town I live. I can't move because of financial reasons.
I just need someone to talk to. My self esteem is critically low right now and I have no one to talk to. I am living with my fiance and my parents. My father is unemployed and sometimes drinks and is violent. My mother is emotionally and verbally abusive. My fiance was also abused as a child by his father. At 20 years old he was not allowed to own a phone, he was beaten, not allowed to have access to the internet or have a girlfriend. After he met me his parents kicked him out several times. He wanted to leave them behind and that's how he moved here. He needed a place to start over. The problem is, he is sometimes behaving like his abusive father towards me.
I have 3 years of school ahead of me that I have to finish. If I want to finish it, I have to stay here. It's not always bad. We have good moments too. My fiance does not have money for therapy right now but he is aware of his toxic behavior and is trying to keep it at bay. My mother is on various pills, anti depressive, anti anxiety and she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis but not advanced. I know all in all it sounds pretty horrible, but it's manageable. I love both my mother and my fiance, they are very important to me and we have great moments. The problem is, sometimes, my mother's depressive behavior coincides with my fiance's emotionally abusive behavior. When this happens, I feel helpless. They both tend to be very mean to me. Blame me. Accuse me. Insult me. Etc.
I also have health problems because of the stress I went through dealing with my fiance's family, my family, my school and work and my fiance in the past 2 years. I developed poly cystic ovaries syndrome, generalized anxiety and frequent panic attacks, depression and also irritable bowel syndrome. I see a doctor often but all of this being stress related it has only one solution: dealing with stress and lowering it.
This is one of the moments I could really use a person to talk to. I lost most of my friends because of neglect. I had no time or energy for my social life. I moved about 10 times in 3 months, including moving to another country and then coming back. My only friends are my mother and my fiance, but you see how that doesn't work out right now. I feel helpless and alone and I feel worthless. I do not have suicidal thoughts. I am full of hope and I usually manage to stay positive. I know that slowly I will come out of the depression I've been through in the past few months but having no support group is hard.
Thank you for reading and I apologize if it was too long, or confusing.
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