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Excitable Attacker

Not wanting therapy advice or any suggestions to get help. I'm just wanting to vent. But I do feel unaccomplished compared to others I knew back in middle and high school.

Never gotten a job. (Anxiety makes me crash emotionally and hide away if too much stress piles on, so working while going to school is too much for me.)
Never been in a relationship. (Not sure why. My first kiss was over 2 years ago and I haven't been kissed since.)
I don't feel like I've seen enough places in my life. (I want to travel and see stuff, but instead I'm trapped in this hell hole of a state.)

Meanwhile, I have friends who have moved away and are living on their own. One has a kid, one is engaged, and one is even married.

And I'm just sitting here imagining a life where I'm happier and doing what I want, where I want, and it seems so far out of reach that sometimes I just want to cry.

I just feel so useless and in the way sometimes.
Same boat here, right down to the inability to "do more things at once." The only way I'm functioning at all right now is by setting goals, and then set miniature goals inside of those that will help you reach the big goal. Don't leave things to be done based on whether or not you feel like dealing with it. Scheduling my day to a tee helped immensely. I set up times to wake up in the morning, times to work, the block of time in which I eat, and I've instated a bed time. This scheduling works with my natural bodily fluctuations and has become a habit.

Oh yeah, limit time around people who make you feel like a failure. I rarely go on Facebook now. Focus on your goals.

Excitable Attacker

mangachan
Same boat here, right down to the inability to "do more things at once." The only way I'm functioning at all right now is by setting goals, and then set miniature goals inside of those that will help you reach the big goal. Don't leave things to be done based on whether or not you feel like dealing with it. Scheduling my day to a tee helped immensely. I set up times to wake up in the morning, times to work, the block of time in which I eat, and I've instated a bed time. This scheduling works with my natural bodily fluctuations and has become a habit.

Oh yeah, limit time around people who make you feel like a failure. I rarely go on Facebook now. Focus on your goals.
Right now I'm taking it one semester of school at a time. It's hard, but I'm managing it. And the career I want to pursue has a strong potential for travel that I can enjoy.

But when it comes to getting out there and being around people without feeling self-conscious, I have no clue where to start. I've always lagged behind in the social area, and that hasn't changed. I can be around people, but I still feel lonely at the same time.

I'm especially clueless in romance. Like... I want to know what it feels like to be in a relationship. I want to understand what my friends feel with their boyfriends/fiancés/husbands, but I don't. I can imagine, but I have nothing to base my imagination on. I DO KNOW, however, that the part of my heart that's reserved for that special someone has always laid empty. I've had plenty of crushes over the years, some I even attempted to pursue, but one has ever entered that room. Some come by and peek inside, but they always pass it by. And I don't know why. It makes me feel cold and alone, seeing so many of my friends in healthy, supportive relationships and I have no clue if I'll ever feel or know that happiness. I'm happy for them, but I feel bitter and envious of them in a way. I think, "Am I not good enough? Why does no one spare me a second look? Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault? Am I just that mangy dog no one will adopt at the animal shelter?" Some days, I try to hold my head up and try to hold onto the hope that I won't just die alone, but other days I can't help hanging my head and painfully resigning to the fact that it may very well end up that way. And it hurts.

Rainbow Survivor

I know the feeling. All I can say is, in the long run it will hurt you more to stay in this "safe zone" than to take scary risks once in a while (even if they do stress you out). There will always be disappoinments, but it's never as bad as when you've never tried.

Feline Bookworm

Seliasei
Not wanting therapy advice or any suggestions to get help. I'm just wanting to vent. But I do feel unaccomplished compared to others I knew back in middle and high school.

Never gotten a job. (Anxiety makes me crash emotionally and hide away if too much stress piles on, so working while going to school is too much for me.)
Never been in a relationship. (Not sure why. My first kiss was over 2 years ago and I haven't been kissed since.)
I don't feel like I've seen enough places in my life. (I want to travel and see stuff, but instead I'm trapped in this hell hole of a state.)

Meanwhile, I have friends who have moved away and are living on their own. One has a kid, one is engaged, and one is even married.

And I'm just sitting here imagining a life where I'm happier and doing what I want, where I want, and it seems so far out of reach that sometimes I just want to cry.

I just feel so useless and in the way sometimes.

I can definitely relate to what you've said. I'm 24 and I haven't really done anything with my life that feels like it means anything.
I have anxiety issues too which make "normal" life difficult, including having and maintaining friendships and relationships.
Reading books and immersing myself in the lives of other, usually fictional, people is the only thing I've found that helps me feel "normal".
It sucks seeing people on Facebook announcing the birth of their children and pictures of their weddings and travel destinations,
it just makes you feel like s**t, I know. emotion_facepalm

I hope you find a way out of it soon. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
Good luck!

Work on your issues. It will help you very much if you do.

I have suffered from extreme anxiety, especially socially. It made it so that I spent the better part of two years indoors hiding from people. Eventually I realised I couldnt continue, went to the doctor, and worked on becoming a more confident and settled down person.

Last year I had a job whilst at college. It was only one day a week - and given I eventually left it. I still did it though and it was an achievement for me.

You should try doing the same thing. Have you considered volunteer work? Its a great way to gain experience before getting an actual job, and usually helps a good cause.

As for moving out and stuff, I also did that too (kind of did everything at once) and am now preparing to move back to my parents. All my friends are the same way, growing up and stuff. Except its not really easy and for me, it was too much to have a whole place to look after AND struggle with college,job etc. Moving out is something that definitely should be done when you're ready - emotionally and financially. Plus if you're at school/college its a lot harder to concentrate on your studies if you are living with somebody else.

I think most of all you need to change the way you perceive yourself. Take it easy for a while, do what makes YOU comfortable, but in the long term make little goals for you to achieve to help overcome feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. Take up some hobbies, volunteer, do things which challenge you. It will prepare you for getting a job and help with coping with stress related anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Nothing will change until you push yourself a little. Small steps are better than nothing.

Gracious Millionaire

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Seliasei


I am right there with you my friend. Next Tuesday will mark one year since my husband lost his job. He is still unemployed and have been living with my parents since we got married last October. We had so many plans and everything was going so perfectly and then it all came crashing down. I do cry every now and again because I feel like we will never get out of this rut we're in.

Versatile Lunatic

I'm in the same boat here as well. I'm 20 years old, can count the number of "friends" who talk to me on at least a weakly basis on one hand, never had sex, can count the number of people I dated on one hand as well, I live with my parents still while some of the friends who did talk to me are getting married and going places with their lives, recently failed a driving test to get my license (not because it got suspended, I never had one before), am basically a college drop out after I was told by the staff at the community college to not register for anymore classes, and can't get any medicine to treat what may be strep throat because no one in my family thinks we can afford health insurance, and my house looks like a ******** s**t hole due to my parents having half a million half finished home improvement projects that were only supposed to take a week.

I had a job but I got fired for having a grand total of two complaints and can't really hunt for a new one because of the only silver lining I have with the rare chance that the Air Force will give me an actual job so I can go to basic training, and I'm starting to wonder if I can pull off not having chronic migraines for two and a half months as well as pretend I don't want to jump in front of a train or hurt myself.

Dangerous Bloodsucker

Stop comparing yourself to other people. When I look at my friends who are getting married and having kids I think, wow sucks to be you. Now you're tied down to responsibility the rest of your life. Have fun with that. Dating/relationships/marriages are all fine an nice, but you've got the opportunity to do something better. DIscover yourself. I get the anxiety. I'm socially anxious and awkward too. But I try not to let that stop me., Even if it means I feel like i'm having a panic attack, I try to confront my fears of people and situaltions and once I do, it's never as bad as I thought It"d be. Someone suggested volunteering and I think that's a great idea. I volunteer once a week at my local animal shelter (and while a lot of what I do there is cleaning s**t out of kennels and scooping litter boxes) and I always get a feel-good boost from it. That and I just love spending time with dogs and cats anyways, but if I can help ones that don't have it so good, I dunno, I guess it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Another good thing to do is work on your hobbies, or if you don't have any take some up. I like to draw/paint, sing/play music, and write. When I do that I feel like I'm doing something with my life. Something that not everyone can do. And while I'm not the best at what I do, that doesn't matter, it's the feeling I get after I"ve finished a painting, or a chapter, or a song. As far as relationships go, that will come in time. Build up confidence in yourself first. Cuz when you are comfortable with yourself people notice that and are attracted to it. You'll find someone eventually. Just cuz your friends are rushing into marriage and kids doesn't you have to. Also, just cuz they have a spouse and kids doesn't mean they've accomplished anything either.

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Anxiety is a tough thing to deal with or even get over, if you that's even possible, I understand, because I've dealt with it for years. But the only way things will ever start to get better is if you start seeking some kind of therapy, whether medical or self. Doing things that lead you to independence will help you to bust out of the rut you're in. I apologize if I sound harsh, but I know from multiple family members as well that you need to intervene, because things will never magically get better. You've got to become a fighter.
Seliasei
mangachan
Same boat here, right down to the inability to "do more things at once." The only way I'm functioning at all right now is by setting goals, and then set miniature goals inside of those that will help you reach the big goal. Don't leave things to be done based on whether or not you feel like dealing with it. Scheduling my day to a tee helped immensely. I set up times to wake up in the morning, times to work, the block of time in which I eat, and I've instated a bed time. This scheduling works with my natural bodily fluctuations and has become a habit.

Oh yeah, limit time around people who make you feel like a failure. I rarely go on Facebook now. Focus on your goals.
Right now I'm taking it one semester of school at a time. It's hard, but I'm managing it. And the career I want to pursue has a strong potential for travel that I can enjoy.

But when it comes to getting out there and being around people without feeling self-conscious, I have no clue where to start. I've always lagged behind in the social area, and that hasn't changed. I can be around people, but I still feel lonely at the same time.

I'm especially clueless in romance. Like... I want to know what it feels like to be in a relationship. I want to understand what my friends feel with their boyfriends/fiancés/husbands, but I don't. I can imagine, but I have nothing to base my imagination on. I DO KNOW, however, that the part of my heart that's reserved for that special someone has always laid empty. I've had plenty of crushes over the years, some I even attempted to pursue, but one has ever entered that room. Some come by and peek inside, but they always pass it by. And I don't know why. It makes me feel cold and alone, seeing so many of my friends in healthy, supportive relationships and I have no clue if I'll ever feel or know that happiness. I'm happy for them, but I feel bitter and envious of them in a way. I think, "Am I not good enough? Why does no one spare me a second look? Is there something wrong with me? Is it my fault? Am I just that mangy dog no one will adopt at the animal shelter?" Some days, I try to hold my head up and try to hold onto the hope that I won't just die alone, but other days I can't help hanging my head and painfully resigning to the fact that it may very well end up that way. And it hurts.


The thing about relationships I do want to say this. I'm in my first relationship now and it's not as...erethreal as it's made out to be. When other people gush about much they are so in love and pose their little "I love you's" all over social media..it's just putting on. Some of these people may even be in relationships to cover insecurities. It's not that magical. And just because you aren't in one now doesn't mean you won't ever be and that nobody is looking at you "like that." Guys are people too and they may even think you're awesome but other things hold them back from approaching, most of which having nothing to do with you. Guys feel a lot of pressure approaching girls and unless it's a sure thing, they may not. They may not feel ready for a relationship for life reasons. My more marriage minded guy friends didn't really pursue anyone until they felt that they would be okay if things headed in that direction.

You also dodge many bullets when you don't force things. Friends kept trying to set me up with a guy when I was in high school, years later I found out we were related. Another guy they tried to put me up with ended up fathering several kids and is on probation now for drug related charges.

Sparkly Vampire

Literatic
Seliasei
Not wanting therapy advice or any suggestions to get help. I'm just wanting to vent. But I do feel unaccomplished compared to others I knew back in middle and high school.

Never gotten a job. (Anxiety makes me crash emotionally and hide away if too much stress piles on, so working while going to school is too much for me.)
Never been in a relationship. (Not sure why. My first kiss was over 2 years ago and I haven't been kissed since.)
I don't feel like I've seen enough places in my life. (I want to travel and see stuff, but instead I'm trapped in this hell hole of a state.)

Meanwhile, I have friends who have moved away and are living on their own. One has a kid, one is engaged, and one is even married.

And I'm just sitting here imagining a life where I'm happier and doing what I want, where I want, and it seems so far out of reach that sometimes I just want to cry.

I just feel so useless and in the way sometimes.

I can definitely relate to what you've said. I'm 24 and I haven't really done anything with my life that feels like it means anything.
I have anxiety issues too which make "normal" life difficult, including having and maintaining friendships and relationships.
Reading books and immersing myself in the lives of other, usually fictional, people is the only thing I've found that helps me feel "normal".
It sucks seeing people on Facebook announcing the birth of their children and pictures of their weddings and travel destinations,
it just makes you feel like s**t, I know. emotion_facepalm

I hope you find a way out of it soon. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
Good luck!

I can absolutely empathise with both of you, it's actually nice to know I'm not alone on this one sweatdrop

I'm 23, anxiety has already convinced me my life is meaningless, people my age are getting married and having children, and I'm just sitting here reading because my partner 'doesnt wan't that yet'. It's probably a good thing because in reality I don't think I'm ready to raise a child, I cant even look after myself! But I'm constantly worried that I look like a failure to my family because they all married and had kids young, and I'm just in and out of therapy and hospital for mental illness. Like I got all the 'bad' genes and mum must be so embarrassed of me!

I think the biggest denominator is the feeling of being 'different'. "Other people are doing this so why can't I?". And if I could just accept that everyone moves at their own pace, life would be so much easier rolleyes
You have to understand that not everyone is the same. Some people start their lives earlier than others, some start later. It is nothing to feel bad about, just keep trying.

I was a late bloomer too. But now I'm in a relationship, have had a job, and now I'm in a new place finishing up my degree. Things happen differently for everyone, doesn't make you a failure unless if you give up trying.

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