I feel like a horrible daughter posting this on here.

[DepressedDoll]

I'm... really sorry. This subforum seems really intimidating to me and I... I'm really shy about posting and venting about personal things because I know I can be a bother so please forgive me. I'm really emotionally fragile so please be gentle with me... I understand there will be that one person who will criticize me harshly but I deserve it. I'm a horrible person.

I'm 20 years old, female, a college student. I...

I'm sorry, this will be long so please bear with me. I'm just using this as a place to vent and see if I am the one at fault or if like my boyfriend says, my mother is a narcissist and she is the source of our dysfunctional family. Uh... this is so awkward. I'm so sorry. I'll try to be as coherent and well-versed in this as much as I can. I'm sorry if I sound really weird/incoherent at times, I'm not thinking straight and I've been trapped in this room for over three days.


In essence: I'm a caged bird. I feel like I am a failure and that I deserve to disappear and kill myself for ruining this family. I only hurt people and I have ruined so many relationships and friendships in my life. However, my boyfriend pleads of me to post what I told him and to get more opinions from people ( anonymously) who will give me a reality check.


Basically, I'm an accident. My parents didn't expect a baby at the stage of their lives. They already nurtured over three children. At the time where my mother was pregnant with me, my sister was around 16 or 17 at the time. ( She is now 35 ) I come from a Latino family household with a nuclear family style where my Father is the breadwinner while my Mother is the housewife taking care of the family. I feel horrible because being born, my parents showered me with love and affection and they spoiled me rotten. As a result my older sister was jealous by that and now to this day she still resents me. My older sister is the golden child while I am the scapegoat.

As a child I was pampered excessively, they always got me what I wanted and... my childhood was a...confusing one? I had an extremely good bond with my father. We bonded on an emotional level and it gives me fond memories. My mother, however...

She neglected me often. She...treated me right though? She cooked for me, she cleaned my clothes, she became a housewife after I was born. She made sure I was prim and clean and proper. In return, she expected me to be a good daughter to her and to be her...as my boyfriend says, a doll. Now during the stages of adolescence and growing up, my mother and I have the nastiest relationship ever. During my stages of puberty, not once she did guide me or support me. My depression began to develop at the age of 11 and at 12 I cut myself as a desperate cry for help to my mother. Instead, she did not try to support me emotionally not once. Throughout my life she verbally abused me, destroyed my body image, destroyed my self-esteem, and I'm an emotional mess and my depression is getting worse the more I am growing up.

I am 20. I am a young adult. I should be responsible, mature, confident, mentally strong but...
I feel like I am inwardly the same socially awkward depressed 14 year old that is listening and catering to my mothers needs and wants.

My mother was born in 1947. She is... 68 ( 69? ) years now. She is going to be elderly and I feel this immense pang of guilt in my heart. I feel like I am a horrible daughter because I couldn't be the ideal daughter for her and I can't be able to take care of her. No matter how much I try to love her, she just criticizes and pushes me away. Whenever I tried to show her any accomplishments she just criticizes on the small details and makes me feel horrible and unloved again. I feel horrible because my depression/ anxiety makes it really hard and tiring to please her. I feel so powerless. My mother yells and screams at me for not helping her around the house but truth be told at times her personality gets so scary I feel intimidated and scared to be around her. Her words hurt me so much!

When she screams she calls me ugly, failure, fat, stupid. She repeatedly calls me these insults since I was five years old and they are imprinted as the negative voices in my head. I believe I am ugly, fat, and stupid. My mother, the person who I love the most, the person who I respect the most, knows me best. So I believe it. I believe these voices.

What makes it worse is that I can see how much my mother strains my father. I was in denial but now I can see that my father is staying with my mother out of obligation and that the love they once shared is long gone. My father is a busy working man and when he comes home he just watches TV and goes to sleep, then go to work and rinse repeat. I feel horrible that my father is going through this and I feel powerless. My mother is controlling out household and I feel horrible for my father.

My mother was controlling and still is controlling. When I was young, she drove me to school and back. She controlled every aspect of my life. Controls what I eat. How I dress. How I look. What type of friends I make. How to act.

I was never allowed to get out of the house by myself. At 20, I STILL don't have the freedom to go out of the house. That's right, it's easy to say " lol get a job and move out", but for a pessimistic mentally unstable girl who desperately tried to look for a job for 6 months and has no connections to stay at someones house and is extremely scared to leave the house I don't think that's possible. Employers notice I am depressed and unstable in interviews and my social anxiety makes them know instantly I wouldn't be a good canditate. The cycle repeats again and again- I'll never have my freedom and my mother wants it that way. She doesn't want me to leave the house. Ever.

One last thing? I'm in a secret relationship and my mother recently discovered about it and she is trying her best to break us apart.

My boyfriend and I met two years ago. My mother met him, but she didn't approve of him because he is poor and Salvadoran. She said all Salvadoran men are cheating scum ( based on her experience of her first husband having mistresses behind her back ). She says that my boyfriend will leave me penniless and hungry and that he will cheat behind my back how her first husband did. With time, my mother threatened to kick me out of the house ( when I was still 17 ) if I didn't break up with my boyfriend. I was forced to break up with my boyfriend. I just...disappeared on him. No reason why. No explanation. And I can't ever forgive myself for it. But I managed to get in contact with him again and we compromised that we will have a secret relationship because my parents will never approve of our relationship.

My boyfriend is the only emotional support I have. And my mother is trying to sabotage it.

Recently she found a photoshoot strip ( Those stupid Japanese ones ) of my boyfriend and I. She threw it on the table and slapped me across the face. She told me that he is a hideous monster and she told me so many hurtful things about him and that she is ashamed of me of how stupid I am. I just... I'm in tears right now. I don't know what to do. My mother right now is not letting me go out whatsoever and I've been alone in this room for over 4 days now. If I get out of the house, my mother will cry crocodile tears to my father and my father will physically assault me under the order of my mother. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.

I feel this is all of my fault. For being a failure. For failing college because of my depression/anxiety and letting my future slip away. For being a social outcast. For not being happy. For not being the perfect daughter. For being in a secret relationship with a poor man but with a heart to take care of my broken self. For posting in this forum and actually expressing how I really feel. I'm a spoiled rotten brat and I deserve this pain.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for being such a horrible daughter. I love you so much mom but I don't even know if you love me. I'm so confused mom, I'm so confused.

I love you mother... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for being so weak. I don't want to live anymore.



The only thing that is stopping me from killing myself is my boyfriend.

[legnanellaf5]

I guess for me the thing is I am not latino and so I have no clue about how normal this is, what is cultural, etc. But ignoring that part...I wouldnt say she is neglectful, because she didnt neglect you? She spoiled you, thats is the opposite. A lot of people have issues with their parents and syfunctional relationship during their teens, but that isnt neglect. She may have been abusive, but that is slightly different.

However at this point you are 20. You arent a child. Blaming her for your inability to grow up is just you hiding from the chance to really do something for yourself. You blame her a lot for YOUR actions or lack of, and you cant really expect her to be responsible for everyhting you do while you whine about not being independent. Being independent requires you to be able to take responsbility. Blame. Putting your actions on yourself not others. Accepting your own failure and working on your problems.This means, that your cutting was your choice. Your depression issues are your issues to tackle. Your lack of job, your failure at school, etc, is your issue. She may have made things a bit worse by not beign supportive, but this is all YOUR issue.

Do you actually help out around the house? You say she yells but you say nothing about what you actually do.

Have hard have you been looking for a job? You say 6 months but like, you had 2 years since you graduated highschool.

Why should you just have freedom? You dont just get it, you earn it. You dont have a job, so what do you do everyday?. You are 'scared' to do anythign adult things, so what freedom do you expect to get? If you are that mentally unstable, then you should see if you can get to counseling, but you cant just expect 'freedom' to fall in your lap. You have no freedom not because your mother is controlling, but because YOU arent doing ayhting to get the freedom. Unless she is stopping you from getting a job, she isnt stopping you from growing up. You are.

Same with the 'secret relationship' , why the ******** did you think that was a good idea? Hiding things from your parents is a childish action. So you got treated like a child. You also phrase what is just grounding like a big deal..but it is just that you got grounded? NOt to mention that if you are scared to leave the house it isnt like a huge thing either, you likely do that most days anyways. She wasnt supportive of it (racism? idk) but like you cant have been suprised that you sneaking around would get you in trouble. That isnt how you adult.

Your boyfriend is right in the sense that she did make it so you have s**t self esteem but she is not the source of your dysfunction. You are. She is not a supportive parent, and she is verbally abusive (physically too?) , but she is not the problem of your whole life. You need to take life more seriously here. If you want to be that 'responsible, mature, confident, mentally strong, adult', you have to work for it. You have to start doing things to be there.

Now for what you need to do. Get your s**t together. Either decide if you are too mentally unstabe to be independent or decide that you arent, but you cant go back and forth on this. You cant use mental issues as an excuse when it is convenient. IF you are going to say that you need to work on mental stuff first, then go for that. I think it may be hard for your family to accept, but you can try your father first. If you are saying you can deal with it for now, then get your a** into gear. Either you hustle hard to get a job, try volunteering if you have no skills, or maybe look into trade schools or go back to college if you feel you need to, but get on track to a career. You have to start being an adult some time.

[DepressedDoll]

...

Haha...yeah... I need to get my s**t together... I'm sorry...to bother...

[m00nEevee]

legnanallaf5, I am sorry but you didn't help her at all. You obviously don't understand psychology or the stigma of mental disorders. They are not something you over come because you are an adult. Her mother sounds abusive. At five years old she was told many horrible names, forced into a box and not being able to escape. It takes a lot of mental abuse to get to that point and saying it is her fault is victim blaming... It is like blaming a rape victim because she was wearing the wrong outfit.

The problem is, yes she needs to get her life in order but she needs people around her that are supportive and can help. You need money to gain the mental help she needs and she is being abused.

The problem is how you worded things to her and I am sorry she worded the way she did, DepressedDoll... She obviously does not understand your stressful situation. It is not easy at all and life is like roses, beautiful but with thorns that sting.

Here is what I suggest, do what you need to do to improve. Find a shelter for abused individuals who need help and there you can seek it. Ask your boyfriend for help... Escape. Doesn't matter if you don't have money... Just escape. Get out as soon as you can. Get the help you need especially if you are being abused on a mental and physical level. Being strong is not easy, especially when pushed down your entire life... But you will find a way.

[uralxium]

well, you need therapy for a start and that is your best option to get over all the endless issues your mother has bombarded you with. secondly, it's not your fault your mom was emotionally neglectful and neither is it your fault that you can't live up to her ridiculous standards. you shouldn't want to kill yourself because you can't be what she wants.

it's clear your mom has instilled warped views of yourself, and the idea that you're only worth anything if you're worthy of her - however this is not true. everyone has to make their own way in life and the same is for you, you are you - not your mother's plaything.

there isn't much i can say that will really be of any use to you because the way you are feeling has been instilled into you since a young child and your brain has learnt that this is the way the world works, but it doesn't. and that's why, if possible, the best thing for you right now would be therapy so you can learn that you don't need to live up to the warped expectations of your mother.

the truth is, your mother is probably never going to be happy with you no matter what you do. you're fighting a losing battle and if you are looking for a reason to be alive from her then i hate to say this but you aren't going to find it. you have to find your own worth from within you, not form outside of you. you will never reach your moms standards because they are unrealistic.

listen to your boyfriend and his support, get yourself some help and realise there is more to life than your mother - so much more. and the sooner you realise this (and possibly break ties with her) the happier you are going to be!

c:

[miserable failure]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this! You don't have to apologize for being depressed or asking for help. It sounds like you really need another perspective, and your boyfriend sounds like mostly a positive influence at this point. If he can help you move out and claim some kind of independence for yourself, definitely do it! Staying at home when it's like this is not going to be healthy.

And, definitely, try to find some counseling. You are not a worthless person! You are not a failure! You have plenty of time to make a good life for yourself, and, again, you don't need to apologize for asking for some help to do it, or for anything that has happened up to this point. I hope this is somehow reassuring. And, try to keep a range of perspectives available. Maybe a new circle of friends, when that seems possible.

I wasn't entirely sure from what you wrote, are you still in college now? Because if so, that may be the easiest way to find a counselor. The state college I went to had its counseling center open without charge to students, and I found it very easy to walk in, or call in, and find someone to talk to. That might be a place to start. Good luck to you!

[Lord of the Vine]

DepressedDoll

...

Haha...yeah... I need to get my s**t together... I'm sorry...to bother...

Okay look, I wasn't really going to say anything because I'm not well-equipped to answer this question, but I'm going to try anyway.

Do you see what you're doing here? You're allowing your mother's words to affect you. Its built entirely into your life that you're the one at fault for your life. While true, any mistakes you make in life are yours and yours alone to focus on, pointing these out...doesn't really do anything.

Think about it this way; she sees you as worthless, that no one cares for you at all except for her, yes? Well, your boyfriend does. So long as you have one person who cares about you, you are proving her wrong.

Its time to acknowledge that your mother is the root of these problems, and its time to find solutions. I would highly recommend therapy, if possible.

[StreetchIck123]

I am latina coming from an old fashion household just like yours and is of salvadorean descent and I was an accident too lol


Everything you describe is literally my grandma. Don't blame yourself because your mom is who she is. Be grateful that she did things just like a mom does, but she's a temperamental b***h. Most women and latino families are very old fashioned and sadly they don't realize it affects their loved one.

My grandma is a b***h. She is critical of everything despite accomplishment. You need to just ignore how she is and whenever she is in the room, go to the other room. Just do small talk because people like her you will never be happy with maintaining a relationship with them.

[legnanellaf5]

LadyAmaltheaMoon

legnanallaf5, I am sorry but you didn't help her at all. You obviously don't understand psychology or the stigma of mental disorders. They are not something you over come because you are an adult. Her mother sounds abusive. At five years old she was told many horrible names, forced into a box and not being able to escape. It takes a lot of mental abuse to get to that point and saying it is her fault is victim blaming... It is like blaming a rape victim because she was wearing the wrong outfit.

The problem is, yes she needs to get her life in order but she needs people around her that are supportive and can help. You need money to gain the mental help she needs and she is being abused.

The problem is how you worded things to her and I am sorry she worded the way she did, DepressedDoll... She obviously does not understand your stressful situation. It is not easy at all and life is like roses, beautiful but with thorns that sting.

Here is what I suggest, do what you need to do to improve. Find a shelter for abused individuals who need help and there you can seek it. Ask your boyfriend for help... Escape. Doesn't matter if you don't have money... Just escape. Get out as soon as you can. Get the help you need especially if you are being abused on a mental and physical level. Being strong is not easy, especially when pushed down your entire life... But you will find a way.

Lol I love how you took me telling her to get help and find work to be independent as 'victim blaming', and assumed that I was telling her to get over her depression, when all I said is to take responsibility for her actions. No, no it isnt. Dont use words you dont understand, since you clearly dont get what victim blaming is and really, you just make yourself look dumb. If I said it was her fault her mom was mean, that is victim blaming. Her lack of initiative to do things to move out is apparent, and only some of that you can say is from her mother's words. Not all, that is a stupid game that leads no where. All I am telling her to do is to work on her own issues instead of using the blame game of saying it is all her mother's fault that she is 20 and has nothing. Since she clearly can and does do things, but somehow she doesnt do that RIGHT things then wonders why her life sucks. You cant just continue to blame your parents for your decisions in life forever, even if that can be seen as the root.

Having a mental illness sucks but you know what? Not a reason to avoid responsibility, not a justification to not grow up. As an adult, even one who is facing a lot of s**t, you have to realize that you are the one who decides your own life path and you have to be willing to work towards the goals.

[tulin13]

Hello,

Firstly, a helpful Gaian once posted a link to the Raised by Narcissits support threat on Reddit. You might want to check it out. You are not alone.

Secondly, nothing that has happened is your fault. You are not to blame for your mother, you are not responsible for her, or for anyone else but yourself. Your body is yours. Your life is yours. And no one - even if it seems like it - no one, can take it from you.

Seize it!

Perhaps it might help to discuss a plan for the future. Do you ever have thoughts like 'I can't go on like this?' Why don't we reverse that, and think 'What would I like to do in the future?'

When you're planning a route, you need to know where you're starting the journey from, and where you want to finish the journey. You're going from route A to route B. What do you want route B to be? What would be the ideal, happiest situation for you? Do you have a career in mind, do you just want a stable future, or perhaps want to invest in a hobby, maybe get a pet cat or dog when money allows it?

Without a route B, it's easy to get lost and sink a bit. So I feel this may be the best first step forward.

The second step is to consider how you will achieve B. For example...

Route A - Stuck in a horrible situation.

- I contact my boyfriend, and any local friends I have, to ask if I can stay at theres.

- I pack my things, plan a date, and get ready to discreetly move out.

- Etc.

Route B - I'm living with my boyfriend and I own two rabbits.

It is going to be long journey, but with determination and a bit of grit, you can achieve it.

Do keep us updated on how things go.

[Honey of the South]

You really need to get out of there. Your mom, in no uncertain terms, is a crazy b***h and I highly doubt that your boyfriend would object to you moving in with him, based on how you described your relationship.

Your mother wants you to break up with your boyfriend because she wants to keep you all to herself. I bet one of your other siblings will tell you this if you talked to them, because odds are they went thru some of the same stuff before you were born. And I am telling you that the sooner you get out of there the better it will be for you in the long run. It should help you with your self-esteem issues and help you get a job as well because it sounds like your mom is making you major stressed.

You also need to go see a therapist and possibly go on anti-depressants. Your mom has screwed you up so bad, and it's good that you recognize that. Now you actually need to do something about it.

[Petrograd]

DepressedDoll

Wow. You have a very serious situation on your hands.

First of all, your boyfriend is right. There is something seriously wrong with your mother.

DepressedDoll

Basically, I'm an accident. My parents didn't expect a baby at the stage of their lives. They already nurtured over three children. At the time where my mother was pregnant with me, my sister was around 16 or 17 at the time. ( She is now 35 ) I come from a Latino family household with a nuclear family style where my Father is the breadwinner while my Mother is the housewife taking care of the family. I feel horrible because being born, my parents showered me with love and affection and they spoiled me rotten. As a result my older sister was jealous by that and now to this day she still resents me. My older sister is the golden child while I am the scapegoat.

Do you know whose fault it is when a child is born after an accidental pregnancy? The parents'. It's 100% the parents' fault. Your parents could've had an abortion if they wanted to, OR have been more responsible with protection. They chose to be lax on protection, and they chose to keep you.

I'm not saying that was a bad thing; I think it was a good thing, but in no way is it YOUR fault they kept you. Seriously, you had no power over the decision, so none of the responsibility falls on you.

My brother was an accident. My mom was delighted he was born, nonetheless, and he was to some extent spoilt, but not massively so. Do you know who I blame for him being spoiled? My parents. Because they were the ones who spoiled him. Kids will always accept being spoiled, so I never blamed my brother for that when he was a kid. (He's still kinda spoiled, I do blame him for letting himself continue to act spoiled as an adult though! Not that I'm too upset or anything.)

DepressedDoll

I'm... really sorry. This subforum seems really intimidating to me and I... I'm really shy about posting and venting about personal things because I know I can be a bother so please forgive me. I'm really emotionally fragile so please be gentle with me... I understand there will be that one person who will criticize me harshly but I deserve it. I'm a horrible person.

I'm 20 years old, female, a college student. I...

I'm sorry, this will be long so please bear with me. I'm just using this as a place to vent and see if I am the one at fault or if like my boyfriend says, my mother is a narcissist and she is the source of our dysfunctional family. Uh... this is so awkward. I'm so sorry. I'll try to be as coherent and well-versed in this as much as I can. I'm sorry if I sound really weird/incoherent at times, I'm not thinking straight and I've been trapped in this room for over three days.

I've boldened all your apologies in your intro above. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone apologize as frequently and seriously as you do here before.

I hope you can take this the wrong way; I'm trying to give you a glimpse of how serious your situation is based on how apologetic you've been pushed to be.

DepressedDoll

In essence: I'm a caged bird. I feel like I am a failure and that I deserve to disappear and kill myself for ruining this family. I only hurt people and I have ruined so many relationships and friendships in my life. However, my boyfriend pleads of me to post what I told him and to get more opinions from people ( anonymously) who will give me a reality check.

Good call! Your boyfriend is a nice cookie :3

DepressedDoll

As a child I was pampered excessively, they always got me what I wanted and... my childhood was a...confusing one? I had an extremely good bond with my father. We bonded on an emotional level and it gives me fond memories. My mother, however...

She neglected me often. She...treated me right though? She cooked for me, she cleaned my clothes, she became a housewife after I was born. She made sure I was prim and clean and proper. In return, she expected me to be a good daughter to her and to be her...as my boyfriend says, a doll. Now during the stages of adolescence and growing up, my mother and I have the nastiest relationship ever. During my stages of puberty, not once she did guide me or support me. My depression began to develop at the age of 11 and at 12 I cut myself as a desperate cry for help to my mother. Instead, she did not try to support me emotionally not once. Throughout my life she verbally abused me, destroyed my body image, destroyed my self-esteem, and I'm an emotional mess and my depression is getting worse the more I am growing up.

Okay so you had your physical needs covered as a kid. That's good. You had some kind of good relationship with your dad, but your mother was emotionally abusive. Also, your mother deminished you to the point where 'you' were reduced from a human being to her 'minion'. Not nice at all.

Your mother has steadily, under long time, been putting you down. Undermining your self confidence, ruining your ability to love yourself.

You as a person are just as important as your mother is as a person. She has no right to reduce you to her pawn.

DepressedDoll

I am 20. I am a young adult. I should be responsible, mature, confident, mentally strong but...
I feel like I am inwardly the same socially awkward depressed 14 year old that is listening and catering to my mothers needs and wants.

My mother was born in 1947. She is... 68 ( 69? ) years now. She is going to be elderly and I feel this immense pang of guilt in my heart. I feel like I am a horrible daughter because I couldn't be the ideal daughter for her and I can't be able to take care of her. No matter how much I try to love her, she just criticizes and pushes me away. Whenever I tried to show her any accomplishments she just criticizes on the small details and makes me feel horrible and unloved again. I feel horrible because my depression/ anxiety makes it really hard and tiring to please her. I feel so powerless. My mother yells and screams at me for not helping her around the house but truth be told at times her personality gets so scary I feel intimidated and scared to be around her. Her words hurt me so much!

When she screams she calls me ugly, failure, fat, stupid. She repeatedly calls me these insults since I was five years old and they are imprinted as the negative voices in my head. I believe I am ugly, fat, and stupid. My mother, the person who I love the most, the person who I respect the most, knows me best. So I believe it. I believe these voices.

Your mother has taught you that she knows you the best, but she never had your best interest at heart.

She's selfish and using you to satisfy her own needs. The reason you're never good enough for her is because she's keeping you desperate for her validation, so that you'll continue to follow her every whim. This also allows her to keep using you as her scapegoat so she never has to come to terms with her own shortcomings.

I'm sorry to say this, but your mother is bullying you. She may have some mental health problems causing her to do this, but it doesn't matter. She has no right to put you down like this.

It's very serious that her repeated abuse of you now has so serious consequences you're now doubting your own existance.

If you seriously were the reason for all her problems, as she's made you feel, then surely she would let you move out. If you were allowed to live on your own, far from her, you couldn't possibly cause her any problems.

DepressedDoll

What makes it worse is that I can see how much my mother strains my father. I was in denial but now I can see that my father is staying with my mother out of obligation and that the love they once shared is long gone. My father is a busy working man and when he comes home he just watches TV and goes to sleep, then go to work and rinse repeat. I feel horrible that my father is going through this and I feel powerless. My mother is controlling out household and I feel horrible for my father.

My mother was controlling and still is controlling. When I was young, she drove me to school and back. She controlled every aspect of my life. Controls what I eat. How I dress. How I look. What type of friends I make. How to act.

I was never allowed to get out of the house by myself. At 20, I STILL don't have the freedom to go out of the house. That's right, it's easy to say " lol get a job and move out", but for a pessimistic mentally unstable girl who desperately tried to look for a job for 6 months and has no connections to stay at someones house and is extremely scared to leave the house I don't think that's possible. Employers notice I am depressed and unstable in interviews and my social anxiety makes them know instantly I wouldn't be a good canditate. The cycle repeats again and again- I'll never have my freedom and my mother wants it that way. She doesn't want me to leave the house. Ever.

One last thing? I'm in a secret relationship and my mother recently discovered about it and she is trying her best to break us apart.

My boyfriend and I met two years ago. My mother met him, but she didn't approve of him because he is poor and Salvadoran. She said all Salvadoran men are cheating scum ( based on her experience of her first husband having mistresses behind her back ). She says that my boyfriend will leave me penniless and hungry and that he will cheat behind my back how her first husband did. With time, my mother threatened to kick me out of the house ( when I was still 17 ) if I didn't break up with my boyfriend. I was forced to break up with my boyfriend. I just...disappeared on him. No reason why. No explanation. And I can't ever forgive myself for it. But I managed to get in contact with him again and we compromised that we will have a secret relationship because my parents will never approve of our relationship.

My boyfriend is the only emotional support I have. And my mother is trying to sabotage it.

Recently she found a photoshoot strip ( Those stupid Japanese ones ) of my boyfriend and I. She threw it on the table and slapped me across the face. She told me that he is a hideous monster and she told me so many hurtful things about him and that she is ashamed of me of how stupid I am. I just... I'm in tears right now. I don't know what to do. My mother right now is not letting me go out whatsoever and I've been alone in this room for over 4 days now. If I get out of the house, my mother will cry crocodile tears to my father and my father will physically assault me under the order of my mother. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.

Okay, physical abuse is not okay.

You should seriously try to move out and reduce contact with your family for the time being. It's not okay for them to abuse you, and they should be very aware of this. You have every right to call the police if they threaten you.

I know it's not easy, and I'd need more info on where else you can live before I can give good advice on how to proceed.

(Oh, and it's not your responsibility your father stays. That's his responsibility. He's a grown man, he can take care of himself. Not your problem.)

It's entirely in line with your mother's controlling behavior that she'd be against your boyfriend. I don't think it really matters WHO you get as a boyfriend, most likely she'd make up a reason to dislike them regardless of how rich or nice or whatever they were.

For a controlling person it's important to isolate the victim so they will continue to accept the abuse; if the victim is allowed interaction with others there's a risk they'll realize they're being abused and try to put a stop to it.

DepressedDoll

I feel this is all of my fault. For being a failure. For failing college because of my depression/anxiety and letting my future slip away. For being a social outcast. For not being happy. For not being the perfect daughter. For being in a secret relationship with a poor man but with a heart to take care of my broken self. For posting in this forum and actually expressing how I really feel. I'm a spoiled rotten brat and I deserve this pain.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for being such a horrible daughter. I love you so much mom but I don't even know if you love me. I'm so confused mom, I'm so confused.

I love you mother... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for being so weak. I don't want to live anymore.

The only thing that is stopping me from killing myself is my boyfriend.

I'm sorry if it's hard for you to read my replies.

You sound so beaten down emotionally that it may be hard for you to listen to what I have to say.

As a very simple rule of thumb that I've come to follow; if anyone keeps making you want to kill yourself more and more, then it's time to stop spending time with them, at least until you're stable enough to meet them again.

There are people who can love you the way you are, without you being 'perfect'. We aren't perfect either.

You need a break from your mother until you're feeling well again.

[moon sugar mints]

I'm posting because my situation is sort of similar and my friend's is very close to this.

I'll share a little bit about myself: I am 19, live with my family(no dad though he's pushing the daisies) and have basically a narcissistic mother. In October, I come home one night from game night and get called a maltitude of names, how I look too much like a guy, yada yada yada....and I cried, of course, I told her 'sorry for being bi', all that. Next day, woke up, got my s**t together, went to school, and said ******** it.

I've lived with this annoying b***h all my life,(I still love her but damn) and I tell myself, just graduate college and then leave. Most people tell me 'just move out' but I'm too poor and honestly I love my chickens too much. Learn from what I'm telling you:

You have to build yourself up, and don't hide things. I did ask for counseling, and therapy, and I was actually very near suicide at times. But eventually I started to learn her ways so I could combat them. I stopped blaming myself. If I got yelled at, I calmly defended myself with logic. If she slapped me, I slapped right back and walked away. If you let yourself sit there like a bump on a log, your mother will eventually take you over and you won't have your freedom. Freedom comes from inside, and even if you have to play a video game or read a book, look for a little inspiration and find your freedom. Go outside and get fresh air. Do something. I have a flock of chickens, it helps me tremendously. You're 20, if she says you can't do something because you're her daughter then too bad. On the other hand.....

My friend is just like you on the emotional part. She is 21. She is half black, and her grandfather and dad call her ****** constantly. Her grandma takes her phone away and limits her tv, and she does nothing about it. In highschool, she was 18 and had to steal the movie Avatar from her grandma to watch it after finals because it was "too graphic." She does nothing. She refuses to move out. She only works on weekends with me, and its seasonal. She does not attend college anymore. And she literally stays at home all day. Every day. She is my neighbor. She hardly comes over because she is scared of leaving her grandparents and dad. They control everything, and she lets it happen.

I've tried telling her and helping, but she absolutely refuses. And no bad rap on her, but do you want to be like that? Should it have to come to being a mindless being? HELL to the NO. If she can't or won't use the guidance I've given her, and its similar to the others that have posted...then maybe you can. If its too long, I'm sorry. But If you do read my little essay, please, take something from it.

[Sweater Panda]

First of all, I would like to thank you for putting yourself out here, with being emotionally fragile and all. You took your first step and started seeking support. That's a major accomplishment! However, my first bit of advice is to go and seek professional help. Yes, there are many open arms and listening ears over the internet, but a therapist will be able to really help you to get control over your own life. I'm not saying that the advice you get from people on here is bad, but a therapist has gone to school and worked with many other patients dealing with similar situations.

I agree with most things that everyone before me has said. However, the first thing you need to learn is that the situation your are in is not your fault. You can't blame yourself for being born. You can't blame yourself for your mother's mental disorder. She's trying to mold you into a person that believes themselves to be worthless, so the person will keep crawling back to her and shy away from the real world. You are giving in to her, and that is the first and foremost mistake you are making. A therapist will help you ease away from the life your mother wants you to live. She wants you to live in fear, and you are giving in to it. Since you were five, she has instilled it into you that your are nothing but her plaything. Humans shouldn't be anyone's plaything; they need to have their own life.

One other major issue is your inability to move out of your mother's house. You are very obviously unhappy living with her, and you shouldn't want to stay anyplace that makes you unhappy. You're not a kid anymore, so the door is open for you to leave. You may have no place to go or stay, but you need to leave. There are some shelters for people suffering from abusive households. You may be able to seek the help and support you need. If you do decide to leave, you need to confront your mother, no matter how painful mentally, emotionally, or physically it may be. You need to tell her that you're twenty years old, and you won't be her rag doll anymore. You need a life of your own, and she isn't letting you have one. You should tell her that even so, you still love her, but she can't be in control of your life. Then, just leave. She may run out after you or threaten you, but really, there's nothing she can do that isn't against the law.

After you get out, you need to think about your future. You already tried going to college. Maybe with being away from your mother and all of the stress, you can try again. Maybe you can ask your boyfriend if you can move in together. What are some hobbies you have? Where would you like to work? Maybe when you're older and your life is more on track, you can think about marriage and children. The possibilities are endless. Don't let being born and raised in an environment with an abusive mother define your future. I have seen many situations where people rise up and become great, productive citizens when they were raised in such a horrible environment.

I hope this helped you. If you ever want to talk about anything, you can shoot a PM my way. I'd be glad to listen and help you out.