iPod Vixen
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Posted: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 02:48:19 +0000
I feel like there's no point to life. At least, not mine.
I've lost three jobs due to depression - two of which lasted less than six weeks. The first lasted over a year and I voluntarily quit. I was a CNA at a nursing home and I couldn't handle watching the people that I cared for deteriorate and die at a regular rate. Because I lost my job, my parents kicked me out. I was homeless for about two and a half weeks before my sister took pity on me and took me in. I've been putting in applications all over, sending resumes, etc, but I never hear back, and when I call, I get told either "the position's been filled", "you are not a good fit", or "if we decide to interview you, we'll call you, do not call back".
I was a full-time student in my classes and doing quite well. One night, I was drinking with my sister, my friend, and two of his friends. I didn't get entirely drunk - I remember the entire night. When I finally fell asleep the next day, his friend took my keys and stole my car. He drove to a city two-and-a-half hours away, got both drunk and high, wrecked my car, and left it in the driveway with zero gas (I can't even turn it on). My insurance won't pay for it to get fixed, and I can't afford to put gas in the tank, let alone get it fixed. At the advice of my guidance counselor, I applied for a refund, but never heard anything back. I've been dropped from my classes by the teachers and put on financial probation.
I was in a relationship - it was good, for a while. He had a job and a car, and was saving up to move out. Now, he's blowing all his money on video games and is refusing to do anything but. He never wants to have sex - unusual, as he has a very high sex drive - but claims it's because "he's finally fully satisfied in a relationship and doesn't feel like he needs it as much". I don't know if it's true or not. I am always doing things for him, but when I ask him to do a simple task, he doesn't do it because he 'forgot' or some other reason. I finally found out that he doesn't want a girlfriend, per se - he wants a mom who will spoil him and give him babies. We're on a break now.
Due to my depression, I rarely have any motivation for anything. I sit on my a** all day getting fatter than I already am. I have one friend who is so busy with his job and school that he rarely has time for me. I have no self esteem and no social skills.
I won't kill myself - not yet, anyway. I don't have the motivation or the courage.
People tell me things will get better, and it used to make me feel better, but now, it feels like it's just empty words.
UPDATE || 11 OCT 2014
So...today, the police came by. He told me that he "wasn't getting anywhere with the individual". Then, he began to say strange things.
- "Do you have anything you want to tell me?"
- "You know, if someone were to confess to the crime, they wouldn't be in any trouble. The worst they'd get is a citation."
- "Have you heard any news?"
Now I'm convinced the police think that I wrecked my car while driving drunk and are trying to get me to confess to a crime I never committed.
Now I'm terrified that I'm going to be arrested for something I didn't do.
tl;dr I am pretty much a waste of space. I'm not a useful member of society, and it looks like I never will be.
I've lost three jobs due to depression - two of which lasted less than six weeks. The first lasted over a year and I voluntarily quit. I was a CNA at a nursing home and I couldn't handle watching the people that I cared for deteriorate and die at a regular rate. Because I lost my job, my parents kicked me out. I was homeless for about two and a half weeks before my sister took pity on me and took me in. I've been putting in applications all over, sending resumes, etc, but I never hear back, and when I call, I get told either "the position's been filled", "you are not a good fit", or "if we decide to interview you, we'll call you, do not call back".
I was a full-time student in my classes and doing quite well. One night, I was drinking with my sister, my friend, and two of his friends. I didn't get entirely drunk - I remember the entire night. When I finally fell asleep the next day, his friend took my keys and stole my car. He drove to a city two-and-a-half hours away, got both drunk and high, wrecked my car, and left it in the driveway with zero gas (I can't even turn it on). My insurance won't pay for it to get fixed, and I can't afford to put gas in the tank, let alone get it fixed. At the advice of my guidance counselor, I applied for a refund, but never heard anything back. I've been dropped from my classes by the teachers and put on financial probation.
I was in a relationship - it was good, for a while. He had a job and a car, and was saving up to move out. Now, he's blowing all his money on video games and is refusing to do anything but. He never wants to have sex - unusual, as he has a very high sex drive - but claims it's because "he's finally fully satisfied in a relationship and doesn't feel like he needs it as much". I don't know if it's true or not. I am always doing things for him, but when I ask him to do a simple task, he doesn't do it because he 'forgot' or some other reason. I finally found out that he doesn't want a girlfriend, per se - he wants a mom who will spoil him and give him babies. We're on a break now.
Due to my depression, I rarely have any motivation for anything. I sit on my a** all day getting fatter than I already am. I have one friend who is so busy with his job and school that he rarely has time for me. I have no self esteem and no social skills.
I won't kill myself - not yet, anyway. I don't have the motivation or the courage.
People tell me things will get better, and it used to make me feel better, but now, it feels like it's just empty words.
UPDATE || 11 OCT 2014
So...today, the police came by. He told me that he "wasn't getting anywhere with the individual". Then, he began to say strange things.
- "Do you have anything you want to tell me?"
- "You know, if someone were to confess to the crime, they wouldn't be in any trouble. The worst they'd get is a citation."
- "Have you heard any news?"
Now I'm convinced the police think that I wrecked my car while driving drunk and are trying to get me to confess to a crime I never committed.
Now I'm terrified that I'm going to be arrested for something I didn't do.
tl;dr I am pretty much a waste of space. I'm not a useful member of society, and it looks like I never will be.
