GreatLaughter
Why do people have suicidal thoughts?
I do.
I also hear voices, cry a lot, get shaky, convulse, get angry and scream, become incoherent..
How do I help myself. I'm on medication, but it just doesn't seem to help.
I've tried writing in Journals, I use Gaia as an outlet, Crochet, do puzzles, write, listen to music. And sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn't.
I need help. I have an appt with my therapist today, but she makes me angry a lot, and my mom was able to get me an earlier appt with my psychiatrist, but that isn't until the 10th of Oct. So I have to continue this medicine until then.
I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm loosing myself. But I scared to admit myself.
I know that my illness hurts my mom and husband, not that I'm physical, I'm not, it's just they don't really get it and I don't know how to explain it to them.
It's like I'm sinking deeper, spiraling into an abyss of darkness that just wants to swallow me up. The voices are horrible, and when I try to fight them it only gets worse. I don't know what to do anymore. They are always there, and when they aren't speaking, I can still feel them there, lurking waiting for me to feel any happiness so they can drain it away... I just wanna curl up into a ball and cry until I fall asleep, then never wake up...
Are the voices like critics? But worse about it? There was something in psychology, I really forget what it was called, but it basically is how people who were raised verbally negatively that these things you repeat whenever you are in a similar circumstance. Deoression could cause that circumstance to be open all the time because you are always feeling shitty. Like an internal stimuli which triggers a memory, but then it perhaps got out of hand to the point of voices.
Ive been crazy before, it is unpleasant to say the least. Im not on medication, for me what triggers it is poor/unbalanced diet, lack of excersize(cardio generally, but if you dont normally excersize then you need to take it lightly at first, its better to excersize for a longer duration rather than a larger intensity anyways, just stay hydrated), lack of sunlight lack of proper sleep. Im sure a lack of a stimulating environment would do it too, something like a park perhaps if theres not much people around to cause you to worry if you would could be healthy. If you gave up activities that used to be fun try those again, and stop trying to find something wrong with it like 'i should have a better hobby so I wont do that hobby at all, or that hobby is for kids, or it promotes pollution,' etc. A proper diet does include vegetables.
Also if you have the choice to sit on your a** or help do a chore or something, try and do the chore, itll take you out of the gutter for a few moments at least, it could show you doing something is better than doing nothing.
I guess I havent heard voices before so I dont know exactly what you are going through, but from what you said and what I have experienced I could still tell you this much.
If your voices are different and more directly harmful like a very rude person who wants you to feel bad, try to understand why, dont try to communicate with the voice though because it could promote it continuing because you are responding to it. Like a kid who throws a tantrum would quickly stop if it didnt affect anyone around them in the slightest.
I am somewhat antisocial though, so perhaps consider biases related to that when you take my advice if you do. But still I did research and I did find out how to be not depressed/crazy on my own for a while. Honestly I was a little depressed today and a few days ago I was almost crazy for ten minutes. I snapped out of it by doing a zhan zhuang excersize, which is basically called a standing still excersize but it works like isometrics on your muscles I think, and it has a very healthy posture and breathing. I did adopt some of the breathing from yoga though for that pose because it was explained better, like breathing in through your nose and mouth is the deepest type of breathing, and when you breath you should give your lungs the sapce to fill up, and when you exhale you want to simply let the air push itself out of your lungs and relax your whole body on the exhale there.
I should take my advice but I wouldnt think of giving myself advice I already know lol. So it helps me also to talk to people and say what I know. Right now anyways.