I can't say no. I have no back bone.Help?

[HaineTheStrayDog]

Well today I got into an incident on Skype with someone on here and it went from a "1 to an 11"fast.The convo got too graphic for me,and instead of not answering the questions I found myself unable to lie.Now I'm taken irl and I have issues already trying to say no to others or lying..I just can't for some reason..I try to say no but it comes out "Yes"Does anyone have any tips so I can avoid gross situations like today?No Stranger needs to know me in depth..If it wasn't for my bf intervening in the convo.GOD knows what would have happened..
I have been like this for ages and I'm putting my foot down today because this is getting ridiculous.:/

[XVNekioVX]

Leave. When it gets weird log off for a while or walk away from the computer for a bit. If you need/want to talk to your bf have him call you.

[HaineTheStrayDog]

klein_eine

Leave. When it gets weird log off for a while or walk away from the computer for a bit. If you need/want to talk to your bf have him call you.

The thing is I want to be able to say"NO!"when it needs to be said.Like I don't wanna keep depending on my bf to do it...What happens when he's not there?I need to learn how to say no and leave when I need to..

[XVNekioVX]

HaineTheStrayDog

klein_eine

Leave. When it gets weird log off for a while or walk away from the computer for a bit. If you need/want to talk to your bf have him call you.

The thing is I want to be able to say"NO!"when it needs to be said.Like I don't wanna keep depending on my bf to do it...What happens when he's not there?I need to learn how to say no and leave when I need to..

It's a big first step to saying no. Uncomfortable moment say "g2g". Eventually you will just be able to say "no". I don't have much of a backbone myself and got trapped in a rather uncomfortable conversation the other day. I'm treating that convo as a fluke, but if it happens again I'm going to hit block after a few choice words about his flirty behavior when I have said I'm engaged.

[HaineTheStrayDog]

klein_eine

HaineTheStrayDog

klein_eine

Leave. When it gets weird log off for a while or walk away from the computer for a bit. If you need/want to talk to your bf have him call you.

The thing is I want to be able to say"NO!"when it needs to be said.Like I don't wanna keep depending on my bf to do it...What happens when he's not there?I need to learn how to say no and leave when I need to..

It's a big first step to saying no. Uncomfortable moment say "g2g". Eventually you will just be able to say "no". I don't have much of a backbone myself and got trapped in a rather uncomfortable conversation the other day. I'm treating that convo as a fluke, but if it happens again I'm going to hit block after a few choice words about his flirty behavior when I have said I'm engaged.

My Bf knows I have the same issue as you so he steps in a lot and tries to see who I'm chatting with to prevent destruction.I told him about the convo and while he wasn't mad I felt like I cheated on him...So I'll try to take your advice and work on it.Wish me luck.

[The Luminosity]

HaineTheStrayDog

Well today I got into an incident on Skype with someone on here and it went from a "1 to an 11"fast.The convo got too graphic for me,and instead of not answering the questions I found myself unable to lie.Now I'm taken irl and I have issues already trying to say no to others or lying..I just can't for some reason..I try to say no but it comes out "Yes"Does anyone have any tips so I can avoid gross situations like today?No Stranger needs to know me in depth..If it wasn't for my bf intervening in the convo.GOD knows what would have happened..
I have been like this for ages and I'm putting my foot down today because this is getting ridiculous.:/

There really isn't a technique to saying "no" other than saying "no" in some way.

If you're worried about appearing impolite, you can say, "No, thank you." Or you can say no, but in the form of complete honesty, such as, "I'm not very comfortable answering that question, so let's change the subject, please." See? It's polite, expresses your feelings accurately, it's honest, and more importantly, it's a no. There's many ways to say, "no" without actually saying the word. Have your boyfriend support you, and help you make a list together of great ways to say no.

Understand that if you're talking to someone who doesn't respect you at all, then no form of, "no" will work, and that person will pressure you for answers, or use manipulative tactics to make you feel bad about yourself for not answering. Those type of people should be avoided.

[ly-tel-quessir]

Little 'x' in the corner of the window. If you feel that you can't actually type out the word 'no', close the window to solve the problem.

[HaineTheStrayDog]

unboundsmiter

Little 'x' in the corner of the window. If you feel that you can't actually type out the word 'no', close the window to solve the problem.

Not what I mean.I have this problem with people in PERSON as well as over the net.
How do I solve it in person?
The net is easier to just vanish.I want to be more firm in real life as well.

[ly-tel-quessir]

HaineTheStrayDog

unboundsmiter

Little 'x' in the corner of the window. If you feel that you can't actually type out the word 'no', close the window to solve the problem.

Not what I mean.I have this problem with people in PERSON as well as over the net.
How do I solve it in person?
The net is easier to just vanish.I want to be more firm in real life as well.

Hmm. Have you considered seeing someone about it perhaps? Like a therapist, or counsellor?

I used to be fairly shy and doormat-like when I was younger, but since taking up re-enacting, I soon grew a thicker skin and learnt that if you're shy, throwing yourself into a conversation helps as you're too embarrassed to back out. Most people find it hard to believe that my boyfriend's actually shy because on site he never shuts up, but he uses the same tactic. I took self-confidence classes at school run by their counsellors, which sort of helped - most of it was just filling in bits of paperwork but the message of the classes were more important.

[HaineTheStrayDog]

unboundsmiter

HaineTheStrayDog

unboundsmiter

Little 'x' in the corner of the window. If you feel that you can't actually type out the word 'no', close the window to solve the problem.

Not what I mean.I have this problem with people in PERSON as well as over the net.
How do I solve it in person?
The net is easier to just vanish.I want to be more firm in real life as well.

Hmm. Have you considered seeing someone about it perhaps? Like a therapist, or counsellor?

I used to be fairly shy and doormat-like when I was younger, but since taking up re-enacting, I soon grew a thicker skin and learnt that if you're shy, throwing yourself into a conversation helps as you're too embarrassed to back out. Most people find it hard to believe that my boyfriend's actually shy because on site he never shuts up, but he uses the same tactic. I took self-confidence classes at school run by their counsellors, which sort of helped - most of it was just filling in bits of paperwork but the message of the classes were more important.

Not really..I tried before but I broke down too much to really tell my therapist anything..
My bf is also shy but talks people to death sometimes..@.@'' Mainly because he warms up to folks faster than I do.
I have low self confidence so that might be an issue in itself..

[mangachan]

Not having confidence will make it hard to say no. I had this issue when I was younger, especially when it came to situations with people I perceived to be in some kind of authority. You have to accept that you are a red blooded human just like other people. You are entitled to opinions and a comfort level. I'm sure others say no to you all the time right? If you can take it they can too. You don't owe others information or your time.

[[S]ilver[R]ose]

HaineTheStrayDog

I know it can be hard to tell people 'No' especially to their face. I used to have the same problem. When I got tired of being pushed around and caving in, I started off by telling lies. Ok not the best thing to do, but it eventually stopped. If someone asked me to do something like at work to stay later or something, I don't get paid enough for that, I would make something up like I have a doctors appointment to get to or I have to go pick someone up. Small things like that. Eventually the favor asking slowed down and I felt like people were prepared for me to say no so I would just say no. No lies just no. I don't know if what I did will work for you, but I guess it's a shot.

[The Luminosity]

HaineTheStrayDog

Not really..I tried before but I broke down too much to really tell my therapist anything..

Try online therapy. There are many sites out there, but here's one I've tried a while back: Talkspace.com

I've used the 5 free post they provide, and I got pretty good responses from one therapist there. However, the 5 free post aren't nearly enough to explain everything and it's public, but it's a good way to test it out to see if you'll like it before making the choice to pay. You can be anonymous if you don't feel comfortable using your real name, and you can also take your time posting, but be patient when waiting for a reply.

[HaineTheStrayDog]

The Luminosity

HaineTheStrayDog

Not really..I tried before but I broke down too much to really tell my therapist anything..

Try online therapy. There are many sites out there, but here's one I've tried a while back: Talkspace.com

I've used the 5 free post they provide, and I got pretty good responses from one therapist there. However, the 5 free post aren't nearly enough to explain everything and it's public, but it's a good way to test it out to see if you'll like it before making the choice to pay. You can be anonymous if you don't feel comfortable using your real name, and you can also take your time posting, but be patient when waiting for a reply.

Thank you so much!I'll try that out and see what happens.

[SpanishHeart27]

HaineTheStrayDog

Well today I got into an incident on Skype with someone on here and it went from a "1 to an 11"fast.The convo got too graphic for me,and instead of not answering the questions I found myself unable to lie.Now I'm taken irl and I have issues already trying to say no to others or lying..I just can't for some reason..I try to say no but it comes out "Yes"Does anyone have any tips so I can avoid gross situations like today?No Stranger needs to know me in depth..If it wasn't for my bf intervening in the convo.GOD knows what would have happened..
I have been like this for ages and I'm putting my foot down today because this is getting ridiculous.:/

It is best to avoid those conversations and walk away.