How to ask someone to say they love you more often?

[Helvetica DaFont]

This might sound silly but I really value the gesture. Telling someone you love them can trump all other forms of affection and rid you of doubts and relieve some insecurities to a degree.

Before you ask, my boyfriend has said it before, I'm not pressuring him into saying it for the first time or anything. I just wonder if maybe he's fallen out of his puppy love phase in our relationship and doesn't realize how little he says it.

He used to be so affectionate and would just say it without reason.

He only says it unless I initiate it. And usually he doesn't say it back unless it's at night or when we're parting. And even then quite often he doesn't even say it then. Like last night, I called him to tell him good night and I love him because that's just how I've been raised - if you love someone you should always let them know when you're going to be apart.

Me: Hey I just wanted to call and say good night.
Him: Oh, okay. Well, good night and sweet dreams!
Him: Sleep well.
Me: Thanks sweetie, I -
Him: *click*
Me: ...love you stare

He can get really defensive when I try to talk about something that I have an issue with and makes it look like I was aiming to bite his head off or chew him out. So I don't know how to address the issue that I'd really like to hear it more often in a neutral or sincere way. It doesn't feel the same if I'm always the one who has to initiate it.

[Viviane_neechan]

Perhaps you can explain to him that everyone places different value on different gestures. For him, maybe a kiss or a gift or a favor might be the most meaningful expression of love. For you, it's the words. Maybe you can ask him how to make him feel more loved while explaining what he can do for you. 3nodding I would avoid bringing up past experiences (like the one you posted). To avoid him getting defensive, make it a positive thing ("You know what would make me sooo happy? This!" wink rather than a negative thing ("You made me sad when you didn't say this or that!" wink .

[seymour skinner]

definately talk to him about it and what meaning it holds for you. because being blunt and honest with a person is GREAT!
say something like "hey i wanna talk about something, its sorta been bugging me. im not mad or anything its just, id like to talk about it" or something along those lines.
i dont get why he would get all mad and defensive if you bring it up and ask him about it. if he does and he doesnt wanna say it he might be having some issues of his own or... something worse sad
i hope this helps!

[The Luminosity]

Helvetica DaFont

This might sound silly but I really value the gesture. Telling someone you love them can trump all other forms of affection and rid you of doubts and relieve some insecurities to a degree.

Before you ask, my boyfriend has said it before, I'm not pressuring him into saying it for the first time or anything. I just wonder if maybe he's fallen out of his puppy love phase in our relationship and doesn't realize how little he says it.

He used to be so affectionate and would just say it without reason.

He only says it unless I initiate it. And usually he doesn't say it back unless it's at night or when we're parting. And even then quite often he doesn't even say it then. Like last night, I called him to tell him good night and I love him because that's just how I've been raised - if you love someone you should always let them know when you're going to be apart.

Me: Hey I just wanted to call and say good night.
Him: Oh, okay. Well, good night and sweet dreams!
Him: Sleep well.
Me: Thanks sweetie, I -
Him: *click*
Me: ...love you stare

He can get really defensive when I try to talk about something that I have an issue with and makes it look like I was aiming to bite his head off or chew him out. So I don't know how to address the issue that I'd really like to hear it more often in a neutral or sincere way. It doesn't feel the same if I'm always the one who has to initiate it.

It doesn't matter if you were raised with a family who says I love you every moment or not. Everyone has their own way of expressing love, and the words of love shouldn't trump loving actions (both should be equally meaningful). Try taking time to understand how he loves you, and appreciate his affection.

Honestly, it just sounds like you're insecure and making your boyfriend responsible for it. Relationships and feelings of love aren't meant to cure loneliness or temporarily relieve insecurities or doubt, because if that's the case, then you're just with him to fill a void.

[Balveniesweet]

The important thing, is to get the conversation started.

For a more defensive person, when you are having a quiet moment together, you could try and ask him what you can do or say that might make him feel more loved and appreciated. It may open the door to let him know how happy it makes you when he says those three little words.

[Mae Lovelyn]

The Luminosity

Helvetica DaFont

This might sound silly but I really value the gesture. Telling someone you love them can trump all other forms of affection and rid you of doubts and relieve some insecurities to a degree.

Before you ask, my boyfriend has said it before, I'm not pressuring him into saying it for the first time or anything. I just wonder if maybe he's fallen out of his puppy love phase in our relationship and doesn't realize how little he says it.

He used to be so affectionate and would just say it without reason.

He only says it unless I initiate it. And usually he doesn't say it back unless it's at night or when we're parting. And even then quite often he doesn't even say it then. Like last night, I called him to tell him good night and I love him because that's just how I've been raised - if you love someone you should always let them know when you're going to be apart.

Me: Hey I just wanted to call and say good night.
Him: Oh, okay. Well, good night and sweet dreams!
Him: Sleep well.
Me: Thanks sweetie, I -
Him: *click*
Me: ...love you stare

He can get really defensive when I try to talk about something that I have an issue with and makes it look like I was aiming to bite his head off or chew him out. So I don't know how to address the issue that I'd really like to hear it more often in a neutral or sincere way. It doesn't feel the same if I'm always the one who has to initiate it.

It doesn't matter if you were raised with a family who says I love you every moment or not. Everyone has their own way of expressing love, and the words of love shouldn't trump loving actions (both should be equally meaningful). Try taking time to understand how he loves you, and appreciate his affection.

Honestly, it just sounds like you're insecure and making your boyfriend responsible for it. Relationships and feelings of love aren't meant to cure loneliness or temporarily relieve insecurities or doubt, because if that's the case, then you're just with him to fill a void.

So much this!

My bf and I were in the same boat shortly after confessing our love for each other. He kept saying "I love you" and kept expressing how he wanted me to say it back. It almost reached a point where I was wondering if it was worth staying with someone who didn't understand that I would only say it back when I was ready and willing to. Those 3 words are something that I personally treasure and only say them when I feel like saying them.

Saying "I love you" all the time bothers me immensely. Mostly because I feel that it shouldn't have to be said so often. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. What's more to say after it's known? It's been 2 1/2 years for us and there are still times where I just say "I know" after he tells me he loves me. Because I'm not obligated to say it back since he already knows how I feel.

[Glitterama]

The Luminosity

It doesn't matter if you were raised with a family who says I love you every moment or not. Everyone has their own way of expressing love, and the words of love shouldn't trump loving actions (both should be equally meaningful). Try taking time to understand how he loves you, and appreciate his affection.

Honestly, it just sounds like you're insecure and making your boyfriend responsible for it. Relationships and feelings of love aren't meant to cure loneliness or temporarily relieve insecurities or doubt, because if that's the case, then you're just with him to fill a void.

could NOT have said it better myself.
my bf and i have been together for 4 years. we RARELY say i love you to one another, but i know that he truly loves me and i am absolutely crazy about him. i'm also from a very loving family, but being in love isn't about how you were raised, but your relationship with this other person. i know through his actions that he cares about me; i don't need to hear it in every conversation.

relationships aren't about being "lovey dovey" or overly affectionate; it's about support and trust with someone you truly care about. if you are afraid of falling out of the puppy love stage, then i suggest preparing for it. EVERYONE falls out of that stage at some point; it's unavoidable. but it doesn't mean that the relationship is becoming stale or your partner is losing interest.

[legnanellaf5]

You shoudlnt address it because it is an issue with you not him. See not everyone says those words all the time, and some people feel that saying it a lot cheapens it. The words alone mean nothing. Affection is not defined by how often he says them. So if he isnt a big sayers of it, but DOES reply back to you and does other shows of affection, it isnt an issue. So then you have to think about why you are so all about it and why you cant be okay with non verbal things.

You are also doing that thing where you make it a game. You saying it first doesnt mean he isnt sincere about it, and frankly you are going to be the one to initiate if you are the type to want to say it more, that is just how you are.

So is he just not saying it as much as you like him to or are there other issues here?

[SpunkyStrikesAgain]

The Luminosity

Honestly, it just sounds like you're insecure and making your boyfriend responsible for it. Relationships and feelings of love aren't meant to cure loneliness or temporarily relieve insecurities or doubt, because if that's the case, then you're just with him to fill a void.

Seriously this. I don't think if's and issue of your b/f not saying "I love you" enough, but rather, why you need to hear it so often. Relationships are about communication, both verbal and none verbal. You're getting to caught up in the verbal "I love you". Would you want him to say those words if he didn't mean it just to fill some notion of insecurity you're feeling within yourself? Cuz essentially that's what you're asking. Look at the other, perhaps, non verbal ways he expresses himself. And if it really matters that much to you talk it out with him. If it's really important to you he needs to know. Don't accuse him. Like someone else said, make it a positive thing. Cuz focusing on what is doesn't do IS gonna make him defensive.

[Aamira]

Everyone expresses their love for someone in their own way. Learn to respect his boundaries/showing of affection and appreciate the things he does say to you. See if you were to tell him to say it more, it may lose it's meaning for him eventually and that's not how it should be.

[Helvetica DaFont]

Well he's said it before and in the past he hasn't had issues saying it to me. It's just with time he says it a lot less. Usually the only time I'd really appreciate it is when I'm telling him good night. It's not like I say it a lot myself. Usually once, maybe twice a day. And while I should respect him I feel he should respect me as well.

[Vanilla Melody]

talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

[Mae Lovelyn]

Helvetica DaFont

Well he's said it before and in the past he hasn't had issues saying it to me. It's just with time he says it a lot less. Usually the only time I'd really appreciate it is when I'm telling him good night. It's not like I say it a lot myself. Usually once, maybe twice a day. And while I should respect him I feel he should respect me as well.

You respect that he chooses not to say it as often but feel he should respect you by saying it more?
I'm sorry, but what? What exactly do you want from him because I'm seeing some contradiction here. neutral

[The Luminosity]

Helvetica DaFont

Well he's said it before and in the past he hasn't had issues saying it to me. It's just with time he says it a lot less. Usually the only time I'd really appreciate it is when I'm telling him good night. It's not like I say it a lot myself. Usually once, maybe twice a day. And while I should respect him I feel he should respect me as well.

This is not about him disrespecting you; it's about you looking for ways to force him to say I love you more, because you don't respect him. You honestly rather have what you want, than to just accept the way your boyfriend currently expresses his love. That's truly awful, and selfish.

Are you sure you love him, or are you with him to feel better about yourself?