how normal is it to lose passion in relationship~

[Koshatnitsa]

Rishnea

Just share my personal tidbit

I felt this way before I got married, only I ignored it

Now he is my ex husband

I finally woke up from this haze I had placed my self in and realized how unhappy and not in love I was.

Now I'm in a new relationship, we have amazing connections, I feel alive in this relationship instead of dull and bored

it is good you didn't stay in a miserable situation and found happiness elsewhere. :>

i have been ignoring my moods and thoughts as well for long, but already by reading this thread, i have gotten some new ideas to try. i will try them, and see if any of them works. if nothing works, well, it's not the end of the world if a relationship collapses.

[young dryas]

Koshatnitsa

young dryas

There are different kinds of love. There's the initial "honeymoon phase" love where you're stuck to them like glue, the sex and conversation are explosive and exciting, and it's a whirlwind of fun and new experiences.

Then it eventually settles into a more quiet, comfortable love. I'd worry if the "spark" has disappeared entirely, but you do have to take into account that everyone is different and has different comfort levels. But, I think there should always be some level of passion and excitement. Me personally, I've been with my BF 1 1/2 years now, and our sex is better than ever, and just as explosive. Maybe you need to mix it up?

But like you said, sex is only one aspect of it. Yes, you are eventually going to grow comfortable with each other and the "newness" is going to wear off. That's normal. But I'm sure he makes you laugh just as hard as ever, and you probably still get butterflies when he looks you in the eye.

I wouldn't worry. Like I said, just mix things up if you feel particularly bored.

i wouldn't say the spark has disappeared completely, but it has definitely faded a great deal.
it has come to a point where he sometimes gets upset because i don't want sex for a whole week.

then i feel bad. at one point i had sex with him just so he wouldn't get upset, but it felt wrong.
i think it's sad, because it used to be much more interesting. i really don't know what happened.

he makes me laugh and sometimes, even though rarely, we're both in the mood.
but i really can't say i feel the butterflies anymore when he looks me in the eye.

Well, people have different sex drives. Do you think you have a low sex drive, or do you think you just don't enjoy sex with him anymore/you're not as attracted to him as you used to be? Because those are different things.

And I'm sorry to hear that. And honestly, if it's been a week and you don't miss him at all.... it's hard to make judgments without a comparison, but that really doesn't sound good for your relationship.

And if he's getting upset with you because of your behavior, that's another bad sign. You are who you are, and he needs to accept that. If you being yourself upsets him, maybe you two aren't right for each other, and maybe the spark is gone because this thing has run its course.

[young dryas]

Koshatnitsa

Rishnea

Just share my personal tidbit

I felt this way before I got married, only I ignored it

Now he is my ex husband

I finally woke up from this haze I had placed my self in and realized how unhappy and not in love I was.

Now I'm in a new relationship, we have amazing connections, I feel alive in this relationship instead of dull and bored

it is good you didn't stay in a miserable situation and found happiness elsewhere. :>

i have been ignoring my moods and thoughts as well for long, but already by reading this thread, i have gotten some new ideas to try. i will try them, and see if any of them works. if nothing works, well, it's not the end of the world if a relationship collapses.

Yeah... I'm just gonna second what Rishnea said. I was hesitant to impose my own experiences, but since hers seems to resonate with you, I'll tell you I had the exact same experience. I was with my ex for 6, almost 7 years. I hadn't been in love with him for awhile, I think, but I stuck it out because I felt obligated and because I thought I loved him.

Now, my current boyfriend... it's so much different. It's been a year and a half and we're still stuck like glue. I miss him when I don't see him for just a day. It's just... it's so much different. I feel so different and it's just wonderful.

[Koshatnitsa]

miinxiish

A jumble of thoughts in my mind.
As such, I apologize in advance if this comes across as disorganized.

Perhaps you're thinking too much.
I do that often.
I've come to realize I've ended a lot of my relationships
prematurely because I get ahead of myself.

Unless you're in a hurry to marry, go with the flow.
Let things run it's course.
It's how I ended up with my current boyfriend
who I was actually planning to have a fling with.

That said, now that you have time away from him, focus on yourself.
Not so that you can reflect how you feel about him, but in a sense, finding yourself again.
Things you stopped doing when you got together with him, start them again.

While I've never gone on a break with my current boyfriend (of 10 months) yet,
I spend almost 90% of my free-time with him, and on the days where we can't met
and I do something like wandering a mall by myself, I've found how much I missed it.
Refreshing, almost.

In terms of adding spice, I've found you can do this in one of many ways.
And this ranges from the simplest of things like:
- new undergarment
- quick spontaneous groping in public spaces
- missing article of undergarments
To moments of "oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-we-got-away-with-that"

If talking about it and changing things up doesn't do it,
maybe, just maybe, as Rishnea mentioned,
he's just not the one.

i'm definitely not in a hurry to marry. :p

i have been doing some things i wouldn't do when my boyfriend is at home. i have noticed my life is much more active. i don't sit at home as much, i actually go out and do things i like, like going to the gym and meeting friends much more often.

i think what we need is some kind of balance. he wants to spend all the time together, but it makes me numb. now that he has been gone for a week, i feel more alive. it saddens me in a way. but i'm not going to breakup without putting up some kind of a fight in order to save it.

i find these tips helpful. the more i read your responses, the more sure i am that it is the routines that need to be broken down. or at least add more spontaneity into grey weekdays.

[Radpops]

try to be flirty, even if you aren't horny. a sort of 'secret" to successful couples is that they keep the spark by doing the small things throughout the day. not lovey dovey write on your wall once a day crap. but just small gestures that are playful and fun. start new hobbies. meet some new people and hang out as a couple. explore things sexually that haven't been explored.
there is probably an aspect or two in your sex life that is not cutting it for you. you should probably work on that, be it ensuring you have a clitoris orgasm each session or trying new moves. he can't read your mind, and he seems like a guy who'd be down to try things if you brought it up flirtatiously.
turn boring things into fun and fun things into awesome.

[Senorita Jade]

I think because of all the stress that is going on in your life, its hard on you right now and your feelings dim a little because of what is going on.
I don't think you totally lost it. Its there, and you notice the littlest things because of the stress and other pressures of your life.
I am actually going through the exact same thing right now. When I spend time with him, I put everything else aside unless its really bugging me and I share all my things with him. Lately, i have been not calling as much as usual, and i think it worries him. But he calls and wants to spend time together.
So maybe its just a transition phase from honey moon phase. I suggest you talk it out with yours, see if he can help you.

[Change In Continuum]

It's normal to lose the butterfly feelings after the first handful of months or so. I'm pretty sure it's normal for everyone to slow down and get back into reality after a year. It's called the honeymoon phase.

If you are serious about staying with your boyfriend because you love each other, find some ways to bring the spark back into your life. Hang out and have different kinds of dates. Cuddle up and give each other back rubs. Cook together. Talk to each other. Work on your relationship and figure out what each of you want. The sex kind of waned after the initial first months with me... we finally figured it's time to wait again. It happens... keep communicating and adjusting.

If you've fallen out of love completely, though, that also happens. I'd talk to him and figure out what it is you want to do. Communication leads to healthy relationships of any kind. If it doesn't work out in the end, don't cling to someone you don't really love. You'll only end up hurting yourself and your so.

So... talk to him, get together, figure out what you want, and good luck. heart

[Robotic Sour Romance]

I agree with everyone else, its normal.
I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years, and I cant say that I have had that "Butterfly in my tummy." Feeling for a long time. It doesnt mean I love him any less then I did when we started dating.

You get more comfortable with the person and become less nervous while being around them.
There is so much little things you can do that can make for a romantic night.
Go on a picnic, have a candlelit dinner, write him little notes, etc.

You'll never know how much he appreciates them. c:

[Fire in the Choir]

Instead of a break, maybe you should give yourself more time away from each other? My boyfriend and I usually get to see each other on the weekends every two weeks, and we've been together for a year and a half, so our sex drive is pretty high. I'd recommend trying to give more distance, trying different things, and if you still feel this way, maybe it'd be better to end it.

[zoe_owen1]

it happens... trust me just try nt to think about it the more aware you are about it the more it will be like that. but it is normal but you can work at it try role playing or dressing up sexy, or some toys wink

[Koshatnitsa]

young dryas

Koshatnitsa

young dryas

There are different kinds of love. There's the initial "honeymoon phase" love where you're stuck to them like glue, the sex and conversation are explosive and exciting, and it's a whirlwind of fun and new experiences.

Then it eventually settles into a more quiet, comfortable love. I'd worry if the "spark" has disappeared entirely, but you do have to take into account that everyone is different and has different comfort levels. But, I think there should always be some level of passion and excitement. Me personally, I've been with my BF 1 1/2 years now, and our sex is better than ever, and just as explosive. Maybe you need to mix it up?

But like you said, sex is only one aspect of it. Yes, you are eventually going to grow comfortable with each other and the "newness" is going to wear off. That's normal. But I'm sure he makes you laugh just as hard as ever, and you probably still get butterflies when he looks you in the eye.

I wouldn't worry. Like I said, just mix things up if you feel particularly bored.

i wouldn't say the spark has disappeared completely, but it has definitely faded a great deal.
it has come to a point where he sometimes gets upset because i don't want sex for a whole week.

then i feel bad. at one point i had sex with him just so he wouldn't get upset, but it felt wrong.
i think it's sad, because it used to be much more interesting. i really don't know what happened.

he makes me laugh and sometimes, even though rarely, we're both in the mood.
but i really can't say i feel the butterflies anymore when he looks me in the eye.

Well, people have different sex drives. Do you think you have a low sex drive, or do you think you just don't enjoy sex with him anymore/you're not as attracted to him as you used to be? Because those are different things.

And I'm sorry to hear that. And honestly, if it's been a week and you don't miss him at all.... it's hard to make judgments without a comparison, but that really doesn't sound good for your relationship.

And if he's getting upset with you because of your behavior, that's another bad sign. You are who you are, and he needs to accept that. If you being yourself upsets him, maybe you two aren't right for each other, and maybe the spark is gone because this thing has run its course.

i know i have a low sex drive, at least compared to many people who have talked about this subject with me.

i used to enjoy sex with him, but these days, it's almost like i have been avoiding having sex with him. it is frightening that lately i have thought of someone else, but i have also tried avoiding paying too much thought to it. i'm pretty sure it's just a crush that will pass. of course i'm not going to take any action while i'm still in this relationship.

indeed, it has been a week and i don't miss him, really. i don't know if i'm going through a period of depression right now, i still have hard time recognizing them even though i have been going to therapy for it for a few years. suddenly my feelings just have gone very neutral towards him.

a part of me wants to be with him, but a part of me wants to get rid off him. i'm like a broken record here, repeating the same things over again. i really do hope this is temporary. i feel i'm doing the wrong thing keeping him waiting for my realization if i want to be with him or not.

[Tassima]

This has happened to me. I have been in a few long term relationships and I always seem to want to be excited and find someone else who will excite me.

Excitement fades... so if you can be with a guy who makes you comfortable, who you love and who is respectful then stay with him. Sex is important too though.

[goodnight stranger]

i might be the first person to say no you're not overreacting. I do think you should try to switch things up and try to re-ignite the spark, but passion doesn't always have to fade, even in a long term relationship. This might be a weird patch, that happens sometimes. So i don't suggest ending it at this point without trying new things. But if you do try new things and the passion doesn't come back (i'd say give it a month or two) i wouldn't suggest settleing or accepting the lack of passion just because "it happens". I was in a 5 year realtionship, and although there were stretches where excitement was lacking, they were few and inbetween and it never truely dissapeared.

[Tohchiru]

xD Perfectly normal here. Most relationships have ups and downs after the first year.

Sex? Not really important and doesn't always have to be the center of everything in the relationship, so you're good there.

Passion? Well, try doing things out of the ordinary. Clubbing, visiting new sites, go hiking, skating, out on a date, movies, cooking up a dessert with him, etc. If it's something different, this is off topic slightly, but how often do you exercise? Exercise can help clear the mind and can help raise your passion. Also read in an article that lots of vitamin D and sunlight can raise it too. So if it's not him, and it's you, i'd try that. Especially if you are unsure of your feelings for him, but those will help with passion.

But, like you said, just think about everything and reevaluate the relationship, but don't overthink or stress out about it. Just relax, breathe, and then deal with it when the time comes. smile

[[M.S.T]]

Koshatnitsa

what do you think about it?
do you have similar experiences, feelings, thoughts with your relationship?

I read through the other responses of yours, I am left with one question on my head before I can think further. Have you felt or been through something like this before?

♫♦♪♥||死の天使||♠♪♣♫