how normal is it to lose passion in relationship~

[Koshatnitsa]

after being together, let's say, about a year?
i don't know if this belongs in issues or lifestyle. i decided to post it here.

this is going to be a wall of text, i'm sorry~
i'll bold the most important things, if you're too lazy to read everything.

so i have been together with my boyfriend for a year.
i'm a very uncertain person who thinks a lot about every single little thing before making decisions.

the beginning of our relationship was typical, lots of passion and affection.
lately i have thought if it's supposed to feel this way i do now. is everything actually ok?

so after being together for a year, my interest in sex has began to fade.
first i thought it probably is very normal in a relationship, and typical for me.
sex is fine, but it's not the center of a relationship. sex has never been important to me.

i realized my passion is fading, and at the same i realize how many small things have started bothering me about my boyfriend.
it can be a simple gesture. a habit he keeps repeating. a tone of his voice. lately they have been driving me mad.

on the other hand, i do enjoy affection when we have it, and it's usually good to be together. he is a funny person to be around.
but it's just too calm, too peaceful. we trust each other, laugh, we have the same plans for the future. but there is no big spark.

i don't know what to do. it's not bad, but it's not great.
i thought it's unfair for my boyfriend, so i asked if we could put our relationship on a break for a while.
i asked him to give me some time alone, about a month, to think about things on my own. lately we have had no arguments.
when we are together, i keep observing him a lot and i keep thinking what i really feel for him, but i don't know.

he is lovely and goodlooking, but i have difficult naming my exact feelings for him.
i can't help but wonder if i'm supposed to feel like this. shouldn't it feel like he's the right for me, for sure?

i think i have lost interest in sex because of all the stress this constant analyzing is bringing me.
i know it's typical a relationship changes after being together with someone for longer. i know it's often not as intense anymore.
i don't know what it's supposed to feel like after the "honey moon" of a relationship is over.

have i thought about this too much, so i cannot just relax and love, or is there something wrong with me?
i can't deny i haven't thought of breaking up with him, but a part of me hurts when i think about it, and i really don't want to do it.
is it just comfort? or fear of being alone? these thoughts are draining all of my energy.

my man is certain that he wants to be together with me for the rest of his life.
he has said this to me. he says this break hurts him.

what do you think about it?
do you have similar experiences, feelings, thoughts with your relationship?

[God Emperor Akhenaton]

It happens to everyone.

[angel_259236102]

Well, finding things wrong, not having that passion and stuff is normal for a relationship. it happens. After the honeymoon stage you see them as a real person, with flaws, and the big passion only really is at first with the bunny ******** stuff. But it should change to some thing more comfortable, where you are okay with that person anyways.

I think you need ot get that spark back, go out and be romantic an dsuch.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

It happens to everyone.
You should try talking to him to bring the spark back.
Plan a romantic night followed by something completely spontaneous that's decided right after dinner is finished.
Buy sexy frilly things to wear for him and bring the desire for sex back.
Do something.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

[young dryas]

There are different kinds of love. There's the initial "honeymoon phase" love where you're stuck to them like glue, the sex and conversation are explosive and exciting, and it's a whirlwind of fun and new experiences.

Then it eventually settles into a more quiet, comfortable love. I'd worry if the "spark" has disappeared entirely, but you do have to take into account that everyone is different and has different comfort levels. But, I think there should always be some level of passion and excitement. Me personally, I've been with my BF 1 1/2 years now, and our sex is better than ever, and just as explosive. Maybe you need to mix it up?

But like you said, sex is only one aspect of it. Yes, you are eventually going to grow comfortable with each other and the "newness" is going to wear off. That's normal. But I'm sure he makes you laugh just as hard as ever, and you probably still get butterflies when he looks you in the eye.

I wouldn't worry. Like I said, just mix things up if you feel particularly bored.

[Neko Namida Ame]

It's normal to feel this way but you're over complicating it and affecting your relationship negatively by over analyzing it and stressing out about it. That is why the sex isn't that great and your libido is failing you. Take some time to relax and then go for some hot action and make sure you feel comfortable about it else you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

If you break up with him and find someone else, the same thing will happen all over again so don't bother breaking up unless you're really sure you're incompatible for other reasons.

[Koshatnitsa]

angel_259236102

Well, finding things wrong, not having that passion and stuff is normal for a relationship. it happens. After the honeymoon stage you see them as a real person, with flaws, and the big passion only really is at first with the bunny ******** stuff. But it should change to some thing more comfortable, where you are okay with that person anyways.

I think you need ot get that spark back, go out and be romantic an dsuch.

yeah, i think the routines bore us both. when we are together, we stay at home, and we definitely spend too much time together.
i wanted him gone for a while so i can see if i miss him. he's been gone for a week now, and i don't miss him yet.

but it's just the first week. it might change, right. ._.

[Koshatnitsa]

!d!ot Amer!ca

It happens to everyone.
You should try talking to him to bring the spark back.
Plan a romantic night followed by something completely spontaneous that's decided right after dinner is finished.
Buy sexy frilly things to wear for him and bring the desire for sex back.
Do something.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

i have thought of asking him if he wants to go to a sex shop with me.
he has this routine in sex, every. single. time. always the same thing.

yeah, i really got to talk to him, but more neutrally.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

Koshatnitsa

!d!ot Amer!ca

It happens to everyone.
You should try talking to him to bring the spark back.
Plan a romantic night followed by something completely spontaneous that's decided right after dinner is finished.
Buy sexy frilly things to wear for him and bring the desire for sex back.
Do something.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

i have thought of asking him if he wants to go to a sex shop with me.
he has this routine in sex, every. single. time. always the same thing.

yeah, i really got to talk to him, but more neutrally.

If he has a routine in sex, try changing it up.
Don't go to a sex shop with him.
Just go, and surprise him with something.
I did it with my fiance, and sex has been awesome, which has caused our relationship to strengthen even further because when we're sexually satisfied, we communicate more lol.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

[Koshatnitsa]

young dryas

There are different kinds of love. There's the initial "honeymoon phase" love where you're stuck to them like glue, the sex and conversation are explosive and exciting, and it's a whirlwind of fun and new experiences.

Then it eventually settles into a more quiet, comfortable love. I'd worry if the "spark" has disappeared entirely, but you do have to take into account that everyone is different and has different comfort levels. But, I think there should always be some level of passion and excitement. Me personally, I've been with my BF 1 1/2 years now, and our sex is better than ever, and just as explosive. Maybe you need to mix it up?

But like you said, sex is only one aspect of it. Yes, you are eventually going to grow comfortable with each other and the "newness" is going to wear off. That's normal. But I'm sure he makes you laugh just as hard as ever, and you probably still get butterflies when he looks you in the eye.

I wouldn't worry. Like I said, just mix things up if you feel particularly bored.

i wouldn't say the spark has disappeared completely, but it has definitely faded a great deal.
it has come to a point where he sometimes gets upset because i don't want sex for a whole week.

then i feel bad. at one point i had sex with him just so he wouldn't get upset, but it felt wrong.
i think it's sad, because it used to be much more interesting. i really don't know what happened.

he makes me laugh and sometimes, even though rarely, we're both in the mood.
but i really can't say i feel the butterflies anymore when he looks me in the eye.

[Rishnea]

Just share my personal tidbit

I felt this way before I got married, only I ignored it

Now he is my ex husband

I finally woke up from this haze I had placed my self in and realized how unhappy and not in love I was.

Now I'm in a new relationship, we have amazing connections, I feel alive in this relationship instead of dull and bored

[Koshatnitsa]

Neko Namida Ame

It's normal to feel this way but you're over complicating it and affecting your relationship negatively by over analyzing it and stressing out about it. That is why the sex isn't that great and your libido is failing you. Take some time to relax and then go for some hot action and make sure you feel comfortable about it else you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

If you break up with him and find someone else, the same thing will happen all over again so don't bother breaking up unless you're really sure you're incompatible for other reasons.

it is true, it feels like it's just constant stress and analyzing.

i didn't have this problem with my ex, and i was with him for over a year.
but then again, there were other, much more severe problems, such as abusing.

i have thought about an option, if this relationship feels boring because it's the first somewhat healthy relationship i have ever had.

[miinxiish]

A jumble of thoughts in my mind.
As such, I apologize in advance if this comes across as disorganized.

Perhaps you're thinking too much.
I do that often.
I've come to realize I've ended a lot of my relationships
prematurely because I get ahead of myself.

Unless you're in a hurry to marry, go with the flow.
Let things run it's course.
It's how I ended up with my current boyfriend
who I was actually planning to have a fling with.

That said, now that you have time away from him, focus on yourself.
Not so that you can reflect how you feel about him, but in a sense, finding yourself again.
Things you stopped doing when you got together with him, start them again.

While I've never gone on a break with my current boyfriend (of 10 months) yet,
I spend almost 90% of my free-time with him, and on the days where we can't met
and I do something like wandering a mall by myself, I've found how much I missed it.
Refreshing, almost.

In terms of adding spice, I've found you can do this in one of many ways.
And this ranges from the simplest of things like:
- new undergarment
- quick spontaneous groping in public spaces
- missing article of undergarments
To moments of "oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-we-got-away-with-that"

If talking about it and changing things up doesn't do it,
maybe, just maybe, as Rishnea mentioned,
he's just not the one.

[Koshatnitsa]

!d!ot Amer!ca

Koshatnitsa

!d!ot Amer!ca

It happens to everyone.
You should try talking to him to bring the spark back.
Plan a romantic night followed by something completely spontaneous that's decided right after dinner is finished.
Buy sexy frilly things to wear for him and bring the desire for sex back.
Do something.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

i have thought of asking him if he wants to go to a sex shop with me.
he has this routine in sex, every. single. time. always the same thing.

yeah, i really got to talk to him, but more neutrally.

If he has a routine in sex, try changing it up.
Don't go to a sex shop with him.
Just go, and surprise him with something.
I did it with my fiance, and sex has been awesome, which has caused our relationship to strengthen even further because when we're sexually satisfied, we communicate more lol.

Staying like this until I reach the Scarf.

Dream Avatar in Profile

that sounds good. :>

i do think the biggest problem we have in our relationship is some sort of sexual boredom.
i don't think he feels that way, but i know i do. i have got to break his routines. they bore me~

[The Meek One]

This is as normal as normal can be. It's painful, especially when you know you're hurting the other side, but trust me when I say that every relationship endures this. Your decision to pursue it now relies on the strength of your love, sex and romancing aside.

Also...have you looked into Relationship OCD (ROCD)? If leaving or parting with your boyfriend feels wrong, but you're constantly stressed with the decision to stay without being able to name any reason why...you may want to give ROCD a bit of research. In that regard, I'm speaking purely from my own experience. If you aren't going through it, consider yourself very lucky.

Otherwise, consider yourself normal. It's a crucial stage all relationships will endure at some point -- sometimes, multiple times.

Try thinking of it this way: Knowing that the same thing will happen with any other potential partners at some point in your life, will exploring other options still seem worth it? Or, despite the soggy patches, which are bound to happen, do you have everything you have right where you are?

Tough questions...but you've got to answer them at some point, for the good of your partner, and for the good of you! smile

Best of luck....I know it can be tough. </3