how do you know if you love someone?

[vanilla teabag]

Hi, I hadn't posted in here for a while, but I guess I should go straight to my problem ...

So I have a guy friend, who is great and awesome, but I'm not sure if I love him. How do you know if you love someone? And it's so hard to tell the difference of treating a guy friend vs. a boyfriend ... what are the different treatments?

My head hurts. Thank you for reading and replying!

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

I always go with the usual "you'll know when you don't question it."

But you're not even dating?

Seems like it might just be a crush/infatuation right now.

[legnanellaf5]

You likely dont. You may like him, want ot be ith him, but I find that relationshisp are just on a different level than friendships, so you cant really compare the emotions. Even if you know the guy for a long time, being in a relationship is opening up in a different way.

And when you love someone, it is for their flaws too, it is knowing that your plan in life is to live with that person, compromise to stay with them, and make decisions together. It isnt just liking someone.

Also limerance lasts 2-4 years so you may not even be in love for the long term even if you decide you love the guy.

[Luna Queen of the Night]

I agree with !d!ot Amer!ca. Love is unquestionable. I know it's annoying, but give it time. You'll have an answer sooner or later. emotion_bigheart

[Whiskey Grey]

When you don't have to ask.

[Inmortalis]

How old are you? I find this a basic and stupid question.

[Tsubahi]

Sudden instinct to have children with that person. neutral

[flauterfli]

D'aw how cute.

When the "if" part of the question becomes irrelevant.

I know it sounds repetitive but honestly you'll know.

But actually knowing the person deeply does help.

[MrLife]

you know you love him when you are no longer confused about the matter. heart

[413 for Life]

For me, loving someone is a conscious decision to dedicate myself to an individual regardless of what happens (the exceptions are deal breakers).

I do this by assessing how similar our values are, how we handle conflict and resolved problems, how our interests overlap or if there is mutual interest in trying the other person's hobbies (EG I have never cosplayed, but was always intrigued. One partner loved it, so I jumped on to try), along with similarities in conversation style. I also examine differences, and see if they are complimentary or could cause minor problems (minor problems being defined as not being deal breakers or be the major hifhlight of the relationship).

I also asses whether they have the three most important qualities I look for (for me, those are kindness, quirkiness/silliness and intelligence). Your three most important qualities you look for may vary from mine.

I need to know the person for at least 6 months to make sure there is consistent data.

After that, I start the dating process. After about a month or so, I ask about their relationship needs (I would say there are six main ones: intellectual, emotional, sexual, recreational, practical, and spiritual). After an additional month, I decide whether or not I love them.

It is different for everyone. It depends on your definition of love and what you have determined to be your process. You could decide what your most important qualities are in a partner, and what your relationship needs are, if that may help give you insight.

[The anti-social cookie]

For it its when;

The "me's" turn into "we's"

The "I/you" turns into "us"

Also when simple things like going to the grocery store/laundry mat/ect turn into time to spend together.

Other things like, they are the first person you talk to when you have a problem, you don't hide anything from them no matter how bad or painful, and lastly when you notice no one else is catching your eye in that way.