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Aged Elder

So i have been single for around 2-4 years depending if you count my last "relationship" or not because it was a pretty complicated situation, but i have no idea how to get back out there and start dating again. I've only been with two different people both for around 2 years each and i'm almost 20 so I don't know if that's weird, but I was extremely shy in high school and the only reason i got with my first boyfriend was through my very small friend group.
i get a lot of sketchy people messaging me online so meeting someone through social media is not ideal. I just don't know how to go out and meet people because i have no idea how to do that sort of thing. I can't go to bars yet so that's not an option either. And after my last "relationship" I have had kind of weird trust issues/extremely high standards for people who i could potentially date.

Really I'm just struggling with meeting someone i connect with and I don't know if that means I'm just not ready to start dating again or if it means i'm just scared of being hurt again and i don't know how to go about meeting people

Newbie Noob

Go find a gathering of like-minded individuals. A convention, a club, something along those lines. B aby-steps

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If you have extreme trust issues, then any relationship could be doomed from the start. You shouldn't be blaming people for what others have done in the past, since they have nothing to do with one-another. That isn't fair.

With that being said, it would be a good idea to work on yourself first, that way you can learn to trust people for THEIR actions, and not the past actions of another.

After all that being said, and done, why not try and go out and find group activities? If you are into anime, I am sure that there are tons of anime communities out there, looking for more people to join. Whatever your hobbies are, you can find groups/gatherings for them. biggrin

Aged Elder

quayla666
If you have extreme trust issues, then any relationship could be doomed from the start. You shouldn't be blaming people for what others have done in the past, since they have nothing to do with one-another. That isn't fair.

With that being said, it would be a good idea to work on yourself first, that way you can learn to trust people for THEIR actions, and not the past actions of another.

After all that being said, and done, why not try and go out and find group activities? If you are into anime, I am sure that there are tons of anime communities out there, looking for more people to join. Whatever your hobbies are, you can find groups/gatherings for them. biggrin


idk like honestly i'm not sure if it is trust issues or not but I have a pretty cynical view of how people treat me, like generally i'll just stop talking to someone if i even slightly feel they don't want me around and i haven't really had that connection with anyone since that last relationship ended, i'm completely over it but i just haven't really felt anything for anyone since then

but yeah i'll try and see if there is anything in my community that i can do like clubs or events. i go to an all girl school now, so i don't really think i'll meet anyone there since i'm looking for a relationship with a guy right now but who knows

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dr shrunk
quayla666
If you have extreme trust issues, then any relationship could be doomed from the start. You shouldn't be blaming people for what others have done in the past, since they have nothing to do with one-another. That isn't fair.

With that being said, it would be a good idea to work on yourself first, that way you can learn to trust people for THEIR actions, and not the past actions of another.

After all that being said, and done, why not try and go out and find group activities? If you are into anime, I am sure that there are tons of anime communities out there, looking for more people to join. Whatever your hobbies are, you can find groups/gatherings for them. biggrin


idk like honestly i'm not sure if it is trust issues or not but I have a pretty cynical view of how people treat me, like generally i'll just stop talking to someone if i even slightly feel they don't want me around and i haven't really had that connection with anyone since that last relationship ended, i'm completely over it but i just haven't really felt anything for anyone since then

but yeah i'll try and see if there is anything in my community that i can do like clubs or events. i go to an all girl school now, so i don't really think i'll meet anyone there since i'm looking for a relationship with a guy right now but who knows

Even that is something that needs to be worked on, because you could be reading people's emotions inappropriately, and what-not. Again, having a cynical view just kills everything before it even happens. It doesn't sound like you are over it, to be honest. sweatdrop

Before/after school clubs? Weekend clubs? Sports clubs? Writing clubs? Etc? There are tons more out there.. You are only as limited as you allow yourself to be. biggrin

Aged Elder

quayla666
dr shrunk
quayla666
If you have extreme trust issues, then any relationship could be doomed from the start. You shouldn't be blaming people for what others have done in the past, since they have nothing to do with one-another. That isn't fair.

With that being said, it would be a good idea to work on yourself first, that way you can learn to trust people for THEIR actions, and not the past actions of another.

After all that being said, and done, why not try and go out and find group activities? If you are into anime, I am sure that there are tons of anime communities out there, looking for more people to join. Whatever your hobbies are, you can find groups/gatherings for them. biggrin


idk like honestly i'm not sure if it is trust issues or not but I have a pretty cynical view of how people treat me, like generally i'll just stop talking to someone if i even slightly feel they don't want me around and i haven't really had that connection with anyone since that last relationship ended, i'm completely over it but i just haven't really felt anything for anyone since then

but yeah i'll try and see if there is anything in my community that i can do like clubs or events. i go to an all girl school now, so i don't really think i'll meet anyone there since i'm looking for a relationship with a guy right now but who knows

Even that is something that needs to be worked on, because you could be reading people's emotions inappropriately, and what-not. Again, having a cynical view just kills everything before it even happens. It doesn't sound like you are over it, to be honest. sweatdrop

Before/after school clubs? Weekend clubs? Sports clubs? Writing clubs? Etc? There are tons more out there.. You are only as limited as you allow yourself to be. biggrin


nono i am totally over it the guys a total mess i'd never get back with him, i have no feelings for him at all anymore and he has tried to talk to me and get me back but i just ignore it. but yeah there is a lot i have to work on still with myself i guess because i know the way i treat people who try and get to know me isn't really the best way i should go about it and i'll try to have a more positive outlook and stop avoiding people because i'm afraid of what i don't know

Bunny


Online dating is pretty sketchy but it also depends on what websites you go on. I met the person I am currently seeing online though it was unintentional. I'm not sure what all you could do to meet people, I was never that much into the dating scene myself but I could suggest you join a club and do some activities. Doing that, you could potentially meet somebody.
OMFG. Look you are 19, so your last relationship was 17 or 15...making you a teenager. Of course you arent skilled at dating, you barely have lived you havent been an adult long etc. But it also means you need to stop acting like this is a big deal. Its pretty normal to be single at 19. Stop making your situation dramatic when it isnt even an issue.

Now you need to learn to have friends. Not just for dating purposes but for life, and really the last thing you should be doing is looking for a relationship atm. If you are in school atm then you have the luxury of clubs being a thing, but besides that you need to look for interests you have and then make that into something you can do with others. You also then need to not be a d**k to others, your biggest issue to why you dont have a lot of friends is because of your attitude. You cant go around just looking for a small reason t never talk to someone again. You have to be prosocial and willing to get to know someone.

Trash Garbage


      my advice is honestly not to worry about it because the world does not revolve around dating or being in a relationship.
      i'm 24 and have had one serious 2 year relationship that ended in tears.
      i used to always want to date people yet be unable to overcome my shyness,
      and since then i've realised that there is a lot more to life than finding someone else to be with.


      just go out there and be yourself,
      you're young and you have plenty of time to find someone.
      join some clubs or societies that you are into,
      meet people and make some new friends.
      and what will be, will be.
      don't force connections or look for connections,
      just be yourself and people will be attracted to you!
      :3

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dr shrunk
quayla666
dr shrunk
quayla666
If you have extreme trust issues, then any relationship could be doomed from the start. You shouldn't be blaming people for what others have done in the past, since they have nothing to do with one-another. That isn't fair.

With that being said, it would be a good idea to work on yourself first, that way you can learn to trust people for THEIR actions, and not the past actions of another.

After all that being said, and done, why not try and go out and find group activities? If you are into anime, I am sure that there are tons of anime communities out there, looking for more people to join. Whatever your hobbies are, you can find groups/gatherings for them. biggrin


idk like honestly i'm not sure if it is trust issues or not but I have a pretty cynical view of how people treat me, like generally i'll just stop talking to someone if i even slightly feel they don't want me around and i haven't really had that connection with anyone since that last relationship ended, i'm completely over it but i just haven't really felt anything for anyone since then

but yeah i'll try and see if there is anything in my community that i can do like clubs or events. i go to an all girl school now, so i don't really think i'll meet anyone there since i'm looking for a relationship with a guy right now but who knows

Even that is something that needs to be worked on, because you could be reading people's emotions inappropriately, and what-not. Again, having a cynical view just kills everything before it even happens. It doesn't sound like you are over it, to be honest. sweatdrop

Before/after school clubs? Weekend clubs? Sports clubs? Writing clubs? Etc? There are tons more out there.. You are only as limited as you allow yourself to be. biggrin


nono i am totally over it the guys a total mess i'd never get back with him, i have no feelings for him at all anymore and he has tried to talk to me and get me back but i just ignore it. but yeah there is a lot i have to work on still with myself i guess because i know the way i treat people who try and get to know me isn't really the best way i should go about it and i'll try to have a more positive outlook and stop avoiding people because i'm afraid of what i don't know

I don't get where I talked about your ex in the previous conversation, but alright. And yes, the part after that is what I meant.

Gekko

Oblivionic
Go find a gathering of like-minded individuals. A convention, a club, something along those lines. B aby-steps

How do you find those?

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You could date without any interest in commitment just to get used to it again.

Aged Elder

legnanellaf5
OMFG. Look you are 19, so your last relationship was 17 or 15...making you a teenager. Of course you arent skilled at dating, you barely have lived you havent been an adult long etc. But it also means you need to stop acting like this is a big deal. Its pretty normal to be single at 19. Stop making your situation dramatic when it isnt even an issue.

Now you need to learn to have friends. Not just for dating purposes but for life, and really the last thing you should be doing is looking for a relationship atm. If you are in school atm then you have the luxury of clubs being a thing, but besides that you need to look for interests you have and then make that into something you can do with others. You also then need to not be a d**k to others, your biggest issue to why you dont have a lot of friends is because of your attitude. You cant go around just looking for a small reason t never talk to someone again. You have to be prosocial and willing to get to know someone.

Um okay sorry but I never said I don't have friends now and I'm very nice to people and go out of my way to help them and make them happy so friends are not a huge issue for me anymore, I'm never rude about ending communications with people I let them down easy and if I'm not feelin it I don't have to stay friends or talk to them
But you're right about me being young and that this shouldn't be an issue, I really a just came here wondering if its normal to still be single at my age because most people I know are in very committed relationships that they've been in for a long time and I've only been in relationships that people wouldn't consider healthy or normal and I'm a different person than I was so I think I would be able to get into a semi serious relationship now because I want to experience a real relationship

Aged Elder

l i t t l e - b e a r s

      my advice is honestly not to worry about it because the world does not revolve around dating or being in a relationship.
      i'm 24 and have had one serious 2 year relationship that ended in tears.
      i used to always want to date people yet be unable to overcome my shyness,
      and since then i've realised that there is a lot more to life than finding someone else to be with.


      just go out there and be yourself,
      you're young and you have plenty of time to find someone.
      join some clubs or societies that you are into,
      meet people and make some new friends.
      and what will be, will be.
      don't force connections or look for connections,
      just be yourself and people will be attracted to you!
      :3



Yeah honestly I feel the same that there are a lot better things to do but I just want to see what it's like and see how I do things differently to see if it really makes a difference

Aged Elder

LilithDraco
You could date without any interest in commitment just to get used to it again.

Yeah I should try that I just hate when people get clingy just because you talked to them once or gave them your number I feel like that happens way too often but if people didn't do that the thought of going on dates would be so much less stressful

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