how do i get his attention again?

[Hellokimmiee]

Riviera de la Mancha

First, wrong place to post this.

Second, when you are in a long term relationship, its normal to grow alittle too familiar at times. If you are serious, start by having a sit-down conversation in a non-confrontational way. Make sure to note your issue is not that he has friends or spends time with them- your issue is you feel like you are being pushed out.

Then, when you have made your feelings known and, if he is still interested in a relationship, do your part to make it fun for him to hang out with you. Get dressed up, put some nice perfume on, etc. Then, go to something you both enjoy or mix in some stuff you both like. And, in all seriousness, think like a guy- put some physical spice in the mix. Last long term girlfriend I had, we went to a show, got back to her place, she made me dinner, and made some chocolate frosting. FYI- there was no cake.

i found it to be the perfect place to post this, i needed serious, non trolling answers. Where else should i have posted this?

Thank you for the advice.

[Knobist]

Hellokimmiee

Jacque De Molay

Hellokimmiee

Jacque De Molay

Hellokimmiee

Jacque De Molay

There are lots of sexier women.That still doesn't explain the obsession with Megan Fox.

You're getting warmer.

I'm not sure if i ever understood the obsession, pray tell.

First, you must have such a large presence that you can fill your boyfriend's mind the way a close-up fills the movie theater screen with a famous face. You must have a style or presence that makes you stand out from everyone else. Be vague and dreamlike, yet not distant or absent, you don't want him to be unable to focus on or remember you. He just has to be seeing you in his mind when you're not there.

that's my problem, how do i do that? He tends to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. He claims that its difficult to focus/pay attention to me when I'm not there. Yes he's faithful so i do trust him. I'm just a normal girl who wants attention and love all the time.

Everyone is a public performer. People never know exactly what you think or feel; they judge you on your appearance. You are an actor. And the most effective actors have an inner distance: like Johnny Depp, they can mold their physical presence as if they perceived it from the outside. This inner distance fascinates us. Celebrities are playful about themselves, always adjusting their image, adapting it to the times.

You need to create a dramatic flair and I can help you with that.

what is a dramatic flair? I really don't want to be any more dramatic.

A drastic visual change might help. You could dye your hair or edit your wardrobe. You could take pictures of you smiling and doing interesting things! He will then think that you are happy and interesting by association. So just let him see snippets and clips of your life and think of it like setting up a movie trailer.

[deep damage]

Making her life seem like a movie?
Horrible advise. From what you say, your distance is becoming more of an issue for him than it is for you. He is immersing himself with his friends to make up for the fact about how he feels about you, he doesn't want to display affection because the distance between you hurts him. At one point I am sure you both were always together. But now, it only seems like he texts you for sexual things. Men have a very hard time displaying their emotions and what they truly want. Most likely, he is using his friends as a distraction from the relationship. There is no issue with you, so first off stop taking it to heart. You say he is very sexual and there is no problem with his need or desire for you. So obviously he isn't thinking about another woman. He longs for you in ways you aren't able to comprehend. Stop blaming yourself. As I've stated previously, this is a problem he is dealing with. If you don't want to break up, be prepared to endure. If you truly love someone, you will endure whatever they put you through. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally. I hope this advice helps. I pray you didn't actually listen to that idiot that was talking about movies and Megan Fox. Terrible analogy, Just terrible.

[Suicidesoldier#1]

Put on a funny hat and do a dance.

He'd be like "wut"


Or maybe he'd just be like "that's fine honey, I'm going to go out for a walk"

If the latter occurs then you know you've lost him. xp


He's being controlled by lizard over lords. xp

[Riviera de la Mancha]

Hellokimmiee

Riviera de la Mancha

First, wrong place to post this.

Second, when you are in a long term relationship, its normal to grow alittle too familiar at times. If you are serious, start by having a sit-down conversation in a non-confrontational way. Make sure to note your issue is not that he has friends or spends time with them- your issue is you feel like you are being pushed out.

Then, when you have made your feelings known and, if he is still interested in a relationship, do your part to make it fun for him to hang out with you. Get dressed up, put some nice perfume on, etc. Then, go to something you both enjoy or mix in some stuff you both like. And, in all seriousness, think like a guy- put some physical spice in the mix. Last long term girlfriend I had, we went to a show, got back to her place, she made me dinner, and made some chocolate frosting. FYI- there was no cake.

i found it to be the perfect place to post this, i needed serious, non trolling answers. Where else should i have posted this?

Thank you for the advice.

There is a life issues subforum. That is the actual appropriate place.

[Hellokimmiee]

shultz96

Making her life seem like a movie?
Horrible advise. From what you say, your distance is becoming more of an issue for him than it is for you. He is immersing himself with his friends to make up for the fact about how he feels about you, he doesn't want to display affection because the distance between you hurts him. At one point I am sure you both were always together. But now, it only seems like he texts you for sexual things. Men have a very hard time displaying their emotions and what they truly want. Most likely, he is using his friends as a distraction from the relationship. There is no issue with you, so first off stop taking it to heart. You say he is very sexual and there is no problem with his need or desire for you. So obviously he isn't thinking about another woman. He longs for you in ways you aren't able to comprehend. Stop blaming yourself. As I've stated previously, this is a problem he is dealing with. If you don't want to break up, be prepared to endure. If you truly love someone, you will endure whatever they put you through. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally. I hope this advice helps. I pray you didn't actually listen to that idiot that was talking about movies and Megan Fox. Terrible analogy, Just terrible.

I really like your advice. It reminds me of the saying "If he loves you he will come back", so I guess it won't hurt to go a couple of months without begging for attention. He has asked me to be a little more understanding... I'm trying, but I sometimes find it hard to do especially when I asked him if he was coming home this weekend (he is off from school and work this weekend), and he responded with "Let me ask my friends what they are doing first". That hurt my feelings, since he actually said that to my face (not purposely trying to be mean to me though). I just felt like I come second, that I'm left over time from his friends.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him space... Even though he sees his friends every day of the week and I don't get to see him on weekends (if he decides to come home). Maybe if I give him so much space he will come back on his own. God this sounds so silly. sad

[Hellokimmiee]

Riviera de la Mancha

Hellokimmiee

Riviera de la Mancha

First, wrong place to post this.

Second, when you are in a long term relationship, its normal to grow alittle too familiar at times. If you are serious, start by having a sit-down conversation in a non-confrontational way. Make sure to note your issue is not that he has friends or spends time with them- your issue is you feel like you are being pushed out.

Then, when you have made your feelings known and, if he is still interested in a relationship, do your part to make it fun for him to hang out with you. Get dressed up, put some nice perfume on, etc. Then, go to something you both enjoy or mix in some stuff you both like. And, in all seriousness, think like a guy- put some physical spice in the mix. Last long term girlfriend I had, we went to a show, got back to her place, she made me dinner, and made some chocolate frosting. FYI- there was no cake.

i found it to be the perfect place to post this, i needed serious, non trolling answers. Where else should i have posted this?

Thank you for the advice.

There is a life issues subforum. That is the actual appropriate place.

My bad, though I like the people here in ED. Forgive me? heart

[Steam Punk Adept]

Hellokimmiee

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, and lately things have been a little rough due to being away at different colleges. He's been more into his friends lately,making me really lonely. His communication is horrible, if I'm lucky I'll get two short conversations a day which take hours due to his slow responses. I asked him if he's coming home this weekend and his exact words were "let me check with my friends first"... He says he still loves me very much, and tells me he loves me often. But i was wondering, do you guys have any advice? How do i get him crazy for me again? What's going on? sad

And Nooo please don't mention breaking up. I want to make this better...

You want to make this better, but you can't always make things better. If he's checking with his friends before you, then it sounds like he's already moved on from the relationship, and to be completely honest, your best bet is to move on. Some problems can't be fixed.

[black_wing_angel]

He clearly values his "friends" more than you. You can't "fix" that. Just accept that you've drifted apart, and be the one to walk away, and not be dragged through the mud. I've been there, it's not fun, and it's not fair to you. If he can't or won't give you the attention you deserve, then go find someone who will. The only way he'll ever learn how to appreciate a loved one, is by losing one, and being made wiser for the wear.

[chainmailleman]

Ok one "CLEAR MESSAGE TO THE MODS".

Ahem*

******** YOU!

Let me get this straight, I have had 4 topics deleted last month (legitimate arguments with cited sources) because of "trolling, not ED material, spamming, etc.". But s**t like this flies?

For some reason I would like an application, for I know I would do a much better job.

[Hellokimmiee]

chainmailleman

Ok one "CLEAR MESSAGE TO THE MODS".

Ahem*

******** YOU!

Let me get this straight, I have had 4 topics deleted last month (legitimate arguments with cited sources) because of "trolling, not ED material, spamming, etc.". But s**t like this flies?

For some reason I would like an application, for I know I would do a much better job.

sweatdrop

[Hellokimmiee]

black_wing_angel

He clearly values his "friends" more than you. You can't "fix" that. Just accept that you've drifted apart, and be the one to walk away, and not be dragged through the mud. I've been there, it's not fun, and it's not fair to you. If he can't or won't give you the attention you deserve, then go find someone who will. The only way he'll ever learn how to appreciate a loved one, is by losing one, and being made wiser for the wear.

I know it's not something I can't fix but I was wondering if anyone could suggest any ideas that would draw his attention towards me more often...

[black_wing_angel]

Hellokimmiee

black_wing_angel

He clearly values his "friends" more than you. You can't "fix" that. Just accept that you've drifted apart, and be the one to walk away, and not be dragged through the mud. I've been there, it's not fun, and it's not fair to you. If he can't or won't give you the attention you deserve, then go find someone who will. The only way he'll ever learn how to appreciate a loved one, is by losing one, and being made wiser for the wear.

I know it's not something I can't fix but I was wondering if anyone could suggest any ideas that would draw his attention towards me more often...

If you have to ask others for advice on how to get the attention of someone you've been dating for 4 years, then there's a very big problem. And a problem that will only get worse.

You should never have to fight for a SO's attention. Especially not against his friends. Who I suggest might be a bit more than "just friends", if they take direct precedence over you.

[Knobist]

shultz96

that idiot

I'm not an idiot, just because you can't comprehend my advice doesn't make it any less valid. Don't attack me with your hurtful words! I'm a human being who has feelings!

[deep damage]

Hellokimmiee

shultz96

Making her life seem like a movie?
Horrible advise. From what you say, your distance is becoming more of an issue for him than it is for you. He is immersing himself with his friends to make up for the fact about how he feels about you, he doesn't want to display affection because the distance between you hurts him. At one point I am sure you both were always together. But now, it only seems like he texts you for sexual things. Men have a very hard time displaying their emotions and what they truly want. Most likely, he is using his friends as a distraction from the relationship. There is no issue with you, so first off stop taking it to heart. You say he is very sexual and there is no problem with his need or desire for you. So obviously he isn't thinking about another woman. He longs for you in ways you aren't able to comprehend. Stop blaming yourself. As I've stated previously, this is a problem he is dealing with. If you don't want to break up, be prepared to endure. If you truly love someone, you will endure whatever they put you through. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally. I hope this advice helps. I pray you didn't actually listen to that idiot that was talking about movies and Megan Fox. Terrible analogy, Just terrible.

I really like your advice. It reminds me of the saying "If he loves you he will come back", so I guess it won't hurt to go a couple of months without begging for attention. He has asked me to be a little more understanding... I'm trying, but I sometimes find it hard to do especially when I asked him if he was coming home this weekend (he is off from school and work this weekend), and he responded with "Let me ask my friends what they are doing first". That hurt my feelings, since he actually said that to my face (not purposely trying to be mean to me though). I just felt like I come second, that I'm left over time from his friends.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him space... Even though he sees his friends every day of the week and I don't get to see him on weekends (if he decides to come home). Maybe if I give him so much space he will come back on his own. God this sounds so silly. sad

In all honesty, your lying to yourself if you think you really have a choice here. Focus on you, when he is ready to focus on the relationship he will come around. You have no idea what his mind is like at the moment, nor will he be willing to talk about it if approached.